Ninten: Ninten here, looking jacked, feeling confident, and ready to batter Lucas at Victory Explosion 16! At the biggest event of the year, I'm going to show the little punk that his story didn't deserve to be localized, it's not as good as the two before it, and the people that glorify it are nutjobs, who don't actually like RPGs. If you have to subvert tropes and expectations, then you can seriously screw off. Do NOT deconstruct MY bread and butter baby! Anyways, let's more onto- seriously it wasn't like my story or Ness's story AT ALL! You ever been to Nowhere Islands? It's not as fun as Eagleland, I'll tell you that much. You're lucky that dragon rewrote history too, or we'd all be in a dystopia rules by Po- I'm gonna stop. I'm seriously gonna stop. OK. So, a BIG change has been made to XP! A new match type of sorts. Swift was watching a show, saw a concept and said "Lol! I'll do that IRL!"....he didn't actually say that obviously. He busted into the workshop for EBW engineers. Yes, those are a thing. He busted in, and tossed a crude sketch onto the table and said "make it bitch!" Those were his exact words! What do you think about an ENCLOSING CAGE! The Cage match between Jammer and Mike will see the Cage CLOSING IN ON THEM! Yeah, that's gonna happen! All the walls will close in, forcing Jammer closer and closer together, until a winner is decided. It's like the ring is literally pushing them together to fight. That's pretty cool. I'll fight Lucas in the cage. He's used to being trapped in a linear structure isn't he? HA! I STILL GOT HIM, JUST LIKE I'M GONNA GET HIM AT VICTORY EXPLOSION 16! HAHA!

EBW: XP
Club Vela, Reefside
ENN

0. Singles: Point Man vs. Tad Blinko
0. Singles: Big Shark vs. Pucky
0. 8-Woman Tag: Erica/Hilda Iceheart/Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox vs. Jenny James/Aoife Aisling/Alison Chains/Gold
0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. CP Munk
1. Singles: Amigo vs. Isiah Muscle
2. Women's Singles: Lainey Strong vs. Makoto Angel
3. Lifeguard Match: Benjamin vs. Brandish X
4. Tag: Christina Angel/Hope Mach vs. Sunny Malibu/?
5. Enclosing Cage: Jammer vs. Kinniku Mike

North Point U.N. Headquarters

Tack Angel sat a desk across from another man. The smiling man refused to make eye contact or look at his Sailor Guardians behind him. Tack picked at his teeth, and then knocked on the desk.

Tack Angel: ...Is this...oak?

Man at the desk: ...I think it's oak.

Tack Angel: Ooo. Oak is good.

Man at the desk: Yeah, I think so.

Tack Angel: Huh. Listen, I'm a very busy man, is your boss going to-

Suddenly, a pallid man with lizard like eyes seemingly slithered out of the a room and approached Tack.

Pallid Man: It'ssss an honor to meet you Star Princccce.

Tack Angel: You can refer to me as Tack...or King Tack. Constellation King Tack Angel.

Pallid Man: King Tack, we welcome you to the UN HQ of North Point. You're here, becaussssse we've sssseeen your country prosssssper, and we wissssh to welcome you as a member of the U.N. and the World Economic Forum.

Tack Angel: What? You wish to acknowledge Crystal Heaven huh? Wait, I thouht the U.N. and the World Economic Forum were two different things.

Pallid Man: Yessss, THEY are meant to think ssssso. We will convene with the members of the Country Membership Council, and passsss the motion to add Crysssstal Heaven to our globalist collective. What do you sssssay?

Tack Angel: Heh. You know people call me a bad guy these days. Maybe to them... I really am. If being a hero trying to save the world makes me evil than so be it. That being said, I could NEVER EVER be evil enough to join your child sacrificing, moloch worshiping, globalist hive mind! Unlike all of you, I actually intend to save the world. You'll all bow to me before it's over. Yes, I will rule the world, but unlike all of you, I'm not trying to start wars for profit. I don't knowingly unleash plagues to increase control and influence. You're as bad as...the IRS. We're leaving!

Tack left the building in a hurry. As he stood outside the front doors it began to rain. Neptune collected the water around Tack into her hands, protecting him from getting wet.

Tack Angel: They wanted me under their thumb.

Sailor Uranus: They think they can control the situation.

Tack Angel: Before they were the global power. Now I am the power. I am the influence. This just confirms to me that I'm doing the right thing, when THAT is the alternative. As for me? I'm the good guy. I'm the hero. Everything I do is right.

Tack Angel stepped into his limo and dropped his pants, as Maid Korra rushed to his knees.

Tack Angel: I'm angry Korra. Polish my star rod until I'm not angry anymore. It could take a while.

Maid Korra: I won't let you down!

Tack Angel: No, I want you to go down. That's the point. Awww. That's better. Uranus...Neptune...I order you to watch. It's better when you watch. Don't forget to cup the ba-

Tack suddenly realized he and his entourage were not alone in the limo, as a figure sat in the darkness of the other side of the limo. Her long legs were crossed, as she playfully kicked her high heel on and off.

?: Don't let me interrupt.

Tack Angel: Who are you?

?: So the plan is influence? You need power?

Tack Angel: Again, who are you? You need to answer my question. If I snap my fingers, Uranus and Neptune will-

?: I can give you the power and influence you need. I can give you all that you want. Together, you and I, and all your wives, can finally have the influence you're looking for. What do you say?

Tack Angel: I say- Korra, I didn't tell you to stop.

Last edited by Machismo (5/16/2022 1:37 pm)

Club Vela - Reefside

Good News Gary: Good News everyone! Good News Gary is here, and pulling up right now is the Constellation King himself! The Star Prince! The EBW Triple Crown World Champion! He's got the Royal Flush! The most successful EBW Champion of all time! It's Tack Angel! It IS Tack this time right? Last time Jammer pulled a little bait and switch. Oh it is. Good! Hello Ta-

Tack silenced Gary, as two Pirates jumped out of the limo with tack and unfurled a blue carpet. Tack produced a clipboard.

Tack Angel: Ladies line up!

Good News Gary: What's going on here?

Tack Angel: Recruitment day.

Good News Gary: For DVNO?

Tack Angel: No, for my bed room Gary. Let's see Princess Peach? Queen Merelda? Dana? Flower Girl Aerith? Huh, I thought she was dead. Princess Zelda, but specifically the one from Twilight Princess? Ooo! No no, you don't get time to talk or introduce yourselves. No development time. That's not important to me. All that matters is that we get those numbers up! In you go ladies.

Good News Gary: I'm sorry, but more wives? MORE wives?

Tack Angel: That's right I want more. I want more more more. I always want more. I WILL NEVER NOT WANT MORE! Is that a problem for you Gary?

Good News Gary: No, it's just that I thought you said your cause was just.

Tack Angel: It is. Destiny specifically demands this, and so do I. It will NEVER be enough! The problem with you, is that you just don't see the vision. Everything about EBW needs to revolve around how many women I add to my harem, no matter how much damage it does, because it's for the greater good...or whatever.

Good News Gary: Or whatever?

Tack Angel: Listen, people who question me, or get in my way, they are learning the hard way that this Tack Angel is not the push over he used to be. I've humbled half this roster, and the other half is a work in progress. I could snap my fingers right now, and The Shark Order would be decimated. Please, keep that in mind. It would be all your fault. Now listen up, I'm going to be busy doing a quickie marriage in the parking lot, because quite frankly I don't have time for the lengthy ceremonies anymore, but rest assured, I have a big announcement to make later on during XP. Next week will be the final week before Victory Explosion 16, and we're going to celebrate, the Tack Angel way. It's good to be the King.

Good News Gary: Uh...I would personally be happy with one wife.

Swift's Office

Swift slammed the plans for the Enclosing Cage onto his desk and looked up at a grinning Chaz Hardcastle.

Swift: This is bullshit Hardcastle! Absolutely bullshit!

Chaz Hardcastle: Hey, don't blame me Swift! ENN LOVED the idea! You have made it clear you don't want MY involvement, buuuut ENN sees it a different way, and they love hearing what I have to say. In fact, I think they're going to want me to have more control over EBW when this is over. I mean sure, you're the President, this is your baby, but your baby is in our cradle. I've been nice enough to pretend that you have control up until now, because I believe in synergy, but after Victory Explosion, things are going to change.

Swift: Is that right? Cause I think so too, but not how you see it bitch. When Dan smashes up that statue, I have a feeling things really are going to change.

Chaz Hardcastle: .....

Swift: You stopped smiling. Careful, I can see the psycho hiding behind your eyes.

Chaz Hardcastle: Let's not say things we're going to regret Swift. He doesn't like it when people threaten his property.

Swift: Are we talking property rights now? Those involve rules, and I thought "he" didn't have any rules. So it's anarchy for me but not for thee right? Hypocrite.

Chaz Hardcastle: Let's just say that Bashin Dan is going to get a nasty lesson for the passenger. He may not survive it. You may end up being taught the same lesson. I was hoping we could work together, despite everything we've gone through, but you don't seem to get he message. EBW may need a new President after all, and luckily, that's something I feel confident I can do. *wink* You may flip your table now.

Swift: Oh I'm gonna do it when I feel like it! Don't try and tell me when to flip my table! I'LL FLIP IT WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT!

Backstage

Makoto Angel: Makoto Angel here! I'm pulling triple duty tonight! I'm working backstage here, I'll be at the desk all night, and I'm competing against Lainey Strong? Why? Because I have a title shot at Victory Explosion! I'm so excited! The Twin Lariats are great, and I look forward to the match, but right now I'm joined by Alison Chains who-

Alison Chains: *belch*

Makoto Angel: ...Alison Chains who-

Alison Chains: *cough cough*

Makoto Angel: Alison Chains-

Alison Chains: You're a joke, your family is a joke. No one can love that many women equally, and you're an idiot for believing it. You're being used. A whole cadre of cock sleeves. Oh yeah, that's right, I said it. "Cadre!" I have a word of the day app on my phone. Give me the mic. I don't play by the rules myself. Your "King" thinks he can make them up all he wants, just like Erica. Erica, you lost bitch. You got battered and humiliated, then you had to eat crow. Then, when we actually had your back because your got #MeThreed by Dickstick HardASStle, you stabbed us in the back. Now you want a new Eisenritter? You don't get to have it! You don't get your empire back! Haven't you heard? The empire thing is an Angel gimmick, right Makoto? Don't answer. Make like you're holding a mouth full of Tack "magic" and swallow. It may only be IGNITION, but for the pay pigs on ENN+, they'll see me, Gold, and the Television Champion Jenny James carve you up. The numbers game is against us. It's 4-on-3.

Aoife Aisling: Oi! What are ya oon aboot? Ahm right here!

Alison Chains: But I have a secret weapon. A voice in my head. An imaginary friend, that wants to beat your asses as much as I do. I call her Aoife or something. I don't really know.

Aoife Aisling: Imaginary?! O' course you call me AOIFE! THAT'S ME NAME! ME NAME IS AOIFE!

Alison Chains: Even though she's not real, she's always there if I need to cuss at something, or get motivated to commit acts of violence.

Aoife Aisling: I keep telling ya, ahm real! Ahm not imaginary! Ye see meh! Ahm REAL! LOOK! LOOK AT MEH DRIVER'S LOISCENSE! YE WANT IDENTIFICATION! YE WANT A BIRTH CERTIFICATE!?!

Alison Chains: Maybe we could all say hello to Aoife together. Oh Aoife?

Aoife Aisling: AHM HERE! AHM ROIGHT HERE! AHM ROIGHT IN FRONT OF YE PSYCHO BITCH!

Alison Chains: Hehe, if only you could hear the things she's telling me to do, like kill people.

Aoife Aisling: AHM NOT SAYING THAT!

EBW: IGNITION
Club Vela, Reefside
ENN+

0. Singles: Point Man vs. Tad Blinko
-Tad Blinko talked a big game and tried to flex his biceps, but the Point Man reliably took him down to the delight of the crowd. He trapped Tad in the Cobra Clutch to score the submission victory. Good ol' Point Man. We always love him, respect him, and look forward to his next match.
Winner: Point Man via Cobra Clutch -> Submission

0. Singles: Big Shark vs. Pucky
-Pucky and Big Shark took lumps out of each other, in a burly brawl. No flips, no flying, and no special technical holds. Just two brawlers battering each other. Big Shark with off the ropes to hit that signature Big Boot, but Pucky dodged it and forced Big Shark into the turnbuckle, where he Hockey Checked him and hit a Bulldog for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Pucky via Hockey Check x Bulldog -> Pin

0. 8-Woman Tag: Erica/Hilda Iceheart/Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox vs. Jenny James/Aoife Aisling/Alison Chains/Gold
-Erica, Hilda, Aoi, and Lennox got the drop on the Television Champion and her team as they made their way to the ring. A lot of walk and brawl before they even made it to the ring. Erica directed her team to go for the throat and ride the line on the rules, as to be expected from Erica's team. Chains was happy to oblige, wrapping her arm in barbed wire when tagging in, but her team mates tried to talk her out of it to avoid the DQ. The distraction allowed Erica to send the others to the outside to drag Jenny's team to the floor as she lifted Chains for the Air Raid Crash and pinned her for the win.
Winners: Erica[o]/Hilda Iceheart/Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox via Air Raid Crash on Alison Chains -> Pin

0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. CP Munk
-CP Munk came out in a "Abortion is Murder" t-shirt, as a way to be divisive and alienate some people, which is totally what you should do in wrestling. Oh sure virtue signal. I mean Munk is right, but imagine if someone did that in reverse, and did so to flaunt it into the faces of the people he showed up to entertain? That would be stupid. The bell rang and Munk went after PT quickly. PT came back and clotheslined Munk off the ring apron. After another one of those signature walk and brawls that every one loves to see, they returned to the ring. PT methodically controlled the action, before Munk hit a hard elbow and shot to the gut. He then landed a Blue Thunder Bomb. Munk then landed a running flip dive over the top rope onto PT. He landed a running boot to the face, but Magnum PT fired back with one of his own, walking off the kick from CP Munk, although he had a bloodied nose at this point. PT gave Munk a back suplex, but Munk suplexed PT onto his head. They both ran the ropes and clotheslined each other. Both went down. They slowly fought to their feet throwing hands, until PT gained control. He fired up and blocked a Go 2 Munk attempt to hit his own Mustache Ride, and pinned CP Munk for the title defense.
Winner: Magnum PT via Mustache Ride -> Pin -> Title Defense!



Makoto Angel: Makoto Angel here again, and yes, you're seeing it right. COLBY'S IN THE HOUSE! Somehow in the massive bidding war for the 3 Star General, we managed to snag Colby back from SEW, but only on the condition that we give him a timer and treat him like a way bigger deal. So now we have the COUNTDOWN TO COLBY! That's another time though, specifically, the time listed on the screen, but at this time, I'm joined by the increasingly popular Pucky, formerly Chuck Pucky, and now just Pucky again, is that right?

Pucky: I try not to speak ill of a lady, but your whole family's a joke!

Makoto Angel: Here we go again.

Pucky: Tack Angel needs to give his balls a tug, but I guess he's got a bunch of expensive whores to do it for him!

Makoto Angel: Hey!

Pucky: Dude's a loser, I bet he waves goodbye to his piss every time he flushes. Dude's a sick sexual deviant, and that's coming from me, the guy gave Dirk and Rand's Moms the nicknames "Fisted Sisters", but I guess you would know all about that too. The prick works you like a sock puppet no?

Makoto Angel: You are way out of line Pucky! That's horrible! You're saying mean, horrible things!

Pucky: That's what I do ya *bleep*ing *bleep*. I bet your mitt looks like a boa constrictor tried to unhinge its jaw to swallow a submarine.

Makoto Angel: My wha-HEY! *blush*

Pucky: What the *bleep* am I even doing here? Just tell PT, I'll see him next week! I want a shot at the show, and I'll *bleep*ing win that ENN+ strap, you can count on it. Now *bleep* off, or better yet I'll *bleep* off.

Makoto Angel: ...*sniff* We'll uh....we'll see you on...*sniff* XP...coming up next.

Club Vela - Parking Lot

Lainey Strong pulled up to the arena, ready for her match with Makoto. She looked confident, and was all smiles, until The Auditor appeared from out of the shadows, and put a rag over her mouth.

The Auditor: Shhhh. I don't normally like to do this part of the job. It's not really my thing, but I do believe I will make an exception for you my dear. Don't fight. Please don't struggle. It will only make it harder to awaken you for your audit. I hope you have blood to spare.





Larry Grim: Welcome, to the scalding hot Reefside. Yep...we're back, and my bones are BLEACHED. We're at the beautiful Club Vela for this special edition of XP! Spring has definitely sprung, and we're hurtling towards summer, and I'm going to need one of those little fans right here on my desk please? Yes Steve, skeletons can still feel heat, and no, I have no idea how I feel anything without nerve endings. I just do. I don't have all the answers, I just know you're dying two days after your 54th birthday. Dammit, I shouldn't have said that. You see what the heat does to me? Big news everyone. We're being joined at commentary again by none other thaaaaan-

Tack Angel: The once, present, and future King. Tack Angel is here once again. Go ahead and lash out, cause it's not going to change a thing. Horace, block the solo cups incoming would you?
 
Horace Angel: Absolutel-*cup hits him* ow!

Tack Angel: Shame that CP Munk didn't take the belt off of PT, but we'll get him next time. Oh, I'm talking about IGNITION by the way. I'm focusing on the show. We don't have to always make this about me.

Larry Grim: You seem to do that a lot though.

Tack Angel: If EBW is all about me, that's more EBW's fault than mine don't you think? You can blame yourselves. Not my fault. I'm just here to watch some wrestling, get inspired, and then watch as that little punk Jammer gets put in his place. Also, I hear we have a Countdown to Colby, and I'm starting to think Colby Roads might be DVNO material.

Larry Grim: That's right, we do have the Countdown to Colby all over the screen right now. On all the monitors. We have a custom countdown clock in FRONT of the big screen for some reason. This is apparently a big deal, even though we've seen him a lot....losing...on IGNITION. It is what it is. We have a huge show tonight, with the debut of the Enclosing Cage Match between Jammer and Kinniku Mike.

Tack Angel: Mike is great. We used to have our differences, but he knows what's up. He loves the ladies too, so we have that in common. He loves his son, and is showing loyalty to him. We have that in common too. A lot of good traits from Mike. Jammer has none of that. He's a punk. A petulant brat basically, and I'm going to put him in his place. Not many have walked into Victory Explosion with the title, and walked out still holding it. I'm going to do just that. Mike is going to pull it off this time. He'll leave Jammer in pieces, and I'll sweep him into the dustbin of irrelevance. That's a proclamation from the King.

Larry Grim: Um...congrats on the new wives too I suppose?

Tack Angel: They'll do....for now.

Larry Grim: Didn't you have a big announcement for tonight?

Tack Angel: I do, but it can wait right? Like the Countdown to Colby, all good things can wait.

Larry Grim: Well then, we have a match you're likely going to be invested in, speaking of Mike by the way. Amigo will be taking on his son, the TUE Season 1 winner Isiah Muscle. Let's do it to it.

EBW: XP
Club Vela, Reefside
ENN

1. Singles: Amigo vs. Isiah Muscle
-A hard fought opener to the show, where Amigo showed off why he is one of the masters of the mat, and Isiah Muscle is still learning the ropes in comparison. Amigo put on a clinic, showing him various holds, and trapping him in submissions, telling them what they're called and who created them, as the crowd had a good laugh. Isiah did not appreciate being insulted and humiliated, and went on a rampage, but his anger made him unfocused, and he fell prey to Amigo's years of experience. Kinniku Mike, sick of seeing Amigo humiliate his son, ran out and put the beat down on Amigo. Zyro Kurogane, Pirate Harry Kim, and Horace Angel came out to assist in the beating, but Blood 4 Blood made the save, and got Amigo out of the ring with a DQ victory.
Winner: Amigo via DQ

Larry Grim: Wow! Amigo showing his stuff there! No more ring rust for him! He spent months back home coaching his local high school's wrestling team, so he knows how to but youngsters in their pla-

Tack Angel: Amigo was being a bully, and I don't appreciate bullies. I don't condone them. This might not be my Kingdom, but that is MY RING, and DVNO will not tolerate bullying. Mike did the right thing. Of course Blood 4 Blood had to try and get involved too. Even without Mach with them, they still have his ego lingering. Doesn't help that Little Mac is now their "coach" I guess? You know I beat him for my first World Championship, so my "son-in-law" isn't learning from the best.

Larry Grim: Well, next up, we have Lainey Strong taking on Makoto Angel, but I'm being told that Lainey Strong hasn't been seen in the arena. I'm also hearing that Dan Club are in a panic backstage. I also don't have to hear these things. I just happen to know them.

Tack Angel: Oh yeah? You told Steve when he's dying, when am I dying, and how?

Larry Grim: ...You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

2. Women's Singles: Lainey Strong vs. Makoto Angel
-Lainey Strong did not make her entrance, puzzling the crowd and Makoto Angel, who was looking forward to improving her streak since returning to action. Too much time elapsed, and thus Makoto Angel won by Forfeit.
Winner: Makoto Angel via Forfeit

Makoto Angel: Shucks, I really wanted to have a good match with Lainey. Do you think she's OK?

Tack Angel: I'm not sure Makoto, but I think you would've done a great job!

Makoto Angel: Thanks Tack! That means so much coming from yo-

Tack Angel: Did you hear I got more wives?

Makoto Angel: Oh...more huh? More and more. Wow...such a...big family. Heh.

Tack Angel: Don't worry Makoto, always room for your friends in the Sailor Senshi.

Makoto Angel: ...G-great.

Larry Grim: Tack, is it time for that big announcement yet? I mean you did pass me the slip of paper that said to mention it.

Tack Angel: Indeed! You know how the Starlights will be performing "Search for your Love" at Victory Explosion? Well, they will also be my co-hosts on Xcite, when I hold my 2022 TACKY AWARDS! That's right Xcite will play host to the Tackys. Who is going to walk away with one? Only two ways to find out. Watch the show or find out about it after show! I prefer the former to the latter.

Makoto Angel: ...Really exciting.

Tack Angel: You all right Makoto?

Makoto Angel: Just...thinking...I'll do my job. I'm a professional!

Larry Grim: *sigh* Wait, I'm hearing we have some commotion in the back! Let's check it out!

Backstage

Good News Gary: NOT Good News back here, as the Dan Club are fighting with Undeth! This is of course right before they're all expected to go out to the ring for the Lifeguard Match!

Benjamin: WHERE IS SHE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER!?

Bashin Dan: I know exactly what they're doing, and it's not good. How dare you kidnap her! She wasn't a part of this! You monsters!

Jammer: GIVE HER BACK!

Vape: YEAH WHAT THEY SAID!

Good News Gary: This is going to spill out to the ring, so be careful guys! Back to you!

3. Lifeguard Match: Benjamin vs. Brandish X
-Bemjamin was off kilter, and overly frantic as he entered this match against Brandish X. Dan Club and Undeth surrounded the ring, with Benji and his team demanding that Undeth hand over Lainey and bring out The Auditor, but Brandish X stood in the ring, motioning for Benjamin to focus and fight him. When he refused, X slapped him across the face and told him to fight. Benjamin threw kicks and punches like a man possessed, desperately wanting Lainey back from the clutches of The Auditor. They exchanged strikes mid-ring. Brandish X got the better of Benji. He delivered his Fire Thunder Driver finisher, but Benji surprisingly kicked out and countered the pin into one of his own. He got a two count. The battle continued. The Hybrid Fighter landed a top rope senton on Benji for another near fall. They took turns launching each other out of the ring, for the "lifeguards" to get to. Benji fought by Cade and Void to get back in the ring and Spear Brandish X. X fell into the corner, and managed to keep on his feet. He hit a Euroland Uppercut and a kick to the mid-section to before he delivered the first powerbomb. And a second one, a third one, and a fourth one. 1-2-KICKOUT! Somehow the livid and impassioned Benjamin kept on fighting. The former World Champions kept it up, until Benji seemed to buckle on a Spear attempt. His stitches had busted open, and the sudden blood loss was getting to him. Brandish X was taken aback by him until this point, actually showing a member of Undeth off guard, but he took advantage and hit the Fire Thunder Driver again for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Brandish X via Fire Thunder Driver -> Pin

Larry Grim: Brandish X with the win, but we all have to admit that the Mystic Bout Machine was not focused on this match. His thoughts are with Lainey Strong.

Makoto Angel: So are mine! Tack, make Void give her back!

Tack Angel: I don't really call the shots with Undeth. They stay out of my business, and I stay out of their business. That's the deal.

Makoto Angel: No, this isn't right! IT'S NOT RIGHT TACK! If you care at all, you'd do something about this!

Tack Angel: What?!

Makoto Angel: You heard me. I know you have to do a lot of things as King, but this is just cruel!

Tack Angel: I'M NOT- *sigh* Fine, I'll talk to him.

Makoto Angel: Thank you. *sniff* It's been a stressful night for me.

Larry Grim: I'm sorry Makoto. It's a good thing Tack just left though, because I know something you don't.

Makoto Angel: Uh oh?

Larry Grim: Uh oh. The Countdown to Colby is ticking down to zero. HERE WE GO!

The timer hit zero, and a whole bunch of pyro went off, as the crowd fell silent. Music began to play as Colby Roads ascended from the floor.

♫ Adenaline, in my soul. Bibiddy bip bip Colby Roads. ♫

He came out in a red, white, and blue jacket, because the test marketing said it was cool to be patriotic right now, as long as you voted for the "right guy". He tried traumatizing his service dog with more pyro, but the dog quickly ran to the back. Colby soaked up the few scattered cheers, but suddenly the Countdown to Colby clock fell off the screen and knocked him over. Angry about the humiliation, he quickly went into the ring.

Colby Roads: What was that?! What is that?! That's what I get?! I deserve a hero's welcome! I'm the Eagleland Cheese! Colby Roads! Do you know who my father was?! He was *lip quiver on command* a wrestling icon, and a great step for me to use to get to even bigger things! Reality shows and politics! I deserve all of this because of my father, but don't think about my father, think about how awesome I AM! I-

Trevor Mach: Yoooooou....talk to much.

The crowd suddenly went wild, as Trevor Mach appeared on stage, with Jason the 2nd and Mr. Scary, his TUE recruits. He quickly joined Colby in the ring.

Trevor Mach: Miss me? *wink*

Colby Roads: Unbelievable! It wasn't enough to humiliate me in HWA, but you have to do it here too?

Trevor Mach: Well yeah, it matters more here. This is home. Sorry I haven't been around guys, but I've been busy as you can see. I was actually here to sign the contract with w00t, but the "genius" decided not to show up. Go figure. But I'm here, and I'm ready for a fight, so why don't we fight right now huh? I mean look at you Roads, you're a joke. The living embodiment of middle child syndrome. Your brother is far more talented and beloved, but grab for that attention. Go ahead and dye your hair. No one will notice. Everything about you looks manufactured. I mean look at that *bleep*ing treasure trail big shoots, you look like a twelve year old girl.

Colby Roads: Oh yeah? You want to talk about how I dress?! Look at you in that jump suit. Oh, because you're a farmer now right? I mean nice onesie does it come in men's? Haha!

Trevor Mach: I think you cum in enough men for the both of us.

Colby Roads: What?

Trevor Mach: Figure it out. Let me guess, you do cross fit? You can cross *bleep* off.

Colby Roads: You ripped out my nose ring! That was uncalled for and you should be ashamed of yourself!

Trevor Mach: You punched a hole in your own damn nose. I bet it's not the only hole you got punched in.

Colby Roads: What?

Trevor Mach: Figure it out.

Colby Road: Alright, that's enough! If you want to go, then it's go ti-

Trevor nailed him in the head with a headbutt, and brought him on his shoulders for the Burning Machismo. He smashed Colby to the ground, and then told Mr. Scary to hold him up, as he nailed the Knee Trigger. The rest of Blood 4 Blood came out to welcome back Trevor and to celebrate the "Countdown to Colby". They are stepped over Colby on the way to the back, as Tack Angel returned to the desk, having missed the whole thing.

Tack Angel: I talked to Void. The Auditor will have a word with Benjamin, and Lainey will be returned. There. Can't say I don't care.

Makoto Angel: Wow. Thank you Tack. That means a lot. I know you care, but it's nice to actually get to see it on occassion.

Tack Angel: So, what did I miss?

Makoto Angel: .....

Larry Grim: .....

Tack Angel: What?

4. Tag: Christina Angel/Hope Mach vs. Sunny Malibu/Tali Mach<MCW>
-Everyone including Sunny Malibu was shocked as Tali Mach ran to the ring, with the female Team Mach TUE recruits in tow. No one knew what to make of the situation, but Tali claimed to want a piece of Christina before Victory Explosion, and this was her way to do go about it. Sunny was hesitant, but eventually went with it, as it put her against Hope, and that thought made Sunny laugh. Tali tied up her growing hair, and looked ready to fight Hope, which had the crowd on their feet. Suddenly, she tagged Sunny in, and suggested she should get a piece first. Sunny was confused, but went a long with it, until Tali turned her around, hit the Sexy Strong Stunner, flipped her the bird and rolled out of the ring. Hope was very confused, but took advantage, swooping in to get the Lebell Lock. Sunny refused to tap, and screamed at the Machs for toying with her, as the referee finally called for the Stoppage. Christina shrugged, having never entered the ring. Tali could be seen mouthing "gotta keep you healthy", before walking off with Rei Hino and Cherry Akintola.
Winners: Hope Mach via Lebell Lock on Sunny Malibu -> Referee Stoppage

Tack Angel: ...Tali Mach...I WANT THAT BELT BACK TALI! GIVE IT BACK!

Makoto Angel: She's showing that she's unpredictable still. We have no idea what to expect at Victory Explosion 16.

Tack Angel: The REAL "Lady M's" should have won at Rumble City! I WANT THAT BITCH BROUGHT TO HEEL!

Makoto Angel: TACK!

Tack Angel: ...She's liar and a thief! All I'm saying

Larry Grim: Well...now that we got THAT out of the way, it's time for the MAIN EVENT, as Jammer will be taking on Kinniku Mike! Enclosing Cage! First time, and possibly the last? We'll see how it goes!

5. Enclosing Cage: Jammer vs. Kinniku Mike
-Main event time, as Jammer and Mike entered the new structure. An EBW original, that was not inspired by anything else ever. The ropes were removed, and a cage was placed around the ring. As time ticked away, the cage would close in, pushing the two combatants closer and closer together. A winner would have to be decided by pin fall or escape before the two found themselves smashed by the Cage. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Not sure how the legal department can handle that. The two men have had a grudge for months, and this could be the blow off, or the crush up or something. No one had any clue what would happen with the new concept. They wrestled to a stalemate in the opening minutes, countering each other. Mike pushed Jammer off of him and ended up thumbing his eye. He powered Jammer around the ring, using the cage for added damage. Jammer looked to have the wind knocked out of him, but he used the cage, grabbing onto it to kick Mike off and free himself. Mike cut weight recently, and it made him look better, but Jammer had an easier time lifting him for a Fliger Bomb and a near fall. Mike rolled back to his feet and steamrolled Jammer, throwing him around with his signature suplexes, and lifting him for the Muscle Buster, but the enclosing cage knocked him off kilter and Jammer made an escape.
Winner: Jammer via Victory Roll -> Pin

Larry Grim: Jammer with the win!

Tack Angel: Dammit! That was luck. He was lucky. He won't be so lucky with me. I've got the talent, and years of experience. I have destiny on my side. That b-balling little punk doesn't stand a chance! He wants to step up to the King? He'd better not miss.

Larry Grim: That does it for this week, but we'll see you next week with the final countdown to...no not Colby, but Victory Explosion 16!

Parking Lot

The Auditor stood waiting with Lainey Strong on the ground, as Benjamin approached with the Masamune in his hands.

Benjamin: What did you do to her?

The Auditor: Hmm? Oh simply a nap, nothing more. I didn't have the time. My precious work was interrupted. I don't usually like that sort of thing, but I will make this one exception. I certainly don't want my opponent broken before our match. It will be there that I truly show you the currency of pain, and how much I'm willing to spend, just for you. She's all yours.

Benjamin: This doesn't change a thing. You've gone too far, and I'm going to stop you, no matter what it takes.

The Auditor: It's going to take a lot. I promise you. You may not have enough.

The Auditor backed into the shadows as Benjamin scooped up Lainey Strong and ran off. Void appeared behind The Auditor.

Void: It served its purpose. They are shaken. They know nothing but fear and anxiety. We-

The Auditor: My work is not to be interrupted again Void. You and the others might be driven by the will of that statue, but not me. I do this....because it is my job, and I refuse to give less than my best at performing the audit.

Void: .....

Last edited by Machismo (5/21/2022 10:53 am)

ENN Board Room - Saturn City

EBW Producer Steve was called to a board meeting, where Chaz Hardcastle was also seated, staring off in the distance, looking through Steve, with a fake smile, that said someone else was behind the driver's seat in his head. They sat with a bunch of identical and men and women in suits and dresses, who seemed to just agree with whatever was being said by whoever was in charge of them. A Mr. Rubenstein was running the proceedings in place of his bosses.

Mr. Rubenstein: So money is good, we're generating a lot of revenue, both with television, streaming, and youtube. It helps that we pack ads into ENN+. We beat FlixNet to the punch on that one.

Producer Steve: People don't like it though. They just think ENN is greedy.

Mr. Rubenstein: And? They'll still lap it up. That's what they do. We have seen a significant hit in ratings with our "woke programming", so we have a plan.

Producer Steve: Cut it out and allocate more funding to shows everyone can enjoy?

Mr. Rubenstein: No no, of course not. We're going to double down. Our media affiliates will help us shame people into watching them. We'll label them things from the big books of "ists" if you catch my drift.

Producer Steve: Unfortunately yes.

Mr. Face: My boss Mr. Leo Fineberg sent me here specifically for EBW business. He calls it the lifeblood of ENN.

Mr. Rubenstein: And it is, it really is. If only those dumb bastards knew what kind of shows their were getting produced by being such a content cash cow! Ahahaha-

Producer Steve: *cough cough*

Mr. Rubenstein: Oh right right! Just kidding! Just kidding!

Producer Steve looked directly at Mr. Face. He had poured over hours and hours of footage, but the footage that always stood out the most to him, was the "classified" footage, and in several cases that man was all over it. Mr. Face looked back at him, immediately picking up what he was picking up. He tried to frantically wave his arms to NOT say anything, but Rubenstein quickly shot a glance at him.

Mr. Rubenstein: Is there more?

Mr. Face: Huh? Oh no, I was just stretching. So how are those ratings?

Mr. Rubenstein: All ratings on television are down, but viewership on ENN+ balanced that right out, and in fact has been more profitable because we keep quietly bumping up the price and adding more ads. People seem to really like that Dan Club, and we're trying to figure out why.

Producer Steve: They're wholesome in a time of degeneracy, and some people crave that like a thirsty man in the desert?

Mr. Rubenstein: No, that can't be right. Thirst is what we're after though. Those Lakitu have yet to capture Hope Mach, Lainey Strong, or Jenny James completely naked, and how are we going to see the streaming service if-

Producer Steve: ENN+ was changed to lightly censor that sort of thing anyways though, so best to just let them be wholesome right?

Chaz Hardcastle: I never liked that idea. The tiers were there to "protect" children, who need to see that stuff anyways. I mean they have teachers in school showing off their new surgically made "vaginas" and that's the new trend, so we needed to stay on that. Caving is not something I'm interested in.

Mr. Rubenstein: I agree, but it is what it is. Parental pressure and EBW's President. If he didn't have clout we'd just ignore it entirely, but alas here we all. People still simp for pixels and black bars right?

Chaz Hardcastle: ENT's more mature segments aren't treated with this much censorship. No wonder interest is high over there! We need MORE sex, MORE blood, MORE violence. We need to keep their eyes glued to our product and our message!

Mr. Rubenstein: Our message?

Chaz Hardcastle: Uh...yeah. Consume.

Mr. Rubenstein: Oh right! Yes! Consume! Anyways, the ratings are up for guys like the Dan Club. They also seem to like Hope and Christina, somehow without getting naked. I don't get it. We need to convince some of these EBW women to "mix it up" if you know what I mean. Too many white couples and emphasis on nuclear family morals. It's not tracking these days. Blood 4 Blood are money too of course. People LOVE Point Man, Magnum PT, and Pucky. Those names came up a lot. HOWEVER...people seem to be souring on the Tack Angel stuff. I'm not talking his in ring stuff he does, but like, everything else. See, I thought that would work out personally. People LOVE trashy reality television, but a viewer revolt is taking place. People just don't want that. We may need to scale it back in terms of what we show. Maybe have less Lakitu footage from Crystal Hea-

?: Oh, I don't think so. That goes against the new company mandate. ENN will not go broke from going woke. No, we have a different mantra now. "Go Tack. No Going Back."



Ninten: Can you feel it? I can feel it. Victory Explosion 16, well it's just right around the corner. See it? See that corner? It's on the other side of it. You can't SEE it, but it's there. No wait Lakitu come back! I didn't mean literally. It's just allegory, that's all it is. It's about a week away. I'm excited, because I'm going to do to Lucas, what true EBW fans have wanted to do for a long time. I guess my problems with him don't really stem from him to begin with, they stem with his fan-base. They think his story is the best, when it's the worst of the three. They try to re-contextualize everything into being more like his story, and add elements from his stuff into our stuff. We were doing just fine before you and your moronic fans showed up. It's like they can't appreciate what they had. It's called EBW for a reason. Earthbound is in the name. Two of the three are currently called Earthbound in some variation. What about you Lucas? No? I didn't think so. Stay unlocalized, and as far away from real Earthbound as possible. Moving on, we have a big big BIG Xcite to kick off VE week. We could have called it Victory Explosion Xcite, but we're not gonna. Surely wrestling fans are smart enough to know that it's not the name of the show that matters, but what we offer, and we're offering a lot. This main event, is a first time ever main event. Tack Angel, holder of the Royal Flush will joined forces with Void! That's right, DVNO and Undeth unite against Bashin Dan and Jammer. Tack will ALSO be hosting his "2022 Tacky Awards" whatever that means, so another busy night for the self proclaimed lord and master of women's wombs everywhere. He just better stay away from Ana. I'll literally mind crush him. We're also going to see the Undisputed Women's World Champion Christina Angel lead a team to put a stop to Erica's new plans before they gain any more momentum. Blood 4 Blood will be in tag action AND Picky Minch will face off against Hazen in the Bushido Den! DVNO B-Team will be "B" in action on IGNITION. Eh? Eh? Magnum PT will attempt his third defense of the new ENN+ Championship against the growing favorite Pucky, and the most righteous and honorable man will be Special Referee. None other than POINT MAN! Oh, it's going to be a great show, PLUS Alison Chains has some plans too? That's word anyways. She seemed a little off this last week, so who knows WHAT is running through her mind. Will we find out? Will we even want to?


EBW: Xcite "Countdown to Victory Explosion 16"
Twoson Fairgrounds, Twoson
ENN

0. IGNITION Women's Non-Title Singles: Jenny James vs. Duvalie Angel
0. IGNITION Tag: LG Rod/Randy no Kachi vs. CP Munk/Horace Angel
0. IGNITION ENN+ Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. Pucky Special Referee: Point Man
1. Tag: Subculture/Mav Valentine vs. Cadmus/Zyro Kurogane
2. Handicap: Kinniku Mike vs. Rains/Danny Leung
3. Bushido Den: Picky Minch vs. Hazen
4. 8-Woman Tag: Christina Angel/Hope Mach/Wendy Mustang/Lainey Strong vs. Erica/Darkness Aoi/Mitra Lennox/Hilda Iceheart
5. Tag: Tack Angel/Void vs. Jammer/Bashin Dan

Saturn Cafe

Good News Gary gathered The Shark Order into the famous eatery, for a pep talk and a lesson.

Good News Gary: Good News everyone! We're going to rally around friendship, teamwork, and these delicious cheese fries, and grow stronger as a unit! We're being mocked by many right now, and we do lose a lot, but we can turn it around! I know we can! I mean, we won big matches not too long ago, and kept ourselves from being fired from EBW!

Shark #1: Duece and I have been talking about that. We think we were both taken over by a time traveler using string theory to leap into the lives of other people.

Shark #2: It would take a large hadron accelerator, that would perform a "quantum leap" of sorts, but it is possible.

Good News Gary: ...That reminds me, get your concussion tests guys. That's very important. Now, we have this guy running around in EBW called The Auditor, and he takes blood from people....a lot apparently, and that is NOT Good News. If you find any member of The Shark Order bleeding out somewhere, we have developed some life saving tips. We'll go over triage in a moment, but first, I'd like to start with CPR. Danny, can you come help me with this?

Danny Leung: Sure thing!

Good News Gary: Right. Just hop onto the cot here. Could you open the shirt please?

Danny Leung: Absolutely. Got to say I'm happy to get my head screwed back on straight after the kick from Tack. I wasn't quite myself for a few weeks. In fact I was all my selves, and then I was something else, but I'm back...more or less. I've even been working out.

Good News Gary: It shows! Now, if you find one of us passed out, you need to apply firm compressions to the chest, like so.

Danny Leung: You can do it for real. I can take it.

Good News Gary: Oh good! Well then, as you can see we apply both hands right here, and we do a series of-

Danny Leung: Seriously Gary, I've been getting ripped. I can take it. Apply some real pressure.

Good News Gary: You got it buddy! Alright, so now I just PU-

Good News Gary's hands smashed through Danny's rib cage, and into his body. The Shark Order screamed, and the patrons of the Saturn Cafe ran out screaming.

Danny Leung: AHHHH! AHHHH! WHAT'D YOU DO TO ME!

Good News Gary: It's fine! It's fine! This is normal! This happens sometimes!

Gary lifted an arm to try and calm, the team, but blood and body parts were dripping off his hand.

LG Rod: Dude no! When does this happen?!

Good News Gary: It's not that bad from where I'm standing!

Randy no Kachi: Where are you standing?! IT'S BAD! IT'S REALLY BAD!

Big Shark: *gags*

Danny Leung: *cough cough* I think...I think I'm dying!

Good News Gary: No no! It's fine! Listen, we just need to reach inside the body cavity, like so. Then when we're inside....we carefully....try to find our gold watch.

Danny Leung: WHAT?! OW! I CAN FEEL THAT! I CAN FEEL ALL OF IT!

Good News Gary: I can't find the watch. You know what? You can keep it. Call it a gift. Don't worry, I'm going to figure this out!

Danny Leung: It's OK. It's over...and you know what? I'm OK with that. I've lived a good life. I mean TUE was like ages ago, and my life has been in utter shambles ever since I uttered the words "No Push", and my Nani gets boned by Tack Angel nightly, and my brother KYO is very much dead, but not as dead as my push, because I just haaaad to say "No Push". Sometimes, I wonder if the creator holds grudges. Other than the hell of waking up everyday, I've had a good life. Maybe it's time for me to g-

Good News Gary: There I fixed it!

Danny Leung: Huh? What?

Good News Gary: You're all patched up.

Danny Leung: I am? I am!

Rains: Is this a miracle?

Good News Gary: No, it's the wonderful new product "VAPE TAPE!"

Gary is suddenly tossed the tape, as he turns to look directly at the camera.

Good News Gary: Good News for anyone needing the strongest tape on the market, because "Vape Tape" is the strongest around. Just don't taste it or get it into your blood stream!

Danny Leung: Wait what?!

Good News Gary: OOPS!

Announcer: VAPE TAPE! GET IT TODAY!

Meanwhile, in the REAL Saturn Cafe, Vape finished showing the new commercial to Jammer on his phone.

Vape: Well? What do you think?

Jammer: What the hell?! Also, it's "Vape Tape", so why are The Shark Order shilling it.

Vape: I told you, I lost all my endorsement deals! Someone keeps swiping them up. Some basketball player or something, I don't know.

Jammer: *cough cough*

Vape: They agreed to let me keep this one, but no one wanted to see my face on screen.

Jammer: They went with Danny Leung getting literally gutted and put back together on screen instead?!

Vape: ...I think I might have had a blemish that day?

Jammer: I don't understand anything anymore.

Last edited by Machismo (5/24/2022 9:51 am)

Apple Kid: Welcome to Neon Nights, and it's doooozy tonight. I know something you don't. A stellar main event by a certain person who wants to show that she can be unpredictable and ready to fight. Oops! Did I say "she" just now? Teehee. That's me playing coy. I'm not good at it. I'm good at science. I'm doing this though. We got matches for you, because that's what Neon Nights is for. Matches. Content. Stuff. But first, a word from Little Mac and Blood 4 Blood. Let's check it out.

-

Little Mac: I've been a real bastard in my later years. I was once the clean cut baby face, standing up to all comers, and it wasn't easy. I broke my nose more time than I can count. The blows to my face took my youth. The blows to my brain took my memories. The scars on my body are painful reminders of a life given to this sport. I lost people along the way, like my dear friend Master Lu. He's gone, but I'm still here. That was the puzzling thing to me. I wondered how that happened. He deserved it more than me. He was a better man. Then again, I see myself as the better warrior, and maybe the warriors live longer, because we refuse to die. Blood 4 Blood are warriors. Mav Valentine refuses to die. Subculture refuses to die. Picky Minch refuses to die. Trevor Mach refuses to die...or at least stay dead. They will fight anyone. They will fight anywhere. We have three former World Champions. We have the man who should currently BE the World Champion. They're making the sacrifices too. They train hard, to fight hard, and win with all the weapons they have. Breathe it in people. This life. It's what we got. It's what we make of it, and these men have made their lives an intentional war zone. Blood 4 Blood.

-

Apple Kid: Heh...h-holy shit.

EBW: Neon Nights
ENN Warehouse, Saturn City
ENN

1. Singles: Pucky vs. Pirate Harry Kim
-Pirate Harry Kim smugly tried to show off his DVNO B-Team shirt, like a little prick, so Pucky pulled it over his head and roughed him up hockey style. He battered the wormy bastard and checked him into the corner and hit the Bulldog for the easy victory.
Winner: Pucky via Hockey Check x Bulldog -> Pin

2. Tag: Magnum PT/Point Man vs. Shark #1/Shark #2
-The Dream Team joined forces again to take on The Shark Order, as Kinniku Mike and Isiah Muscle watched from an uncomfortable and impossibly viewing position on the monitor. The winners would climb up the ranks and possibly challenge for the World Tag Team Championships down the line. The Sharks have been uneven as of later, sometimes being great, followed by a cloud of confusion. This time they were just outworked, by the ENN+ Champ and everyone's reliable hero Point Man. PT hit the Mustache Ride on #1 to secure the pin.
Winners: Magnum PT[o]/Point Man via Mustache Ride on Shark #1 -> Pin

3. Singles: Big Shark vs. Mav Valentine
-Mav Valentine was all over Big Shark from the bell. He took the big man down, and showed the still green giant, that he his ground game needed a lot of work. No big boots and no Powerbombs, left Big Shark without his tools, and Mav was able to work him over and finish him with the Mav Buster.
Winner: Mav Valentine via Mav Buster -> Pin

4. Singles: Horace Angel vs. Picky Minch
-Horace Angel flossed his way to the ring, and shouted "POGGERS" at the crowd reaction. He flicked at his fidget spinner until Picky rushed the ring to headbutt the zoomer B-Teamer. Another match that saw a Blood 4 Blood member work over their opponent on the ground, before landing vicious strikes and slams. A series of Hagens left Horace crawling to the ropes as he yelled out that Picky was "cringe". Picky told him to "cope and seethe" as he he grabbed him into the Crossface and really dug into his face. As the zoomer wailed, Hazen ran out and attacked Picky, leading to the DQ. He batted Picky until Subculture and Mav ran out to make the save.
Winner: Picky Minch via DQ

Apple Kid: It's time for that big surprise people! I told you this would be a big one! The....EBW WOMEN'S WORLD CHAMPION IS HERE! Get ready Aoife Aisling! The undisputed ACE is here!

5. Women's Non-Title Singles: Christina Angel vs. Aoife Aisling
-Christina ducked a big boot attempt at the bell and then kneed Aoife in the head to drop her. Aoife judo threw Christina a couple times, but she fired back with a clothesline. Aoife then tossed Christina to the mat and set up an Armbar attempt. Christina elbowed out of it and landed a Hagen suplex. Aoife landed hard. Christina went for a Figure Fourside, but Aoife countered and hit a high knee to the face. Christina was impressed by the brash Celt, but turned up the heat going forward, kicking and chopping the fiery red head to mat, before hitting Shining Wizard and a nearfall. Aoife did everything she could to slow the momentum of Christina, but the Champ was in peak form, and it wasn't long before the Angel Wings lead to the 1-2-3. A victory of the champ.
Winner: Christina Angel via Angel Wings -> Pin

Christina Angel: I know we're strapped for time Apple, but if I might close out this show. I got something I want to say. Tali Mach. You have been nothing but a wild force your entire career. No one but you knows what you're going to do next. I have always looked up to you, and respected that. Take no offense when I say I'm not going to look up to you at Victory Explosion. I'm done looking up. I'm looking forward. I'm looking you right in the eyes. To know that I can beat you, that's the biggest challenge. That's the bucket list. That's a dream....fulfilled...at Victory Explosion 16. I'm ready. I'M READY!




Announcer: This week's episode of #EVER 2.0 has been postponed due to Playoffs. Yes...playoffs? You might be wondering, the playoffs of this year's sportsball events or the year 2335's? Who told you these playoffs would ever end? They're the SAME PLAYOFFS! THE PLAYOFFS NEVER END! AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHH! JUST END ALREADY! JUST END! END! END! END! END! END! END! END! END! EEEEEEEEEND! *clears throat* And now The Ultimate EBW: The Revenge!



The camera was fixated on Jason the 2nd, as he polished Sophia the 3rd.

Jason the 2nd: Life on the Mach Farm has been....educational. Not even just on the Mach Farm. We just got taken on road trip the other day, and it was something else.

The footage switched to events after XP, where Jason the 2nd was looking for Trevor Mach.

Jason the 2nd: Coach?! Coach where are you? That was awesome! You must really not like that Colby fella. Coach?

He opened the door to the showers, but Mr. Scary tried to block him, as "intense pixelation" took place in the showers.

Jason the 2nd: Coa-WHOA!

Mr. Scary: YEAH NO! You don't want to go in there man! They're....both happy to have shown up in Reefside.

Jason the 2nd: I guess Trevor and Tali don't synergize on scheduling. Funny cause they have Robo and all. Heh. Wait, are you cool with this? I thought you were into her. This has got to be torture right?

Mr. Scary: No! Not at all! I've changed my mind set on all of this! Trevor Mach has brought back the urge to rip and maim! The bloodlust is back! I owe that guy a lot! HAHA! I'm READY TO WIN TUE!

Jason the 2nd: Uh...you lost already. You can't...you can't win it.

Mr. Scary: Oh...right. Don't worry, I'll still fight to keep my spot in EBW. I'm not going to be green with env-



Mr. Herb: You can be green with envy, but can you be green with retirement? I'm green and I'm retired, have I mentioned that? I am green and I am retired. Say it with me. I am green and I am retired.

All three: I AM GREEN AND I AM RETIRED.

Mr. Herb: Now you understand.

Jason the 2nd: Who was that guy?!

The two of them were on the way to the parking lot.

Jason the 2nd: I wonder if we're just supposed to wait at the truck? Head to the hotel? Do we take Robo with us?

Mr. Scary: We'll do whatever it takes! I mean it Jason, I'm not gonna be scary, I'm gonna scary GOOD at what I do! HAHAHAHA!

Jason the 2nd: Really uh...digging the attitude. It's great man. I just wish you still had a chance to win it all.

w00t: You won't be winning either, if it's any consolation.

Jason the 2nd: w00t?

Jason and Scary walked up to w00t and his TUE Team, who had already cornered Rei and Cherry Akintola.

Cherry Akintola: Allies, we need your assistance.

w00t: We're not here to start a fight sweet chocolate Cherry. Besides, Tack's orders were absolute. No harm to his future bride Rei Hino.

Rei Hino: You know you say future bride, and I think that was the original plan, but then I hear you say it and it's like WHOA! I really need to find a temple and meditate on thi-

w00t: Shuddup shuddup shuddup. Listen "team", you tell Mach to come out here right now because I have something for him.

Trevor Mach: They don't have to, I'm right here.

Trevor and Tali stood facing w00t in the parking lot. Trevor lit up a cigar.

Tali Mach: You don't smoke those.

Trevor Mach: *cough cough cough* Oh yeah.

w00t: Looks like one of mine. Shouldn't be surprised you went through my stuff.

Trevor Mach: I was looking for the contract, but I found these.

Tali Mach: The big black vibrator was the bigger shock, but neither one of us was going to touch that.

w00t: So funny. So juvenile. Act your age Mrs. Mach.

Tali Mach: Oh, you should've let me kill him last year.
 
Trevor Mach: Beginning to see that.

w00t: I have the contract right here. Tack didn't want us to sign this on XP. He didn't want to give you the opportunity to waste everyone's time in the ring, but you went ahead and did it anyways.

Trevor Mach: This isn't about Tack.

Tali Mach: If I have to hear one more thing about that son of a bitch tonight, I'm going to personally drive a tank to his doorstep, don't worry about how I'll get it. Just know that I'll get it. I'll totally get a tank.

Trevor Mach: He's up next, when I'm done dealing with his lackey bitch, and hey that's you, so let's get to it. Hand me the contract.

w00t: Oh no, I know what you do. I know who you are. You claim to be "reformed" don't you? The truth is, you're a dirty son of a bitch.

Trevor Mach: The dirtiest.

Tali Mach: *cough cough*

Trevor Mach: ...Maybe I come second.

Tali Mach: Not if I'm doing it right.

Trevor Mach: Haha!

w00t: Enough! Jubly, go hand the contract over to Mr. Mach. He won't hit you, cause he doesn't know what gender you are.

Jubly Renesme: It's offensive to assume I have a gender!

w00t: ...I can't keep up.

Jubly Renesme: Trevor Mach, I'm into tarot now.

Trevor Mach: Of course you are big shoots.

Jubly Renesme: I will draw a card for you.

Trevor Mach: The contract is enough really.

Jubly Renesme: Oh! Look at that! The Death card! Whatever could THAT mean!

Trevor Mach: Might be related to something I have to put on my resume, but I'm not interested in discussing it. I don't let stupid death cards seal my fate.

Trevor ripped up the card.

Tali Mach: Actually the Death card doesn't mean literal death. It basically means change.

Trevor Mach: Oh...well that's not so bad.

Trevor put the torn up card in his pocket.

Trevor Mach: I'll just keep it.

Tali Mach: Like you do fortune cookie fortunes? I find them all around the house.

Trevor Mach: Bad habit.

Tali Mach: I want to know where you keep getting Edoese out in the middle of the country, and why you're not sharing.

Trevor Mach: You'll have to interrogate me.

Tali Mach: That would be very painful.

Trevor Mach: Don't threaten me with a good time babe.

w00t: Are you going to sign it?!

Trevor Mach: I guess I should read it.

w00t: It's no trick. It's quite simple really. If I win, your land is my land, and if you somehow pull off the impossible-

Trevor Mach: You leave Smalltown, and I donate the property back to the town to do as they please, so long as they don't give it to you. That's fine by me. It's signed. Good thing too, because Victory Explosion is like a week away. Imagine if I just decided not to sign it. That would've been hilarious.

w00t: A real laugh riot.

Trixie Gamble: A big gamble Mr. Mach. You're betting your whole life on this.

Trevor Mach: For the last time Trixie, stop pretending to be stung by a jellyfish, because I'm not going to piss on you.

Trixie Gamble: What?! I NEVER-

Trevor Mach: It's called the bantz. Take a breather and figure it out. I'd step back though, you too jumbled up psycho bitch, because I'm gonna get ya. I don't care who you are. It doesn't even have to be in the ring. Last year, I left your coach crying as he hung from a building on the Strip.

Tali Mach: I would've killed him.

Trevor Mach: Tali would've killed him!

w00t: We're leaving. Trevor, you best have your team ready for annihilation, because it's coming.

Trevor Mach: Why wait big shoots, the ring is right out there.

w00t: What?

Trevor Mach: You heard me w00ter, we've got a ring out there, and both of our teams are here. Let's settle up right now.

w00t: You think I won't take you up on that challenge?

Trevor Mach: No, I'd question if you have balls if you don't take that challenge.

w00t: Heh. Despite your immaturity, I'm more than happy to take part. Tony and Trixie, it's time.

Tony Wonder: Oh, I'm ready, even though I didn't bring most of my tricks. I might still surprise you IN A FLASH!

Tony tried to throw flash paper, but it went up in his face.

Tony Wonder: AH! MY EYES! AAAAAH TONY WONDER!

Trixie Gamble: Ready to roll the dice Rei?

Rei Hino: I've been waiting for this.

Jason the 2nd: Is...is Tony going to be all right?

Tony Wonder: I'm fine! I'm fine! It's part of the trick! Part of the trick!

w00t's team walked away, leaving Team Mach surprised by the challenge of their Coach.

Jason the 2nd: Appreciate the vote of confidence, but it's spur of the moment Coach.

Trevor Mach: You in it to win it Boomtown?

Jason the 2nd: Boomtown? I uh...I like that I think? Cause I got the tank right?

Trevor Mach: Are you in it....to win it?

Jason the 2nd: Of course.

Trevor Mach: Then win it! Doesn't matter where or when. You ALWAYS need to be ready to fight. A battle isn't always scheduled and pre-packaged. It comes on you like Tali on my c-

Tali Mach: *cough cough*

Trevor Mach: You get what I'm saying. Get that W Jason. Rei, you too. It's time. You don't need to fight for us, but fight yourself and win this. Get rabid.

Rei Hino: I will try my very best....and I don't want to let you down. You've both taught me a lot. I won't throw this match. That would be a mockery of all the work I've been putting in.

Tali Mach: If you could make Trixie choke on her stupid dice puns, that'd be awesome.

Rei Hino: I will...uh...try?

Tali Mach: Oh shit, she took me literally Trevor. This is going to be fun.

Trevor Mach: Well pitter patter, let's get at her!



1. TUE Men's Eliminator: Jason Boomtown vs. Tony Wonder
-The first match saw the announcement that Jason the 2nd had changed his name to Jason Boomtown, cause he heard Trevor call him that and thought "I like that, I'm Boomtown" cause that's literally all it takes. Just ask a guy named Albert. Jason had been coy about his abilities during the show, but during a showcase weeks prior, he showed that he had a lot of potential. That potential was shown against Tony Wonder, but Wonder was actually no pushover. He feigned ignorance, but used his flash paper to force Jason back, before taking him down with a smash to the corner and a suplex. He showboated too much though, and that cost him in the back and force match. Tony took Jason the outside, and again showboated, but Jason brought the BOOM, by jumping over the top rope to deliver a Slingshot DDT for the roll up and 1-2-3.
Winner: Jason Boomtown via Slingshot DDT -> Pin

Trevor Mach: BOOMTOWN BABY!

Jason Boomtown: BOOM!

Trevor Mach: YEAH!

w00t: *sigh* Don't know what I was expecting with Tony Wonder.

Tony Wonder: That...that wasn't...part of the trick...but is this your card?

Jason Boomtown: What? Uh...yeah. That actually was my card.

Tony Wonder: Tony Wonder....Waaaaa-ugh.

w00t: And he passed out.

Otto Mann: I believe a medic is in order.

w00t: .....

Otto Mann: Sir?

w00t: I'm thinking about it!

2. TUE Women's Eliminator: Rei Hino vs. Trixie Gamble
-The next bout saw Rei Hino take on Trixie Gamble. The real gamble was trying to wrestle in high heels. That hindered her almost immediately. Though as luck would have it, Trixie was doing the same, so the heels had to come off. Trixie was...well full of tricks, as she made Rei follow her in and out of the ring, with Mach telling Hino to keep it in the ring. When trying to do anything flashy outside, he told her to actually make it count in the ring. The ladies traded headlocks until Trixie escaped, hit a leaping corner elbow and bulldog for two. Rei fought back and hit a tilt-a-whirl called the Burning Mandala for a two count. Trixie escaped a fireman’s carry with strikes, Until Hino popped her with a knee to the ribs. Trixie ducked a clothesline; hit a few leaping clotheslines and sling blade. An enziguri led to a cravat neckbreaker for a nearfall. Hino fought back to her feet and slapped a strange paper talisman to Trixie's forehead, before attempting another Burning Mandala, but Trixie escaped and smashed Rei's face into the turnbuckle, a move called the Snake Eyes. On the rebound Trixie hit a Reverse Cutter, and rolled up Rei for the win.
Winner: Trixie Gamble via Snake Eyes x Reverse Cutter -> Pin

w00t: THAT'S A WIN FOR THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY! YEAH!

Trixie Gamble: ALWAYS bet on Trixie. *wink*

Rei Hino: *sigh* I'm sorry I let you down.

Trevor Mach: Didn't let me down. Did you let yourself down, or did you give it everything you had.

Rei Hino: ...Everything I have so far...but I will find more.

Trevor Mach: That's what I like to hear.

Tali Mach: For the record, you did let me down a little.

Rei Hino: Oh. Haha?

Tali Mach: *nods no*

Rei Hino: I see.

Trevor Mach: Well look w00t, I guess we're all tied up. Jason BOOMTOWN! vs. Otto Mann and Chery Akintola vs. Trixie Gamble. Sounds like it'll be a gas.

w00t: Don't forget that the other members of your team will have to fight to survive just like mine, and I intend to get into the ears of a few people to make sure your entire team is wiped out. I want you with nothing left when I beat you.

Trevor Mach: It's nice to have dreams I guess, but you need to wake up w00t, cause you're gonna get hurt.

w00t: You think you're this unpredictable force of nature, but you're wrong. You're very predictable. I've been in your head. I've been spending time in your own backyard. I know what drives you. You love to fight, but you're compelled by other things too.

Trevor Mach: I've kicked my phone game habit if that is what you're referring to.

w00t: No no...obviously not. Don't worry...you'll find out.

Trevor Mach: What even is your problem w00t? What do you want?

w00t: I'm an educated man. I'm a sophisticated man. That being said, my reasons for all of this are bit more savage. I want your blood Trevor Mach. I want your soul. You like to play games right? We're playing for blood.

Trevor Mach: Well...then I'm your huckleberry. Say when.

w00t: ...The Dome...obviously. I'll see you at the Dome.

Trevor Mach: Thought so. Likes to stir up trouble and then runs off before he gets what he's got coming to him.

Tali Mach: He does do that. I would've killed him.

Trevor Mach: I know that. I really truly know that babe.

Later, as Team Mach departed the building, Trevor was puzzled to see his dog Barley in the parking lot.

Trevor Mach: Barley?! How did he get here? Tali?

Tali Mach: I didn't bring him.

Trevor Mach: Boomtown was he in the back with you and Robo?

Jason Boomtown: I don't think so. Seems like something I would have noticed.

Tali Mach: *sigh* Hang on, I'll get him.

Tali walked out into the parking lot to collect the dog, as a puzzled Trevor noticed headlights suddenly illuminate down the street. An engine roared, and the car began to speed towards Tali and the dog.

Trevor Mach: TALI LOOK OUT!

Tali saw the car speeding towards her, and ran faster to get to Barley. She picked him up and clutched him tightly. The car sped faster towards her. Trevor jumped into front of her at the last second, but the car made a sudden shift to their side, and rolled down the window.

w00t: Made you flinch! Trevor, when I said I was spending time in your backyard, I was being literal. Nice dog. Haha!

The car drove off, leaving Trevor and Tali visibly angry.

Last edited by Machismo (5/27/2022 2:16 am)

Space Station 5 - 2335

Jeff Andonuts: Welcome to uh...Space Station 5? We were apparently pre-empted by a playoff of some sorts? I wouldn't know, I don't watch sportsball. We're uh...we're on a Space Station, in hot pursuit of...well Swift? He kind of beat us. We weren't expecting that, but it's Earth-5 Swift...or General Swift I guess he's called. Trying to keep up. Hey look, I got a new leg! They just...they just sort of grow them in the future. Neat huh? The problem is...it's...well it's not attached, but....but I got it....in this jar over here. It doesn't help with the phantom pain at all I got to say. BUT...we're not here to talk about that. We're here, because I thought it would be kind of fun to talk science with the kids of the future! I want to see what they know, and what they could possibly teach me. I mean it's 313 years in the future, and we're just growing limbs in jars, so they have to know some wild stuff. Let's give a big hiiiii-pothesis...hehe..to our kids here. Lani and Josh.

Lani: H-hey.

Josh: Hiya!

Jeff Andonuts: It's the year 2335, but kids are still called Josh huh? I'm just saying Jedediah went out of style after like a hundred years, but whatever. You guys excited to talk about science?

Lani: My three hearts are beating really fast. I'm so nervous!

Jeff Andonuts: Three hearts?! You don't look like an alien.

Lani: Oh I'm not. An ancestor got some strange shot for something called Mushroom Head, and Mommy says we all get birth defects now.

Jeff Andonuts: O-oh....oh dear. Oops. Well, let's just take a deep breath. In fact, the topic for today is AIR!

Josh: Yes! I love air so much!

Jeff Andonuts: Don't we all? Air is mostly made up of an element, do you know what it is?

Lani: Air?

Jeff Andonuts: Huh? N-no, it starts with Oxy.

Josh: Oxycontin?

Jeff Andonuts: The pain killer? No, it's oxygen.

Lani: I knew it.

Josh: Yeah totally.

Jeff Andonuts: Did you though? Say, do you guys like balloons?

Josh and Lani: Do you guys like balloons?

Jeff Andonuts: N-no, I didn't mean say it back, it was a figure of spe- so look kids, I have a balloon. Why does it float?

Josh: From...um...like...the string?

Jeff Andonuts: What? No. It's from helium, and it works like this. Imagine you're in a pool and-

Josh: MARCO!

Lani: POLO!

Jeff Andonuts: Guys.

Josh: MARCO!

Lani: POLO!

Jeff Andonuts: Guys! Forget about the pool. No more pool. I've drained the pool. Let's just do the experiment, and kids, if you're joining along at home, make you have a parent of guardian with you, because what comes first in the science room?

Lani: Um....the guy?

Jeff Andonuts: Th-the guy?

Lani: Yeah, my older sister says the guy always comes first? I don't know what that me-

Jeff Andonuts: Oh my science! No! No, that's not what that means! The guy does not come first in the science room!

Josh: The girl does?

Lani: My sister says the girl never does.

Jeff Andonuts: Then he's doing it wr- I MEAN SAFETY! SAFETY COMES FIRST! That was an awful conversation we just had! Here Josh, blow up this balloon for me.

Josh: OK! *blows into the balloon, but quickly blacks out*

Jeff Andonuts: Sweet science! Are you OK?!

Josh: Yeah! No. What?

Jeff Andonuts: I'll blow it up. Now, we place some scotch tape on the balloon...what little tape is NOT covering Lani right now.

Lani: I overdid it.

Jeff Andonuts: You sure did. We put the tape on, and we'll see what happens when I put this needle through the balloon. What do you think will happen?

Josh: It'll...get vaccinated?

Jeff Andonuts: ...What would normally happen if the needle went into the balloon?

Lani: It'll scream?

Jeff Andonuts: YOU STUPID STUPID KIDS! WHAT DO BALLOONS DO?!

Josh: ...Provide a sense of atmosphere?

Jeff Andonuts: If I stick a needle through this balloon....WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

Josh: Come first?

Jeff Andonuts: *angrily pops the balloon* *bleep* it! You're all idiots?! Is this what happens in the future?! Are we all just stupid?!

Josh: Huh? I'm sorry I was watching this TikTack video.

Jeff Andonuts: STILL?! IN 2335?! What a bleak look at the fut-

Justice Mach: No no no, don't worry Jeff. It's just here on this space station mostly.

Jeff Andonuts: Huh?

Justice Mach: This is Space Station 5, it's the home to the...NPCs of the region.

Jeff Andonuts: The NPCs? I see.

Justice Mach: They're all fans of the "current thing" you see, and right now, that's Space Channel 5.

Jeff Andonuts: Oh yeah? Look, see for yourself.




Jeff looked out the glass towards the interior of the Space Station, as a large area was set aside for filming of the uber popular Space Channel 5, staring Ulala, the dancing host of the hip music show. Jeff immediately began to drool at the sight of the pink haired beauty.

Jeff Andonuts: Is she....she...

Justice Mach: What?

Jeff Andonuts: Is she married to Tack?

Justice Mach: What? No. It's 2335.

Jeff Andonuts: I just....needed to make sure. I'm....I'm gonna go introduce myself.

Justice Mach: *looks to the camera* What have I done?

On the other side of the station, Justice's ship was being loaded for supplies to help pursue General Swift.

Viewtiful Trevor: This is crazy stuff eh M's? That mean looking Swift dude just took that space ship and flew off!

M's Style: I know. I was there. We all saw it.

Viewtiful Trevor: Just recapping it for the cameras. We have them on us...like all the time. You notice?

M's Style: How could I not?

Viewtiful Trevor: I'm sorry M's. Not trying to upset you. I just wanted to talk.

M's Style: Do you even know WHY you want to talk to me?

Viewtiful Trevor: Huh? I just...feel like you're someone I want to get to know.

M's Style: ...You already know me.

Viewtiful Trevor: I do?

M's Style: I don't know why, but ever since we left Threed, it's like a fog has lifted, and I'm remembering things. We went to school together. Polestar. Do you remember?

Viewtiful Trevor: Polestar? We went....to Polestar.

M's Style: And not just that. Later, when you fought Giygas and Lavos with Crono. I was there. I saw the whole thing. Lavos was smashed right in front of me. The core CPU looked fried, but I approached it to get a closer look and....I can't remember anything for a while. That's still hazy to me. It doesn't make sense.

Viewtiful Trevor: Whatever it is, I have a feeling they know.

M's Style: Who? Your future friends?

Viewtiful Trevor: Probably makes sense to try and keep things from us, but like a famous doctor once said. What the hell. Let's see if we can't figure this out together.

M's Style: ...Thank you Trevor. Sorry I've been-

Viewtiful Trevor: No. Don't apologize. You sell yourself short when you do that. You're a fiery warrior just like me, and that fire...is going to burn us both. *wink*

M's Style: Heh.

Jackon was looking out a window thinking about Faris-5 as Officer Patty Wagon continued to berate him.

Patty Wagon: You're NOT supposed to even BE here, let alone with the stragglers from other time periods. The consequences could be disastrous! Are you even listening to me?

Jackson Kain: Hmmm? No, not really.

Patty Wagon: Your temporal incursion was felt throughout the system. You're lucky I'm the first one to find you, because you're probably the Most Wanted in the galaxy right now! I mean, do you know who else is looking for you?

Jackson Kain: I have an idea.

Patty Wagon: Huh?

Jackson pointed out into space, where streaks of lights raced across the space station.




Patty Wagon: SABER RIDER AND THE STAR SHERIFFS!? Great, how could this get any worse?

Jackson Kain: Maybe them over there?

Patty Wagon: WHAT?!

A shining silver ship appeared hurtling towards the station, and several figures on metallic horseback landed on the space station.




Patty Wagon: And now the Galaxy Rangers?! We're so screwed.

Jackson Kain: Heh...space horses.

Last edited by Machismo (5/28/2022 1:57 am)