Narrator: On the planet of Gaea, the blue orb is teaming with life and nature, but tucked away in the midst of that nature is progress and industry, beginning to drain away the natural luster. I mean, would it kill anyone to plant a tree or two? A technological marvel, the grand city of Midgar. Built upwards for some reason, a grand city towered over the landscape, and covered the slums below in perpetual night. Our story begins with a flower girl, no wait, she's not important yet. Our story begins on the other side of town, where a train was pulling up to one of the many giant reactors that power this megacity....

Two soldiers were standing by the railway, as the train approached. They were calmly having lunch.

Soldier #1: Dude, this job sucks.

Soldier #2: Tell me about it. All we do is stand here, and guard this door. It's all we do. It's all we ever do.

Soldier #1: Well you never know. Someone might want to get in here! Hahaha!

Soldier #2: Can you imagine? What would they want in here? Mako Poisoning? Oh please, let me waste my time stopping YOU from being a dumb ass trespasser. This shit powers the city! Even rival corporations to Shinra wouldn't want to turn off the power. You'd have to be some psycho eco-terrorists or something to do that.

Soldier #1: If someone wanted in here, I'd totally just let them do it. You know? I wouldn't put up a fight. Just walk in. Why would you ever want to though? It's so dumb. No need to get hurt over it though. I mean come on.

Soldier #2: Hey, doesn't the conductor normally slow down by now.

Soldier #1: Huh.

On the train, a spiky haired blonde jumped onto the roof. He grabbed at his blade ready to strike, but failed to notice the sign in front of him somehow, as he smacked into it and fell back into the train. The train suddenly went off the rails and smashed head first into the two Soldiers. A large black man with a gatling gun for a hand, and buxon, dark haired woman left the train, followed by other members of the group, dressed in similar garb.

Swift: Hey! What the hell Biggs?! You said it wouldn't derail!

Biggs: No Swift, I absolutely said it WOULD derail!

Swift: Whatever! I ain't got time to argue. Where the hell is the new guy?! What's his name? *grabs a walkie talkie* Tali, what's this crazy cracker's name!?

Tali: *on the walkie talkie* It's Trevor, Trevor Strife.

Trevor Strife: Ow! My freaking head! That hurt!

Biggs: What did?

Trevor Strife: Uh...nothing! I'm fine! I'm a Soldier!

Biggs: Uh-huh.

Swift: Get your ass down here Soldier boy! We got work to do! Help me hide these bodies!

Trevor Strife: They're hamburger meat! I'd really rather not!

Swift: Too bad! It's showtime!

Trevor Strife: Showtime huh? Then I'd better perform!

Swift: ....Just hide the damn bodies, and then-

Soldier #3: Hey! Did you guys do this?! You just killed those guys?!

Trevor Strife: I didn't do it!

Swift: No, but kill him!

Trevor Strife: What?!

Swift: Biggity bounce to it baby!

Trevor Strife: GAH!

The others ran off as Trevor had to deal with the Soldier pointing the gun at him.

Trevor Strife: Listen, you've got the wrong idea guy, I didn't-

The Soldier shot at Trevor, which riddled him with bullets, but didn't seem to hurt him too badly.

Soldier #3: What?! I shot you! How the hell does that work?

Trevor Strife: Dude, I have no idea. It did very little damage, but listen, I have a huge sword and-

The Soldier shot Trevor again.

Trevor Strife: ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT!

Moments later, Trevor Strife rounded the corner to a sealed door. He was wiping blood off his forehead as the team tried to hack the door open.

Trevor Strife: Self-defense. He didn't leave me a choice or anything.

Biggs: You uh...you hide the bodies bro?

Trevor Strife: Sure I did...uh...you guys.

Biggs: You don't know our names do you?

Trevor Strife: Um....no? Do I really need to know?

Biggs: Dude, you're a member of Avalanche now!

Trevor Strife: Thought we were called Typhoon or something.

Biggs: Focus! We're here to stop Shinra, you know, the company you used to work for! We really need some synergy here!

Trevor Strife: It's not like I went on the corporate retreats man. You want synergy, take it up with HR. I'm just here to stab things.

Biggs: GAH! Anyways, I'm Biggs, this is Wedge, that's Jessie, and you already met Swift.

Trevor Strife: Chocolate rage? Oh yeah, we've met. Alright so those are your names, but what is MY name...since we're asking?

Biggs: Uh....Zac-

Trevor Strife: NO! NO! IT'S NOT ZA-OW MY HEAD!

Biggs: You alright?

Trevor Strife: I don't know, but it's Trevor dammit!

Biggs: Trevor Dammit? Weird name.

Trevor Strife: Trevor Strife! Solider A++ SUPER Class!

Biggs: That's not a real rank.

Trevor Strife: IT COULD BE!

Swift: Listen up! What do you think this place is sucka?!

Trevor Strife: The corporate branding says it's an eco-friendly peace factory. Zero emissions...other than all the emissions coming out of it.

Swift: We're going to blow this motherfucker up!

Trevor Strife: Uh...

Swift: Tali DID fill you in right?

Trevor Strife: She said, and I quote "long time no see, wanna do me a quick solid."

Swift: So she didn't fill you in, and you didn't ask because you want to "fill her in". Is that right?

Trevor Strife: I...just want to get paid?

Swift: Right. Then let's stop messin' and get steppin! Jessie open the damn do-

Jessie: GOT IT!

Wedge: CHEESE IT!

Biggs: No Wedge, we're going INSIDE!

Wedge: Oh right! Sorry, I'm panicking! The flop sweat giving it away?

Biggs: Oh yeah.

Wedge: Shit.

Jessie: Hey Trevor, you're not like these guys. You're a real man right? Want me to dry hump the shit out of you in the elevator down?

Trevor Strife: COMING ON A LITTLE STRONG!

Jessie: *sigh* What can I say? I know what I want!

Trevor Strife: I want...to get out of this alive! Let's go!

Trevor and Swift fought their way down to the very bottom of the reactor, while the others secured an escape route.

Trevor Strife: So you came down here with me?

Swift: Yeah? So?!

Trevor Strife: So did you really need me then?

Swift: Shut up! I didn't know it was gonna be this damn easy! You still want to get paid! Plant this damn bomb!

Trevor Strife: I would, but look.

Swift: Look at whaaaa.....oh shit man.

A giant enemy scorpion robot jumped down from the ceiling and cut them off.

Trevor Strife: I'll attack its weak point for massive damage!

Swift: That's crabs you dumb ass! Just use Lightning Materia, so we can plant that bomb and bounce like titties.

Trevor Strife: Speaking of titties, I'm going to have a word with a certain bar keep when this is over.

Trevor pulled a yellow orb out of his pocket and affixed it to his very large sword. As Swift held the robot back with gun fire, Trevor leaped into the air, and came down with a crushing thud, sending electricity racing through the circuits, causing it to short circuit. Trevor tried to circle the sword above his head, but tripped up and fell onto the bomb, starting the timer.

Swift: What the fuck!? What were you doing?!

Trevor Strife: Trying a victory pose! It's a Soldier thing!

Swift: Bro, I don't think it is! That shit is set for one minute! We got to go! Now now!

Swift lead his Avalanche group out of the building, while Trevor tried to slowly drag his giant sword down the hall.

Trevor Strife: Dammit! This thing weighs a ton! What was I thinking?! Oh, I'll just swing the sword twice my damn size!

Swift: Grab the damn sword and let's go!

Trevor Strife: IT'S A LITTLE TOO BIG FOR MY SINEWY FRAME! THANKS FOR NOTICING! WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND?!

Swift: I can give you exactly ONE HAND, but I'm not going to! Cause I'm getting my black ass out of here!

Trevor Strife: *sigh* You know this a real eye opener. If I survive this, I'm going to lift more weights. I'm going to commit. I really-

*BOOM!*

The reactor suddenly exploded, shaking the area, and sending vibrations through the whole of Midgar. In Sector 7, a Sector denoted by a giant 7 on its "Shinra Appointed Eco-Friendly Peace Factory", a bar called the Sixth Heaven resided. It was called the Seventh Heaven, but they weren't able to keep up the payments on all seven of them. The barkeep, a buxom, raved haired beauty named Tali, rest his head on her chin as she listened in on the radio.

Swift: *on the walkie talkie* IS HE HERE?! DID HE GET OUT?! WHERE IS HE?!

Wedge: *on the walkie talkie* Over there! He's on fire!

Jessie: *on the walkie talkie* Wow, look at him run!

Biggs: *on the walkie talkie* Should we go help him?

Swift: *on the walkie talkie* If I don't, and he burns to death, do I still have to pay him?

Tali: *sigh* Oh yeah, that sounds like it went off without a hitch.