Strong Style Forever » EBW

Machismo · 5/02/2022 3:15 am

Iwata Memorial Arena - VIP Room

Tack Angel took part in his usual routine when entering an arena. He and his entourage made their way to his personal locker room to change, and then after the usual "activities" with his maid Korra, the Royal Flush holder made his way to his VIP suite, on the way, Pirate Harry Kim whispered something into his ear. He nodded, and the wormy go getter trotted off. Once Tack entered his suite, he found a familiar figure sitting his his custom throne.

Tack Angel: *sigh* Of course I'd run into you here, and of course you'd show the ultimate disrespect and sit in my throne. You never change. Shouldn't you be dealing with your TUE stu-

The figure stood up and turned around to reveal it wasn't who Tack was expecting.

Tack Angel: ...Jammer. I thought you were someone else. In this moment, you sure do remind me of him. That's not good for you.

Jammer: I wanted a word, man to man, before you and I air it all in the ring later on.

Tack Angel: Fine. Speak your peace, but be quick. I don't have the patience I used to.

Jammer: I want to know if you had anything to do with what happened to our dojo.

Tack Angel: People like to spread rumors. If something bad happens, it's because the King did it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?

Jammer: Considering you wake up surrounded by what, 19 women now? I doubt it's as difficult as you make it out to be.

Tack Angel: How would you like being vilified for your actions at every turn?

Jammer: Oh you're a real saint for trying to concuss Sal cause he doesn't like you.

Tack Angel: That's a personal matter. Sal and I go back much further than you. Don't forget compared to me you're still a green boy.

Jammer: Don't forget that I asked you a question.

Tack Angel: Of course I didn't! If I wanted to do something to you lot, I would do something else, like buy the property out from under you, and make it another embassy to Crystal Heaven, just like I did with the Bad Dudes Dojo. Now THAT had fire damage done to it, and I had to deal with it. Wasn't pretty. I wouldn't do the same thing to you. I've opened my mind to new ways of getting what I want.

Jammer: So I've noticed. Well fine. So the dojo is one less reason I should batter you. Luckily, I still have a very long list.

Tack Angel: I'm sure you do. Why don't you get out of here before you get hurt. One word and DVNO could come in here, or my personal guards Neptune and Uranus. I have a feeling you wouldn't hit a woman, but they have no problem hitting you, I assure you.

Jammer: Why don't you try something instead?

Tack Angel: I'd rather sit in my throne...and you're in the way.

Jammer: I'll step aside...for now.

Tack Angel: Do us both a favor and don't jeopardize your title shot again OK? I'm getting tired of dealing with screw ups, has beens, and low lifes. Be better...and take responsibility for your actions..."Slam Master".

Jammer: ...

EBW: IGNITION
Iwata Memorial Arena, Onett
ENN+

Danny Leung: *clears throat* In our galaxy, a blade of grass is significantly more rare and valuable than diamonds. At one point in your life, you father put you down, and never picked you up again. The word parallel has parallel lines in it. If Medusa's hair is snakes, then you know what that makes her pubes right? Snake pub-

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!! THROW SOMETHING AT HIM! GET HIM!

0. IGNITION ENN+ #1 Contender: Pirate Bill vs. Danny Leung vs. Tad Blinko vs. Giorno Giovanna
-Opening match saw four EBW athletes compete to be Magnum PT's first opponent for his new ENN+ Championship. While the action in the ring was good, a lot of attention was paid to Bill trying to tell Horace Angel and Pirate Harry Kim to go to the back once again, the same situation that cost him the title. That cost him in this match too, as Giorno Giovanna the Gang-Star hit a Golden Experience on Danny Leung to get the pin and the first shot at PT.
Winner: Giorno Giovanna via Golden Experience on Danny Leung -> Pin

0. IGNITION Singles: Isiah Muscle vs. Rains
-Good News Gary had a very GOOD feeling that Rains would be able to show the superiority of The Shark Order against DVNO. You can't hate on his enthusiasm, but come on. Rains went for the Superman Punch, but Isiah side stepped it, trapped Rains in a Release Dragon Suplex, and pinned him to win.
Winner: Isiah Muscle via Release Dragon Suplex -> Pin

0. IGNITION Tag: Magnum PT/Point Man vs. Horace Angel/Pirate Harry Kim
-IGNITION "main event?" as the first ever ENN+ Champion Magnum PT teamed with the ultra over Point Man to take on what is now being labeled the "DVNO B-Team" of Horace Angel and Pirate Harry Kim. Kim and Horace lacked the experience factor, though Horace showed some things during his time in the ring. He was a zoomer through and through as he flossed after Hip Toss and got battered for it. Harry Kim was easy prey for the Point Man who reliably tapped him in the Cobra Clutch for a submission victory.
Winners: Magnum PT/Point Man[o] via Cobra Clutch on Harry Kim -> Submission

After the matches Magnum PT celebrated with Point Man, Dirk Laramie, Rand, and Chuck Pucky, in the hallway, until they bumped into Tack Angel, and his DVNO entourage.

Magnum PT: Hey Chief, how's it go-

Tack Angel: You're in my way PT.

Magnum PT: Is that right? Well hell man, we're just trying to get to the back and crack open a dirty thirty of Nattie I-

Tack Angel: You're in my way....PT.

Magnum PT: You got a problem Chief?

Tack Angel: I'm the King, and yes, I have a problem, it's you. I've always had a problem with you.

Magnum PT: What'd I ever do to you?

Tack Angel: You being you PT. Just you being you. There is nothing good about what you are. One of these days, I'm gonna cut that mullet, and shave that mustache right off you myself!

Magnum PT: Love to see you try Chief. I bet you must be SEETHING that I have this ENN+ Championship. It's mine and not yours. Something DVNO doesn't have a grip on. Bill's a good talent, but your "B-Team" just had to get involved huh. Now...all you have left is cope Chief.

Tack Angel: I'm on the way to the ring to deal with that right now, but trust me, I will come back around to you. I want you beaten, and I get what I want.

Chuck Pucky: Give your balls a tug you tit*bleep*er!

Tack Angel: Which one of your said that!?

Tack Angel opened the show, as Tack stood on the stage with all of his wives. He caressed each of them on his way down to the ring. He walked over to the announce table and planted one on Makoto before entering the ring by himself.

Tack Angel: Yep. Go ahead. Get the boos out of the way. You're all ignorant. "Oh look he's got a lot of wives! Boo for some reason!" You're being ridiculous. I deserve my happiness, because of all the work I'm putting in to reshape the world and reshape EBW. I'm ridding it of bullies. I'm ridding it of corruption. You should be thanking me, but instead you're booing me. Now, is this the moment I have my talk with Jammer? No. No, that's later tonight. In the main event, Vape is getting a rematch. It's not for the title, but the big guy wants to take a shot at me again. I want to remind you Vape that I warned you, and when you didn't listen I still tried to visit you in the hospital. Jammer made that difficult. You insist on a rematch, and that means just like everyone else on the roster who opposes me, you're bringing this on yourself. You'll take responsibility for your actions, even if I have to make you do it. Now, onto the business at hand. Pirate Bill, come out here please.

Pirate Bill timidly came out to a huge reaction.

Tack Angel: Bill, you've been a good friend. You've been a good pirate. You've been a training partner. You've played baby sitter. I've always felt that my wives were safe with you around. The people, they seem to like you too. You all like Bill right? Of course you do. Who wouldn't like Bill? The only reason I wouldn't like Bill, is if he decided he couldn't support me anymore. I'm here to find out if that's true. Bill? Is that true?

Pirate Bill: Sir, I be thankin' ye for the kind words. It be meaning a lot. I swore an oath to Queen Farris as a member of her scurrvy crew, to be doin' my Pirate best to look after her and do me duty. When ye got married to the fine lass, it meant I served ye too, and I be proud of that, and the work I put in.

Tack Angel: And yet...you sent my nephew away. My gift to you, a new Pirate associate, you sent him away too.

Pirate Bill: I just be wantin' to win on me own sir. I've caught the wrestling bug, and I wanted to win it on me own terms.

Tack Angel: What about my terms Bill? I thought we were doing things on MY terms.

Pirate Bill: ...Aye.

Tack Angel: And right now, we win at all costs, because these people, and the roster that opposes us, are too stupid to realize the good work we're doing. They all stand in the way of destiny, and only with total domination can we save them from themselves. You made that more difficult for me Bill. Now PT has the title. PT! MAGNUM PT! He's right up with there with Trevor Mach on the list of people I simply can NOT stand! If he pledged fealty I'd STILL kick him in the head, and YOU LET HIM WALK AWAY WITH THE TITLE!

Pirate Bill: ...I be sorry sir. Twas not me intention.

Tack Angel: Of course not, but then you failed tonight too. You had a chance to win. You're a great talent in the ring. A natural. People tend to forget you're a former Television Champion. You did that. That's a great achievement! You're great, and all I wanted to do was give you what you needed to be better.

Pirate Bill: With all due respect sir, if I needed them to win....then I didn't deserve to be winnin'.

Tack Angel: Is that right? I could respect that Bill, I really could, if you weren't suddenly so distant. You disappear all the time, you don't tell me where you are, and you STILL aren't wearing your DVNO t-shirt.

Pirate Bill: ...Can I be speakin' freely sir.

Tack Angel: Please do.

Pirate Bill: As much as I appreciate all ye do fer me and me Pirate mates, it's quite obvious even to a salty dog like me, that Harry Kim was brought in to spy on me. Ye want to be doin' with me personal life. Sir, you choose to live your life fer everyone to be seein'. I do not wish to put me love in the same spotlight. Me personal life is me own.

Tack Angel: ...Not good enough Bill. You're up to something, and I don't like it. I want to know what you're hiding from me. I want to know NOW!

Pirate Bill: ....Beggin' yer pardon sir...but no...tis an order I have to be disobeyin'.

Tack Angel: So...that's how it is, and I'm guessing you won't put on the shirt either will you?

Pirate Bill: I be servin' the family. I love the Angel Family. But I do not love DVNO. I don't be believin' in it. I don't wish to be takin' part of it sir.

Tack Angel: ...*sigh* You're breaking my heart Bill. You know what I have to do.

Pirate Bill: ...A-Aye s-sir.

Pirate Bill closed his eyes as Tack Angel turned his back on him, but only for a few moments, before he turned around and smashed Bill in the head with a vicious kick.

Makoto Angel: TACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! NO!

Larry Grim: He thinks Bill has betrayed the family, and he's carrying out the sentence I suppose.

Makoto Angel: *sigh* Bill's just trying to keep a secret we asked him to keep. This is...this is getting out of control.

Larry Grim: Just now you're thinking this?

Makoto Angel: I'm sorry Bill, truly I am.

Larry Grim: Your heart is too pure for this sort of stuff. Don't worry, Bill knows you're innocent.

Makoto Angel: Tack is the King...I have to stand by my King, even if I don't agree with everything he does, I will always give him my best. He'll always have my support. But Bill...*sigh* poor Bill.

Larry Grim: Poor Bill.

EBW: XP
Iwata Memorial Arena, Onett
ENN

1. 6-Man Tag: Subculture/Mav Valentine/Picky Minch vs. Big Shark/LG Rod/Randy no Kachi
-Little Mac came out with a fired up Blood 4 Blood stable, as they regrouped with a match against The Shark Order. Baby Shark was confident in his team, but before long he was crying in Good News Gary's arms as the three shooters battered his boys. Showing superior in-ring prowess, and their ability to walk and brawl like the best of them, the team looked invigorated. At Mac's behest, Subculture laid down the hurting bombs on LG Rod, and pinned him following the KO Punch.
Winners: Subculture[o]/Mav Valentine/Picky Minch via KO Punch on LG Rod -> Pin

Larry Grim: Now THAT is how it's done! Blood 4 Blood making kids cry brah. They just roughed up The Shark Order with sharp focus and hard hitting moves. Simple and to the point. You know the rumor is that Blood 4 Blood have something special planned for Victory Explosion now that Little Mac is backing them up. I wonder what it could be? I mean I know, but for the sake of suspense and all. *cough* Bushido Den *cough* Next up, we have a tag match with the Women's World Tag Team Champions! They're facing a mystery team in non-title action. Gee, I wonder who they could be?

Makoto Angel: *clears throat* Excuse me Larry. I just need to go...uh...take care of something.

Larry Grim: Mmmhmm.

2. Non-Title Women's Tag: Wendy Mustang/Lainey Strong vs. ?/?
-The next match saw the Women's World Tag Team Champions in action. It was non-title, which was the good news, but they didn't know who their opponents were, which was the bad news....unless you like surprises. If you like surprises it was nothing but good news, otherwise a mixed bag. It's all about perspectives. Tack I can't watch anime right now, I'm trying to write, and that would involve me looking away from the subs and missing out, or looking away from the notepad and missing the show. I mean I could do picture in picture, but then my concentration will completely go to hell. I was getting more done watching the wrestling show. Obviously. Makoto Angel jumped from the desk to be the first opponent, but she was sooned joined by the ninja maid assassin Duvalie Angel, who got the jump of the tag champs. The surprise combination caught the Twin Lariats off guard, and the mix of Makoto's babyface fire and Duvalie's heelish tactics left the champs in disarray. A surprising scene considering how awesome they've been as a team. Duvalie tied Wendy's hand to the ring with her own tag rope, while Makoto shocked everyone, but ducking the Lariat from Lainey and hitting what she called the Thunder Dragon Suplex, complete with a bridge. 1-2-3. A shocking development as two of the Angel Wives defeated the World Tag Team Champions.
Winners: Makoto Angel[o]/Duvalie Angel via Bridging Thunder Dragon Suplex -> Pin

Larry Grim: Oh wow! Makoto! You're getting so good at this! Everyone see that?! That's my broadcast partner everyone! She played it clean, while Duvalie did her own thing, but still, they have a win over the World Tag Team Champions! Does this mean a title match is in her future? That would be awesome.

Makoto Angel: *deep breaths* Did you see what I just did?!

Larry Grim: IT WAS AWESOME!

Makoto Angel: I know!

Larry Grim: I'm squeeing! I can't stop squeeing!

3. Singles: Bashin Dan vs. The Auditor
-Bashin Dan stepped up to defend his friend Benjamin on his path to Void and the ultimate wager at Victory Explosion 16. Very much a brawl, as Dan seemed fired up by what The Auditor has been up to, and still remembering their collision weeks prior when the Auditor attempted to "audit" Dan's sins. The Auditor was not there to win though. At the behest of the distorted Void on the big screen, The Auditor seemed more interested in cutting Dan open, making him bleed profusely, which naturally lead to weapons, which naturally lead to a DQ of The Auditor.
Winner: Bashin Dan via DQ

Larry Grim covered Makoto's eyes as The Auditor stabbed into Dan's forehead to draw blood like ink into his pen. This brought out Benjamin, who rushed into the ring and leveled The Auditor with a Spear. He picked him up and dropped the Masamune for a huge reaction from the crowd. Benjamin helped Dan escape as Brandish X and Cade Yaggis hit the ring.

4. Loser Leaves EBW Women's 4-Way: Hilda Iceheart vs. Darkness Aoi vs. Mitra Lennox vs. Erica
-This match got off to a heated started, but suddenly Erica stopped it dead in its tracks. She asked everyone to stop attacking and for the referee to call the match off in a highly questionable move.
Winner: No Contest

Erica: What are we doing here? Why are we doing this? We're battling for our careers while others get to take the night off and soak in the fame and glory of stardom. That was my life. It belonged to me. It could belong to you three too. It could belong to all of us. I've been on a journey of sorts. I went from the top, to the bottom. I tried to save EBW, but was rebuked. I've found myself wondering what the point to all of it was. I dabbled in Undeth, and they unshackled me enough to see things from a fresh perspective. When I lost to Christina yet again, I thought it wouldn't hurt, but it still did. That is where I found my purpose again. I'm not doing this for any other reason than it's what I want. I'm not going to pretend to be righteous, when the fact is I just want that fame, that glory, that power that comes with being at the very top. I just want back what belongs to me. I don't have good intentions, and it's not for a noble cause. I want it back, because it felt good. I want it back it's MINE! I don't want to have to fight for my job, and I bet none of you want that either. Aoi, I tried to stand in your way when you went to great lengths to dismantle this system, and I should've just let you do it. Mitra and Hilda, you're not getting a fair shot at showing your potential. It's quite simple ladies, I don't want to elevate you because I'm a nice person. Elevating you, will elevate me, and you elevating me will elevate you. It's symbiotic. It's a working relationship I'm proposing. We stick together, and we can rebuild an empire. I can have my Eisenritter BACK! Why try to do anything else? We could join together now, OR....we could fight....and one of us will be out on our asses. You might be able to go to MCW. They're always looking to poach talent. Then again, you might not. Why take the chance? Bet on your future. Bet on me.

The three ladies all looked to each other, and nodded in agreement. They all left the ring together.

5. Non-Title Singles: Tack Angel vs. Vape
-Main event time! A rematch from several weeks ago, where Tack Angel put Vape in the hospital. Vape would get the rematch, but this time pride was at stake, and not the titles. Vape claimed to have cut weight for the match, but it turns out he was using bad scale, and had actually gained some weight. Tack found out very quickly that despite stretching he could still not get his kicks anywhere near Vape's head, and the big guy was able to absorb a lot of damage. A fired up Vape was able to slam Tack into the ring posts, and put the Constellation King on defense rather quickly to the delight of the crowd. Vape flexed his flabby arms, giving us a taste of the gun show once again! Tack was angry to be put in this situation, as the crowd started to laugh. He started bashing Vape hard with stiff elbows to the face, and tried to chop the big man down with kicks to his legs instead. Vape caught him with a Double Chokeslam for his efforts, and went for the Top Rope Splash to make a pin attempt, but Tack rolled out of the way. As Vape slowly got to his feet, Tack was waiting to hit a vicious kick to the head, but remembering their last match, allowed him to get to his feet. He surprisingly attempted the Angel Driver, but just could not CLUTCH the WRIST, so he hit it without the CLUTCH and still managed to get the pin. Another win for the Star Prince.
Winner: Tack Angel via Angel Driver -> Pin

Larry Grim: And Tack Angel with the win.

Makoto Angel: This time at least it doesn't seem like Vape is going to be hospitalized. Good effort Vape. Good effort.

Larry Grim: Here's Tack with the mic. Seems like it's time to address Jammer.

Tack Angel: More booing? You figure you'd be worn out by now. I'd admire the tenacity, but it's an exercise in foolishness and futility. Want me to stoke the flames? The city we're in, that you live in presently, I find to be subpar compared to Crystal Heaven. Oh there it is! Boo me. Yes. I'm the "villain". Really if you think about it, I'm the last hero left. I'm the one willing to do what it takes despite peer pressure. A guy like Jammer, he's nothing more than the next obstacle in my way. I want to clear out yet another obstacle, so I want this match to happen. I want to walk into VE as the champ, and I'm going to walk out as the champ. However...is this REALLY all we have left to challenge? Are we at the bottom of the barrel already? It is what it is. Jammer is just another-

Jammer: Oh no. No no no no no. No. NO! Don't you dare put me in a box. Don't you DARE underestimate me. I'm not just another guy. I'm the SLAM MASTER!

Tack Angel: Oh you're the "Slam Master" huh? What does that even mean? You wanted to play basketball as a kid? I wanted to save the world. Who has the loftier ambitions. Also, who is actually following through on their dreams. You're certainly not. You can't even sink a jump shot. I know what I'm doing. I know who I am. Do you know who you're even trying to be? Do you have any clue?

Jammer: I didn't honestly. For quite some time I had no idea. I spent a long time trying to figure it out. I spent a long time trying to cope with the guilt of what I've done to try and figure it out. I know who I am now. I'm the son of a bitch that's finally going to put you in your place. I'm not looking for a jump shot here. I'm gonna dunk on you Tack! For everyone who is sick and TIRED of your bullshit! For every single one of us, cause I'm very much included! For everyone that should have beaten you if you hadn't learned to embrace the heel side you deny so much. Now, I guess I'll be doing it for Pirate Bill too, cause it's obvious that you'll step on any one that gets in your way. Now I see why you like stepping on your wives so mu-

Tack tried to land a kick on Jammer, but the Slam Master rolled out of the way. Tack went for another kick, but Jammer caught it and hit a Dragon Screw. This forced the champ out of the ring as DVNO made their way out to watch his back. Dan and Benjamin ran out to back up Jammer, and the show ended with a face off between Champion and Challenger.

Last edited by Machismo (5/02/2022 9:40 am)

Machismo · 5/04/2022 12:47 am

Crystal Heaven

The Crystal Castle was more full than usual, as new wives were finding their places in the Crystal Tower. Kids were running around, playing with their new moms as Amy walked in to check on things.

Amy Angel: Hey kids, getting to know your new moms?

Chun-Li Angel: Amy? Is that you?

Amy Angel: Chun-Li! What are you doing here?

Chun-Li & Amy both raised their hands in unison, showing off their rings.

Amy Angel: SAME HUSBAND!

Chun-Li Angel: SAME HUSBAND!

Both: SAME HUSBAND!

Both laughed as the kids looked on in curiosity.

Chun-Li Angel: I didn't even see you at the recent show.

Amy Angel: Neither did I, Tack's gotten so many wives it's getting harder and harder to keep up. We should catch up, let's go get lunch.

Chun-Li Angel: I'd love to.

Amy Angel: I just love the growing family atmosphere around here! People have it all wrong!

Chun-Li: I've been a street fighter and an interpol agent. You're going to have to help me figure out this wife thing, and Tack's obsession with wearing velvet robes of Tuesdays.

Amy Angel: Haha!

They walked off laughing together, while outside Pirate Bill was having a less than stellar day. He slowly walked off the boat, as his fellow Pirates saluted him. With a tattered bag in tow, he looked around, wondering if he'd see his familiar quarters again. He wondered at that moment where Faris was as he made his way towards town. Pirate Harry Kim clasped his hands together laughing, fully expecting a promotion at last, but just then the mast from the ship whipped around and smacked him to the floor. Pirate Bill looked back one last time before departing Crystal Heaven, having been exiled by the King. A crying Pirate Taquito ran out into the road to catch up to Bill, but a passing car ran him over.

Apple Kid: Welcome toooooo NEON NIGHTS! Where we have neon, and it's at night! It's on the nose! A bright red clown nose if you ask me. I'm Apple Kid, and don't get me wrong, I love EBW, but this is taped. I could totally do a voice over from home. Oh well, we've got some matches for you tonight, because if we didn't that would be weird right? Blood 4 Blood are in action, and the main event will see Lainey Strong take on Duvalie Angel after the shocking win over the Women's World Tag Team Champions on XP. That's worth checking out right? *sigh* At least we get some decent matches on a televised sho-

Leo Fineberg: Hey! Hold it right there! Don't finish that sentence, because I have GREAT news for you and everyone watching! Neon Nights...is moving to YOUTUBE!

Apple Kid: What?

Leo Fineberg: Of course that means you'll get paid less, but it's for a good cause. Our ENN youtube channel needs content! YEAH!

Apple Kid: ...

Leo Fineberg: ALSO, I'm pleased to announce that we'll also have a second youtube show called Neon: Devaluation!

Apple Kid: WHAT?! What is it going to be? How is it going to be different?!

Leo Fineberg: Well...it's got a different name, that is similar, but with a subtitle. ALSO, you'll be getting a super famous broadcasting partner, that we lured in from another promotion!

Apple Kid: Oh yeah? Who is it?

Leo Fineberg: ...LOBSTER MAN!

Apple Kid: ...I qui-

Leo Fineberg: GOTCHA!

Apple Kid: Huh?

Leo Fineberg: You actually fell for all of that?! What a sucker! All of that sounds awful! Who the hell would do that?! What a waste of time, money, and resources. I mean, you're on a channel starving for content. Why would we EVER put this stuff on youtube! Haha! And LOBSTER MAN?! AHAHAHAHA!

Apple Kid: ...We should...probably get to the action, but first a word from tonight's sponsors.

-

A housewife in an apron in gloves is fretting over her dirty kitchen.

Housewife: *sigh* This kitchen is SO HARD to clean! If only we had an easier way!

Vape: HI I'M VAPE!

Housewife: AH! WHO LET YOU IN MY HOUSE!

Vape: Say goodbye to daily stains and dirty surfaces, with NEEEEEW "KITCHEN GUN!"

Housewife: That looks like just a gun! Don't point it at me!

Vape: THAT SINK LOOKS FILTHY, BUT WITH JUST THREE SHOTS OF KITCHEN GUN! BANG BANG BANG! IT'S NOT LOOKING MUCH BETTER!

Housewife: THOSE ARE JUST BULLETS!

Vape: Nonsense! That greasy stove! BANG! BANG! BANG! GOOOODBYE DIRT!

Housewife: AH! STOP SHOOTING MY HOUSE!

Vape: Rusty taps?! BANG AND BANG! I LOVE YOU KITCHEN GUN!

Housewife: WATER IS SHOOTING EVERYWHERE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!

Vape: Good sponsors are suddenly VERY hard to come by! DISHES?! BANG! BANG! AHAHAHAHA! KITCHEN GUN, NOW WITH LASER SIGHT AND NIGHT VISION...FOR NIGHT CLEA-this is just a gun isn't it?

-

EBW: Neon Nights
ENN Warehouse, Saturn City
ENN

1. Singles: Subculture vs. Tad Blinko
-Subculture walked into the ring as Tad Blinko was getting a "sick rep" with his weights as Jim Derpman sprayed him down. Subculture jokingly "cocked" his fist, and laid out Tad with a single KO Punch and a pin.
Winner: Subculture via KO Punch -> Pin

2. Singles: CP Munk vs. Curry Man<3'dPW>
-CP Munk had finally moved back to EBW full time after spending more time in 3'dPW, but 3'dPW seemed to follow him in the form of 3'dPW owner Curry Man. Mr. Hot and Spicy did his usual shtick, which made it very obvious who he was under the mask to anyone in the know. I mean, the guy doesn't move differently at all, and does a lot of the same mannerisms. I guess that's part of the joke but-oh I missed it. What happened? Go 2 Munk? Oh. Go 2 Munk everyone.
Winner: CP Munch via Go 2 Munk -> Pin

Backstage

Magnum PT: Hey fans, it's me Magnum PT. When you're on the go, you only need three things. Your roller blades, your fanny pack, and a darkness in your heart that burns like a blackened flame igniting your very soul. Fear? I knew her once. *bleep*ed her twice, and left her three times. All while wearing a fanny pack, because Chief I'm SO on the GO. If you've got to ask where to go, you're not on the go. Being on the go doesn't have a destination, only a destiny, but I passed go a long time ago, and collected two hundred dollars, while wearing a fanny pack! It is not until the screaming jaws of the cosmos tear open like the zipper of a fanny pack to surrender the granola bar of oblivion, that my on the go attitude will finally be satiated. When it is, I don't know where I'll be, but I'll know what kind of go I'll be on. THE! Also, I know that I'll have this EBW Magnum PT Fanny Pack! GET YOURS TODAY!

3. Singles: Mav Valentine vs. Danny Leung
-Mav was quick to shut up Danny, and quickly hit a kick to the midsection and a Mav Buster for the pin.
Winner: Mav Valentine via Mav Buster -> Pin

Backstage

Dirk Laramie: Hey guys, it's Dirk Laramie here. We spend a lot of time drinking our Nattie Lights while talking about things like hunting, sport, vengeance, and power, but something we don't talk about enough....is self care. With how selfish and narcissistic the world has gotten, it's kind of a shock, but still. I mean we do a lot of screaming, but no one screams about self care. My therapist is always screaming, telling me it's not 1978, and my panel van isn't that cool? He's crazy right? I've never met someone who hates being punched in the jaw so much. We must rejuvenate before we can revengenate. Remember ENN Cares. EBW Cares. Do I care? Eh. Maybe. I don't wish you any particular harm.

4. 6-Woman Tag: Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox/Hilda Iceheart vs. Gold/Aoife Aisling/Alison Chains
-Competitive match? Competitive match! Seriously, this show SHOULD be on youtube, and get a fraction of the viewers, yet still more than a secondary show on television, but with a horrible time slot....or something. At least the commentary doesn't give a shit. That tracks. Erica put a stop to a 4-Way match on XP, and banded these women together in unity to avoid getting released, and they immediately went to work on the team of Gold, Aisling, and Chains. The ginger mouth as she's called had no love for Mitra Lennox and the two resumed their rivalry, but the surprise star of the match was Hilda Iceheart, who finally seemed to be clicking with her new mission statement. The ice queen blocked an Exploder attempt by Gold, and with a thumb to the eye hit a Northern Lights Suplex for the pin on the Golden Shark.
Winners: Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox/Hilda Iceheart[o] via Northern Lights Suplex on Gold -> Pin

5. Singles: Picky Minch vs. Pirate Harry Kim
-Picky rushed into the ring and hit a series of Hagen Suplexes, one after the other, as Harry Kim screamed for mercy. Picky then locked in a Heel Hook and forced the wormy bastard to submit.
Winner: Picky Minch via Heel Hook -> Submission

6. Women's Singles: Lainey Strong vs. Duvalie Angel
-Main event saw Lainey Strong take on Duvalie in singles action, ahead of what is presumed to be a tag bout for the World Tag Team Championships, after Makoto and Duvalie pulled off something of an upset over the Twin Lariats. Lainey has continued to develop into one of the more explosive and entertaining members of the roster, but she wasn't completely wise to all of Duvalie's tricks or the ways she able to implement them. The former Television Champion was able to use her concealed cord to assist in her Rear Naked Choke attempt. Lainey quickly blacked out, giving Duvalie the win via Referee Stoppage.
Winner: Duvalie via Rear Naked Choke -> Referee Stoppage

Apple Kid: Welp...that's it....see ya! Oh, we got a few more seconds? Well then, let me take this time to say that wrestling should make some sense. It should be coherent. All things should have some level of coherency, and you should've have to be explained everything. You should be able to see it for yourself. If something is happening on another show, brand, or channel, then that's not our problem, and the primary focus should be on what WE are doing. Also, you'll notice I'm an Apple kind of guy. I dress in red, and I have a stem in my hair. It's weird. However, I don't go looking for fruit people like me just because I am one. The thing with Orange was always a coincidence cause he was my neighbor. It's OK for me to not associate with other fruit people just because they are around and instead focus on doing what EBW requires me to do, which is my job. Say I knew someone named Coconut Kid from a prior thing that you never saw or heard of. How DARE I try to drop everything that I'm doing to suddenly restart that old nonsense. I SHOULD be doing what is required of me here and now, in the company that I'm in. Rant over.

Last edited by Machismo (5/04/2022 1:29 am)

Machismo · 5/04/2022 10:13 am

The Mach Farm

Trevor Mach tossed and turned again as he tried to sleep. The normal dreams and nightmares gave way to more otherworldly visions, the sound of sharp metal ripping flesh, and the sight of a shattered mirror. He bolted awake, clutching his head as tried to chase out the sights and sounds. Another rough night of sensory overload. He stumbled into the bathroom, and splashed water on his face. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed his medication, what he used to help mellow out the screaming enough to act normal. He broke the pill in half, as he tried again, possibly in vain, to reduce the need for pharmaceutical assistance. The farm helped, the family helped. This was sanctuary, but the traumas of multiple wars, and the toll it took on his mind would always reappear, even if just in the form of his hands shaking from time to time. Aggravation was higher these days. Probably from the knowledge that on the other side of town, the invasive virus was closing in on his sanctuary. He came here to escape it, escape the noise, escape the rage, just enough to be a good husband and father, but they closed in on him, like everything else, and the wolf was fighting to bare its fangs.

Trevor Mach: *to himself* Get a grip. Just get a grip. After all...you have everything you want right now, and if they try and take it, you'll go feral, so what the problem? You're not going to lose yourself...not anymore. That's over. You're in control. You're in control. Plus, look at her over there.

Trevor turned to see Tali laying face down in bed.

Trevor Mach: *to himself* As abrasive as she is, something about her makes you gentle. Makes you shy. Makes you strong. Makes you happy to be alive. She makes you whole. The wife, the kids, the animals, the farm, and even the robot at this point? Sure, why not. Whatever happens in the ring, or out there on the other side of town, you're going to get a grip. You're going to regain control. You've got this.

Trevor spit the pill out and flushed it down the drain.

Trevor Mach: *to himself* You're in control. You are in control. Get it together.

He sat back on the side of the bed and took a deep breath. Suddenly, he felt a chill up his spine, but soon realized it was Tali tracing a line up his back.

Tali Mach: Another nightmare huh?

Trevor Mach: As per usual. Sorry, I tried not to wake you.

Tali Mach: Impossible task. I'm a light sleeper.

Trevor Mach: How does your snoring not wake you up?

Tali Mach: I don't snore.

Trevor Mach: How do you know if you're asleep when you are or are not snoring?

Tali Mach: ...I can't argue with that...but I don't snore.

Trevor Mach: I could be joking. When am I not?

Tali Mach: When struggling through your various mental breakdowns?

Trevor Mach: Oh no, I try to make those funny too. Always leave your audience laughing and smiling, even when you're struggling.

Tali Mach: Now I'm the last person your should take health advice from, but I don't think that's right.

Trevor Mach: I mean it hasn't worked in 39 years, but I figure if I give it a couple more decades, I'll win the war of attrition.

Tali Mach: Over yourself?

Trevor Mach: ...Yes. *sigh* Mind if I turn on the TV?

Tali Mach: *sigh* Sure. I mean I'm awake now.

Trevor turned on the television to catch an episode of The Jimmy Swift Show already in progress.

Jimmy Swift: Welcome back to the Jimmy Swift Show, where I'm still joined by EBW Wrestling w00t, who will be competing at the Saturn Dome is mere weeks for Victory Explosion 16. Wow. That's a pretty big one huh?

w00t: A lot of big things have been going on lately Jimmy, that's just one step. First off, I want to say what a delight it is to know a Swift that is actually not an imbecile. Your cousin is quite the piece of work.

Jimmy Swift: Whoa-ho! I'm not gonna pretend he's easy to get along with, that's for sure. Haha. You were on the show a long time ago, when you still had that little hat on, and you claimed to be the trivia master, and now you're moving up in the world. You're taking on Trevor Mach in the Dome is that right? The star of the Bad Dudes movies, and an EBW veteran much like yourself?

w00t: I wouldn't call him a star or a veteran. More like a joke and a washed up loser. I'm STILL the master of trivia by the way. Did you know he's living on a farm now? Yeah, it's quite the sight. A barely functioning man child playing farmer. How DOES he look at himself in the mirror? I can tell you. He does it an angle to compensate for the lazy eye! I don't know how anyone puts up with the guy. He's autistic did you know that? Yep. Definitely on the spectrum. I mean if you look at who he is, and what he puts out into the world, you can tell he's autistic. He probably doesn't even realize how bad he is. Has to bounce his thoughts and ideas off other people to gauge just how out of touch he is. The man REFUSES to take responsibility for things, claiming they aren't his problem and he did nothing wrong. He does EVERYTHING wrong though! How can they stand it?

Jimmy Swift: They?

w00t: His wife, and anyone who claims him as a friend. The friends probably latch onto him because they don't think they can do any better, and even if he's the worst, he's something, so they settle. Tali Mach, she's no prize herself, but she could do better. Hell, she could be an Angel Wife right now! Imagine that honor, but she chooses not to to be with him?! Maybe she's got a heart after all to give so much pity huh? Look all I'm saying is that he's a garbage person, a garbage farmer, a garbage husband, and a garbage father, so how the hell does anyone think that he has a chance against me?

The TV suddenly shut off. Tali look to see Trevor staring at the black screen, gritting his teeth, and clenching his fist so tightly he was beginning to bleed. She grabbed him up the chin and turn him to her, kiss him hard as she shoved her hand under the blanket and into his boxers.

Trevor Mach: Tali?! What are you-

Tali Mach: Don't pay attention to any of that bullshit Trevor. Just focus on me right now. I know that might be hard...correction...it's definitely hard isn't it?

Trevor Mach: Suddenly, I wonder why?! I'm light headed Lady. The blood was rushing to my head and now-

Tali Mach: Your "head?" Let me see.

Tali crawled under the blanket, and suddenly Trevor's vision became blurry. He was unused to her being the aggressor in the bed room, more the type that preferred to antagonize just enough to warrant the domination coming her way. Tali came up for air as Trevor firmly planted a pillow over his face.

Tali Mach: No noise? That's no fun.

Trevor Mach: Rhea's in the next room, and I get the feeling your demon looking friend is a voyeur cuck or something.

Tali Mach: So? That's her problem. Right now, I'm trying to deal with yours. If it's a dick measuring contest with w00t you're worried about then don't. You win...hands down...hehe.

Trevor Mach: At least I got one thing good about me then.

Tali Mach: No no, the self doubt isn't a turn on Mr. Machismo. Show me how macho you really are.

Trevor Mach: You're really surprising me right now Talicious.

Tali Mach: I'm full of surprises Trevor. You should know that by now. The only thing that's for sure about Tali, is nothing's for sure.

Trevor Mach: I'm getting that, and you're showing me in the most creative ways. I feel like I've been drained of my creative juices.

Tali Mach: Not the juices I'm trying to drain.

Trevor Mach: I can tell. You've been growing out your hair again. It's hot. Can I pull on it?

Tali Mach: As per usual, you can do whatever you want.

Trevor Mach: You shouldn't give me that power.

Tali Mach: Oh, it's yours. No going back, now or ever.

Trevor quickly flipped Tali back onto her stomach, and removed the blanket to reveal she was completely naked.

Trevor Mach: Nothing to rip off!

Tali Mach: My CKs budget is going through the roof!

Trevor Mach: I just needed to get it out of my system.

Tali Mach: No, you need to get it into MY system.

Trevor buried his face into her backside so suddenly she nearly yelped, but covered her mouth with her hands and giggled to herself. She thought about what Trevor had said about Rhea, and purposely uncovered her mouth and moaned louder as his mouth and tongue penetrated her most private places. Her toes curled as he came up for air and pressed himself up behind her. She bit her lip and forced herself back against him, the headboard hitting wall, as she took in the pleasure and the pain. Her mind filled with fun thoughts she'd keep to herself for now.

On the other side of the wall, Rhea Rampage had her ear to the wall.

Rhea Rampage: That dick head! How DARE he call me a voyeur cuck! I'm only listening cause I wanted to know what was going on! I'm only doing...other stuff...cause I feel like it! DAMMIT! I'm so angry! Why am I still listening?!

Last edited by Machismo (5/04/2022 10:40 am)

Machismo · 5/06/2022 7:33 am

Angel Corp Moon Base 2335

Viewtiful Trevor looked around the Moon Base, searching for M's Style, when he came across Justice Mach, staring up at the dome that encompassed the base, looking beyond it into the starry sky.

Viewtiful Trevor: That's uh...that's quite the few huh?

Justice Mach: Huh? Oh! Uh...yeah...it...it really is.

Viewtiful Trevor: So...are you like...an astronaut or something?

Justice Mach: ...Or something. It's...it's a long story.

Viewtiful Trevor: I guess all of this is. Some dumb machine that Jeff made brought us here. I didn't...uh...did I ever mention this happening...when you were a-

Justice Mach: A kid? No, this is new to me. I really feel like you would have mentioned it too. You've always had a gift for gab.

Viewtiful Trevor: Family trait. Definitely a family trait. So you're the spifftacular son of myself and M's? I still can't get over it. She hates my guts you know.

Justice Mach: Heh. No she doesn't. It's complicated, but it all works out. I don't know how much I should even say.

Viewtiful Trevor: The whole thing is a mess to begin with. Lots more questions than answers. Speaking of which, what are you doing here? I mean you ARE my son right?

Justice Mach: I am. That's a long story too. Hard to explain, but uh...think Buck Rogers?

Viewtiful Trevor: Oh! I understand that reference!

Justice Mach: Yeah. I know. You made me watch it a lot as a kid.

Viewtiful Trevor: I did? Was it THAT bad?

Justice Mach: No. No, it wasn't bad at all. I miss those times a lot.

Viewtiful Trevor: Are you...stuck here?

Justice Mach: ...Not exactly...but I didn't end up here by choice.

Viewtiful Trevor: Neither did I, but now...I'm kind of glad I ended up here. You know...they might be able to bring you along with us. You could maybe find your way home.

Justice Mach: Thanks but...no thanks. This is home now. I just wish I could talk to my Dad, I mean from the time I left, so I could tell him something important.

Viewtiful Trevor: Oh yeah?

Justice Mach: Sorry about his car.

Viewtiful Trevor: ...Oh no.

Justice Mach: Yeah.

M's Style watched on from a distance away, while her head began to overwhelmingly hurt. She clutched it, hearing voices that were not her own, as Jeff Andonuts and Faris Angel walked up to calm her down.

Jeff Andonuts: Tali? Tali. Please calm down. Deep breath. Deep breathing.

M's Style: Don't call me that!

Jeff Andonuts: Sorry! Sorry! M's. M's Style.

Faris Angel: Do you need help?

M's Style: I need a lot of things, but I don't need help from you. Wait, I take that back, I DO want help. I want to be put back where I belong! I'm not supposed to be here! My head has been killing me! I just want to go back!

Jeff Andonuts: We'll take you back as soon as we can. Believe me when I say, we don't want to disrupt the timeline any more than we already have. We have to be here though, because somewhere in this time and place Earth-5 is going to pop up again. Darkness Angel is not one to take lightly if it's him. I thought the man was dead, but I guess not.

Faris Angel: Did he not nearly kill Trevor one time?

Jeff Andonuts: As close to nearly as you can get.

M's Style: ...That goof over there gets killed by this guy?

Jeff Andonuts: More or less?

M's Style: ...

Faris Angel: He comes back later...in 1992...as a Reaper. Yeah...it gets complicated.

M's Style: This is too stupid. Get out of my way.

Jeff Andonuts: She really doesn't want to be here. I can understand why. She's got forces inside of her fighting that she may or may not even know about at this point.

Faris Angel: HER?

Jeff Andonuts: HER.

Jackson Kain: People! Gather around! We have a sighting! Justice here has been listening to transmissions, and apparently, the Starmen of Earth-5 have shown up on Mars.

Degrees: Mars?! Great! We're here on the mo-

Justice Mach: I've got a spaceship.

Degrees: Of course you do! Of course he's got a spaceship. It's the future after all. Everyone has a spaceship I bet.

Justice Mach: Hardly. Mecha Bidet caused an artificial ship shortage and-

Degrees: Sounds horrible. We need to get moving! Let's go people!

Johnathan Tack: Mars huh? I've always loved Mars! What language do they speak there?

Justice Mach: Eaglish!

Johnathan Tack: Huh. Eaglish? I'm guessing that's like English. Why Eaglish though?

Justice Mach: Well it's not like we're going to Venus.

Johnathan Tack: ...Right.

The cameras panned around the domed colony on the side of a red mountain, as red dust blew in the air into the red sky. Everything was super red. That's what Paul Verhoven told me, and I'm sticking to it!

Nerdler: Welcome to the Red Planet! That's right, I'm on freaking Mars! Sorry, I'm just baffled at where this "experience" is taking me. We're here for #EVER 2.0, and we have some amazing action for you tonight. The word was that a Mars mining colony had been over run by these Starmen, and anybody who watches EBW knows how annoying those guys can be. We have our own uh...stable of talent ready to lock up with these dimension hopping offenders, BUUUUT upon landing on Mars, we were joined by bounty hunter extraordinaire Samus Aran.

Samus Aran: *helmet still on* Mmmfrrmmm Mmrmrmrmr. Mrfmmrfm.

Nerdler: Umm...the helmet?

Samus Aran: *helmet off* Oh! Sorry! I just spent weeks mopping up Metroids, cause scientists can't help themselves!

Nerdler: I'm so confused about this, because where I come from...which is not here AT ALL...you're a wrestling for Nintendo Championship Wrestling.

Samus Aran: Huh? I don't know what that is. What a coincidence! I just came here because Adam sent me, with a false positive of Metroids. Turns out to be these mechanical monsters, so an Other M essentially.

Nerdler: Other M huh?

Degrees: That's a reference Nerdler. You're about one year from getting it.

Nerdler: Neat!

Degrees: It's really not.

Nerdler: Oh.

Degrees: Samus, you might be from a different part of your history, in which case, forget everything we JUST talked about.

Samus Aran: Yeah alright.

Faris Angel: It's weird though, cause I've met you personally, and my husband is a HUGE fan of-

Degrees: I'm trying NOT to contaminate things here Faris.

Faris Angel: MY BAD!

Degrees: Well Samus, you want a shot at this, so you're up first. I see two of them though. You want Faris to team up with you?

Faris Angel: I'm ready to-

?: NOT NECESSARY! I'M HERE TOO TO SAVE THE DAY!

Faris Angel: Huh?

Degrees: Patty Wagon?!

Patty Wagon: That's SPACE COP Patty Wagon to you Degrees! You guys went and did it again. A HUGE temporal incursion like that? You think we WOULDN'T find it?! You're in a lot of trouble.

Degrees: Can it wait!? We've got company!

Samus Aran: I'll handle this.

Patty Wagon: NO! Cybernetic Peace Officer Patricia Wagon will assist you. We'll BOTH handle this.

Degrees: Hey, we got a match!

Nerdler: Take it to the ring ladies!

#EVER 2.0
Mars Mining Colony, Mars 2335
ENN

1. Mixed? Tag: Samus Aran/Patty Wagon vs. Starman #103/Starman #209
-A frantic opener, as Samus Aran, knowing little of wrestling, and Patty Wagon, being a secret huge wrestling mark locked up with the two Starmen from Earth-5. Patty kept trying to cuff and search the Starmen, but got herself trapped in a Starman Suplex. Degrees and Faris had to tell Samus to quickly enter the ring and break up the pin. She did so by powering up her arm cannon and obliterating Starman #103. Patty tagged out to Samus, who tried to simply blast the other Starman, who used it's sharp appendages to damage her arm cannon. She decked the space alien, and went to the top rope and transformed into her Morph Ball state to drop down on #209 and actually pinned him.
Winners: Samus Aran[o]/Patty Wagon via Morph Ball Splash on #209 -> Pin

Nerdler: Oh wow! A match that ended with a Starman being pinned and not blown up! I'm impre-

As the Starman got up, Samus grabbed Patty Wagon's side arm and blasted the Starman until it exploded.

Nerdler: Oh...there it is.

Jackson Kain: I love it when we outsource our job. It's entertaining AND it gives me movie ideas. A Space Bounty Hunter and Space Cop join forces to battle cosmic threats. They are BOTH women who are scantily clad and HOT!

Nerdler: I could see that getting made!

Jackson Kain: ...For that reason ALONE I miss 2000's. 2022 is a nightmare for movies Nerdler. A NIGHTMARE! They didn't even cast me for Twister 4: Return of the Extreme.

Nerdler: There is a Twister two and three?

Jackson Kain: That jackass Trevor got the part of voicing and doing mocap for the twister. The mocap is literally him just spinning around!

Nerdler: ...This is all interesting, but what brings you out right now Kain? Do you have a match?

Jackson Kain: Oh I WILL be in a match tonight, don't worry fans, but Ranger Black here is on the hunt for Faris-5, you seen that hottie? She's amazing! Natural purple hair, and big ti-

Faris Angel: Were you asking for me Jackson?

Jackson Kain: Huh? No. The other one. The REAL BABE...no offense.

Faris Angel: We look EXACTLY the same!

Jackson Kain: Uh...yeah...sure. *rolls eyes* Oh wait...there she is in the ring. What's she doing?

Faris-5: AHAHAHA! Now is my time to return to the Darkness Empire! Darkness Angel, my King, please take me back! PLEASE! I'M RIGHT HERE! LET ME JOIN YOU IN CRUSHING OUR FOES! Darkness Angel? My King?! COME ON! THIS SUCKS!

M's Style: Alright, that's enough. I'm in a terrible mood, and if I have to be the one to shut you up, then I'll shut you up!

2. Women's Singles: M's Style vs. Faris-5
-M's Style was quick to take Faris-5 to the mat to get her to shut up. She picked her up by her hair and smashed his head repeatedly into the turnbuckle. Faris-5 elbowed her to the head to counter, and the two put on a match that didn't involve aliens or explosions, which was, you know different for #EVER 2.0 so far. The now angered M's tackled Faris-5 to the ground and unleashed a flurry of punches. Eventually, Faris-5 managed to escape and get some offense on M's when she hit a high knee. She was quick to drag M's away from the ropes by her hair before locking in the Figure-4 Leglock. The chants for M's by the curious and entertained Martian miners continued, as she fought through the pain and dragged herself to the ropes. Faris-5 let up the lock, but then dragged M's to the center of the ring again and put it back on. Once again M's had to get to the ropes only this time when Faris-5 let go of the lock M's kicked her in the back of the head. This bought Sexy Strong Style enough time to get to her feet and hit a missile dropkick on Faris-5 that sent her to the outside. As she climbed back up, M's got in her face again and a chopping match ensued. M's won the exchange and lifted Faris-5 for the Go 2 Sleep for the pin and the win.
Winner: M's Style via Go 2 Sleep -> Pin

Nerdler: Wow! Watch a match! M's Style's got it! Jackson is carrying Faris-5 out of the ring, and Faris Angel just looks so confused about the whole thing. Oh well. We have had quite the time on Mars of the future. We tried eating at an establishment here, and it....well it got complicated...just a bit.

Saturn Cafe - Mars Branch

Earlier in the day, Nerdler, Johnathan Tack, Viewtiful Trevor, and Jeff Andonuts all sat down at the establishment, confused about what to order.

Viewtiful Trevor: Now see, I thought Taco Bell won the franchise wars.

Nerdler: I don't know what half of this food is.

Johnathan Tack: Do they have diet soda? Is that still a thing?

Waiter: Of course it is sir, but we're still attempting to make it taste as good as the real thing.

Johnathan Tack: ...I'll just have a iced tea with lemonade please.

Waiter: Yes sir. Newcomers, may I suggest a platter of our finest Martian cuisine?

Viewtiful Trevor: Yeah that! Let's do that.

Nerdler: How are we gonna pay for it?

Viewtiful Trevor: I'm sure my son has got us covered. He seems pretty cool.

The waiter quickly returned with a large assortment of off food, some of it still moving.

Viewtiful Trevor: Oh good, they still have chicken on a stick. That's my favorite!

Johnathan Tack: Uh...how does any of this actually taste?

Waiter: I wouldn't know sir. I'm a synthetic human. We don't have taste buds. We are merely workers, performing a task.

Jeff Andonuts: This is all quite depressing.

Waiter: Do you not serve the same function? Your robotic leg is exposed.

Jeff Andonuts: That's a prosthetic! I lost it a long time ago, and a time far away from now, and here, but not here.

Waiter: ....Error processing. Sir, do you not have the funds to simply grow a new limb?

Jeff Andonuts: Grow a new limb?

Waiter: Correct. Any med center can do it. They will clone a limb from your DNA and attach it within hours.

Jeff Andonuts: Is that right? Well my friends enjoy the meal. Try not to mess with time. I'll be back!

Viewtiful Trevor: Hehe, he could like, attach the metal leg in between the two real ones and-

Nerdler: Yeah, I think we get the picture.

Waiter: Oh forgive me, I'm sure none of you have ever used Martian Anti-Gravity Chop Sticks made by Vapeco.

Nerdler: What these things? The spinning things? You use these to eat? I mean of course you do. We know what we're doing here...surely.

Waiter: We also have Jovian Booglehoops, and the often deadly Mercurian Boomerang Spoons.

Viewtiful Trevor: ...Sounds rad.

Johnathan Tack: Yeah what he said.

Nerdler: I don't even remember what a fork looks like.

Johnathan Tack: Don't let a few tomato stains on Trevor here delude you from thinking we're not sophisticated.

Viewtful Trevor: ...I'm pretty sure that's blood.

Waiter: Please remembers sirs, I'm only synthetic. You do not need to put on any type of facade. I only wish to serve.

Viewtiful Trevor: ...Some forks would be great.

Nerdler: And spoons.

Johnathan Tack: A bib too please?

Viewtiful Trevor: ...

Johnathan Tack: What? I'm trapped on this journey with one set of clothes.

Viewtiful Trevor: Oh dang that's actually a good point. You guys...uh...wanna toast?

Johnathan Tack: Sure. To my home planet currently being invaded by the evil Queen Talena. I sure hope it's in one peace when I get back.

Nerdler: To this mission we're being dragged on. I sure hope it turns out.

Viewtiful Trevor: Here's to getting back home, making M's fall in love with me, and then going to Bushido to deck Little Mac right in the schnoz!

-

Back in the ring, Degrees and Jackson Kain transformed into their suit,s ready for a fight with Starmen, and sure enough a Super Starman appeared in the ring, carrying the flag of war from Earth-5, but he was joined by a larger, imposing figure in a metal suit.

Degrees: Something new.

Jackson Kain: Not just sending cronies this time. Still, how bad could it be?

3. Tag: Degrees/Jackson Kain vs. Metal Soldier/Super Starman-5
-The Metal Soldier ran through the two heroes, and surprised them with his ability in the ring. Using his power moves, and human like movements, it became clear he wasn't a machine or Starman, but something different entirely. Jackson Kain managed to make the Super Starman-5 go BOOM with a Shadow Kick, but Degrees fell prey to a surprising move, the POUNCE! with some added metal impact. 1-2-3?!
Winners: Masked Soldier[o]/Super Starman-5 via METAL POUNCE! on Degrees -> Pin

Nerdler: Whoa wait what?! The bad guys won?! I was not expecting that. The Metal Soldier was able to beat Degrees, but how? I mean, who could he possibly-

The Metal Solider removed his face plate, to reveal General Swift-5 from Earth-5, with a device attached to his neck and completely whited out eyes.

Nerdler: ...Oh. Uh...EVERYBODY RUN!

Viewtiful Trevor: Swift?! Wait we're cheesing it? We're cheesing it. CHEESE IT!

Last edited by Machismo (5/07/2022 8:21 am)

Machismo · 5/07/2022 1:48 pm

Ninten: Ninten here, and I'm feeling buff and ready! Lucas, you're in for a world of hurt at Victory Explosion. In the DOME, I'm going to prove once and for all who the superior protagonist is. I mean, you don't have to be a psychic to see how this is going to work out. I mean look at me. Exhibit A.

Ninten: Such a handsome boy I was right? So bright, happy, and ready for adventure! I inspired the look of Ness, and his whole psychic boy gimmick. I was the OG. I battled Giygus in my day too ya know! I say it like I'm so old, but that was just in 198X, so I'm only 3X years old. No big deal. Now, I present Exhibit B!

Ninten: Look at this little whiner! I mean I got home sick too ya know, but...then again my mom and brother didn't die. Huh...this one got away from me. That's just depressing, but that's part of the point right? It's depressing. He's depressing! I'm going to beat you Lucas...but like...sorry I brought up the family stuff...SORRY I DIDN'T DO IT EARLI-no I can't even do that. That's just mean. I'm not mean. I'm just real Earthbound and he's not. That's literally all this boils to. We have a big Xcite for you as Victory Explosion 16 quickly approaches. Bask in the matchy goodness, but remember, we'll also hear from the Royal Flush holder himself Tack Angel, as he'll be the guest commentator for the whole show! Say isn't Sal on commentary for Xcite? Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh boy. Oh, and we have the card for Victory Explosion 16 as well. Figured you might want to see the finished thing at some point. There ya go.

EBW: Xcite
Zombie U, Threed
ENN

0. IGNITION Women's Television #1 Contender: Mitra Lennox vs. Aoife Aisling vs. Alison Chains vs. Gold
0. IGNITION 6-Man Tag: Subculture/Picky Minch/Mav Valentine vs. Dirk Laramie/Rand/Chuck Pucky
0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. Giorno Giovanna
1. Singles: Colby Roads vs. Zyro Kurogane
2. Women's Singles: Wendy Mustang vs. Makoto Angel
3. Tag: Bashin Dan/Benjamin vs. Brandish X/The Auditor
4. EBW Women's Television Championship: Jenny James(c) vs. TBD
5. Singles: Jammer vs. Cadmus

EBW: Victory Explosion 16
Saturn Dome, Saturn City
ENN+

1. Special Grudge: Ninten vs. Lucas
2. No Rules Singles: Benjamin vs. The Auditor
3. Women's World Tag Team Championship: Lainey Strong(c)/Wendy Mustang(c) vs. Makoto Angel/Duvalie Angel
4. Singles: Jaden Yuki vs. Zyro Kurogane
5. 6-Man Tag: Subculture/Mav Valentine/Picky Minch vs. Hazen/Cadmus/CP Munk
6. Singles: Amigo vs. Kinniku Mike
7. Loser Leaves EBW: Hope Mach vs. Sunny Malibu
8. The Revenge: w00t vs. Trevor Mach
9. EBW Women's World Championship: Christina Angel(c) vs. Tali Mach<MCW>
10. The Ultimate Wager: Void vs. Bashin Dan
11. EBW Triple Crown World Championship: Tack Angel(c) vs. Jammer

-

-

The Mach Farm

Trevor Mach's TUE team awoke in the barn, as a loud sound startled them all awake. Mr. Scary fell from the second floor into a pile of hay.

They went outside to see a laughing Trevor and Tali on his motorbike, ramping and doing doughnuts in a big dirt patch turned into a makeshift track for their bikes. Trevor would ramp the dirt and spin in the air as many times as possible before hitting the ground. They couple would laugh at each failed attempt, while their children playfully cheered them on at the sidelines as Robo kept them out of the danger zone.

Mr. Scary: Ugh. That's our coach...waking us up at the crack of dawn, bragging about his happy life.

Jason the 2nd: That's great! Oh, he's trying to ramp my tank! Don't scratch Sophia!

Rei Hino: I can't get a read on this Tali Mach. She's not what I expected at all.

Cherry Akintola: It is good to see our coach enjoying himself. This place is his sanctuary after all. My tribe has a saying. "Even a wolf gets to win now and then."

Several laps around, had Tali's longer hair blowing in air, as she laughed trying to hold it all down.

Tali Mach: THIS IS QUITE A BUMPY RIDE!

Trevor Mach: SUCH IS LIFE! YOU WANT OFF?

Tali Mach: ...NOT A CHANCE!

Trevor Mach: HANG ON! HAHAHA!

As the Machs continued to enjoy their morning together, another set of eyes was watching in the distance through binoculars.

w00t: Heh. Pathetic. He knows the jig is up, so he's trying to enjoy what time he has left I assume. All of this "fun" is going to make him weak.

Otto Mann: It is possible through my computations that Trevor Mach finds strength and inspiration through his family.

w00t: It's bullshit Otto Mann. Ignore those computations. What we see is a man on borrowed time, and our team is going to absolutely CRUSH Team Mach. Make no mistake.

Otto Mann: It appears you would be making the mist-

w00t: SHUSH!

Later, Trevor was driving his Coyote X slowly, with Justice on his shoulders, as he honked the horn to get his trainees to run faster. He was laughing as Mr. Scary tripped, and reached up to cover Justice's eyes when he almost ran him over. He drove them down the road for miles, as the sun rose over the horizon.

Narrator: Over the course of several weeks, the recruits have been training hard, learning just how difficult the wrestling business can be. The toughest sport in the world if you don't count explosion snooker. That might be the most dangerous considering it kills someone every time they play. After a morning a of cardio, Trevor and his students were busy doing squats in the barn ring.

Mr. Scary: This is unbearable! It's not fun! It's not scary at all! How will leg strength help me stab someone...with kindness of course. I'm not crazy...just scary.

Trevor Mach: You're not even that. If you're mad though, use that. Let it push you further. No one ever gained anything without a little pain. We've got two big matches today, and Scary, you're going to be up first. Then Cherry Akintola I think.

Rei Hino: Why not me sir?

Trevor Mach: Keep doing those squats. You'll thank me later. It's usually squats that give me my mobility after I wake up from a particularly rough night.

Rei Hino: Unable to sleep?

Trevor Mach: ...Let's go with that. Rei, you're going to fail right now. You're sinking. You've had your eyes on that damn Mars belt the entire time you've been here.

Rei Hino: It is my purpose.

Trevor Mach: Your purpose is to win! Do NOT stop those squats! Tali has that belt, and she rocks the fuku better than you do! That sort of rhymed! I don't know why I'm yelling that part! You can prove yourself against her AFTER you succeed! Right now, you're not paying attention, and for a guy like me that has to fight to pay attention, I can tell you that when you take your eye off the ball, you're going to get hurt! We don't train victims here. We train wrestling machines! You will fail! You'll sink! Ships don't sink because of the water around them. They sink because of the water that gets in them. Don't let what's happening around you, get inside of you! It's going to weight you down! Believe me, it's a *bleep*ing NIGHTMARE! Focus on the task! Do the squats! Take the bumps! Put in the work! WIN!

Rei Hino: ...YES SIR!

Jason the 2nd: Am I letting you down too sir?

Trevor Mach: Who you? No, you're cool man. You've got a tank, and that's awesome. I just want to put Scary to the test to see if any of this is getting through.

Mr. Scary: I will be very victorious AND very scary!

Trevor Mach: ...I wish we could've gotten Slayer. He's actually a killer zombie, and that's cool.

Mr. Scary: HEY!

On the other side of town, w00t, "Lady M's", and Tracy Angel all sat in a cart, as the recruits pulled it through mud and muck in the yard.

w00t: Pull harder, and do it in sync! You're all off on your timing!

"Lady M's": Do NOT get hurt down there. If you do, you have to compete anyways. Just letting you know.

Tracy Angel: I don't think any of your are going to be worthy at this rate.

Trixie Gamble: You can bet on m-me!

Tracy Angel: Can I? Then show me!

w00t: Let this be a lesson, you need to work together to make the cart move, but at the end of the day, do you want to be the one pulling the cart, or do you want to be the one IN the cart! I'm calling your shots, because I found my place in the grand scheme. Either you find yours, or you'll get cast aside like trash!

Tony Wonder: Urg! *cough cough* He-hey w00t...you know that card I asked you to pick earlier? Look in your p-p-pocket! Is that it?

w00t: No...and don't put things in my pocket again.

Tony Wonder: Y-yeah that was the real trick. Getting it into your pocket! Waaa-OW! T-Tony Wonder. Waaaa!

Otto Mann: I could easily convert this cart in my Ottomobile, and drive it out of the-

w00t: You'd be missing the point Otto Mann! I swear I only picked you to keep you off Team Mach. Have you been studying what I told you to?

Otto Mann: Indeed. The dictators of the world all seem to wield a lot of power sir, but something always happens...they fail.

w00t: Do they or do they change tactics. A two party system is just two party dictatorship. People controlled by a system. That's power Otto, and when you wield that power, you can make real change, and that includes what you do in the ring. Do anything you have to, rules be dammed. The victors write the history. It won't matter how you get there. Do you understand what I'm saying to you.

Otto Mann: ...Yes sir.

w00t: Good.

Jubly Renesme: Sir, I protest-

w00t: Of course you do.

Jubly Renesme: I protest that I have to compete in the women's division! I designate as a man this week!

w00t: ...Is that right?

Jubly Renesme: That's right, and you WILL respect my pronouns and gender, because that's literally all I am! Showing my sex organs to children and showing them how I have sex is all I have!

w00t: ...You're a bit too extreme even for me Jubly. Take out that aggression on your opponent huh?

Jubly Renesme: Cherry Akintola is a proud woman of color! She and I should both be protesting together and-

w00t: She doesn't respect your pronouns, and doesn't believe men can give birth. She can also define what a woman is.

Jubly Renesme: I'LL KILL HER!

w00t: I thought so.

"Lady M's": Some of that control you were talking about right there.

Tracy Angel: You were also quite good at manipulation though. Glad you're using it for our side.

w00t: Ladies, I thought I was the best at it...until Tack showed me what he was really capable of.

-

Narrator: The time had finally come for the first showcase of just what these new recruits could do. Trained by the coaches in a brand new environment from previous seasons meant that the stage of the battles would also be different. The training barn had the only ring for miles, and so Team w00t set foot onto the Mach Farm.

Tali Mach: Here they come. Want me to kill them?

Trevor Mach: No...maybe...no...the kids are here.

Tali Mach: Right.

Rhea Rampage: Were you really going to let her do that if they weren't?

Trevor Mach: Wouldn't you like to know?

Rhea Rampage: It is why I asked yes.

Trevor Mach: Too bad.

Tali Mach: I was just joking anyways...maybe.

w00t: This place is a dump Machs. What could you possibly see in it?

Trevor Mach: It's not so bad. I mean sure, the pens have some pig shit, and that was the worst thing about it, right until you stepped foot on my property.

w00t: So clever.

Trevor Mach: I was going more of accuracy.

w00t: Uh-huh. So we're doing this in that barn huh? I sure hope you wiped it down.

Trevor Mach: It is what it is w00t. You can get in there and let your team fight mine, or you could leave with your tail between your legs and take the massive L.

Tali Mach: Third option includes buckshot in your chest, cause you're on our property, and yes, we do have guns.

w00t: Oh I'm sure you do.

"Lady M's": Relax "sis", we'll slum it here to witness your humiliation.

Tracy Angel: Anyone on Team Mach want to defect? Now would be a good time.

Mr. Scary: Well actual-

Trevor Mach: We're all good here. Let's do this.

1. TUE Men's Eliminator: Mr. Scary vs. Otto Man
-On one side you had a would be psycho killer and on the other end, a man created from computers, who may or may not just be hard light, but if that were true, how is constantly projected, and how does he actually see? If he eyes aren't real then-never mind. Questions for later. Scary brought the knife into the ring, but Trevor grabbed it, and told him to get serious. Scary had experience for years in VBW, so that wasn't going to be too much of an issue. He knew enough in the ring, but Otto Man seemed to have an unfair advantage, having no wear and tear, but a comprehensive knowledge of wrestling in a short amount of time. He mimicked w00t's mat based style that opened opponents up for the wKo, but instead hit an impressive C4 on Scary. A glitch in Otto Mann's system forced him back several frames and saw him repeatedly hitting the C4 on Scary. For him it was the first time every time, but for Scary he was aware of every single one of them, screaming for mercy until Otto finally sorted himself out and pinned Scary for the win.
Winner: Otto Man via C4.gif -> Pin

w00t: HAHA! YEAH! Team w00t with the win! We're beating you Mach! It's happening!

Trevor Mach: Well, I never had faith that Scary could pull it off, cause he's a punk in robes that tried to *bleep* my wife, so whatever. That being said, I really think Otto Mann is too OP considering the impossibility he just performed. Whatever. Jason take notes, not to fall into that move. Don't let him even try it. Just in case.

w00t: What makes you think he'll survive to face Otto Mann?!

Trevor Mach: Because your other guy is Tony Wonder. He's choking on the scarf he's trying to pull out of his mouth.

Tony Wonder: *cough cough* Part of the trick! Waaa! Tony Wonder!

Trevor Mach: I learned how to do that shit playing a clown you loser, and let's not forget who truly has the ever so clever tricks around here. Tony Wonder is going down. I'd put money on it.

Otto Mann: I apologize for my glitching. Something appears wrong. In the future, I will switch my settings differently, so as to make things more fair and-

w00t: No no, don't say things like that! We'll uh...we'll talk about it later OK. For now sit back, and let's revel in our clean sweep. Go humiliate them Jubly!

Jubly Renesme: She's identifies as her, I identify as them.

w00t: I thought you were a man.

Jubly Reneseme: HOW DARE YOU!

w00t: *sigh* Just get in there. Remember, she's pro-life, and doesn't want teachers *bleep*ing kids.

Jubly Renesme: REEEEE!

w00t: Yes. Reeee.

Mr. Scary: *cough cough* Sorry I let you down Coach.

Trevor Mach: You never stopped doing that, but I won't give up on you. You'll keep training to actually be a good wrestler on the roster.

Mr. Scary: Awesome.

Trevor Mach: But...you're on pig shit cleaning duty.

Mr. Scary: Not nearly as awesome. I'll scare the pigs into subservience. That's what I'll do.

Trevor Mach: ...Don't do anything weird to my pigs.

Mr. Scary: What are you doing to do with the pigs? Kill them and eat them? Very sadistic, very scary.

Trevor Mach: What?! No! I just like having them!

Mr. Scary: Oh.

2. TUE Women's Eliminator: Cherry Akintola vs. Jubly Renesme
-The two locked up early and went back-and-forth with a series of reversals. Cherry ended the stalemate with a stiff dropkick to Jubly’s face. Cherry went to the top and hit a cross body for a two count. Jubly whipped her into the corner, and caught Cherry with a boot to the face, then hit a dropkick which sent her to the outside. Jubly hit a cannonball senton outside the ring onto Cherry. Trevor yelled for Cherry to get the action back into the ring, and keep the "weirdo" on the mat. Back in the ring Jubly hit a suplex on Cherry for a two count. Jubly went for the Trans Rights Splash, but Cherry wasn't having it, and was able to get her knees up in time. Cherry hit a Cherry Dragon Suplex, and tried following it up with a running knee, but Jubly rolled her up for a two count. Cherry hit a diving knee strike and got a very close count as Jubly barely kicked out. Cherry went to the top, but Trevor shouted for her to get down, and get serious. She jumped down and mounted Jubly, laying in elbows, and grinding them across Jubly's face. She laid them in until Jubly claimed discrimination. When that didn't work, Jubly was flipped to her stomach, and I was just told I'm in trouble for calling the obvious girl a girl. She's female dammit! Cherry put in a Crossface, but the woman who is a woman grabbed the ropes. Having worn down Jubly, Cherry Akintola lifted Jubly Renesme for the Sweet Cherry Landslide and the 1-2-3.
Winner: Cherry Akintola via Sweet Cherry Landslide -> Pin

w00t: NO! DAMMIT! NO!

Trevor Mach: Stalemate! Now you're really screwed too, because Tack won't be too happy if you hurt Rei here, and Jason is going to demolish Tony Wonder!

w00t: We'll just see about that! I have orders. Win at all costs. Win doesn't just mean beat you here. It means defeat you in all ways. That's why we moved to this hell hole.

Trevor Mach: And I've been doing everything I can not to think about it. I'm remembering that Jimmy Swift segment and wondering why I haven't battered you for that yet now that that I think about it.

w00t: Touch me and I'll sue. I'll make sure this farm, your farm....becomes Tack's farm.

Trevor Mach: ...

w00t: Remember the lesson. Take responsibility for your actions. Tack showed how it's done with you. If you hit me, you lose this place. It will be YOUR fault. Then again...what if we were to make a wager that might interest you. Something to change things up for Victory Explosion. Raise the stakes.

Trevor Mach: Go on.

w00t: Winners gets Smalltown. Simple as that.

Trevor Mach: If I win you'll leave?

w00t: And when I win you'll leave. Deal?

Trevor Mach: Fine. Doesn't matter, if we do it this way or another way. This town ain't big enough for the both of us.

w00t: Couldn't agree more.

Last edited by Machismo (5/09/2022 12:14 am)

Machismo · 5/09/2022 10:42 am

Zombie U - Locker Room

Dirk Laramie was taping up his wrists and taking a sip of his beer, when Rand came into the locker room panicking, his truck hat disheveled on top of his head.

Rand: Egads!

Dirk Laramie: Uh...Rand? You OK there buddy?

Rand: Forgive my uncouth appearance, but there is a matter of great import taking place just outside of this door.

Dirk Laramie: Well...this I gotta see.

The two of them poked their heads outside of the door to see across from them in catering, that Pucky was sitting with Alison Chains.

Chuck Pucky: Chains, let me just start off by saying there is no other place I'd rather be than with you here right now. That being said, what's stopping us from taking this over to the five star dumpling place I saw on yelp.

Alison Chains: We're...wrestling tonight?

Chuck Pucky: You are an absolute stallion.

Alison Chains: You're a horse face.

Chuck Pucky: I won't rest until I get even a shoulder pat from you.

Alison Chains: That would be the most a man has gotten from me in a long time.

Chuck Pucky: You ever been sittin' across from someone, trying to have a normal conversation, fighting ever urge inside yourself to just scream "YEAH!"

Alison Chains: *holding back laughter* Shut the *bleep* up Pucky.

Chuck Pucky: I never let myself be so vulnerable with someone. Feels amazing.

Alison Chains: You're a lot dude, and I think one of your teeth is falling out in real time.

Chuck Pucky: God, I'd be good to ya.

Alison Chains: Yeah?

Chuck Pucky: I'd be good to ya like crazy.

Alison Chains: How good?

Chuck Pucky: Like you wake up in the morning, I'm right there bein' good to ya.

Alison Chains: That's actually unsettling. There goes the tooth by the way.

Chuck Pucky: I'll honor ya till the day I die, I swear it.

Alison Chains: From the guy notorious for wheeling the mothers of his two closest friends.

Chuck Pucky: They're not my friends, and their mothers are wheeling me.

Alison Chains: Uh-huh. Well I need to get ready. Nice talking to you Pucky.

Chuck Pucky: I'd do anything for ya!

Alison Chains: Oh yeah? Hmmm. Let's see. Give Rand his first name back.

Pucky: Done.

Alison Chains: Done?

Pucky: Done.

Alison Chains: Huh. Maybe you are serious. I'll you around...Pucky.

Dirk Laramie: What the hell are we witnessing here? Pucky's got a heart of gold? Impossible.

Chuck Rand: It would appear my name has returned to me.

Dirk Laramie: How does that work?

Chuck Rand: It just does.

Pucky: Hey, the *bleep* out of my way boys. I gotta get some reps in before I bash some skulls. Give your balls a tug you tit*bleep*ers.

Dirk Laramie: That was nice over there Pucky.

Chuck Rand: I do be appreciating the return of my na-

Pucky: Shut the *bleep* up, you're both pathetic as *bleep*. Dirk, I told em to put a bear trap next to the dumpster so you'd stop rummaging in there. Go back to the bush to forage for *bleep*ing berries. You're like Winnie the Pooh, go put some honey in you tummy.

Chuck Rand: Now Pucky, let's-

Pucky: Take Christopher Robin over there with ya. Go back to the desert bar you treatsa pizza face. I've never seen two men so womanly, and I wore a *bleep*ing dress for Halloween last year. Looked great on me, looked better on your Mom's bedroom floor. They're both so desperate to have me back, I've got them running around town playing my Poke'man Go.

Dirk Laramie: *bleep* you Pucky.

Pucky: *bleep* you Dirk. *bleep* you both. Get out of my way, face, and life you jackasses.

Dirk Laramie: ...That Pucky is...definitely in love. You can tell. I'm happy for our buddy.

Chuck Rand: This could be either good or bad for us though. It's been noted that whenever someone finds a love interest in EBW, they immediately rise up the ranks. No one knows how it happens....or why it happens...maybe the universe is that basic and formulaic...but in any case...if he finds love he could be shot straight up the card, and we may or may not go with him.

Dirk Laramie: But I have to get over this time! We need to watch his back...and foster this love...so he'll take us with him.

EBW: IGNITION
Zombie U, Threed
ENN+

0. IGNITION Women's Television #1 Contender: Mitra Lennox vs. Aoife Aisling vs. Alison Chains vs. Gold
-The opening match saw a women's 4-Way for the #1 Contender spot against Television Champion Jenny James, that would take place on Xcite, so you're paying for a match that will lead to a match that airs on free TV. I'm beginning to think this format is backwards. Erica, Darkness Aoi, and Hilda Iceheart were on the outside to seemingly support Mitra in her attempt, and Erica seemed to have some of that old smug spark back. Aoife was the standout in the match, taking on all three women and keeping them to the mat, but she found herself tripped up by Hilda Iceheart. She took her eye off the ball and launched herself out to fight and jaw jack, because that's what angry Celts do. Mitra crawled over to a downed Gold and trapped her in the STF for a Submission victory and the #1 Contender spot.
Winner: Mitra Lennox via STF on Gold -> Submission

0. IGNITION 6-Man Tag: Subculture/Picky Minch/Mav Valentine vs. Dirk Laramie/Chuck Rand/Pucky
-Blood 4 Blood were joined by Little Mac, as they hit the ring ferociously. Pucky had his face obscured as he leaned into the turnbuckle with embarrassment, as the B4B shooters dismantled his partners, Mav hitting the Mav Buster on Dirk for the 1-2-3.
Winners: Subculture/Picky Minch/Mav Valentine[o] via Mav Buster on Dirk Laramie -> Pin

0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. Giorno Giovanna
-"Main event?" of IGNITION saw Magnum PT put his newly created and newly won ENN+ Championship on the line against Giorno Giovanna. As the Golden Gang-Star locked up with PT, CP Munk, Horace Angel, and Pirate Harry Kim looked on. The DVNO B-Team as they were designated had interest in seeing PT lose the title to appease the Constellation King. They opened with chain wrestling, that saw Giorno take PT off his feet with a Fireman's Carry. He missed an elbow attempt and PT came back by lifting him into a Press Slam and hit the Gut Buster. Giorno posed, and talked a big game, but his head scissors attempt was countered in a powerbomb variation. The rookie youth had fire and spirit, but PT had the experience, the 'stache, and the sweet sweet mullet powers. He eventually hit the Mustache Ride on Giorno to get the pin and his first title defense as ENN+ Champion. After the match, CP Munk made it clear that he wants the next shot. PT told him to step to the plate Chief.
Winner: Magnum PT via Mustache Ride -> Pin -> Title Defense!

Zombie U - Locker Room

Dirk and Chuck Rand came into the locker room staggering, desperately reaching into their cooler for Nattie Lights and ice to keep the swelling down.

Dirk Laramie: That was ROUGH! Those are guys are blood thirsty these days.

Chuck Rand: Little Mac's in their ear now. Fortuitous for them, and bad for us. Still, a lot of positives out there. We stood our ground.

Dirk Laramie: All things considered I think we should be proud. Hold our heads up high and-

From the stalls the sounds of farting interrupted the two men talking.

Dirk Laramie: Pucky? You got something to say budd-

*Fart*

Chuck Rand: Real mature Pucky.

Pucky: This team is so *bleep*ing bad!

Dirk Laramie: Listen man, we-

Pucky: Shut the *bleep* up Derp.

Chuck Rand: What do you want Pucky?

Pucky: I want to never lose again.

Dirk Laramie: My guy, can you just finish your shit, and we can talk about this-

Pucky: Oh you think I'm shitting Derp. I should be so lucky. I'm puking and shitting at the same time. This team is so bad, I've lost control of my bodily functions.

Chuck Rand: You are the portrait of class Pucky.

Pucky: We get clowned out there, and you're tryin' to be proud of yourselves? Anyone ever tell ya what assholes you look like? You're complete *bleep*ing flops. Pull your fingers out of your ass, you *bleep*ing pipefitters. I'd rather be watching a papercut in slowmo then hear you two chuckle*bleep*s talk up how proud ya are of losin'! Sing a song, do a trick, you're *bleep*ing useless.

Dirk Laramie: *bleep* you Pucky!

Pucky: *bleep* you Dirk. Go *bleep* yourself you useless butt crusty.

Dirk Laramie: I think we're going to have to agree to disagree, because this beer is getting warm, and you're smelling up the room. I'm out of here.

Chuck Rand: Same.

Pucky: Take your tampons with ya ladies. *fart*

Parking Lot

A limo pulled up, with the usual boos following it, as the expectation was for Tack Angel to be inside, but the boos soon turned to cheers as Jammer and Jenny James stepped out.

Jammer: Were you expecting maybe, a certain harem dictator?

-

Bathroom

A housewife is hard at work scrubbing the toilet.

Housewife: This toilet is so hard to clean. If only I had an easier way!

Vape: Hi I'm VAPE!

Housewife: Ah! You again?!? NO!

Vape: Yes! It's me, and I've brought the brand new tool in the war on toilets! Normally when I declare war on toilets, it's after a day at Tack-o Bell, but in this case, it's a war against stains! That's why I have the Toilet Grenade!

Housewife: WHAT?! NO! MY KITCHEN IS STIL-

Vape: Just pull the pin, pop in the bowl, and close the lid! Now just let Toilet Grenade do the rest!

Housewife: Do the rest? What is it going to d-

Vape: BANG! HAHA!

Housewife: AH!

The toilet exploded, and water shot up to the ceiling.

Vape: Take that limescale! Get the Toilet Grenade today! Also, get the international version, when you need to fight limescale on foreign soil. These are just grenades aren't they?

Sal Paradise: Welcome to Zombie U Zombies and wrestling fans! Welcome to Xcite baby! We got a GREAT show for you tonight yessir!

Apple Kid: You seem really chipper Sal.

Sal Paradise: Why wouldn't I be? I mean, we're on the road to Victory Explosion! Not much longer now, and tonight, we're going see Jammer beat that punk ass Cadmus! Haha!

Apple Kid: Tack's not out here yet Sal.

Sal Paradise: Oh right. Well...where the hell is he?

Apple Kid: Speak of the dev-well the Star Prince. Here he comes now...and he's not alone. He's got Uranus and Neptune with him.

Tack Angel: Of course I do. Look at these ingrates throwing garbage at me. You're all so ungrateful. I'll still do what I have to do though, don't worry. However, the more this goes on, the more I'm doing it for me and my family, and the less I'm gonna do it for all of you.

Sal Paradise: Your head is already firmly planted up your ass Tack, I can't see it going any further.

Tack Angel: How dare you Sal. You haven't figured out how this works yet? The argument is over. I win. Plain and simple. I get what I want, and what I want just so happens to be good for you too, so show some gratitude!

Sal Paradise: I take it back...you got up there a little bit more.

Apple Kid: Uh...Tack...we hear that you have a big announcement regarding Victory Explosion 16?

Tack Angel: That I do. Absolutely. As you know, I'm up to 19 wives right now, but the prospective Sailor Scouts seemed to have made a connection with a very popular new group that's hit the music scene. The Three Lights are personally going to perform at Victory Explosion 16, in the Saturn Dome! That's thanks to me and my family! My Kingdom is bringing you what you want. BE GRATEFUL! Take responsibility for your actions, and realize that you're wrong! It's just that simple! DVNO is all about guys realizing they were wrong, and redeeming themselves. The shirts are on sale. Go get them, put them on, and swear allegiance. It's NOT that hard!

Sal Paradise: I'd rather have you kick me in the head a few more times Tack. You know, like you did to Pirate Bill?

Tack Angel: That can be arranged....and we're not talking about "him" anymore. He's persona non grata as far as I'm concerned. You're such a pompous arrogant ass. I have dealt with you though, like I deal with Trevor Mach, and like how I'm going to deal with Jammer at Victory Explosion, if he even makes it there. Cadmus wants to teach him a lesson, and I personally want to be here to see it. Like a petulant child I know likes to say "it's gonna be fun."

Apple Kid: That is our main event, but you also have a wife in action, is that right?

Tack Angel: Dragon Shiryu knew heroes when he saw them. That's why he gave Makoto some of his power, so that she could become the warrior of Crystal Heaven she dreamed of being. She's working to be a good commentator, and now she's back in the ring where she belongs too. You're all lucky to have her working so hard, but I bet you don't appreciate it.

Sal Paradise: Nah, we all love Makoto, it's you who is trash.

Tack Angel: Keep my wife's name out of your mouth Sal.

Apple Kid: Well, this is certainly going to be fun, isn't it? Let's get to our first match as TUE Season 2 winner Zyro Kurogane takes on The Eagleland Cheese Colby Roads. He is trying to make his entrance, but he specialty elevator entrance appears to be busted. He's mad that he's not being treated as the savior of wrestling and is threatening to go back to Sports Entertainment World.

Sal Paradise: Honestly, I think he should. Sociopath of Tack Angel proportions. *bleep* him.

Tack Angel: ...Just keep talking Sal. I've taken it for years. It does come back to bite you.

Apple Kid: ...So much fun.

EBW: Xcite
Zombie U, Threed
ENN

1. Singles: Colby Roads vs. Zyro Kurogane
-Colby Roads looked to the crowd for cheers, and tossed his weight belt into the crowd. They threw it back, and lucky their wasn't a scarecrow golem witch there to overly react to it, even though it was Colby's belt and not hers. The majority of the crowd yelled things at Colby that can't be repeated, but they made him cry, and that was hilarious. The Eagleland Cheese did a pose calling back to a gimmick he apparently hated so much it made him leave his home promotion to begin with. Zyro simply shrugged it off and trapped him in the Straight Jacket Hagen Suplex for the pin and the win.
Winner: Zyro Kurogane via Straight Jacket Hagen Suplex -> Pin

Tack Angel: Well done Zyro! That's what I'm talking about! DVNO power on display right there!

Sal Paradise: The kid would have been challenging for your Triple Crown if you didn't turn him into a stooge.

Tack Angel: He would've lost and gotten injured. Now he's got a chance to truly develop, and when the time comes, I'd be happy to take him on for the Triple Crown. After all, I'll still the belts when the time comes.

Sal Paradise: You're not taking Jammer seriously. That's a mistake people made with you. They didn't think you were capable of this crap, and look where it got us. Maybe you should learn from our mistakes if you actually want to keep those belts.

Tack Angel: Sharing valuable information Sal?

Sal Paradise: Heh. You're a nightcrawler. You're in it for the wives, not the wrestling.

Tack Angel: Can't it be both?

Apple Kid: Colby is throwing a tantrum. Someone in the crowd said he wasn't cool, so he's threatening to go sports entertain against another uncool guy named Seth Rolletty for several months, with no forward momentum whatsoever! I wish him luck?

2. Women's Singles: Wendy Mustang vs. Makoto Angel
-Makoto Angel was feeling very nervous, as Tack was sitting at commentary cheering her on. Wendy Mustang was quick to get her head in the game, with her cowgirl brawling style, that made Tack Angel consider her for future wife material, but that's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! Wendy was in the control, but Makoto was able to duck a Lariat, and let her version of the Rozan Shoryu-Ha rip, sending Wendy to the outside. Makoto's isn't quite as impactful as Shiryu's yet, so Wendy didn't lose her head, and was on her way back in the ring, when it suddenly seemed like a pair of hands reached out from under the ring and cuffed to the ring post. Unable to get free, the ref had no choice but to count her out. Makoto Angel scored the victory, not knowing that a pleased with herself Duvalie Angel, had just emerged from the other side of the ring to congratulate her tag partner and sister wife.
Winner: Makoto Angel via Count Out

Tack Angel: MAKOTO! YES! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!

Sal Paradise: Duvalie cheated! How could you not see that! Are you blind?!

Tack Angel: Makoto did what she does best, and Duvalie did what she does best. I don't see a problem here.

Sal Paradise: Yeah, you wouldn't.

Tack Angel: You're no saint Sal Paradise!

Sal Paradise: And you are!?

Tack Angel: Destiny requires it.

Sal Paradise: Here comes the God complex.

Tack Angel: Small "g" god at most...and that's a joke. I'm funny remember!? Haha! Let's all laugh at Tack! You still laughing Sal? I didn't think so. Stop ruining my moment here. DVNO is successful, and my beautiful and wonderful Makoto ins successful. It's all...what's the stupid phrase? Oh....it's all coming up Tack Angel now. Haha.

Sal Paradise: I'm sure you'll be pleased with the next match then, cause your butchers are taking on Dan Club. Ready to see them spill more blood for you?

Tack Angel: They are not doing anything for me. I let them into my Kingdom, and I stay out of the way. In return, they stay out of my way, and will not get in the way of destiny, because they don't even believe in it. See though? You don't have to believe what I believe just so long as you still show me respect and stay out of my way! That's not asking for much!

Sal Paradise: You used to have my respect. Ask me what I did with it.

Tack Angel: I'd rather not.

3. Tag: Bashin Dan/Benjamin vs. Brandish X/The Auditor
-The Dan Club have been bruised, battered, and left scarred by Undeth, but they still showed up for a fight with Brandish X and The Auditor. A walk and brawl to start, they finally took it to the ring, where the Auditor immediately tried to bust open Benji again, with Dan making the save as Void looked on. The heroic duo were on the defense, but heart, determination, and the power of friendship turned the tide, with Dan taking The Auditor to the floor, as Benji escaped a finish attempt by Brandish, and came off the ropes hot with a Spear. He made the motion of the legendary sword with his hands, and lifted Brandish X for the Masamune, which lead to a pinfall victory for Dan Club. The crowd went wild as Brandish and The Auditor slowly crept up the ramp as Dan and Benjamin celebrated.
Winners: Bashin Dan/Benjamin[o] via Spear x Masamune on Brandish X -> Pin

Apple Kid: AND BENJAMIN WITH THE MASAMUNE OF BRANDISH X! He just pinned a multi-time World Champion! We can never forget that about Brandish, and it looks like Benji is focused, very intently on the pen wielding Auditor. After kidnapping Dan, Benji wanted revenge against him, but ended up losing a lot of blood. He's going to get another shot at Victory Explosion. We would expect Dan or Benji to be in the main event scene after the recent couple of years they've had, but this is just as important. It could be the end of Undeth or the end of Dan Club.

Sal Paradise: Worried Tack?

Tack Angel: Like I said, I'm not responsible for their actions. Everyone needs to take responsibility for what they are in control of.

Sal Paradise: Like 19 wives? Tack, I refuse to believe you can love them all, and service them all equally. By the way, how is it being married to a cousin?

Tack Angel: ...*sigh* Throughout history, royalty has married close to the tree to keep the bloodline strong. I just happened to be related to a cat woman...somehow. I make due. I love them all equally. How dare you assume I can't.

Sal Paradise: It's not physically possible to have enough time in the day. Not buying it!

Tack Angel: Luckily, I don't need or care about your approval. You're trying to unsettle me Sal, but if I snap my fingers, Uranus and Neptune will deal with you.

Sal Paradise: I might enjoy that....from Neptune anyways. I don't accept handies from chick that looks like she needs to shave more than I do.

Sailor Uranus: You son of a-

Sailor Neptune: Relax, he's just trying to get to you.

Sailor Uranus: Right. Nice try.

Sal Paradise: Neptune, I'm sorry that Tack's mind control powers are slowly turning your chick dude straight.

Sailor Neptune: WHAT?! That's not happening! It's not....right?

Sailor Uranus: Huh?! Of course not! I am meant to serve the Star Prince, not service him! I'm all yours! I'm the jealous one remember?

Sailor Neptune: Right...I'm sorry.

Sailor Uranus: Whew.

Sailor Neptune: What was that?!

Sailor Uranus: NOTHING!

Sal Paradise: Hehehe.

Tack Angel: *sigh*

Apple Kid: Save a sigh or two, because we're joined by Jammer now! Let's take it to the back!

Backstage

Jammer had a little sticky hoop on the wall, and he was missing repeatedly with a little squishy basketball.

Jammer: Can I nail every shot? No, I can't. I'm not the best basketball player. I never have been, but I grew up when it was cool to love basketball, and the players were like heroes. I carry that spirit with me to this day. I will forever be "on fire", and I'll take my shots "from downtown". That's not just in basketball, but in life, and in wrestling. Once upon a time I beat you Tack, or should I say I "beat" you. I was a real bag of dicks, like you are now. I'm on the other side of that now. I'm the force for good, trying to bring down the evil bag of dicks. A lot is riding on me here. I'm ready for my free throw. I think, when it comes to this match, and what I have to do, for once....just once...I can....*makes the shot effortlessly* nail the shot. I know Cadmus, I was an asshole like him once before. Remember the Thrillers? I cringe when I remember. I'll put it behind me, when I hit the Slam Jam, and bury a DVNO punk right in front of the "King".

4. EBW Women's Television Championship: Jenny James(c) vs. Mitra Lennox
-Mitra Lennox shot out of the corner, looking for a big boot. Jenny ducked. She gave Mitra a quick kick to the midsection and grabbed an early waist lock. Mitra struggled free, and Jenny immediately gave her quick arm drags. She looked to be weakening her for the Arm Bar. Mitra went for a body slam, but Jenny countered into a quick overhead throw. Mitra recovered and delivered a brutal looking Hagen Suplex, then kipped up and brushed her shoulders, as Erica, Hilda, and Aoi looked on in approval. Mitra worked over Jenny, but soon found herself taken to the mat, and nearly trapped in the Arm Bar, before barely making it to the ropes. Another bit of chain wrestling saw Jenny trap her nearly yet again. A third attempt was dead center in the ring, and Mitra was trapped, but Erica and the girls suddenly hit the ring to attack Jenny James. An obvious DQ, as they whipped her with her own newly won Television Championship. Christina Angel, Hope Mach, and Alison Chains ran out to make the save, running the women to the outside of the ring. Christina was less than happy to see Erica leading another group using these kinds of antics, shouting "not again", as they Erica smugly backed away.
Winner: Jenny James via DQ -> I don't count DQs as title defenses, but SOME PEOPLE do, and that's weird to me. I sometimes wonder if we speak the same language, or are just guessing strangely well.

Tack Angel: Careful Christina, you don't want to get injured before you beat Tali at Victory Explosion.

Apple Kid: Erica is firmly entrenched again, with some talent behind her, and they are already seeing the benefits she promised. Look, Mitra just had a title shot. It didn't go the way they wanted it to, but I could see them getting another shot soon enough. This could be bad for anyone in their way.

Tack Angel: Christina has dealt with Erica before, I'm sure she can do it again. Perhaps I'll have a word with her.

Sal Paradise: You gonna marry that one too? Ask w00t what she likes. I remember that little hook up. Did you?

Tack Angel: ...Actually no...I was still thinking about the time Erica was obsessed with Tali.

Sal Paradise: I'm sure she still is. She's got her fingers in a lot of pies. Eh? Eh?

Tack Angel: You're exhausting. I want you to sit down and shut up now, because Cadmus is going to show you all how it's done. DVNO will sweep the night with this one. Jammer, he's going to give you a lesson in humility. I suggest you take the lesson to heart!

Apple Kid: That main event is next...RIGHT AFTER...this commercial break!

5. Singles: Jammer vs. Cadmus
-Main event time, as Jammer and Cadmus charged at each other as soon as the bell rang. Jammer took Cadmus to the corner, grounded him, and stomped away. Jammer tossed Cadmus to the outside and followed him. He launched Cadmus from barricade to barricade, quickly hitting the ring to break the count. Jammer headed back out to bounce Cadmus off the announcers desk, right in front of Tack Angel. The two did a little jaw jacking. He tossed Cadmus back in the ring. Cadmus rolled out the other side. Jammer hit a brutal sliding dropkick through the bottom rope, dropping Cadmus. Cadmus rolled back into the ring, where Jammer prepared to hit a flying forearm off the ropes. He leaped, but Cadmus caught him with a kick to the arm and shoulder. Jammer pulled it in close, seemingly hurt from the precision kick. Cadmus immediately began working over the arm. He tossed Jammer to the outside, then loosened a middle turnbuckle in the ring. Cadmus went outside and catapulted Jammer shoulder first into the ring post. Cadmus slammed Jammer's arm onto the steel steps, while Tack applauded his efforts. Cadmus twisted the arm, laughing maniacally and throwing his arms out. Cadmus grabbed a grounded arm lock. Jammer fought to his feet, but Cadmus took him down by the arm again. Cadmus applied a shoulder lock. The crowd clapped Jammer to his feet. Jammer walked Cadmus to the corner to force a break. Cadmus took him down and stomped at the shoulder. Jammer dragged himself up and managed to connect with a Pale Kick. Jammer went for a clothesline, but Cadmus ducked. Both men hit the ropes and connected with stereo Cross-Bodies. Cadmus attempted to gain control with an homage move to his new King, and went for the WRIST CLUTCH, but WRIST could not be CLUTCHED, as Jammer fought out of it, and countered with a Pump Handle Slam. Jammer then went to the top rope and hit the Slam Jam for the pin fall victory.
Winner: Jammer via Pump Handle Slam x Slam Jam -> Pin

Tack Angel: Dammit no!

Sal Paradise: Dammit yes! Jammer with the win! Boom-shaka-laka baby! HE'S ON FIRE!

Tack Angel: ...This changes nothing Cadmus is still shaking off the ring rust. He did a fine job. Jammer is just a peasant in the grand scheme. He plays no part in destiny. He plays no part in save the world. He plays no part in my Kingdom. He's just another would be mouthy punk, who is going to be put in his place at Victory Explosion. Mark my words. It's going to happen, and you know I'm a man of my word.

Last edited by Machismo (5/09/2022 12:07 pm)

tackangel · 5/10/2022 10:51 am

???: Wake up, wake up!

Chun-Li shifts and turns on top of the wife pile bed of Azuli Angels inside Crystal Heaven.

Chun-Li Angel: Huh? What's going on?

Amy Angel: Chunners, wake up. We're going on a trip.

Chun-Li Angel: Trip? Where? With who?

Amy Angel: Tack's left already for his morning routine. You, me, & a few of the other sister-wives are going on a trip.

Chun-Li Angel: O-... Okay? But that still doesn't answer where?

Amy Angel: AKIE, you know that big furniture store?

Chun-Li Angel: Aren't most of the products there faulty? And missing pieces?

Amy Angel: That's not the point, the point is for us to have fun. Come on, get those thunder thighs moving off of the other Sister-Wives.

Chun-Li sleepily agreed and got up, Amy rushed out of the Master Bedroom and down the stairs. After getting dressed in her comfortable leggings and top, she joined the large caravan outside.

Pirate: Yarr, Good morning yer seventeenth of nineteen highness. Highnesses One, Four, Fifteen, & Eighteen are waiting for ye, yarr.

Chun-Li Angel: R-right... Still getting used to this. And you are?

Pirate Samuel: Yarr, I be Samuel. you can see it right in me name.

Chun-Li Angel: Oh, there it is.

Pirate Samuel: I be your navigator today of the land barge "Ursa Major" while pulling yer highnesses in the "Ursa Minor".

Amy Angel: Chunners! Come on in!

Amy popped her head out of the travel trailer motioning for Chun-Li to join inside. The trailer was fairly large, enough to house a small family, being pulled up from by the fairly small in comparison compact car.

Chun-Li Angel: Could they have not gotten a better car for this?

Chun-Li stepped inside of the trailer and was greeted by a hug from Amy.

Amy Angel: Thank you so much for coming Chunners, I've always wanted to do something like this with the sister wives but most have been pretty busy with wrestling. But with the recent Tack Bowl I can finally do this.

Chun-Li looked around and saw her other trip companions in Nani, Leona, & Hibiki.

Nani Angel: Good morning, Sister.

Leona Angel: Good morning, Chun-Li.

Hibiki Angel: Chunners? That's a great name, I hope you don't mind the nickname?

Chun-Li Angel: It's fine, though I did want to ask why you never did this with Tack?

Amy Angel: Oh he was always a stick in the mud about trips like these, he'd be the type to just sit in a waiting area while I shopped around. It's more fun with others, you know what I mean?

Chun-Li Angel: I suppose so...

Hibiki Angel: I'm coming because I heard they have an amazing food court that rivals Crystal Heaven!

An intercom suddenly peaked as a muffled voice come through.

Intercom Pirate Samuel: Yarr, all mates accounted for, we're about to set sail. Any objections yer highnesses?

Chun-Li Angel: It's just going to be the five of us?

Amy Angel: As I said, the others are preoccupied by wrestling themselves or are helping Tack with training for Victory Explosion. Or in Azuli's case, just lazing about watching TV.

Leona Angel: Set sail, Samuel!

Intercom Pirate Samuel: Aye!

The car Ursa Major started up, and drove off of the Crystal Tower land pulling the Ursa Minor trailer. The wives all seated looked out the window to see Crystal Heaven as they drove away. Hibiki could smell a faint magnetic scent as they drove by, but thought nothing of it as it quickly dissipated. Amy however smelled the scent as well and recognized it, but as it dissipated she questioned herself if she even smelled what she thought she did. Chun-Li sitting by her broke her train of thought.

Chun-Li Angel: Well, her we go.

Amy Angel: Yeah, off for Adventure!

The Ursa Minor & Major drove through the gates of Crystal Heaven as a familiar smoke started to seep into the Crystal Tower of Crystal Heaven.

Machismo · 5/12/2022 1:13 am

Ana: Ana here, and I welcome you to EBW World. All 1,327,048 people currently catching it this time around. It airs on repeat a few times a day, and then a bunch of you will probably see it on youtube, but that's how many of you are watching right this second. My powers....are growing. Where was I though? Oh yeah, now that spring has sprung, EBW is returning to Reefside, which where we go since Summers put an embargo on us. That's fine though, because we had great crowds that were hungry for EBW last time, and this time, we'll be at the outdoor venue Club Vela, for a Spring Break edition of XP! We'll see tons of great matches, among them Benjamin and Brandish X will face off in a Lifeguard Match...which is like a lumberjack match...but with lifeguards. The Bad Dudettes will join forces against Sunny Malibu and a mystery partner who will apparently surprise everyone. I know who it is. It IS a surprise. The main event will see Jammer take on Kinniku Mike inside of a STEEL CAGE...as opposed to a Tungsten Cage. We don't use those. We tried once. It...it just didn't work. Make sure to tune in early on ENN+ to see Magnum PT put the ENN+ Championship on the line against CP Munk. Also, word is that Trevor Mach and w00t WILL be on site with some of their TUE recruits. Don't miss it!

EBW: XP
Club Vela, Reefside
ENN

0. Singles: Point Man vs. Tad Blinko
0. Singles: Big Shark vs. Pucky
0. 8-Woman Tag: Erica/Hilda Iceheart/Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox vs. Jenny James/Aoife Aisling/Alison Chains/Gold
0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. CP Munk
1. Singles: Amigo vs. Isiah Muscle
2. Women's Singles: Lainey Strong vs. Makoto Angel
3. Lifeguard Match: Benjamin vs. Brandish X
4. Tag: Christina Angel/Hope Mach vs. Sunny Malibu/?
5. Cage: Jammer vs. Kinniku Mike

Last edited by Machismo (5/12/2022 5:52 am)

tackangel · 5/14/2022 1:04 pm

Your vision blurs as you suddenly find yourself in a desert, you dust off your body instinctively as you look around. As far as you could see, it was just sand around you. Moments pass as you try to find anything, anything out in the blistering dessert. The sun starts to set and you notice something in the distance, it's a woman in shorts and a tied-up top, carrying a pair of rollarblades on her shoulders.

???: Oh girl, you certainly got yourself in a pinch here.

The woman continues trekking across the dessert, with nothing else in sight. Hours pass, and still nothing.

???: Please.. anything...

The woman continues walking... and walking... and walking...

???: Please... I'm desperate...

The woman falls faces first into the sand, the moon rises as a cold wind sweeps the sand. The scene begins to dissipate as the woman is revealed to have been Tracy, face down on the gym floor. Tracy wakes up and begins to cry, clutching her stomach, curling up in sorrow.

Tracy: Why... Why can't I also...

Smoke starts to billow out of the Crystal Tower, slowly and carefully. Azuli Angel while watching TV notices this, and clones herself.

Azuli Angel: Follow that, would you?

Azuli Angel Clone: Sure thing.

The clone transforms herself into a pillow of smoke herself and follows the magnetic smell. Seeping into town and reaching the Tea Shop of Crystal Heaven.

Tea Shop Owner: I wish I could help you Tracy...

Azuli Angel Clone *Whipser*: Huh, okay... This should be fun.

Meanwhile, at the AKIE Food Court

Hibiki is seen scarffing down meatball after meatball, while the other Angel Sister-Wives are resting.

Leona Angel: Should we get the FRIHETEN? Or the HEMNES?

Nani Angel: I will say, either would be more comfortable mentally than sleeping on the pile of contorting & conforming Azulis.

Hibiki Angel *with mouth full*: Why don't we get both? There's 20 in all of us, 19 Wives and 1 Tack. We need all the room we can get.

Chun-Li Angel: We'd want at least to have a matching set.

Hibiki shrugged as she continued to munch on the meatballs.

Amy Angel: Tack would likely be fine with either of them, he was never want to be particular about these things.

Pirate Samuel: Yarr, beggin ye kindly yer Highness to speak freely.

Amy Angel: Go ahead.

Pirate Samuel: His highness has always trusted ye judgement, he trusts ye on these matters, yar.

Amy Angel: Right?

Pirate Samuel: So, let's go with that theme and pick the Förtroende.

Chun-Li Angel: That's perfect!

Leona Angel: How do you know Toblorish?

Pirate Samuel: I watched youtube videos, yar...

Nani Angel: Impressive.

Leona Angel: Looks like this is a successful mission.

Hibiki Angel: Let's get home, I need to work off this meal.

Amy Angel: Load up the Ursa Major Sam, we're setting sail!

Pirate Samuel: Aye!

The Angel wives walked out of the AKIE store, Amy grasped Chun-Li's hand.

Amy Angel: Thank you Chunners.

Chun-Li Angel: Huh?

Amy Angel: Thanks for joining our family, getting to know you when you were our body guard was nice but I'm so happy to have you as part of us.

Chun-Li blushes

Chun-Li Angel: Oh well, I appreciate it. Getting to know Tack really caused me to admire him. To admire all of you. There's so much love here that it's almost intoxicating.

Both chuckled as they approached the Ursa Minor & Major. Hibiki could be seen waiting for them by doing crunches at a rapid pace, as Leona & Nani were talking.

Nani Angel: If Tack could see you two now, he'd be jealous.

Chun-Li & Amy looked at each other in confusion. Nani pointed at them and clasped he hands together. Amy lifted up her and Chun-Li's hands together.

Amy Angel: Oh! The forbidden hand holding. Haha!

Chun-Li Angel: He likes hand holding?

Amy Angel: I think on our way back, we should give you a crash course on the Angel Family.

Machismo · 5/15/2022 12:59 am

Mr. Scary fell to the ring in agony, as he reached under his mask to get to his nose.

Mr. Scary: That was NOT nice! My freaking nose!

Blood was smeared onto the forehead of Trevor Mach, who had obviously just head butt him.

Trevor Mach: I got in your face Scary. What did you think was going to happen? Don't let me do that. Don't ever let me get that close. Once I'm in your face, it's going to hurt. I'll let someone tire themselves out punching me directly in the face just to get that close, cause I know what I can do when I get there. How do you think I've broken my nose as many times as I have?

Trevor shot to the mat and trapped Scary in the crossface, wrenching back on it, making sure to grind his newly busted open nose with his hands.

Trevor Mach: This hurts a lot worse than a flip doesn't it? It's the little things. I'm grinding my hands against the nose I just bloodied. I'm working your injury while trapping you in a submission. The details make things that much more devastating.

Mr. Scary: This freaking hurts! Why are you putting me through this!?

Trevor Mach: Why? Was it or was it not you who came to me and said "don't give up on me, even though I lost?"

Mr. Scary: ...That may have been me?

Trevor Mach: You're supposed to be a killer under that mask. You've been around for quite some time, doing your thing in VBW, and yet here you are, acting like you've never been in a proper submission. Have you ever locked up with someone before coming to the farm? Is your whole experience in wrestling based on flips and throwing garbage? A brawl can be fun, hell I live for them, but when you've got the tools like this, you can really do some damage. Like this!

Trevor broke the crossface, and lifted Scary in a Bulldog Choke, where he threw some knees, that Scary tried to defend against.

Trevor Mach: I'm choking you. I'm working your neck. I'm throwing knees. I'm battering you with everything that I can, and then when you expect another knee-

Trevor dropped Scary with a DDT.

Trevor Mach: Transition moves, holds, and stretches. That's how you do it. Now get up! We're just getting started!

Jason the 2nd: I want in on this too Coach.

Trevor Mach: Hmm?

Jason the 2nd: As painful as it looks, it's a learning experience none the less.

Trevor Mach: ...You let me use your tank to blow shit up and you got a deal.

Jason the 2nd: I can't really-

Trevor Mach: I'm kidding...kind of. Get in here!

Cherry Akintola: Me too sir.

Rei Hino: I would also like to learn more.

Trevor Mach: Always more to learn Hino. Aren't you more interested in taking Tali's Mars belt?

Rei Hino: I have to get good enough to be able to do that. I won't get there sitting on the sidelines. I'm ready to focus.

Trevor Mach: I'm not going to go easy of you...any of you. We don't go easy in the ring. Compassion doesn't belong in the ring. I have compassion. I give it to my kids, my wife, and my animals. They deserve it. In the ring, we're warriors. Blood thirsty sons of bitches. You all owe me a debt as of this moment. Each one of you, needs to work so hard that you spill your blood in this ring, and I WANT THAT BLOOD!

Mr. Scary: *cough cough* *blood pouring out of his mask* I'm already paid up...but...how about a little more!

Trevor Mach: That's the spirit Scary! Keep it up, and I'll forget you have a crush on my wife!

Mr. Scary: Really?

Trevor Mach: NO!

Mr. Scary: OH DAMN!

The next day, Trevor packed up an old pick up truck, and honked the horn, as Scary and Jason the 2nd exited the house.

Jason the 2nd: What's this?

Mr. Scary: An old hunk of junk huh?

Trevor Mach: It's a restoration in progress, but don't worry about it, just get in.

Jason the 2nd: Just us? What about the ladies?

Trevor Mach: Busy right now. They're doing something. I've got EBW business in Reefside this week, and you two are coming with me, so get in. I WILL drive off if you don't-

Jason the 2nd: I'm in! I'm in!

Mr. Scary: Whoa! Wait for me!

Trevor Mach: Here Scary, you sit passenger, and Jason, you sit in the back with Robo.

Mr. Scary: Huh? Me in front? YES!

Trevor Mach: You can watch Truth and Justice for me while I drive.

Mr. Scary: Oh. Are you sure they won't be scared of me? I'm very scary!

Trevor Mach: I'm still waiting for the scary part. I haven't seen it yet.

Jason sat across from Robo, and shyly waved.

Robo: Salutations Jason. Fear not, I'm a friendly robot, plus I have interfaced with Sophia the 3rd to give my greetings.

Jason the 2nd: You did that?! Uh...did she...give you her consent?

Robo: Indeed.

Jason the 2nd: Oh...good. Uh...

Robo: She really likes you.

Jason the 2nd: Oh good! Good.

As they drove, Mr. Scary kept trying to break the ice with Coach Trevor.

Mr. Scary: So...uh...sorry about your wife and-

Trevor Mach: No you're not.

Mr. Scary: No seriously! People can't help when they have a crush! It just happens!

Trevor Mach: You broke into our house, so she could be your "final girl" didn't you? It's a wonder I don't kick you out of the moving vehicle right now to be honest.

Mr. Scary: I was just foolin'! It's the bant-

Trevor Mach: Oh no no no! The bantz is MY thing! You don't get to do that.

Mr. Scary: I'm just trying to learn! I thought getting into the head space of a killer would steer me in the right direction!

Trevor Mach: That's stupid logic, but my kind of logic I guess. You do have a vicious side to you. A fired up mean streak, but I haven't seen that lately. You take that instinct and rage, and combine it with learning how to actually wrestle, and you could be great. Jason the 2nd back there, he's getting it. He's learning. He's biding his time, learning, and getting better, because he's got the confidence to do it. You get that back, and you can go places. That's all I'm saying. You will NEVER however...go near my wife again.

Mr. Scary: I said I'm sorry! You don't have to get angry about it.

Trevor Mach: That's not a threat, it's a warning. You think I'm bad? I'm the kind of guy that would shank you and then drive you to the hospital. She'll shank you and throw you into my wheat thresher. You get what I'm saying to you? Do not fuck with Tali Mach.

Mr. Scary: You swore.

Trevor Mach: What? You doing a whole "no swearing" thing?

Mr. Scary: No, your kids are in here.

Trevor Mach: DAM- Dang it...shoot...darn...you're right about that. Good call. How did you know I was trying to watch my language around them?

Mr. Scary: You mean other than common sense? I saw this video of you on TikTak.

Trevor Mach: TikTak? I don't use-RHEA!

Mr. Scary turned on a video, of a furious Trevor Mach, ugly crying in the barn, talking to no one in particular.

Trevor Mach: I have been in this barn, screaming for thirty minutes because parenting is HAAAARRRRD! IT'S HARD! Because they're little mirrors! If I want my son to be a better person, or to grow up and just be a good fucking human, then I HAVE TO BE A GOOD PERSON! THEY MIMIC EVERYTHING YOU DO! THEY MIRROR EVERYTHING! If I have a bad attitude, then THEY have a bad attitude! If I say FUCK OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA SAY FUCK! I HAVE TO CHANGE ME TO CHANGE THEM! FUUUUUUUUUUU-

Mr. Scary turned off the video, and the truck was silent for a few moments.

Mr. Scary: ...So...who were you talking t-

Trevor Mach: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT SCARY!

Mr. Scary: I was just-

Trevor Mach: IT'S A BAD TIME SCARY! RHEAAA!

Trevor's journey to Reefside would have been faster by plane, but then he wouldn't have gotten a chance to reveal his true intentions for hitting the road, as the group rolled up on a small building in Mid-South several hours later.

Jason the 2nd: This isn't Reefside.

Mr. Scary: Who cares at this point. I'm starving!

Trevor Mach: This is where the EWA is running a show tonight. You guys know what that is?

Jason the 2nd: The Eagleland Wrestling Alliance, the territorial alliance of smaller promotions to work in tandem/competition against bigger promotions likes EBW and Sports Entertainment World.

Trevor Mach: You got it!

Mr. Scary: Yeah, I was going to say that. All of it. VBW worked with these guys a lot, which I wasn't thrilled about personally, because they insisted on sucking up to the pompous ass Colby Roads! Big freaking deal, he's not nearly as good as his dad was or his brother still is, and that guy is in his 50's!

Trevor Mach: Oh you don't like Colby huh? Join the club dude. Hey, he's here tonight by the way! What a "coincidence" right?! Let's go!

Mr. Scary: Huh?

Trevor Mach: Tickets are on me, but you're getting your own food.

Mr. Scary: I left my wallet in my other robe!

Trevor Mach: Come here Truth, you ready to see your first show LIVE? Justice take my hand. Robo, you want in or-

Robo: I will charge myself at the Tesla station if it's all the same to you sir.

Trevor Mach: Good thinking. Run up THEIR electric bill.

Trevor, his kids, and his two recruits entered the building, trying to keep a low profile, but considering one of them was in a mask and robe, it was kind of hard to. They waded through the fans to find a place to sit as Colby Roads was cutting a promo in the ring.

Colby Roads: First off, I want to mention what a shame it is that Dickhausen snapped his leg clean off earlier, but that's what happens when you're a tiny, skinny, manlet man. Oh, you're booing? I mean, that is a tragedy, because people of all sexes, races, creeds, and other nonsense should get equal exposure? Wait this is Mid-South, you wouldn't be cheering for that. My focus group research didn't come back on you, so let's just table that for now. The show had to go on, because you NEEDED to see me. If someone would have fallen from the rafters and died, the show would have to go on, because Colby Roads is on the card. I'm here for YOU!

Trevor Mach: Bullshit!

Colby Roads: Whoa whoa whoa! Wait a minute. Did I hear that right? Is that Trevor Mach in the crowd! Look it is! The egotist himself!

Trevor Mach: Me an egotist? I bought a farm to literally get away from shit like that. What do you do? Use your Dad's good name to go places and deliver 3 stars at best bitch.

Colby Roads: How dare you! I am my own man! Look at the neck tat! Eagleland Cheese! It's a skull and a cheese wheel. My Dad never would do something like that! What the hell are you even doing here?

Trevor Mach: Pit stop, and I wanted my recruits here to measure up the talent on display, and realize that either of them, could be better than Colby Roads. Anyone can really. You just had the good fortune of knowing a billionaire that would be willing to help you make Vance McMan jealous. You're a joke bro. I get a charity tax break for the rub I'm giving you right now you jobber.

Colby Roads: Why don't you come into the ring and say that to my fa-oh you're already walking in here.

Trevor Mach: Security didn't even try to stop me. What the hell right?! I could kick your ass from pillar to post, but the kids are here, and that MIGHT be a bad example. I'm working that part out. Parenting isn't easy Colby. You won't be able to parade that kid around like you do your therapy dog. I know you and your wife solved racism and everything, but try being entertaining in the ring. Actually do something organic too. What the hell is with the tat bro? Is that...a nose ring?

Colby Roads: Yeah. So? It's cool! The focus group said it was cool, so I got one!

Trevor Mach: Chicks with Daddy issues think they're cool. It makes you look like a tool. Now, I could kick your ass, like I said, but three things would happen. I'd hit you, you'd hit the mat, and then I'd go put superglue on your driver side door handle. However, I think Mr. Scary over there would like a taste.

Mr. Scary: Me?

Trevor Mach: How bout it Scare Bear, you want a taste of the Eagleland Cheese?

Mr. Scary: I'm lactose intolerant!

Trevor Mach: Work shop that, it's almost a good insult. Get in here then!

Colby Roads: You want me to school one of your students?! That's fine, I'll-

Trevor Mach: Oh wait, hang on.

Trevor suddenly ripped the nose ring out of Colby's nose, and chucked it into the crowd.

Colby Roads: AHHHH!!!

Trevor Mach: Free souvenir for a fan, but I'd probably wash it. You're making a fool of yourself, you bleach blonde labradoodle. He's all yours Scaresy.

Trevor sat back and held his kids, as Colby agonized over his bleeding nose. Mr. Scary got fired up, and head butt him in said nose. Colby screamed in agony, as Scary hit him with a Spinebuster and took control on the mat. He pulled out his knife, but Mach told him to use his fists instead cause Colby needed to not get murdered. Everyone was expecting Kota Hayashi to show up and make the save for Colby, but he's a whiny pathetic bitch, who won't honor his contract, and tries to take down whatever company he's in like a ravaging poison. It would be a real shame if he broke his neck wrestling a blow up doll. A real real shame. As Scary ground pounded Colby, the fire and intensity he had once before seemed to be coming back with a vengeance. He began to laugh maniacally as he beat the cheese to a pulp. He picked up Colby for the backstabber, and then flipped him onto his stomach for a Camel Clutch variation called the Killer Clutch. Colby quickly submitted.

-Singles: Mr. Scary beat Colby Roads via Killer Clutch -> Submission

Trevor Mach: Now THAT is what I want to see! We're out of here Mid-South! Catch us on XP! We're heading Reefside baby. Take it sleazy!

Last edited by Machismo (5/15/2022 1:10 am)

Index
» Strong Style Forever
» EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/02/2022 3:15 am #141

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/04/2022 12:47 am #142

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/04/2022 10:13 am #143

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/06/2022 7:33 am #144

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/07/2022 1:48 pm #145

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/09/2022 10:42 am #146

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/10/2022 10:51 am #147

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/12/2022 1:13 am #148

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/14/2022 1:04 pm #149

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

5/15/2022 12:59 am #150

Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

Index
» Strong Style Forever
» EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

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