Summers Beach Bums Locker Room

It's halftime during the big game. The team rushes in to take a breather. The adrenaline is pumping as Rose Mulligan rushes into the room.

Rose Mulligan: Gentlemen, this is a big game for us. We tripped out of the gate with that loss, but I want a win this week. I need a win this week, and so do you. For God's sakes, cover up a little! Half of you are hiding in the lockers and the other half are just letting it hang out. I mean, I'm not impressed, but it's still distracting! Bobby, you're doing your job this week, very good. Ben D'Pencil, you're also killing it out there, but don't let up. The rest of you....seem like you have something you want to say.

Jo Testafuente: Some of us were talking Coach, and....we think Ruddy should dress for the game.

Rose turned to her right see a short and small little guy sitting on the bench.

Rose Mulligan: You hit your head too hard out there Testafuente? Ruddy is on the practice squad! This is the real thing! The roster is set, so get ready.

Jo Testafuente: This Ruddy's dream coach! He put his all into getting onto the practice squad, and we think he's earned this! He's inspired all of us, and taught us the value of never giving up.

Rose Mulligan: This is only Week 2. You've known him for a handful of weeks.

Jo Testafuente: I know there's no room on the roster so....he can take my spot.

Jo took off his jersey, and placed it on the table.

Frank Bytch: Ruddy can have my spot too Coach.

Gil Fishman: Mine too.

"Tabitha": And mine.

Rose Mulligan: ....How about you Troutstain? Do you want Ruddy to take your spot too?

Tim Troutstain stood up, with Ruddy, and the rest of the team turning to him for guidance.

Tim Troutstain: ....Fuck no! He fucking sucks at Football! You guys want RUDDY to play the second half?! Are you out of your minds?!  That is BAT SHIT CRAZY! We're gonna fucking LOOOOOSE! He sucks ASS! Have you seen him in practice?! He can't catch the ball! He cowers instead of getting tackled! He's dog shit! I mean...I'm sorry Ruddy, but you're dog shit. He's dog shit.

Jo Testafuente: Ruddy's got heart Tim!

Tim Troutstain: Yeah, an enlarged heart. Should he even be medically cleared?! I mean he shit his pants in practice last week Testafuente! Twice! I didn't even tackle him the second time! I slowly walked by him! He crumbled up and screamed "No! No! It's coming out again!"

Ruddy: You know what? Maybe you don't believe in me Tim.

Tim Troutstain: I definitely don't believe in you Ruddy.

Ruddy: OK....but...a friend told me something that made me believe in myself.

Ruddy looked over to the wise old janitor.

Ruddy: He said "So what if you're 5 foot nothing. 100 and nothing. You've got passion."

Janitor: Hey wait, you're taking my out of context here. Because then I said "If this were Wrestling, that might get you a mark contract, but this is Football, and you need size and talent!"

Ruddy: Right, but you believed, and that's what's impor-

Janitor: Let me stop you right there, cause I also said "I in no way believe in you, and you'll get killed. Also, who keeps letting you back here? We're not friends. I don't like you." I said all of that.

Ruddy: Coach...someone gave you a shot in the past...all I'm asking for is my shot no-

Tim Troutstain: This is SO FUCKING DUMB! He doesn't even know the plays Coach! He said earlier he wanted to kick a home run! I heard him! I ABSOLUTELY HEARD THAT! DON'T NOD NO RUDDY! YES YOU DID! YOU IDIOT!

Ruddy: I know the playbook front to back. You give me any play, and I could run it RIGHT NOW!

Rose Mulligan: *sigh* This is a waste of time. Alright Ruddy, if you can get by Troutstain then you can play. Alright, here's the play. Alright Ruddy, Red 7 on 2.

Ruddy: ...Different play, don't know that one.

Rose Mulligan: Seriously? Wide Right on 1.

Ruddy: Different play!

Rose Mulligan: Come on Ruddy. Blue 19 on 3!

Ruddy: Give me another one!

Rose Mulligan: Slant 6 on 2?

Ruddy: Nope!

Rose Mulligan: Red Devil on 3!

Ruddy: Skip!

Jo Testafuente: ...I'm just...gonna take my jersey back real quick.

Rose Mulligan: Angel 6 on 2.

Ruddy: Got it....but what was it again?!

Rose Mulligan: Just go Ruddy!

Ruddy ran straight forward, and Tim blocked him so hard he flew into the lockers and shit his pants again. The other players put their jerseys back on.

Janitor: Dumb ass.

Tim Troutstain: He's alright, but I think he shit himself again.

Ruddy: I almost did, but I held it in....with heart, determination, and-

Tim Troutstain: No...he absolutely shit himself again.

Rose Mulligan: Alright, so Ruddy's off the practice team, and if any of you pull something like this again, you'll be benched for the season! Let's go!

ENN Eagleland Football Week 2 Coverage

Larry Sportsman: Hello Football fans, and we're back here in the Sport Center, which is distinct from the "Sportscenter", I can't stress that enough, for a look at Week 2 Coverage of the EFL. ENN was just a big ol' block of Football again, and the ratings were...fine....not great....not bad...just fine. Some attendances were great, and others were not, so again....fine. Week 2 was fine.

GR: Bah Gawd, I want to see more excitement here! IT'S FOOTBALL!

Larry Sportsman: Right you are GR. We're going to try something different this week, and just give you the results, because apparently, no one likes our play by play.
 
GR: That can't be right!

Larry Sportsman: No, I have a note right here from the Producer. It says "wrap it up, no one wants to hear this shit, just show the results". Real nice....real nice. Well, we'll see how this plays out next week, when one of us is going to get fired Mr. Producer!

Fourside(2-0)[o] @ North Point(1-1) (31-19) Player of the Game: Troy
Mid-South(0-2) @ River City(1-1)[o] (21-40) Player of the Game: Paul Twocock
Twoson(1-1) @ Saturn City(2-0)[o] (7-31) Player of the Game: T'Variusnuss Balderdash
Onett(0-2) @ South Town(1-1)[o] (21-41) Player of the Game: Shark #6
Summers(1-1)[o] @ Threed(1-1) (30-21) Player of the Game: Ben D'Pencil