Ninten: Ninten here, the TRUE winner between myself and Lucas. Why? No, not because of the Battle of the Fan Favorites, unfortunately I didn't win that one. No, I'm the winner, because my story has been localized and re-released recently, and Lucas, can only get a "fan translation". I say "fan translation", but what it was was a blight, because now every would be protagonist has to be depressed, non-binary, and quirky, and it's HIS fault! I just want fun things to be fun, and for us to stop playing pretend with certain things. You know what I mean. Eh, maybe you don't, you're not here for this anyways, you're here for the fall out from New Year Rising. Well where do we begin?! DVNO made huge moves, we're having Rumble City in Crystal Heaven, Tack Angel still holds the complete Royal Flush. Cade Yaggis is back, and was Noroi the whole time. Erica has seemingly joined Undeth too, and Undeth seem to have an alliance with DVNO! We already know that DVNO has an issue with Blood 4 Blood, and they have an issue with Dan Club, especially with Jammer supposedly attacking Mike? I'm personally not buying it. What would be the point? Mike is certainly rolling with it though. He's called out Jammer, AND the #1 Contender Vape, who won the shot at TUE. They'll be in action, as will the TUE winner Zyro Kurogane, now a member of DVNO apparently. We still don't know what that means for HIS title shot. We don't know why he attacked Picky Minch either. We don't know much of anything! We DO know that you'll get a great card on Xcite, when we hit Fourside, because you'll see Christina Angel, THE Ace of Women's Wrestling, take on TUE Winner Mitra Lennox. Lennox had an easy path to this title shot, while Christina might still be reeling from the match with Jenny James. We'll find out, when Xcite takes place from the Fourside Arena, and we learn more about Rumble City, and the TWO Bad Ass Rumbles that will take place in CRYSTAL HEAVEN! Do I...do I need a passport? Shoot I think I left it in Podunk last time I went home.

EBW: Xcite
Fourside Arena, Fourside
ENN

0. Singles: Danny Leung vs. Chuck Rand<Mid-South>
0. Tag: Subculture/Mav Valentine vs. Golvoth/Radzi Schrieffer
0. Singles: Colby Roads[Debut] vs. Giorno Giovanna
0. IGNITION Women's Battle Royale: Erica vs. Gold vs. Aoife Aisling vs. Amiga vs. Hilda Iceheart vs. Makoto Angel
1. Singles: Jaden Yuki vs. Big Shark
2. Tag: Magnum PT/Point Man vs. Hazen/Zyro Kurogane
3. Singles: Fray Tiburon vs. Cade Yaggis(Noroi)
4. Women's World Championship #1 Contender: Darkness Aoi vs. Sunny Malibu vs. Hope Mach vs. Alison Chains vs. TBD
5. Non-Title Tag: Vape/Jammer vs. Isiah Muscle/Kinniku Mike
6. Women's World Championship: Christina Angel(c) vs. Mitra Lennox

Saturn Cafe

Jammer repeatedly slammed his head against the table, as Bashin Dan and Benjamin simply had their faces buried in their hands. Jenny James sat confused, as she tried to slide a napkin under Jammer's forehead.

Jenny James: This uh....this what you guys do all day? Did I miss that somewhere?

Bashin Dan: Hmm? Sorry, I was thinking about...well another deck of course.

Benjamin: You don't sound too excited about it like you normally are.

Bashin Dan: Well, I think we all know why.

Jenny James: The sound of Jammer repeatedly bashing his head against the table?

Bashin Dan: No.

Jenny James: The sting of defeat?

Benjamin: No, we've been there enough times. We know how to bounce back stronger, and to be remembered by our success, and not out failures.

Jenny James: Huh, I need to remember that, because I lost, but I'm fine with it...or I will be...I will be fine with it...eventually.

Bashin Dan: We're a little down in the dumps because of our friend Cade.

Jenny James: Oh that's right! Cade was in Dan Club.

Bashin Dan: I went down to watch the backs of Team EBW, because I wanted to feel like I was doing something for the company that heralded me as ACE. I did NOT expect to run into my friend, at least, not on the opposing side. I haven't seen him in a long while. I had hoped that he had beaten his inner demons, and the next time I saw him we'd be friends again. Void has taken my friend, and he's crushed the resistance against Undeth.

Benjamin: Yep. Derek Mach apparently got injured in the fight. The President isn't a full timer, and Erica straight up joined them. We tried to reach out to Cade's Dad, but you know, with him being Giygas and all, it's not exactly easy.

Bashin Dan: I had Mr. Face's number. I called him, and asked where he was. He would tell me, but I heard Gordon Cole tell him not to open the sewer directly beneath my building. I'm not sure what he meant by that. They told me that Giygas AKA Dr. Yaggis was doing important work, and off the grid. That's all they would tell me, and I'm lucky they told me that much. I wish I knew Cade's Mom...or his Sister? Someone who could tell me what happened to my friend.

Jenny James: Slam Jam, is that why you're hitting your head repeatedly?

Jammer: Huh? Who me? Oh I have a LOT of reasons to be doing this. Cade is back to reminding me what a DICK I used to be for starters. STRIKE 1! Vape got the shot I could have had if I hadn't given it to him. STRIKE 2! THEN, I find out he's seeing my SISTER?! STRIKE 3! I'M OUT! OH I'M OUT BABY! I am DEFINITELY not on fire.

Jenny James: So...you're all definitely upset, but are you going to stay moping, or are you going to do something about it?

Benjamin: Oh, we're going to do something about it. This IS something we do when we're low though. It's like a ritual. We brood and stuff for a bit to get it out of our systems, and then we recharge with the power of friendship, confidence, and determination.

Bashin Dan: I GOT IT! I'll just talk to him! I'll talk to him about it! I just need to refocus myself here. I mean sure we have Jaden Yuki and Zyro Kurogane trying to take my title of King of Games, BUT I have to do this for my friend. I told him I'd never give up on him, and I mean that! I NEVER give up on friendship!

Benjamin: See? He's back. I'm going to support my friend, and in the mean time, I'm going to celebrate what IS going right, such as my wonderful lady Lainey Strong winning tag gold. That's a positive! Lainey Strong inspires me, like Jenny's attitude can inspire you too Jammer.

Jammer: I just remember that Mike thinks that I attacked him, which is garbage! You KNOW I couldn't have done that! I was busy at the time...you know lamenting the whole Vape and my sister thing!

Benjamin: Of course we believe you Jammer, but they don't. Don't worry though, I'll help you through it. We'll take on Mike and his son, and if we win, that's a title shot I bet.

Jammer: Oh yeah? So we win, but people will still see me as a villain. w00t acting like I'm the only one who could throw a basketball like that. I could've thrown it HARDER! This was a set up, and I can't even get to w00t because he's going to be doing the TUE thing, and like hell I go back to that house for a while!

Jenny James: I don't know Jammer, it wasn't that bad was it? I know it was long distance, but I could tell from the web cam that you really wasn't too hard for you to-

Jammer: Hey! I just...I just don't want history repeating itself here. I'm tired of it, and I...I don't know how to break the damn cycle. DAMMIT!

Jammer got up from the table and walked off, with Jenny following behind.

Bashin Dan: Well...at least we were able to get something out of this gloom session.

Benjamin: Not really. That was mostly for show. To be honest comrade...I really want to punch Jaden Yuki in the nose.

Bashin Dan: ...I get that....sure.

Benjamin: Does that make me bad? I feel kind of bad. I'm gonna leave a big tip. I'm a nice guy.

Bashin Dan: I never said you weren't!

Crystal Heaven

Tack Angel was yawning in his castle. He rubbed his eyes, and looked out on the balcony, as the Pirates began work on the arena that would play host to Rumble City. He noticed that Pirate Bill was not among them.

Tack Angel: Has anyone seen Bill?

Tracy Angel: Huh? What? Huh? What? No idea! Why you always looking for Bill?! I'm SURE he's not doing anything!

Tack Angel: Calm down Tracy, I was just curious!

Tracy Angel: Oh...right...haha...right.

Tack Angel: Tracy, I saw that MCW is on hiatus. I tried talking to Chaz about that, but all I was getting was Void. This...this is going to be more complicated than I thought.

Tracy Angel: It's whatever. If I'm the World Champion for years like how Erica pulled it off, then I'm cool with it.

Tack Angel: Best be careful talking about Erica. She's with Undeth, and they're here. See? They're down there...inhabiting that new building.

Tracy Angel: Oh right. You're not...planning on marrying HER are you?

Tack Angel: Oh no, not at all....not yet anyways.

Tracy Angel: ...Rrriiiight.

Tack Angel: Good news with the hiatus though, maybe Chrissy will come home and she'll-

"Lady M's": She's already told us she's going to be staying at Christina and Subculture's.

Tack Angel: Dammit! *sigh*

"Lady M's": Don't worry. Amy is going to go check on her. We need to talk about other things Tack. Namely, when we're going to do something about Tali still flaunting that belt and-

Tack Angel: I can't really focus on that right now. That's something I'm going to have to come back to, now that a lot of wheels are in motion. Destiny is approaching ladies. Can you feel it? I had a...vision of sorts...not the first time...and it got me thinking. I need to escalate the situation. That's why I sent out a call, with help from President Bidet, to the other Kingdoms out there looking towards creating a wonderful global alliance.

Tracy Angel: AKA he's looking for other Princess's to woo.

"Lady M's": Really?! You have a group of Makoto's friends right here, and they're apparently Princesses on entire planets!

Tack Angel: I'm taking my time with them, out of respect to Makoto.

"Lady M's": Oh yeah, but not for any of the rest of us?

Tack Angel: Tell me Rose, do you have any friends you particularly care about outside of the family?

"Lady M's": No.

Tack Angel: Well see, there ya go! I'm sorry if I'm being short with you, I'm just tired.

Tracy Angel: From the visions?

Tack Angel: The visions yeah, but a few other things too. I'm trying to really process what I've started with w00t. Picky was quite the opponent though. Better than even I gave him credit for, and I've known him about as long as anyone. Still finds a way to be surprising. Also, this new thing going on with Iroha. It's...it's exhausting.

Tracy Angel: What thing with Iroha?

"Lady M's": Oh that's right, you've been in Sin City, so you had no idea.

Tracy Angel: What did I miss? Did she leave again? Come back again? Is she a robot? A ghost wife? A robot ghost wife?

"Lady M's": She uh..."switched classes" as Faris put it. She's a super fast ninja now, and I mean she's very fast. She could be in this room right now.

Tracy Angel: Hell of a way to work off that Mom bod she was getting from being our incubator that one time...well most of us...I don't actually have a biological daughter yet.

"Lady M's": She's probably in top shape, but we haven't seen her in days, though we have evidence that she's been around.

Tracy Angel: Why DON'T I have a biological daughter yet? I was the first Tack girlfriend dammit!

"Lady M's": So that's what's been going on with her. Speaking of Faris, no one has seen her for days, so if you hear from her, best let the King know.

Tracy Angel: I think I need to see an OBGYN. Wait, why is Iroha being a super fast ninja so exhausting?

Tack Angel: Well, apparently we've had sex several times, but it was over before I realized what was happening. She's still...draining me. *yawns*

Iroha Angel: *from...somewhere* KYAAAAH! DON'T TELL THEM THAT!

Tack Angel: Oh see! She IS in here right now! Hi honey!

Tracy Angel: ...This is whack. I'm out of here.

Tack Angel: Whack? Did she say it was whack? What is this 199X?! Whack? Seriously though....Rose...where is Bill. We have a discussion we have to have.

"Lady M's": Don't know. Don't care. I'm out too.

Tack Angel: Heh. I don't know if they act that way because they know that I'll have fun getting that back in the bed room, but I like to think so.

Duvalie Angel: My King, there you are! Oh hey Iroha!

Tack Angel: Of course YOU can see her. You're a ninja too right?

Duvalie Angel: I'm...."something"...let's just go with that.

Tack Angel: Right. What's up my favorite maid that I sleep with...because we're married.

Duvalie Angel: The first of your applicants has arrived. A Princess Acorn of Segua.

Tack Angel: And now we can expa- wait...Acorn of Segua. Isn't she-

Duvalie Angel: A chipmunk woman? Possibly. She might also be a woman in a chipmunk costume!

Tack Angel: Shame CP Munk and I aren't on great terms right now. I bet he'd know. Well, let's go say hello. Try to keep a look out for a zipper.

Duvalie Angel: You wish to impregnate her immediately?

Tack Angel: FOR THE COSTUME! JEEZ! I'm not THAT forward Duvalie.

Duvalie Angel: Yes you are my King.

Tack Angel: Yeah...yeah I guess I am.



On the Mach Farm, Trevor bolted into the house, and grabbed a bag of ice from the freezer.

Trevor Mach: Oh, that's so much better! My face still hurts from Tack's damn kick, and I got that Hagen Das or Hazen Nut Brand or whatever, punching me right on the damn button! It's-

Trevor lowered the bag of ice to see Tali wasn't alone on the couch. Rhea Rampage was also in the living room, as they watched an announcement from Venus and Mr. Pirkle on ENT.

Venus: It's becoming more and more clear that some people on other networks want to tie us up, and block our growth. They saw what we had to offer, and it scared them. They shook up their whole roster because of us. They changed everything to compete before we even started. I call that being scared. Seems that way to me anyways. I mean I'm still new at this, but I feel like I was doing a pretty good job.

Mr. Pirkle: And you are, but THEY like to play politics. The one at the stop likes to place the blame on one guy, but I've been in that chair before, and I know what it's like. Look, we're going to diverge on a lot of things, like you see M's and Rampage being friends as a plus, while I see them having to be arrested as a BIG FAT MINUS! We're not going to get into that right now. The problem here is that we have talent waiting to compete, but ENT keeps getting cold feet. Yes, the channel we're on right now. What are you going to do, cut us off?

Venus: Please don't do that. I just wanted to take this time to assure you all that MCW is still gathering in strength and momentum. When it hits, it's gonna hit hard, and you won't be able to forget it. I AM referring to entertaining you, not ACTUALLY hitting you. I hope I'm getting that across right. Until our weekly show has been given a firm start date, we want our talent ready. We want them experiences, and we want them getting paid too, because I'm told paying them all to sit at home would probably bankrupt the project.

Mr. Pirkle: It would. It ABSOLUTELY would.

Venus: So with that, I'm going to play fair, and officially swing up the FORBIDDEN DOOR! If you want to compete ladies, then go compete, but remember where you're coming from, and who you're representing!

Mr. Pirkle: Wait, I don't like that idea eith-

*click*

Trevor put the bag back to his eye as Tali and Rampage looked at each other.

Rhea Rampage: Well?

Tali Mach: I like the parts where Pirkle got upset. He's got a short fuse considering all the hoops he jumped through to get me back on board.

Rhea Rampage: I'm talking the other part. The part with the door? We can go bust skulls wherever we want.

Tali Mach: Oh that was never in question. I would just do it. I do things like that. I have impulse issues I have no intention of working out.

Rhea Rampage: See...this is why I'm glad we had that talk behind bars. I get that attitude.

Tali Mach: It's amazing what a hunger strike hallucination in jail will do for a budding friendship.

Rhea Rampage: I was just thinking that.

Tali Mach: Oh hi Trevor! Welcome home. As you can see, I have a guest.

Trevor Mach: I thought I hallucinating some sort of lizard demon before, but I guess not. So, what's up on the news? Horrors beyond comprehension?

Tali Mach: The usual: Oh yeah, but there's more. MCW is struggling to get going. You know, this keeps happening, but at this point, I say fuck it. When I want to fight, then I'll fight. You have to earn brand loyalty from me, but until that happens, I'll just do what I want to do.

Rhea Rampage: And I'm all for that.

Tali Mach: Oh by the way Trevor, Rhea's going to stay here for a bit. I hope you don't mind.

Rhea Rampage: You mean you haven't talked about it yet?

Tali Mach: Nah.

Rhea Rampage: Oh.

Tali Mach: Yeah.

Trevor Mach: I mean sure, but I need to make something very VERY clear. I'm done with the threeway thing! That's more a Tack thing.

Rhea Rampage: Huh?

Trevor Mach: Like you'd figure I'd say a Mike thing, but turns out it's a Tack thing, and that alone shows how much the world has changed.

Rhea Rampage: What is he talking about?

Tali Mach: Uh...we're a wacky sitcom family? Trevor, that's not what this is. Don't worry about it. She just needs a place to stay.

Rhea Rampage: I mean I can stir the pot if you need me to.

Trevor Mach: No! No, I don't need that! I stir the pots around here! I'm a farmer dammit!

Rhea Rampage: What does that have to do with anything?

Tali Mach: Trevor, you're sweating. Why so panicked?

Trevor Mach: I just...look...we've been all over the place you and I. We've had our ups and downs, and we've done some weird shit. The only thing that feels right and matter though is you. I love you, and only you in this case. That's where I stand. It's like a character growth thing. Besides Rhea, don't take this the wrong way, but your face is sinister looking and it freaks me out.

Rhea Rampage: So that was sweet, but then it got HARSH!

Tali Mach: Don't take it personally. He doesn't like faces. I'd ask if you could notice he looks everywhere but your face, but with the lazy eye, it's more difficult to tell now.

Trevor Mach: Well...something positive to come out of it then.

Tali Mach: Honestly Trevor, are you sure you don't mind her staying? I could've asked.

Trevor Mach: Nah, you know I'm cool with it. We have the room. You might have to share with the robot though. He takes up a corner, and doesn't like to decorate though, so go nuts.

Rhea Rampage: You have a robot?

Tali Mach: Yeah. That's who has the kids.

Rhea Rampage: Well that kills my theory that you kept them in the barn.

Tali Mach: You'd know these things if you watched the product.

Rhea Rampage: I can't. I'm normally eating when it comes on, and I can't do that when he's trying to enter your "forbidden door" on my television.

Trevor Mach: What?! But I thought I dealt with the Lakitus! Does ENT even USE Lakitus?! Is this on right now? I'm gonna get my bat. Robot, we have some hunting to do!

Tali Mach: ...What about a smart phone. You could watch it there?

Rhea Rampage: Oh yeah? Doesn't change the fact though.

Tali Mach: Yeah, but I'm proud of the work rate. 5 star classics.

Rhea Rampage: Oh you need to quit that right now.

Tali Mach: Never. Cause that lazy eyed psycho loves me, and wants nothing to do with you.

Rhea Rampage: Again that's sweet, but then HARSH!

Last edited by Machismo (2/25/2022 9:12 pm)

Saturn Cafe - Fourside Branch

Jammer, Benjamin, and Vape were all sitting there, waiting to go to the arena for the show that night. They were passing the time by sliding a salt shaker across the table.

Jammer: ...Good use of our time fellas. I could be with Jenny right now.

Benjamin: I could be with Lainey.

Vape: And I could be with-

Jammer: *cough cough* So where's Dan?

Benjamin: He's with Hope.

Jammer: See, now that makes sense. Meanwhile, we drove here, and just happened to find another Saturn Cafe, and decided to just sit here. Why?

Benjamin: It appears to be just what we do my comrade.

Jammer: It appears so. Still, I could be doing other things, like making sure ol' big tits Mike knows I didn't throw that ball at him. He's gonna make it personal tonight.

Benjamin: I'd count on that. Be wary, he is quite the powerful foe.

Jammer: I'm sure it'll be fine. Just gotta get my head in the game.

Vape: Speaking of head, my new girlfriend she's-

Jammer: *cough cough* Maybe we should order something.

Benjamin: How are things fairing with your maiden Vape?

Vape: Better than expected. I can't say that I've got my groove back, because I never really had a groove, but I have developed a groove. A groove has been achieved. I got one. I took her to....well the Saturn Cafe, and it went so well we got to foolin' around.

Jammer: *sigh*

Benjamin: Wonderful Vape. I'm very happy for you my friend and-

Vape: I got some under the shirt action.

Jammer: Kind of out of line eh Vape? Kissing and telling?

Vape: I'm just saying, that we got to smooching and it took a hard left turn from which I've yet to recover.

Jammer: No...no....no...

Vape: Huh?

Jammer: Nothing buddy...just...just burying some things.

Benjamin: I'm a knight and gentlemen, and I'm not prone to kissing and telling as it were, but you have me curious.

Jammer: Not me!

Vape: I'm sure you've had some curve balls thrown your way betwixt the sheets.

Jammer: That's the first time you've EVER used the word betwixt.

Vape: Well...you see this gal, she's a bit of progressive in the bed room, but then again maybe she's not. I'm new at all of this, but according to my doujins, this is next level stuff. She thought I should have....some attention paid....to my backside.

Jammer: Oh for *bleep* sakes!

Benjamin: .....

As Vape spoke, Benji and Jammer turned to each other, and passed the salt shaker, trying to ignore Vape as hard as they could.

Vape: She uh...she stuck a few fingers up there, and turns out there's an erogenous zone up there. She found the hot button....gave it a tickle and....it's GREAT OK! I really liked it. It felt....very natural.

Jammer: .....

Benjamin: .....

Vape: They call it milking the prosta-

Jammer: BENJI KILL ME! KILL ME RIGHT NOW! GET THAT MASAMUNE OUT NOW!

Fourside Arena - Backstage

Chuck Rand was sitting silent, adjusting his trucker hat, as the door behind him was suddenly kicked open.

Dirk Laramie: I'M BACK EBW!

Chuck Rand: Laramie.

Dirk Laramie: Chuck, you ol' so and so, how goes it?

Chuck Rand: Been better been worse.

Dirk Laramie: Oh yeah?

Chuck Rand: Yeah. Tankman and Jago just went back to Mid-South.

Dirk Laramie: Is that right? Why?

Chuck Rand: Just cause.

Dirk Laramie: I see.

Chuck Rand: Yeah.

Dirk Laramie: Might explain why I got the call. That's a big night at the pay window working for EBW.

Chuck Rand: Yep. Got a new hat.

Dirk Laramie: I see that.

Chuck Rand: You've been here before, so maybe you can answer me a query fella. What's with the infatuation with tacos up here.

Dirk Laramie: Tacos?

Chuck Rand: Yeah. They need to shut up about it. All they talk about is tacos up here. "Oh you want a taco? I want a taco. Let's get some tacos. You know who has great tacos? Oh, these guys have the best tacos. You like tacos right? Tacos tacos tacos tacos."

Dirk Laramie: I mean...they get pretty excited about them on Tuesdays.

Chuck Rand: It's either fish, steak, or chicken wrapped in a tortilla. How *bleep*ing great can it be?

Dirk Laramie: You're right actually. They DO talk about tacos a lot. That and hiking?

Chuck Rand: Hiking?

Dirk Laramie: Yeah. "You ever been on this hike before? This is the best hike I've ever been on before. I love to hike with my dog. Hiking hiking hiking." It's just an asshole's word for walking. I wasn't born yesterday.

Chuck Rand: It's all hiking and tacos up here. Why don't you have taco while you have a hike. Ridiculous.

Dirk Laramie: I'm all about steak myself. I just bought these bad boys for a little tailgating outside. Grass fed Mid-South Triple A Beef baby.

Chuck Rand: Now we're talking, but pump the breaks. Where's the salt and pepper buddy?

Dirk Laramie: Oh don't start with that.

Chuck Rand: S&P the choice for me.

Dirk Laramie: I paid twenty bucks for each of these, and I won't be told how to cook 'em buddy.

Chuck Rand: No guff, but I wouldn't pay twenty a piece for Edo Wagyu.

Dirk Laramie: Well this is better, and it does down great with natural flavor and a dirty thirty of keystone light buddy. 1 inch thick, grill at 400 degrees, four minutes a side, and down the hatch.

Chuck Rand: You are *bleep*ing up bud.

Dirk Laramie: That's text book.

Chuck Rand: I will strike you.

Dirk Laramie: Salt and pepper kill the flavor!

Chuck Rand: Do you want to get struck!?

Dirk Laramie: I'M GONNA!-

As the two were about to come to blows, a woozy Danny Leung walked by.

Danny Leung: My head hurts from all the shouting guys. Anyways, you should never put steak like that on the grill. Pan sear it, both sides, and then finish them off in an oven.

Dirk Laramie: .....

Chuck Rand: ....Now see, that sounds like over handling to me.

Danny Leung: Oh yeah, me and Gordon Ramsey are "over handling" it. My family owns a restaurant. I think I'd know more than you guys. Anyways, I need to go. I think I have a match tonight, but to be honest, I don't remember where I am or what day it is, nor why I'm dressed as an emo again.

Chuck Rand: ...I'm gonna strike that mother *bleep*er tonight.

Dirk Laramie: Prepare to get struck buddy.

EBW: IGNITION
Fourside Arena, Fourside
ENN+

0. IGNITION Singles: Danny Leung vs. Chuck Rand<Mid-South>
-A disheveled Danny Leung took on Chuck Rand in the opener. Rand was flanked by Dirk Laramie, and quick to batter Danny Leung, who was seemingly switched between his previous personas during the match, acting emo, and then trying to use the power of love and peace to no avail as PreCure Danny. NO PUSH Danny would emerge last, as he ate a TH Death Bomb for the pin and win by Rand.
Winner: Chuck Rand<Mid-South> via TH Death Bomb -> Pin

0. IGNITION Tag: Subculture/Mav Valentine vs. Golvoth/Radzi Schrieffer
-The Euroland team were not happy with recent events happening in their home countries, having their ENN+ cancelled which TOALLY worked to prevent one country invading the other. Why wouldn't that work? Plus, it totally makes sense to punish innocent citizens for the actions of their leaders. That won't get them suddenly hating you or anything. I mean what kind of dick would you have to be to not only do that, but be on board with it in general. It made the EBW fans sympathize with the Euroland team actually, because you have to assume that most EBW fans don't have their heads up their asses. Oh uh Mav hit the Mav Buster on Radzi to win, so even here the Euroland team was losing. Damn. Never mind.
Winners: Subculture/Mav Valentine[o] via Mav Buster on Radzi Schrieffer -> Pin

0. IGNITION Singles: Colby Roads[Debut] vs. Giorno Giovanna
-Colby Roads debuted to a mild reaction. He was upset that he didn't have his own signature entrance. He brought out his service dog, and then complained that he didn't have pyro in which to traumatize it or something. No seriously, I'm not letting that go ever. What a prick. Giorno Giovanna fresh off of TUE had less experience, but which his style, signature JoJo-esque posing, and attitude was more than a match for the 3 Star General Colby Roads. Girono escape a Cross Roads attempt, and hit a Spinebuster and then lifted Colby for a Vertical Suplex lift dropped into a modified elbow drop, that Girono called the Golden Experience II. 1-2-3. A big loss for Colby, and a huge propelling win for Giorno Giovanna. The Gang-Star of EBW as he wants to be known.
Winner: Giorno Giovanna via Golden Experience II (Vertical Suplex lift dropped into a modified elbow drop) -> Pin

0. IGNITION Women's Battle Royale: Erica vs. Gold vs. Aoife Aisling vs. Amiga vs. Hilda Iceheart vs. Makoto Angel
-Several of the women wrestlers not in a match to determine a #1 contender later in the show, coverged in the ring for this match, where one of them would earn a spot in said match. You know how it goes by now. TUE newcomer Aoife Aisling got a nice reaction as she made her main roster debut. I think the crowd was surprised to see a white ginger. They're rare out in the wild these days. Ask Dougie Mach, who was seen sitting next to what could only be described as his upcoming replacement of color. He gave him the side eye and made him pay for his own nachos. Back to the match though, as the eyes of the fans were not just on Aisling, but Erica, coming fresh off of her joining Undeth, and Makoto Angel, clad in the cloth of the Dragon Ring Saint. The number whittled down quickly, with Hilda and Gold getting thrown over while grappling, and Amiga paid for the action by getting upper cut out of the ring by Makoto, who was surprised she was able to pull it off. Aoife Aisling took advantage of her stunned state by Superkicking her out of the ring. This just left the newcomer with Erica, who put the boots to her, skipping several chances to straight up eliminate Aoife. The "Queen" of EBW gave the TUE rookie a proper welcome, hitting the Air Raid Crash, before finally tossing her over the top rope. Erica will be in the #1 Contender match later in the evening.
Winner: Erica via eliminating Aoife Aisling last

Saturn Cafe - Fourside Branch

Jammer had his head firmly planted to the table as Vape and Benjamin continued their conversations.

Benjamin: You did it on purpose!

Vape: No I never!

Benjamin: You did! You did it on purpose!

Vape: No I never!

Benjamin: You did it on purpose!

Vape: No I never!

Benjamin: Jammer my friend, are you witness to our spat?

Jammer: ...That's a Fourside sized 10-4.

Vape: Don't you feel like mettling?

Jammer: ...Not especially Vape...not especially. People are allowed to disagree.

Benjamin: Indeed, but normally when two comrades fight, a third should step in to settle the problem.

Jammer: Is that right?

Benjamin: Actually, I just assume that. Before Dan Club I always only had one friend with me at all times. One would leave, and another would join me, and then the first one might pop back up later, after he and I found some bombs in a cave one time.

Jammer: ...

Benjamin: Normally the Slam Master is one to intervene.

Jammer: Yeah, but where has that got me and such?

Vape: Well could you at least ask us what the problem is?

Jammer: ...*deep breath* Suuurrrre. What's the problem?

Benjamin and Vape: Rae's big tarts!

Jammer: WHAT'S THAT?!

Vape: My girlfriend Rae and her big tarts.

Benjamin: I do indeed love her big tarts.

Jammer: You uh....you trying to provoke me here or-

Vape: They're perfect! Rae's got perfect tarts!

Jammer: I feel like you know full well what you're doing.

Benjamin: I doth admire and love those tarts.

Jammer: So I've gathered.

Vape: Got to love those big, soft tarts of hers.

Benjamin: So, we ate a whole basket of them.

Jammer: ...OH...tarts...cause she bakes...and is good at it...I knew that. Go on?

Benjamin: We had one left, and we were going to split it.

Jammer: So that's what you were drooling over on the table there.

Benjamin: I went to the wash room, and you know it can take a while to come back when I'm wearing my armor.

Jammer: Cause it's impractical yes.

Benjamin: And when I came back, the whole thing was gone.

Vape: It was an accident!

Benjamin: How can you eat a whole tart on accident!?

Jammer: How can you eat a whole basket in one sitting, and how did I not see you eating them without me?

Vape: I was....hiding the basket under the table...and passing them over to Benji when you were stewing about....whatever you're stewing about.

Jammer: Sneaky as the dickens!

Benjamin: I gave him the privilege of dividing it, meaning he could have had 60% of the tart. I thought that was generous of me.

Vape: And it was, and I showed my appreciation.

Benjamin: By eating the whole thing!

Vape: It was an accident! I'm gonna tell you how!

Benjamin: Well then say it!

Vape: I'm gonna!

Jammer: Go ahead then!

Vape: I'm doing it!

Benjamin: Go on then!

Vape: I'm working on it! Look Benji, I was breaking it in half, and the other half crumbled in my hand, so I really had no choice, but to eat it.

Benjamin: I still would have eaten it! They're that delicious. Back where I come from, you'd be lucky to have those tarts once in your life. It was normally eat the chocobo you rode in on or starve. Guess what I did? Yeah, I starved, because...who could kill a chocobo?

Vape: ...I purposefully ate the whole thing.

Jammer and Benjamin: We know.

Vape: I'll make it up to you, by having her bake another basket just for you Benjamin.

Benjamin: ...That more than makes up for it my friend.

Vape: Sharing is caring.

Benjamin: I'll let you have some too, because sharing with friends is important.

Vape: I agree.

Benjamin: ...Hey...shouldn't we be getting to the arena?

Jammer: Yes! Yes we should! Glad you finally noticed! The things we talk about I swear!

Fourside Arena - Parking Lot

A limo pulled up, with the members of DVNO exiting. The Lakitu zoomed into the limo to see the Royal Crown holder Tack Angel sleeping on the lap of Duvalie Angel. She gently awoke him, as he exited the limo. He stood there and raised his arms, as Duvalie draped him in his coat. Makoto handed him his scythe with the Royal Flush hanging from it, and Nani Angel put a pair of shades on him. He smirked as he walked towards the ring.








Apple Kid: Well....welcome to Xcite everyone. We're obviously starting off with...SOMETHING.

Sal Paradise: Dude, I love this song, but what's with it.

Apple Kid: I think we're about to find out.

Sal Paradise: Oh damn.

Tack Angel suddenly started casually strutting onto the stage to a chorus of boos. He held up his scythe as a pyro spectacle went off. All of his wives lined up on stage, and he took turns walking to each of them, and sensually dancing with each one. We just have to assume Iroha Angel was there too. He returned to the middle of the pack as they surrounded him, lifted him into the air, and carried him down the ramp to the ring. Kinniku Mike, Isiah Muscle, Hazen, and Zyro Kurogane followed behind as Tack was lifted into the ring. He strutted around playfully as the crowd tried throwing garbage into the ring. His bodyguards Uranus and Neptune were quick to deflect anything thrown at him though. He goaded the fans to take their best shot to no avail.

Tack Angel: Return of the Tack! Return of the Tack! Haha! The King is back in Fourside people! The King and STILL the holder of complete Royal Flush! That's right, Picky Minch gave me a fight, but- you know as much as I love this song, let's turn down quite a bit. I'm in a bit of a celebratory mood tonight. Your country officially recognizes MY country. Thanks Bidet! I'm STILL the EBW Triple Crown World Champion. I'm STILL the EBW Television Champion, and we STILL have the EBW World Team Rings. A Royal Flush is the winning hand, and if you haven't realized by now, I'm going to be the winner. I'm on the right side of history, and destiny is on MY side. Got a new fiance in Princess Sally Acorn of Segua. She's a human by the way...she's just....into...being a furry. BUT marrying her will fold Segua into the grand plan, the destiny to save the world. It's all coming together for me. We have a new member of DVNO as well in Zyro Kurogane, and I'm certain Jaden Yuki will go on to make the right choice too. Having Isiah with me as well, ensures that the future of EBW will also belong to DVNO. Am I trying to be mean? No, I never WANT to be mean. Remember, I'm the nice guy. I'm the goofy guy. The butt of the jokes. Everything that happens, happens for a reason, and you brought it on yourselves. Like Picky Minch, who just HAD to set off Zyro Kurogane. Picky Picky Picky, w00t told everyone, including Zyro himself about your disdain for the new generation coming in. You think they didn't earn what you had fought for since 2006, and you intended to keep them buried in the ground. When he heard that, Zyro knew to join the winning side. Isn't that right Zyro?

Zyro Kurogane: You got it King! I had a choice to make, regarding my future. Do I fight destiny and challenge the King and leader of EBW and the future world, or do I join him? I saw what happened with Isiah Muscle. He won last season, and received a hard lesson, and while the competitive nature in ZYRO-K demands I try to do what others could not, I also saw what happened after that. Isiah's got tag gold. He's wearing a World Team Ring. He's positioned as the future of EBW with the right guidance. So what is one lousy title shot in the grand scheme of things. I've seen my fellow "Kings of Games" fumble the ball the first time out too. I'm talking about you Bashin Dan. Oh, he's probably too busy with other things now, but the truth stands regardless. The title shot was my ticket to join the right side of history. Small price to pay for ZYRO-K BEY-BEEEEEEY!

Tack Angel: THAT is what we call a genius, who understands humility and respect, and as such, he'll become a hero in the new world. A hero within Crystal Heaven and soon the Segua Empire. When it comes to his legacy, it is secured, just like mine is going to be all the way to Victory Explosion 16. What's this I hear you say? Vape still has a title shot from TUE? Oh he sure does, but what is that going to be, other than the easiest title defense of my life. No, I'm not attacking Vape because he's large. I don't do that. I'm not a bully. I do what I must, but fat shaming a fellow big guy is not what I'm going to do here. He's just lazy, and he lacks the ambition and the drive to take these titles. Maybe I can teach him a lesson, and when he loses, he may fall in line and join DVNO. Don't worry Vape, we have t-shirts in big enough sizes. We're not here to shame you. So that's this next XP, but as it turns out I don't have a title match at Rumble City, because I'll be hosting instead and-

Subculture: Oh no no no, it's not sunshine and rainbows until VE Tack.

Tack Angel: *sigh* Cut the music completely. Just cut it. He doesn't deserve Return of the Mack. He doesn't deserve my daughter, so of course he doesn't deserve Return of the Mack.

Subculture: Oh I'm "hurt". Boo hoo hoo. Let's cut the crap Tack. We don't like each other, but we're connected by Christina, and that keeps you from getting all your teeth knocked out at the family reunions, but in the ring you are fair game.

Tack Angel: True, and so are you, BUT I'm not going fall for peer pressure, and I won't be bullied into giving you another match Subculture. You lost. You're not good enough for her, or taking me on in the ring.

Mav Valentine: He's good enough. I'm good enough. Trevor's good enough. Picky Minch was definitely good enough. He would be Triple Crown Champion right now, if you hadn't had a little help.

Tack Angel: It is what it is Mav. Picky opened his mouth and paid the price. I can't help that. He did it to himsel-

Picky Minch: I did NO SUCH THING! w00t is a liar and so are you! Zyro, you got tricked into joining them for nothing! Tack protected the titles, and you're just another cog in his machine.

Zyro Kurogane: They say better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven, BUT it's MUCH better to serve in CRYSTAL Heaven. Maybe it's true, and maybe it isn't, but the way I see it, I take out one Picky Minch, and that means I've taken on an EBW OG. In Beyblade you go for the most powerful tops first, while you still have the momentum.

Mav Valentine: Well let's save the bickering for another week. I'm sure Tack'll open the show and rant and rave again soon. He makes such a habit of it. Let's get down to business. The reason we're here. You don't have to defend the Triple Crown, but you seem to forget that the Royal Flush ALSO includes the Television Championship AND the Team Rings. Gotta defend them all big guy, or you get stripped. Right now, we're thinking that Blood 4 Blood and DVNO need to have an all out war at Crystal Heaven. Not JUST for the Television titles. Not JUST for the World Team Rings. Also, the World Tag Team Championships. Also, I'm sure Picky wants a piece of Zyro Crappygrande. At Rumble City, Blood 4 Blood is invading Crystal Heaven, and we're declaring war.

Tack Angel: You think that intimidates me? You think we'll back down from a challenge? Hope you have a fourth member in mind NOT named Trevor Mach, cause he can't win a title for the year, and that includes the rings.

Subculture: Don't worry about it. We got it all figured out.

Tack Angel: Well then, I have just one thing to say to you three. I hope you have your passports in order.

EBW: Xcite
Fourside Arena, Fourside
ENN

1. Singles: Jaden Yuki vs. Big Shark
-Big Shark came out swinging, using his size and strength to try and intimidate the cocky young Jaden Yuki, but the rapping and braggart and possible new member of DVNO knew to duck and weave, leaving the ring to halt Big Shark's momentum at every turn. Jaden even picked up Baby Shark, and held him in front like a shield, only to act like he was kidding before rolling into the ring. The protective big bro instints of Big Shark kicked in, as the big man finally pinned Jaden down and brought out the pain. However, Jaden turned it around with a quick thumb to the eye, which he pretended was an accident, but was more than happy to take advantage. A kick to the mid section and a GX Factor lead to a pin attempt. 1-2-KICKOUT! Jaden was actually caught off guard by Big Shark trying to get up, but it got personal. That being said the "King of Games" was ready to plant him back to the mat with another GX Factor for the pin and the win. Got to love false hope.
Winner: Jaden Yuki via GX Factor -> Pin

Apple Kid: Wow! Jaden Yuki with the win. He's trying to rap, but Baby Shark grabbed the mic and ran off. God bless that kid.

Sal Paradise: I'm guessing The Shark Order will not be happy with Jaden Yuki right now, but also keep in mind that Benjamin probably wants a rematch, and that's a match I want to see too.

Apple Kid: From what I understand Benji came here tonight to talk to President Swift about said match. Swift has been in a grumpy mood since New Year Rising.

Sal Paradise: What else is new.

Apple Kid: No I mean more than usual.

Sal Paradise: Oh dang!

Apple Kid: So I THINK he is going to get that rematch, but first, he might has issues with Isiah Muscle as well. DVNO not making friends and neither is Undeth, so THEY became friends.

Sal Paradise: A match made in Crystal Hell.

Apple Kid: We're seeing a new dynamic forming in EBW. It's got me concerned, especially cause I just created a holographic man who wants to wrestle.

Sal Paradise: What?

Apple Kid: Too hard to explain. In fact, I don't get it either. Folks, we're NOT going to be seeing Swift tonight. After New Year Rising he doesn't want to really address us yet, as he has more tables to flip, BUT we can now confirm that Blood 4 Blood and DVNO will engage in all out WAR at Rumble City. We'll be seeing Mav Valentine challenge Tack Angel for the Television Championship! We'll see Picky Minch take on Zyro Kurogane! Lastly, we'll be seeing DVNO defend the World Team Rings against Blood 4 Blood, BUT Trevor Mach can not be on the team, as he can't win a title this year. To balance it though, w00t will also not be in the match, as he'll be in the TUE House at that point.

2. Tag: Magnum PT/Point Man vs. Hazen/Zyro Kurogane
-Magnum PT and Point Man joined forces once again, to celebrate being the most awesome and dependable guys on the roster, as they faced off with Hazen, and the TUE Season 2 winner Zyro Kurogane, replete in his new DVNO t-shirt. He was ready to "let 'er rip", but was faced with a rude awakening when facing off with the Season 1 favorite Point Man. Point Man battered the rookie in the opening minutes, until Zyro-K knocked Point Man off the apron. Point Man hit a back elbow which sent Zyro-K to the outside. Point Man flew off the steps with an elbow smash on Zyro-K, then threw him back into the ring. Hazen tagged in and he was immediately double teamed by the popular duo to keep him grounded. All four men hit the ring. PT and Point Man cleared the ring of DVNO, who started walking up the ramp and to the back. Point and PT ran after them, but were met with double lariats by DVNO. Point Man and Magnum PT were slow to make it back, but Point Man made it back in time. DVNO had their turn at a double team, focusing their efforts on Point Man, with PT getting the crowd to cheer him on. Point Man escaped a Tombstone attempt by Hazen, and rolled to his side of the ring, ready to reliably tag in PT, when suddenly Picky Minch rushed out and pulled Zyro-K to the side to belt him in the face. This brought out Subbie and Mav, as Picky tried to fight off Zyro and Hazen. The ref called for the bell, giving the win to DVNO by DQ, but Point Man and PT were left scratching their heads.
Winners: Hazen/Zyro Kurogane via DQ

Sal Paradise: The war is on baby! Picky ain't having it! Zyro Kurogane interfered, so now he's going to be sporting a black eye from the Pickster, I can tell you that much! Blood 4 Blood and DVNO going to war. I bet it's bantzy that they chose to do this while Trevor is away. He's probably laughing though.

Apple Kid: See I don't get that.

Sal Paradise: It's what friends do.

Apple Kid: Yeah...*sniff* It's why I don't get it.

Backstage

Chaz Hardcastle was sipping champagne, and flirting with some nearby women as he found himself face to face with Fray Tiburon.

Chaz Hardcastle: Tiburon! The Friar! I figured you'd be getting ready for that match you got happening...you know...in just a a few minutes. Your last one on the main roster for a bit huh?

Fray Tiburon: So it appears. You've successfully injured Derek Mach, and now you're sending me, Javier Leos, and Sister Mercy to Mid-South huh? I wonder why that is.

Chaz Hardcastle: I didn't do anything to Derek Mack, and the A-Men going to Mid-South is just part of the rotation idea I came up. What, you think I have a personal bias or something? Swift could have stood in the way, but isn't for some reason. Made it way too easy actually.

Fray Tiburon: I asked him not to. I failed to help him get the result he wanted at New Year Rising, but I still asked him this favor, and he complied. I am grateful. I don't want any more pain and bloodshed from an ideological conflict. I was hoping we could have peace.

Chaz Hardcastle: You think HE would ever allow "peace"?

Fray Tiburon: You talk about him like he's a different person, but he's you Chaz. He always has been. You talk about the masks of Undeth being the real faces of people who have given up on "false morals", but you're wearing a mask if you think you can distance yourself from your own actions.

Chaz Hardcastle: Heh. Let's get real Tiburon, I obviously don't like you or what you stand for. It's bygone bullshit. It's passe. It's not tracking well with the demos! No one wants to be preached at, and no one wants to believe in anything anymore. They just want to consume. They want us to think for them, and drip feed them excess. Void was right about people, and I was able to prove that by just doing my job. I threw a bone here and there, pretending like we stood for something, because it's amazing what you can get people to think, say, and do, when you create a narrative. They'll slap a flag next to their twitter bio, tweet out a hashtag or two, and basically relent into becoming depraved animals because that's all they truly are. All of us...we're just meat. We're meat that wants to be satiated. I know you think Void is the devil, but I have good news Friar. The devil doesn't exist in anything, but the details.

Fray Tiburon: You're not the devil Hardcastle. You're just a petulant, spoiled brat, with a grudge against the world. But, that being said, I forgive you. In the name of the Father, the Son, and Holy Spir-

Chaz Hardcastle: Save it. Save your sanctimonious lectures for the hicks in Mid-South. None of your beliefs matter anymore. The world is full of animals tired of pretending to be "good". We're all evil bastards. We're all monsters at heart. Every single person is capable of the vilest of evils when pushed. Meek and modest people can become Kings, like Tack Angel. He'll do what he has to do for what he thinks is the greater good, but really, it's just a layer coming off the facade, and I respect him for it. That's why he is in the favor of Undeth...or so HE tells me. What would you expect of us? Hide ourselves? Put our true nature back in the box?

Fray Tiburon: Penitenia agite. You know what that means? It means "Do Penance". Repent, and find ways to be absolved for guilty acts and crimes. It's not hard. You give something up. In this case, you give up this fruitless life and culture you've fostered, and embrace love and compassion. Do good works for people. Help out where you can. It's a much more fulfilling life. You act like it's something to indulge, like it's some great accomplishment. It's not. It's harder to fight yourself and do good works. You are a seething vat of rebellion against God. You are mutinous. You're a rebel, and that's not always the best thing, so do penance.

Chaz Hardcastle: You think if I were to listen to you...and do that...you think it would all go away? You think these impulses would stop? You think he wouldn't emerge anymore?

Fray Tiburon: I believe it's possible. You have to believe. I believe that the Void creation belongs in Hell, but you don't, and I don't want you to go there, nor do I want to go there for failing to try and help you. See? We all have our angle don't we, but my angle goes against the evil, twisted nature you aspire to impart on a whole generation. I want you to be saved.

Chaz Hardcastle: ...Nice try. Really, it was interesting to listen to, but I think more likely, you want it all to stop for other angles, namely...Cade Yaggis?

Fray Tiburon: He's another one I want saved. The poor boy has been through enough has he not?

Chaz Hardcastle: Why do you care what we do Tiburon? Why do you even ca-

Fray Tiburon: Because you're gonna die big guy. You're gonna die. You might not think you're gonna die, but you are. So am I. People who have died, and somehow come back, they will die for good too. Zombies? They'll die permanently eventually. Even beings like Death himself, Larry Grim, will not be able to outlast the heat death of this universe. Whatever Trevor Mach has become? Same thing. Sentient robots? Dead. I'm trying to cover all my bases here, but the point is we'll all die permanently eventually. It is coming to all of us. Only one truly escaped that, on your behalf, to save you, and all you ha have to do to be grateful is do penance. Penitenia agite. Undeth, the very name suggests you expect it's going to go on forever. It's not. That's what makes life so precious. These battles in the ring, and in our very hearts and souls are so important because they are finite and fleeting. Do good works. Do not battle with hate in your heart, and do not live to corrupt those around you. Give up the "quest". That is penance Hardcastle. That is so important right now, when the rest of the world threatens to tumble down around us, the least we can do is forgive and be kind! In the end, either you have God or you have nothing, so I suggest you dress for the part.

Chaz Hardcastle: ...Are you done Tiburon?

Fray Tiburon: ...I've spoken my peace.

Chaz Hardcastle: And you know what? It just made me hate you more. Preaching and God really kill the ratings. This quarter is going to take a hit. *sigh* I'm going to enjoy watching what HE and Undeth do more now, know that you won't be here to stop it. I do hope you watch though. Remember the ENN+ subscription, and have a good time in Mid-South. I doubt you'll be back.

Fray Tiburon: ...In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti.

3. Singles: Fray Tiburon vs. Cade Yaggis(Noroi)
-Fray Tiburon was not the only one trying to get a word in with Cade Yaggis, as Undeth's Noroi made his way to the ring. He was also blocked by Bashin Dan, but a plea from Fray Tiburon had Dan respectfully stepping aside so Cade could do his "talking" in the ring. The former Dan Club member had been on the opposite side of Dan before, but had never looked so pale and robotic in his mannerisms. He was near emotionless as he grappled with Tiburon. The grappling maniac was charged with trying to speak reason to Cade, trapping him in holds while trying to warn him of the dangers of Void, but an appearance by Void on the big screen encouraged Cade and turned the tide. He used the Tornado DDT which he had used to trick people into thinking he was Dougie Mach, before bringing back his signature Cadebreaker for the pin.
Winner: Cade Yaggis(Noroi) via Tornado DDT x Cadebreaker -> Pin

Apple Kid: Here comes Javier Leos and Sister Mercy to help Tiburon to the ring. He's a beloved member of the roster, but he seems to have a few detractors in the crowd. That's disheartening. Best of luck to the A-Men in Mid-South though. We're sending them there, and we ended up with Dirk Laramie again. I wonder if he'll get over this time?

Sal Paradise: Dude, I don't even remember who Dirk Laramie is.

Apple Kid: You've been in the ring with him before!

Sal Paradise: Yeah probably.

Backstage

Good News Gary: Good News Everyone! I'm here with Mitra Lennox, the winner of TUE Season 2 on the women's side of things. I understand your home country is currently involved in a mess, and as such you've received several threats.

Mitra Lennox: Yes, because that is my fault somehow. Такая фигня!

Good News Gary: ...Uh huh?

Mitra Lennox: It matters not. You can cut off my social media and Dibney+ account, and compare my country to that tv show or movie villain you hate, but it doesn't change who I am, and what I'm here for. I want to compete to be best, that is all. I'm not here for mother country. I'm here for me. Christina Angel is good warrior. A fighting champion. Unlike the mouthy ginger I had to share space with in TUE, she is someone I can respect, but someone I intend to beat. The Women's Division needs new blood at top. I am the fresh injection.

Good News Gary: Which reminds me, I'm supposed to tell everyone to donate blood for the war effort in Euroland, and somehow scold Mitra for some reason, because it is absolutely the fault of the people that politicians have been looking for a reason to have this war for years, and decided to use the opportunity to distract from the fact that the mushroom head vaccine they made you take did not work, and altered your DNA. Why they did that has always been sealed for 75 years so you'll probably never know what they did, but trust them when they tell you to hate people like Mitra for-

Swift: SHUT THE *bleep* UP!

Good News Gary: Good News! Swift has come out of his office! Run out of tables!

Swift: YES, but THAT is not what I'm here for! EBW is a wrestling company! I want to see wrestling and shenanigans, not a reminder of how STUPID people are, UNLESS that stupidity leads to something funny happening in MY RING! Mitra, you are welcome here as long as you can kick ass and take a beating. People learn to think for your *bleep*ing selves, and that's the last we're going to speak on that matter! IT'S OVER! GO BACK TO THE RING OR GET FIRED STEVE!

4. Women's World Championship #1 Contender: Darkness Aoi vs. Sunny Malibu vs. Hope Mach vs. Alison Chains vs. Erica
-An all out brawl for the next title shot against Christina at Rumble City, saw Sunny and Hope tangle, while Alison Chains tried to get her hands on Erica, but Darkness Aoi played spoiler to her plans. Out of control and lengthy action, with everyone getting a chance to shine, but a sudden finish when Erica hit the Air Raid Crash on Chains for the pin. After the match, Hope Mach tried to get to Erica to ask her why she did what she did and called her a sell out, but Erica just waved her off and tried walking away. Hope tried to turn her around, but she got blindsided by Aoi, who seemed to want to bury the hatchet with Erica, perhaps to form an alliance, but Erica still just walked away.
Winner: Erica via Air Raid Crash on Alison Chains -> Pin

Apple Kid: Erica normally has a lot to say, even when she was the pariah of the whole promotion. When she stood alone she still let you know WHERE she stood. I have no idea what's she doing with Undeth. Is she even WITH them officially? I mean no mask? No new name? They normally have a process with that, just ask Brandish X, the former World Champion and beloved icon, now so dire and nihilistic. What's the deal here?

Sal Paradise: I don't know.

Apple Kid: Thanks....valuable insight.

5. Non-Title Tag: Vape/Jammer vs. Isiah Muscle/Kinniku Mike
-A banger of a tag match, with Dan Club coming in with a lot of momentum considering that Vape was next in line to challenge Tack Angel for the Triple Crown. Kinniku Mike and Isiah Muscle were not too happy with Jammer though, whom they blamed for bashing Mike in the back of the head with a basketball so hard that it busted him open. We saw a fiery side of Mike, and the big bruiser brought out the big slams, as Jam Man insisted he wasn't responsible, but was still agitated enough from everything to put that aside long enough to batter Mike in the ring. He had a hot streak going, and showed signs of real fire, but a tag out to Vape halted that momentum. Mike's recent body transformation not only gave him extra mobility, but added strength, as he managed to mostly pull of a belly to belly suplex on Vape, sending him into his corner. A tired Jammer threw his hands up and made the blind tag, rushing right into a kick to the midsection and a Muscle Buster for the pin.
Winners: Isiah Muscle/Kinniku Mike[o] via Muscle Buster on Jammer -> Pin

Sal Paradise: Man, I was really seeing something from Jammer for a minute there. He was more than holding his own with Kinniku Mike. Vape dropped the ball, which doesn't bode well for his title shot against Tack Angel. Maybe it really will be an easy lay up for the self proclaimed, but also probably quite literally King.

Apple Kid: Jammer just looks so conflicted these days. He wants to break through again, but try as he might, that guilt is still there.

Sal Paradise: A win for DVNO here, and some revenge for something that probably didn't happen, since I'm pretty sure w00t did it. I saw him smirking and holding a brick and basketball the other day. I didn't think much about it, cause w00t does things ya know. This makes me thing maybe there was more to it. Meh, not my business.

Apple Kid: Considering your history with Mike, and the fact that you're an EBW commentator it kind of IS your business.

Sal Paradise: Huh. Guess so. 

6. Women's World Championship: Christina Angel(c) vs. Mitra Lennox
-Mitra quickly took Christina to the mat, but Angel fought out of it and locked in a headlock. She went for an early pin attempt for a one count. Christina took Mitra down again and went for a few more pin attempts. Lennox hit Christina with a hit to the back of the head, then whipped the champ into the corner. She missed a charge, and was taken down from the corner. Later, Christina was still in control, but Mitra began to fight back, which sent Christina into the corner. Mitra landed a few body shots and hit a dropkick, then charged in with double knees. Mitra went to the top and hit a driving knee for a two count. The rookie went for a suplex, but Christina blocked it and hit her with a thrust kick. Christina hit an elbow strike, then a fisherman’s neck breaker. She lifted Mitra for the Angel Wings. Mitra tried to block it, but Christina drove her into the mat for the pin and the title defense. The historic reign continues.
Winner: Christina Angel via Angel Wings -> Pin -> Title Defense!

Sal Paradise: Mitra gave that a good try. She took her shot, but Christina is just on a different level right now. She has embraced that role as ACE wholesale. Of course I tried to do that too, but I wasn't NEARLY as successful as she has been. It's a real shame she's married. She's got a great ass.

Apple Kid: Sal!

Sal Paradise: Did I say that out loud? Eh whatever.

Apple Kid: She's got Tack's body type. That's technically Tack's ass.

Sal Paradise: You ruined it. You ruined it forever.

Apple Kid: The Angels rule EBW right now. One of them makes the crowd SEETHE, but his daughter has won their hearts and minds. We know she HAS a DVNO shirt, but she's not wearing it. She's still just representing herself, as she should.

Sal Paradise: OH NO HERE COMES ERICA!

Erica rolled into the ring and hit the Air Raid Crash on Christina, rolling out and escaping just before Hope, Alison Chains, and Jenny James could get to her. She stared at them blankly, as Christina crawled to her knees and grabbed her title, telling Erica to come back and try to take it. These two have a major rematch set, and it all goes down in Crystal Heaven.

Last edited by Machismo (3/05/2022 2:17 am)

Saturn Cafe

The whole Dan Club gang were all sitting in their usual spots, except for Jammer, who stood outside looking at traffic.

Bashin Dan: He's...he's not thinking of jumping is he? I really feel like I need to go out there and help him.

Jenny James: You can't help everyone Dan.

Bashin Dan: Yeah, but I feel like I could literally help in this case, simply by pulled him back from the road. Why aren't you trying to talk to him?

Jenny James: He needs to vent for a while.

Vape: I'm so confused about him lately. Is he THAT upset that I totally decimated him at TUE? It happens. It's not something to get TOO worked up over.

Benjamin: It's not...exactly that my friend.

Lainey Strong: Why aren't we just telling him? I feel like we all know except him, and it's eating Jammer up inside and just talking about it might help.

Jenny James: A lot of things eat Jammer up inside. He's guilt ridden to this day about what happened. The Thrillers remember?

Bashin Dan: Of course, but that's in the past. All you can do is hold you head high and move forward.

Benjamin: I believe what works for you and I, doesn't exactly work for our slamming and jamming friend.

Jenny James: Well of course not. He's Catholic. They uh...live for the guilt, sometimes too much.

Vape: I didn't know that about him.

Jenny James: To be fair you never asked. You ask him about girls. Dan asks him about cards. Benji, do you and Jammer even hang out?

Benjamin: Uh...he's a close friend...but that basketball thing has always been strange to me. He's not knowledgeable about mythic swords. So I guess we just don't have a lot to talk about. Not that I don't want to.

Vape: Speaking of girls, he's been awfully quiet since I told him about my girlfriend.

Lainey Strong: Gee, I wonder why?

Hope Mach: Lainey's right. We should tell him.

Bashin Dan: Is it really out pla-

Hope Mach: I've been in EBW long enough to know that misunderstandings like this lead to ridiculous shenanigans, when you could just save time and trouble and get right out with it. So I'm just going to say it. Vape, you're dating Jammer's sister!

Vape: WHAT?!

Bashin Dan: Wow. She did just say it.

Benjamin: It feels weird. It's different. I don't know how I feel about this.

Lainey Strong: This would have gone on for months. Trust me, she did us a favor.

Jenny James: Yeah, it stopped being funny to me anyways, so might as well rip the band aid off. I might as well go talk to him. It's going to rain soon, and it'll just look sad to see him standing out in the rain.

Vape: His sister huh. I had no idea. She DID say she wanted to stick it to her family, even though her brother paid a lot of her bills, and apparently raised her kids as a responsibly uncle.

Benjamin: Jammer did that? We really should've asked him more about his life. I blame myself for not being a better friend.

Bashin Dan: That's probably the reason we lost Cad-

Hope Mach: Dammit Dan, I love you, but you're on that self guilt trip too. You've done all you can with him. If he doesn't want the gift of being your friend, then that's HIS problem!

Bashin Dan: ...maybe.

Lainey Strong: These guys! They're either happy or they're having an existential crisis.

Benjamin: ...I'm fine.

Lainey Strong: And that's why you're my favorite.

Jenny went outside to see Jammer.

Jenny James: You're not thinking about jumping into the road are you?

Jammer: Huh? No, of course not.

Jenny James: Then what are you doing out here?

Jammer: I was contemplating something important. Why do we make lists of Top 10 Worsts, when it should really be Bottom 10 Worsts right? They're the 10 at the bottom of the list. They're only the top if you turn the list upside down, but then how are you going to read the li-

Jenny James: Come on Jam Man, it's me.

Jammer: ...Just taking in everything. Jenny, I want to make something more of myself and my career. I want to take the 3 point shot and nail it. Bashin Dan, he's done it, on more than one occasion. Benjamin, he shocked the world last year. Each of them is just waiting for this Rumble City to do it all over again. Me?

Jenny James: You've been World Champion too.

Jammer: No, it doesn't feel like it...not anymore. I didn't deserve that reign. I didn't deserve anything.

Jenny James: I love ya you big idiot. I believe you deserve a lot. Are you calling me a liar?

Jammer: ...No.

Jenny James: Jammer, you've got an issue with guilt. You've got a lot of it. You've told all of us more than once that you were tired of feeling it, and you were going to move forward. You obviously haven't. You even let Vape win because you were suddenly feeling that guilt creeping back up. You were too close to the title. Were you having flashbacks to last year? Remembering when you could've finally climbed back to the top of the mountain? You have to let it go, and if you can't let it go, at least put it behind you for good. You've told us, now you need to tell yourself.

Jammer: ...

Jenny James: Please...if not for me, then at least for yourself. We're not perfect. We all make mistakes. It's not about what you've done anymore. It's about what you WANT to do.

Jammer: You're incredibly smart Jenny. I don't think people give you enough credit.

Jenny James: Oh yeah? Tell me who they are. I'll beat their asses.

Jammer: Heh. Thanks Jenny. You're right.

Jenny James: Of course I am.

Jammer: I'm gonna take that to heart, get my head back in the game and-

Jenny James: Careful, you stepped off the curb!

Jammer: Eh? OOF!

Jammer was hit in the side with a car, sending him rolling up and over the vehicle. It drove off without stopping to check on him .

Jammer: Hey! What the hell! OW!

Jenny James: Are you all right?!

Jammer: Surprisingly. Yeah. That wasn't so bad. I'm fine. I'm GONNA be fine. Everything is going to be better going forwa-

Vape: Hey...hey Jammer. Hey buddy. How are you doing? You doing OK?

Jenny James: You don't need to talk down to him now that you know Vape.

Jammer: He knows?! In that case, I think you're dick bag Vape, but my sister is insane, and at least when she drains you of all your product sponsor money, it'll go to my nieces. You deserve each other.

Vape: Hey man, I understand that you'd be upset but...look...I....aw hell. YOUR SISTER'S HOT JAMMER! THERE I SAID IT! I SAID IT! I REGRET NOTHING! I REGRET NOOOTHIIING!

Vape tried to run off as he shouted, but only made it halfway down the sidewalk, before he started breathing heavy and stopped, leading against a wall.

Vape: *beathing heavy* I'm too big to run! What was I thinking?!

Crystal Heaven

Tack Angel was sitting on a beach chair on the balcony overlooking his Kingdom. As he took in some rays, he was busy googling what "yiffing" meant. He was soon interrupted, because why else would we be checking in on him?

"Lady M's": You and I have to talk, and I mean right now.

Tack Angel: Gladly. I was just looking something up regarding Princess Acorn. I think I might be getting in over my head.

"Lady M's": In over your head? I'll say so. You've got a growing harem of women that LOVE YOU, but you're not giving us all your time and attention like you're supposed to be doing. You and I haven't spent ANY time together lately.

Tack Angel: I'm sorry, I've just been so busy. Make no mistake though, I have enough love in my heart for all of you.

"Lady M's" Right. I know that. You love all of us, and we all convinced ourselves that we were cool with sharing you, but SHARING is the key here, and I want my share! Have YOU seen Mach Country lately?!

Tack Angel: I try not to. I avoid it all costs actually. Whenever someone wants to show it to me I say "no thanks, not thirsty".

"Lady M's": Well I like to check up on the failures of my discarded sibling, and after seeing what I saw, I more of that in my life, and I'm not happy having to envy someone I dispise Tack!

Tack Angel: You want to ride big papa, all you have to do is ask.

"Lady M's": I thought you didn't watch it.

Tack Angel: Pirates talk. Of course I put on parental settings, so all anyone can see is a blurry image. I do worry about my Pirates.

"Lady M's": I want more from you, I want more from my career, and I DEMAND that Mars Championship. I WANT IT BACK FOR US!

Tack Angel: Alright Rose, I understand. I can't pretend like I don't want it back too. It's rightfully mine AKA rightfully ours. I have a suspicion about TUE, and if that happens, I might just have an idea for you.

"Lady M's": Good. I'm glad we had this chat.

Tack Angel: Same. You know you can come in here any time and talk to me right? The King makes time for all of his ladies. Destiny doesn't have to be cruel. Now, we'll get back to the other business at hand, which is putting my business in your hand a little later. I just saw guest arrive. The newest member of DVNO actually, who is going to help me with this Sally Acorn problem.

The door to Tack's room suddenly opened, and a familiar and furry face appeared.

CP Munk: IT'S MUNKENING TIME!

Tack Angel: That's great! I don't know what that means, but that's great. Thanks for coming Munk. It's about time we put everything behind us, and you join the winning team.

CP Munk: How can I deny what you've done here. Journey reunited again.

Tack Angel: Yeah, but I never want to be called that again ever. I hate Journey, and I hate that team name. I don't knw what Rishin Fliger was thinking, but he needs to knock that shit off in the future...or past...whever he is right now. Munk, welcome to DVNO.

CP Munk: Happy to be here. I just have one question. You inquired about Princess Acorn thinking I could help. Why is that?

Tack Angel: Well I mean...you're the same...aren't you?

CP Munk: ....

Tack Angel: Two people in costumes right?

CP Munk: ....

Tack Angel: Or are you truly a chipmunk man?

CP Munk: You've known me for this long and you don't know?

Tack Angel: ...Uhhhh....

Renegade Arena - Parking Lot

A smarmy and self assured bald man in a suit opened IGNITION.

?: Hello folks, the name is Calvin Newton Nedrick, but you can call me C.N.N. I'm here to call it all and report on the news of the day in EBW. For example, you might not see anyone here right now, but two wrestlers were having a shouting match just a few minutes ago. If you want to know who is was, you should go to my official twitter page and click on the link. Make sure you click the links to my scoops. Now, I know that in my previous jobs I was ostracized for....lying about everything, especially in regards to the monumental "damage" I apparently inflicted on children during the whole Mushroom Head hoa- story, but don't pay attention to that. Euroland is at war! Look at that! Look at it! Jingling keys! We're joined by EBW President Swi-

Swift: Who the *bleep* are you?!

Calvin Newton Nedrick: I'm a new "journalist" working for ENN! This is my first day on the job!

Swift: Of course...of course.

Calvin Newton Nedrick: So, is it true that EBW intends to go to total war against Crystal Heaven and DVNO?

Swift: What?! Where are you getting that *bleep* from? Listen, I want to make this as clear as possible. We are a wrestling company. We're going to go to Crystal Heaven, and do our jobs, that is to put on a wrestling show and entertain some damn people. That's what we do. We are not under any circumstances going to go to "all out war" with DVNO and Crystal Heaven. Do you understand!? Now get out of my way. I have work to do. Damn Undeth going unchecked now that all my back up is gone. Son of a bitch.

Calvin Newton Nedrick: Well, you heard it here first. EBW is definitely going to all out war with Crystal Heaven and DVNO. It's quite the tragedy, but I'll be there in a bulletproof vest to cover the gruesome coverage. Make sure you use the hashtag, #StandforENN or #Warisgood or else you're traitor, and yes, I'm the guy that hoped you would die for not getting the Mushroom Head shot, and I wanted to segregate and execute all of you, but I don't see how that's relevant right now.

EBW: IGNITION
Renegade Arena, Saturn City
ENN+

0. IGNITION Women's Loser Leaves EBW 4-Way: Korra vs. Hilda Iceheart vs. Aoife Aisling vs. Amiga
-A 3-on-1 beatdown, as the self proclaimed Avatar put herself in the cross hairs of her opponents by claiming to be a strong, three dimensional character, but got battered for her troubles. As Amiga tossed Hilda out of the ring, Aoife sent her packing too with a lariat over the top rope, before hitting the Fisherman Driver on Korra for the 1-2-3. Korra is fired from EBW. Probably for the best.
Winner: Aoife Aisling via Fisherman Driver on Korra -> Pin

0. IGNITION Singles: Subculture vs. Giorno Giovanna
-The Gang-Star had a good debut on the main brand, with win over Colby Roads, who literally cried when people booed him by the way. However, Subculture was a class above the 3-Star General Colby, and brought the punching power. Long rehabbing his hands, the Green Bomber looked to be back in top form, and escaped a Golden Experience attempt to clock Giorno with the KO Punch. The golden Gang-Star hit the ropes, but kept standing. Subbie applauded, but dropped him with the Counter Culture soon after for the pin.
Winner: Subculture via KO Punch x Counter Culture -> Pin

0. IGNITION Mixed Tag: Ilya Fedorovich/Mitra Lennox vs. Colby Roads/Brandy Roads
-Ilya and Mitra happen to be from a foreign country in Euroland that is invading another, and because their leaders are doing bad things, that totally justified new "journalist" for ENN Calvin Newton Nedrick to try and rile up the crowd against them, being strangely in support of tactics that would most certainly lead to complete annihilation, and even a dumb desk clerk could see that. I'm getting off track though, this isn't about that nonsense, it's about the nonsense that is Colby Road and Brandy Roads. Colby had an elaborate entrance, where he not only expected the crowd to worship him for his defection move, but he also declared that he believed EBW should have an ENN Championship, so he could win it, and be the face of a network that had promised him game shows and reality shows. The team from Euroland, while inexperienced as a team, seemed to become faces for one night as they worked together to shut up the egomaniacs. Mitra hit a Facebuster on Brandy Roads, who doesn't know how to wrestle, but insists on getting involved. With he face bleeding, the self professed future First Lady ran out of the ring, screaming about her image. Colby followed her, because she keeps him on a short leash, and they were counted out. I don't like the Roads right now. Justin "Glitterspeck" Roads is cool though.
Winners: Ilya Fedorovich/Mitra Lennox[o] via Facebuster on Brandy Roads -> Count Out

Good News Gary: GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! We have an IGNITION exclusive for you right now! We're joined by the coaches for TUE 3: The Revenge. Coach w00t and Coach Mach, live via satellite obviously, cause you don't want these two in the same room if you can help it. How are you guys? Trevor? I see you appear to STILL be at your farm?

w00t: Of course he is. Placating his fantasies of being a responsible member of society, and spending his nights with that "wife" of his. It's all an illusion. Deep down, well not even that deep down, you know it's all a lie, and so do we. You're a feral animal, and you need to be put down.

Trevor Mach: Yeah? Maybe. However, how I choose to live my life with my wife, and my children, and my robot is MY business. I don't need all these cameras around all the time capturing it. This is supposed to be my sanctuary, and you're invading it time and time again. If it's not EBW, it's the other place. MCW on ENT. Yeah, I said it. Who cares?! Hardcastle's been taking care of that hasn't he? That's bullshit by the way. Whoever wants to fight, let them fight, that's what I say.

w00t: And fight we will. Last year, you humiliated me. I won't ever forget that day. I won't forget it. I really won't. I told you...days later....what would happen. To use your words, it's coming back around. You and that bitch in heat of you-

Trevor Mach: Don't do it! Don't even do it! She can take care of herself, and quite frankly she wanted to let you die that day, but I'm not going to hear it. I'm not the Starprick. You mess with my family, and I'll hurt you bad. What we do, and how we live is our own business. It's not like I'm trying to pass off a hedonistic harem as normal. Doesn't matter how many wives he can find, cause they won't equal one Tali. Doesn't matter how many wrestlers he gets for his DVNO thing either, because again, they won't equal one Tali. We're not here to talk about her though. We're here because of TUE. In that regard, I have an announcement to make.

w00t: Well it can wait, because I have something more to say, and you WILL listen. I have been in EBW since nearly the beginning. I've seen stables rise and fall. I've seen heroes and villains come and go. I've seen it all. The one constant I've notices through it all, is how much of a thorn in the side of myself and EBW itself you are. Ever since you strolled in with your stupid robe and wizard hat. Ever since you injected yourself into the first TUE just to hit on Tali, so you could win her over. She probably only claimed to love you to help with her career, back when she even cared about that sort of thing. You've been a destructive force, which makes me laugh when I see you playing farmer AND father. Like you could ever pull off nurturing life. Crystal Heaven and King Tack, are truly nurturing life. That is the future, and I'm on the right side of history by aligning with him, and I will make up for "past transgressions", but defeating you completely and absolutely in TUE, and at Victory Explosion 16.

Trevor Mach: You really have been seething about that loss at VE 15 haven't ya? History is going to repeat itself big shoots. I just hope we don't have a FULL repeat. After all, I heard a rumor about you.

w00t: A rumor? What is it?

Trevor Mach: It's when you get incomplete information from an unverified source. I think I'll keep to myself...for now. Now, time for the announcement. EBW typically has us shack up at Ness's place, but I think that might be too small for the two of us. That's why Team Mach will be coming home to the Mach Farm, where my assistant coaches Tali Mach and...*sigh* Rhea Rampage, are going to whip up the best recruits yet.

w00t: I didn't know we could do that! Can we do that?! You son of a bitch! If you can have assistant coaches than so can I!

Good News Gary: Wow. Well...there we go. TUE 3: The Revenge begins this weekend, and that certainly is BIG news, INTERESTING news, and yes.....GOOD NEWS. We'll see you on XP in just a few moments!

Renegade Arena - Parking Lot

A sobbing Korra packed her bags and began to make her way out of the arena.

Korra: Stupid EBW, not respecting the Avatar. I mean I didn't really respect myself, my character growth, or my progression either. I mean what was I thinking, just abandoning the world to go on a bi experiment with Asami like that, a person I had come to see as a friend over the years, but I got convinced that two girls couldn't be friends without wanting to bang! I'm so stupid! Now I'll never get to become one of the Angels. They NEEDED an Avatar in the family, and I let them down. What am I gonna d-

Korra realized that she had walked towards the Angel Family limo that had just pulled up inadvertently. She gasped and stood back as the back door opened up, and bright light shone from it. Tack Angel's hand reached out from the light and beckoned her over. Her tears turned to tears of joy as she quickly entered the limo.





The show opened with Kinniku Mike and Isiah Muscle in the ring, to a chorus of boos. Everyone was calling them sell outs.

Kinniku Mike: Wow, who knew I needed to do something like this to get a reaction from you people. I've only been trying to capture your hearts and minds for well over a decade. No big though right? I've been a good guy sometimes, and I've been a bad guy sometimes. That's the name of the game, but now I'm something else. I'm something bigger. I'm a father, and that means that wherever this kid goes, that's where I go, and if he's on board with this big change to EBW, then so am I. I'm on board. It really helped that the little shit Jammer beaned me in the back of the head. I know he claims he didn't, but we all know what kind of a scum bag he can be. People try to forget the past around here, but I remember. I know who he is. Isiah is going to carve him up tonight, and at Rumble City, I'm going to finish the job. In the Bad Ass Rumble, I'm going to make sure he doesn't leave that ring. I'll hold him down, and let my son here use him as a stepping stone to greatness. Isiah will win it, and it'll be an all DVNO main event at Victory Explosion. I'm sure King Tack won't mind. That's right, I'll call him King Tack. We've had a loooong history, but in the here and now he's earned that right. He's got a Kingdom. It's official. You don't have to like it, but you've got to accept it.

Isiah Muscle: Yeah, let me cut in here Pops. You've GOT to accept it, just like he said, because if you've been paying attention, EBW has been sending its best at Tack Angel, and their best were not at their best once he was done with them. I know I'm a rookie, but I'm a fast learner, and I saw the way it was going. Tack was willing to take me in and be like a father to me, but my real Dad, he really showed that he cares, by backing me up. It means a lot to me. You know what else means a lot to me? When punk ass fools who dropped me on my head realize they were wrong! That is why we're here tonight, to celebrate a NEW member to DVNO. I know him as Dad's "Jannetty", but you know him as Amigo. Come on out here Amigo!

Amigo came out to a shocked response from the crowd. He looked sullen as he entered the ring.

Kinniku Mike: Amigo, my buddy, mi "amigo" eh? Eh? We have been all over the world together. We've been to hell and back, and on one hand, I have to be appreciative of you coming off your hiatus to try and do a solid for me. However, you decided to go after my son, and that is something I couldn't allow. That crossed a line. That being said, we've tried killing each other before, and we've been able to get our shit together and make amends. I was happy to hear you were willing to join the willing team. We got a t-shirt for you right here. Just put this on, and we'll take you to Tack. You kiss the ring, and you're in. Simple as that brother. Here's your shirt.

Amigo: Thanks. I appreciate this opportunity. I really realy do.

Isiah Muscle: After what you did to me, you "really really" should. Now, it's time we bury the hatchet, but also, time for you to realize the error of your ways when you thought you could beat me too. I was already great by myself, but with my Dad and DVNO behind me...I'm a superstar.

Amigo: OK "superstar". I think you both misunderstand though. I am NOT here to bury the hatchet. I'm NOT here to realize the error of my ways. I appreciate this opportunity, to get you both in the ring!

Amigo clocked Isiah with the mic, and tossed him aside. Mike went to punch him, but Amigo shot behind him and hit a Hagen Suplex. He stomped Mike and ripped up the DVNO t-shirt, as the crowd went wild. Hazen rushed out to get to Amigo, but he rolled out of the ring and celebrated with the crowd. He was soon joined by Picky Minch, Subculture, and Mav Valentine, who forced Mike and son to think twice about jumping the guard railing. The camera cut to a VIP seat, where Tack Angel was watching on. With Neptune and Uranus standing behind him, and Korra, now dressed a maid serving him a drink, Tack took a sip and put his head in his hand.

Larry Grim: Well that's a way to kick off XP! Hello, I'm Larry Grim and this is-

Makoto Angel: A very exasperated Makoto Angel! Come on Amigo! You could have made peace! I just really want peace. I hate seeing them fight like this!

Larry Grim: I know you do Makoto, and I'm sorry, but things are going to continue to get out of hand unfortunately for the family, but great for the viewers though....sorry again.

Makoto Angel: No...I get it...conflict creates cash.

Larry Grim: *looks to the camera* That's so damn relevant right now, it almost makes this hard to writ-commentate about. Fans, we've got a massive main event tonight! Literally! Vape is getting his Triple Crown title shot, and I think he's ready. I think he's confident. Things have changed for the Vapeman. Everything is coming up Vape!

Makoto Angel: Hey, you're not supposed to take sides, especially not against my husband! I thought we were friends!

Larry Grim: I'm just trying build up Vape here. No on expects he can win...like at all.

Makoto Angel: Oh...right....and I do like Vape...when he's not near me. I'm sorry, but he just has bad nega vibes.

Larry Grim: You mean body odor. It's OK to say it. The man stinks.

Makoto Angel: It's not just me that noticed?

Larry Grim: Makoto...I don't have a nose...and I smell it. That being said, we're going to be joined by Vape right now from the back. Let's take ya to him!

Backstage

Vape was standing by, with Dan, Jammer, and Benjamin backing him up.

Vape: Apparently, a lot of people don't believe in me, and yet you all use my products. The ones I sponsor with my face on them. So many products! Do THEY let you down? Don't answer that! The point is, I'm looking to make 2022 the year of Vape, and it's already been a great one so far. I won TUE.

Jammer: *cough*

Vape: And got a new girlfriend!

Jammer: *cough cough*

Vape: I even had to give up my wizard powers if you know what I mean.

Jammer: *gags*

Vape: Tack Angel is strong, and he's had a great reign. We're a lot of like in several ways, in that I'd also be cool with a harem...but then again...you have to tend to their wants and needs to and that just seems like too much work. Plus, he's got all those kids, and don't tell me they're ALL a blessing to you Tack. If you're being a full time Dad as well as full time King and full time Champion, then you must be losing your mind with all those kids! How many kids do you have now? I bet the magic is kind of gone huh. You were "blessed" with the first one. You were "gifted" with the second. You "had" the third one. Then you were "diagnosed" with all the following ones. That's got to be wearing you out, and THAT is how I'm going to beat you, because you're probably tired, and I woke up at 3pm today like a man child, so I got that late night giddy energy flowing through me...that and about twelve tacos. Tonight, I'm gonna dethrone the King baby!

Jammer: And I'm going to have your back Vape! Listen, if you keep talking about my sister, I'm going to have to murder you in your sleep, but you're one of my best friends, and I've got your back. I'll be there tonight.

Bashin Dan: We all will. No matter what we're going through personally, we'll all come together to cheer you on Vape.

Benjamin: We DO believe in you my friend. You can do it.

Vape: Thanks guys. I won't let you down. And I won't let YOU down Ra-

Jammer: What did I JUST say!?

EBW Announce Table

Makoto Angel: ...I suddenly don't like him as much.

Larry Grim: Yeah, I didn't think you would.

EBW: XP
Renegade Arena, Saturn City
ENN

1. 3-Team Tag: Bashin Dan/Benjamin vs. Picky Minch/Mav Valentine vs. Zyro Kurogane/Jaden Yuki
-A hot opener to the show, with three teams vying for dominance, all with their own motives. The fans were on fire for this interesting display, as Jaden Yuki and Zyro Kurogane competed together for the first time as a tag team, yet Jaden Yuki had still yet to commit to the DVNO t-shirt. In fact, near the end, he left the ring completely, abandoning Zyro, who ate a Spear from Benji, who rolled him up before Picky or Mav could break the pin. Dan Club with the win.
Winners: Bashin Dan/Benjamin[o] via Spear on Zyro Kurogane -> Pin

Larry Grim: Apparently Jaden Yuki is not set on DVNO just yet. He left the TUE Season 2 winner out to dry, and Benji quickly took advantage. A good win for the Dan Club.

Makoto Angel: I was hoping that Jaden Yuki would join us! His raps are a little vulgar, but he seems really nice.

Larry Grim: He does?!

2. 6-Man Tag: Brandish X/The Auditor/Cade Yaggis vs. Rains/Randy no Kachi/LG Rod
-A rough, one sided match, and showcase of the barbaric style and nihilistic attitudes of the men from Undeth. They at least made it quick, as Cade Yaggis, formerly Noroi, ducked a Superman Punch, and hit the Cadebreaker on Rains to get the 1-2-3. However, after the match, they continued to attack The Shark Order, even scaring off Baby Shark and knocking out Big Shark. The Auditor busted open Rains, and began to fill his fountain pen with the blood.
Winners: Brandish X/The Auditor/Cade Yaggis[o] via Cadebreaker on Rains -> Pin

After the match, Bashin Dan ran out to the ring, as Undeth were leaving through the crowd.

Bashin Dan: Cade! You didn't think I could just give us this chance to talk to you right? You won't even look at me? I'm not mad that you spit that mist in my face, and I'm not mad that you joined Undeth. I just want to understand. If this is truly you, and this is truly what you want to be, then I have no choice, but to accept it. But...you're my friend. I've never stopped being your friend. I've never stopped being here for you. I want to settle this, and I need closure...because once I'm done with you...VOID...I'm coming after YOU! I don't know where you are, but I know you're here! VOID! CHAZ HARDCASTLE! It doesn't matter what you call yourself! I'm going to stand in your way. First though...Cade...I'm challenging you. I challenge you to a match at Rumble City. You and me one-on-one. It's been a long time. I haven't had much of a chance to see just how good you are now. Can you still compete with the Dangerous Player? Think about it.

3. Singles: Jammer vs. Isiah Muscle
-A highly competitive and heated battle, with the rookie and DVNO member trying to "avenge" his father, while Jammer continued to swear his innocence. Isiah had Jammer on the ropes with his athletic offense, but it seemed that Jammer finally got fed up and hit a sudden Spinebuster that knocked the wind and the momentum out of Isiah Muscle. Kinniku Mike ran down to try and get involved, but Amigo followed up and surprised his former friend with another Hagen Suplex on the outside. Jammer went off the top with the Pumped Up Slam Jam and scored the pin on the TUE Season 1 winner.
Winner: Jammer via Pumped Up Slam Jam -> Pin

Larry Grim: Jammer with the win!

Makoto Angel: Oh no! Mike looks like he took that badly. Amigo isn't fooling around. I really wanted him in our family. What a shame. Still, you can't give up on people.

Larry Grim: Jammer wanted to make it clear that he didn't attack Mike, but I think something just changed. I think he's done with trying to convince him of anything. He wanted that win, he went for it, and he got it. I just wish he could hit a jump shot that accurately.

4. Women's Singles: Hope Mach vs. Erica
-An awaited encounter, especially after Erica's betrayal. Hope charged to the middle of the ring and talked trash. Erica  remained stoic as she dodged an attack and landed multiple kicks to Hope’s leg. Hope caught Erica’s arm and went for an early Gory Bomb, but Erica escaped and asserted herself, but only until Hope managed to lift Erica for a Belly to Belly. Erica rolled out of the ring to regroup, but Hope followed and landed strikes before getting Erica back into the ring. Erica landed a superkick to Hope’s chest as she reentered the ring. Erica continued using kicks, while also stifling further attacks from Hope. In desperation,  Hope pulled Erica’s hair and began landing some chops and a kick of her own for a 2 count. Hope wasted no motion and hit a front suplex for another 2 count and then went for a Koji Clutch. Erica reversed the submission attempt and sunk in an STF forcing Hope to fight to the ropes for the break. Erica, seemingly fed up, rolled out of the ring and grabbed a chair. She rolled back in and plastered Hope with the chair, ending what was a highly competitive bout, to a chorus of boos. Erica landed a few more shots with the chair before rolling out of the ring as Christina, Jenny James, and Alison Chains ran in to make the save. Erica grabbed a mic, and looked like she was about to speak, but decided against it, and tossed it away.
Winner: Hope Mach via DQ

As Erica disappeared into the crowd, the camera cut to the VIP Box. Tack Angel was now dressed in his wrestling gear, getting a rub down from his new maid Korra, who tried not to drool as she worked on his calves. A door opened, alerting Tack that it was time for the match. He gave Korra a tip and left the room.

Korra: *looks at the camera* Eh, it's a living. Hehe.

Backstage

Several EBW wrestlers were seated backstage to watch the title bout, including Magnum PT, who was seated with Point Man and Pirate Bill. As Bill was looking down at his DVNO shirt he had yet to put on, he was suddenly pushed aside by a random person...

?: Are you PT?!

Magnum PT: Uh...yeah? That's me chief.

?: Oh you called me chief! I clapped! I clapped when you called me chief!

Magnum PT: Huh?

?: I'm Leo Fineberg! I'm the nephew of the ENN CEO! I'm like a BIG fan of yours!

Magnum PT: Uh...great chief! I appreciate all my fa-

Leo Fineberg: You called me chief again! I like that! Do that some more!

Magnum PT: Do what?

Leo Fineberg: Call me chief some more!

Magnum PT: ...Chief?

Leo Fineberg: Yeah, I like that! I pop when you say that! Do it again!

Magnum PT: I don't really want to right now?

Leo Fineberg: Are you gonna say the name of the place we're at?

Magnum PT: ...No?

Leo Fineberg: ...Alright, but when you do, you let me know. OK?

Magnum PT: ...OK?

Leo Fineberg: Look! I have a shirt of you saying "Chief". I want people to know how much I like you!

Magnum PT: That is what merch is. Yep. Hey, did you just take a picture of us?

Leo Fineberg: Yeah. I'm gonna print it out, blow it up, and put it on my wall. That way people will know again that I like you.

Magnum PT: ...Normally I charge for pictures kid, but I guess you're related to the CEO soooo...OK?

Leo Fineberg: I want to look at you whenever you're not around, so I can think about you.

Magnum PT: That's cool dude, but-

Leo Fineberg: Dude? Is that a new word you're gonna call people? I'm a bigger fan of your earlier work....like chief. You should keep saying chief. Stay true to who you are. Get back to your roots.

Magnum PT: I was just talking dude!

Leo Fineberg: You know what...it's growing on me. Do it again.

Magnum PT: I'd rather not.

Point Man: The Point Man also likes it when you call him chief or dude for the record!

Leo Fineberg: Hey! I've been a fan a lot longer! You don't know him! You don't know our journey together!

Magnum PT: What?!

Leo Fineberg: I'm the BIGGEST fan. IN FACT! I know exactly what I'm gonna do. Don't worry PT. I've got your back!

Magnum PT: ...What WAS that?!

5. EBW Triple Crown World Championship: Tack Angel(c) vs. Vape
-Main event time, as Tack Angel, grand entrance and all, put his Triple Crown on the line against Vape, in the biggest match of his career. Having recently won TUE and more importantly to him having punched his V card with Jammer's sister, the biggest, and sweatiest man in EBW came in with confidence, ready to make some history. With the Dan Club on one side and DVNO on the other, the crowd was fired up for a big fight. Tack found out very quickly that he could not get his kicks anywhere near Vape's head, and the big guy was able to absorb a lot of damage. Vape wasn't very technical, but he was able to slam Tack into the ring posts, and put the Constellation King on defense rather quickly. We even saw shades of the old Vape, as he flexed his flabby arms, giving us a taste of the gun show! Tack was angry to be put in this situation, as the crowd started to laugh. He started bashing Vape hard with stiff elbows to the face, and tried to chop the big man down with kicks to his legs instead. Vape caught him with a Double Chokeslam for his efforts, and went for the Top Rope Splash to make a pin attempt, but Tack rolled out of the way. As Vape slowly got to his feet, Tack was waiting to hit a vicious kick to the head, but Vape ate it, and surprisingly kept trying to get to his feet. Tack was even stunned, but mustered up the strength to plant Vape with a body slam, the crowd stunned at the impressive display. Even though Vape was too wide for Tack to CLUTCH the WRIST, he proved he didn't need to, as he started belting Vape with more head kicks. Even when Vape seemed down enough for a pin attempt, Tack would pulled him back to his knees to hit another kick. The force of one kick sent Vape rolling to the outside, where he was summarily counted out. Tack Angel with an overly brutal victory, and yet another title defense. The dynasty continues.
Winner: Tack Angel via Count Out -> Title Defense!

Larry Grim: And Tack wins again! That was a fight! Vape gave it his all and came very close!

Makoto Angel: I'm so proud of my Tacky Star King, but he went all out on Vape. He didn't like the laughter. They're not laughing now. Still, I hope Vape is OK.

Larry Grim: Jammer is trying to get in the ring! He's butting heads with Tack, but we've got DVNO and Dan Club pulling them apart. Tack retains, but he's got a busy schedule ahead. DVNO goes to war with Blood 4 Blood at Rumble City in HIS Kingdom, PLUS we know that the winner of the Men's Bad Ass Rumble will challenge for the titles at Victory Explosion 16. The road to Rumble City continues this weekend with Neon Nights and the TUE 3 premiere! We'll see you next time!

Last edited by Machismo (3/18/2022 3:36 am)

Threed - 2009

Degrees and Jackson Kain were both running down the main road of the city, trying to get by the shambling zombies in the process.

Jackson Kain: Man it smells here! You sure you really saw him?!

Degrees: I'm certain! I saw Tack Angel in that crowd, but it couldn't be him! He's supposed to be in Onett right now!

Jackson Kain: Dude, this plan isn't really working out. We're going to destroy the timeline.

Degrees: Tell me about it, but we don't really have a choice! Someone is trying to invade different times and places, and we need to find out who is behind it!

Jackson Kain: You don't have to repeat the plot to me. I've got it man. That's why I'm here.

Degrees: ...Right! There he is!

Jackson Kain: Is he uh....thinking he's fooling us?

The duo saw the youthful Tack Angel look a like shambling around, pretending to be a zombie.

Jackson Kain: The jig is up dude.

Tack Angel?: Ugh....urg...urgm...

Jackson Kain: Dude, you're not purple!

Tack Angel?: Dang it!

Degrees: We just need to ask you some questions!

Tack Angel?: I had some questions myself! Like where am I?!

Degrees: Huh? You don't know where this is Tack?

Tack Angel?: Tack? How do you know my name?

Jackson Kain: You're Tack Angel?

Tack Angel?: Angel? No, I'm Johnathan Tack, the two of you can call me something different.

Tack began to pose, and as he posed, the belt on his waist opened up to reveal a gyro of some sort. He jumped into the air, and in a bright flash of light transformed into a somewhat familiar set of armor.

Johnathan Tack: You can call me...KAMEN RIDER TACK!

Jackson Kain: Oh shit!





Nerdler: Welcome to #EVER 2.0! It's weird calling 2.0, when I've never even heard of 1.0. I was told it was like FTW, but FTW never had this level of production value, or the ability to travel through time and space. We're still in 2009 Threed, where I'm being told not too far from here, Onett is ablaze, and we're basically supposed to just keep everyone's attention over here. Why? They're not telling me. They're not telling me anything. I'm a professional though...I guess...so I'll do it. Also, if I don't they might not take me home. I'm not sure WHAT the main event is going to be tonight. I'm not sure WHAT any of the matches are. In fact, I'm not sure about anyth-

Jeff Andonuts: Shuddup shuddup shuddup! Don't think too hard about it. Listen, We know that more of those Starmen are on the way, but my friends have all suddenly gone missing! Jackson and Degrees are gone, and I have NO IDEA where Faris is.

Nerdler: Welcome to the not knowing anything club.

Jeff Andonuts: Shuddup shuddup! We'll be fending off another time incursion, but according to my ultra science devices, something else is being pulled here. Something bigger. I'll be there to fend it off. I just need someone to step up for the main event.

Viewtiful Trevor: Did someone say main event? Well it's got to be me then pal! The spiffmeister...copyright pending...I like that...I might use it.

Jeff Andonuts: You won't.

Viewtiful Trevor: I might.

Jeff Andonuts: No you won't.

Viewtiful Trevor: I'm gonna write it down.

Jeff Andonuts: Are you sure you've got the Starmen?

Viewtiful Trevor: I've dealt with them before. This'll be a piece of cake. M's might help me. M's? You want to help?

M's Style: No.

Viewtiful Trevor: Hmmm?

M's Style: I already have a match. I don't know against who.

Nerdler: No one knows a thing do they?

Viewtiful Trevor: I just figured we could team up since...you know...we end up toge-

M's Style: Just drop that. Listen, they're hiding something from me. They're hiding something from both of us. It's all too obvious. They want to keep things the way they are, but who is to say that it wouldn't be better a different way. I'm going to follow my own path.

Viewtiful Trevor: ...Well dang.

Jeff Andonuts: That's not good.

Viewtiful Trevor: What ARE you hiding from us?

Jeff Andonuts: Uh...shuddup?

Viewtiful Trevor: I never thought about it like that before.

The show opened with M's Style in the middle of the ring, as the zombies shambling about grew uneasy. They whispered "HER" among themselves, or as close as they could to actually saying it. It was mostly slurring, but M's got the jist. Before she could ask what it meant though, a tiny, annoying little shit flew into the ring on a red balloon.

M's Style: What the hell is that thing?

?: I R HERE FOR TEH LOLZ! STRAIGHT FROM FTW! PUNCH999!

M's Style: ...You want me to punch you nine hundred and ninety nine times? Alright, I'll do just that.

#EVER 2.0
Earth-1 2009 Threed
ENN

1. Mixed Singles: M's Style vs. Punch999[FTW]
-M's hit a spinebuster to Punchy and proceeded to punch Punch repeatedly. The little man started bawling and verbally submitted.
Winner: M's Style via Verbal Submission

After that match, Jeff Andonuts transformed, and went into the ring. He called out to his friends, but they were not around. Suddenly, a portal opened up in the ring, a large, imposing, and metallic figure appeared.

Jeff Andonuts: You've got to be kidding me.

Titanic Ant: What?! Where am I?! Last thing I remember, someone was about to crash a stupid ship into me, and then I ended up here.
 
Jeff Andonunts: The Sky Runner was NOOOOT stupid!

Titanic Ant: So...it was you!

Jeff Andonuts: ...CRAP!

2. Singles: Jeff Andonuts vs. Titanic Ant
-Jeff spent most of the "match" ducking and dodging, as Titanic Ant tried to use his mass to crush him. He hit the big boot that he calls the Giant Step, but Jeff rolled out of the ring. As the Titanic Ant made his way out to follow him, Jeff fiddled with his prosthetic leg, and suddenly turned it into a BIG BIG BIG Bottle Rocket launcher, that lead to a SMAAAAASH!!! and a dazed Titanic Ant. Jeff rolled back into the ring and won the match by count out, as Titanic Ant disappeared, apparently returning to his place in the timeline.
Winner: Jeff Andonuts via Count Out

As Viewtiful Trevor rolled into the ring, he was suddenly met with not one, but two Starmen.

Starmen #1: Target identified as Viewtiful Trevor, the secondary target. Eliminate.

Viewtiful Trevor: Secondary huh? I don't care much for being sloppy seconds. As for the two of you, I guess you'll have to get in line, cause I'm riding solo on this on-

?: NOT SO FAST!

Viewtiful Trevor: Hm?




?: Child of the Sun, even though I prefer the moon! I'm a solider of justice, and your wicked villany is about to come to an end by the hands of KAMEN RIDER TACK!

Viewtiful Trevor: Ha! That's a hell of a thing!

Kamen Rider Tack: Viewtiful Trevor, I was told you might need help defeating these evil foes. Might I be of assistance.

Viewtfiul Trevor: Heh. Henshin a Go-Go baby!

3. Tag: Viewtiful Trevor/Kamen Rider Tack vs. Starman #1/Starman #2
-The duo worked well together, as they faced off with the Starmen. Quick tags and acrobatic action that neither man is probably capable of in their late late 30's. They forced both Starmen into the center of the ring, where they both jumped off the top turnbuckles to hit a Double Rider Kick that forced the Starmen to explode.
Winners: Viewtiful Trevor/Kamen Rider Tack via Double Rider Kick on Starman #1 and #2 -> Explosion

Viewtiful Trevor: Whoa! Those guys are combustible!

Kamen Rider Tack: Evil will never triumph as long as Kamen Rider Tack is here to do battle!

Viewtiful Trevor: I like the sound of that partner!

Kamen Rider Tack: Yes. Partner!

The two shook hands as Jeff pulled at his collar.

Jeff Andonuts: Oh man...this is awkward...knowing what I know.

Degrees: We found him obviously.

Jackson Kain: When we explained the situation he was happy to help. He got pulled here unknowingly too.

Degrees: Either our machine has a mind of its own, or the opposition is purposefully destabilizing reality. Shame we couldn't have interrogated those goons.

Jackson Kain: THAT'S why they explode! That makes so much more sense now!

Jeff Andonuts: Well that explains where you and Faris ran off to.

Degrees: Faris?

Jackson Kain: She didn't come with us.

Jeff Andonuts: Huh? But...she's not...here.

Degrees: ...Faris? Faris!

?

Faris Angel found herself in a dark room.

Faris Angel: ...What...where...where am I? Hello?

?: Are you ready....

Faris Angel: Ready? For...for what?

?: Ready...to be the next contestant on.....

Crowd: THE DUMBEST TIMELINE!

Faris Angel: What?!




The lights turned on, as Faris found herself in a bright white room, surrounded by people. Next to her was a host that looked very familiar, and to the left of the host were two booths filled with very very VERY familiar faces. In fact it was Faris and Faris.

Jimmy Swift: Welcome to The Dumbest Timeline, were we pluck out multiple versions of someone from multiple timelines to see who is living in THE Dumbest Timeline!

Faris Angel: ....Oh boy.