EFL Game Day!

Pete Twinkle: It's Football Day in Eagleland, the EFL is here to provide it! It's been a crazy game, watching the Saturn City Saturns kick off the season against the Fourside Fanatics, and I think Tommy and Stephen have been doing a heck of a job calling it, but I've got my own broadcast partner to my left, and man oh man does this guy like to grow his own vegetables! It's Greg Stink!

Greg Stink: Thanks best friend!

Pete Twinkle: Now buddy, I see you got a beard growing out. Haven't have time to shave with the busy EFL schedule?

Greg Stink: I've been going through some stuff.

Pete Twinkle: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What kind of stuff you going through?

Greg Stink: Oh you know, just some old boxes. Doing some spring cleaning, and I haven't had a chance to shave.

Pete Twinkle: Oh good. I was worried you were gonna say your wife left you.

Greg Stink: Oh ho ho, yeah she did.

Pete Twinkle: Oh no! I'm sorry about that.

Greg Stink: Haha, it happens!

Pete Twinkle: Hey, a quick shout out to our sponsors at Stay Free Maxi Pads! When you're doing too much bleeding, it's one of these you'll be needing! Stay Free Maxi Pads! So we're at half time on the opening day for EFL, and the score is 12-0 in favor of the Saturns, and the fans have already enjoyed the new kick off rules, that involve heavy pads and hydraulic cannons. What do you make of using weaponry out on the field like that?

Greg Stink: Hahaha! I have no idea! I was working on this crossword. It's a real noodle scratcher.

Pete Twinkle: Boy you said it pal. Let's go over who we have on the field one more time for anyone just tuning in. We're gonna start with the Saturn City Saturns, the favorites to win the Million Dollar Game at the end of the season. This line up brought you you by Stay Free Maxi Pads. I see Helen, I see Regina, they're both smiling cause they covered their vagina! Stay Free Maxi Pads!

Saturn City Saturns - Coach Bert

Offense
------------

Quarterback - Bobby Blitzworth
Running Back -Dave “The Bruise Man” Koozeman
Wide Receiver - Mynus Opposite
Wide Receiver - T'Variusnuss Balderdash
Center - Boyette DeWatt
Tight End - Jannider Snoutlick
Left Tackle - Sunset Mitchellham
Right Tackle - Timmy Juckson
Left Guard - Smoochie Williams
Right Guard - D'Squarius Green
Full Back - Leoz Jilliumz

Defense
------------

Defensive Tackle- Javaris Jamar
Defensive Tackle - Davoin Showerhandel
Right Defensive End - Donny Dookmariot
Left Defensive End - Dinkle Muldoon
Free Safety - Xmus Jaxson
Strong Safety - D'Glester Jefferson
Cornerback - Swirvithan Quatro
Cornerback - Beezer Jones
Outside Linebacker - Scoice Maloice
Outside Linebacker - Carlton the Seeker
Middle Linebacker - Jim Collins

Pete Twinkle: Heck of a line up. Absolutely incredible. That Carlton the Seeker is the one I would watch out for if I'm on the Fourside Offensive line. He's shown to have an affinity towards gravitational magic, and you don't want to get spun around after eating the stadium food am I right Greg?

Greg Stink: I found an animal in my crossword. Gostrich!

Pete Twinkle: Close buddy! So close! Just try Ostrich.

Greg Stink: Haha! Oh yeah!

Pete Twinkle: Bobby Blitzworth is proving his worth, leading the league in passing yards, which makes sense considering this is the very first game. T'Variusnuss Balderdash however is our Summers Eve Player of the Game. He's been there to catch them at every turn. Summers Eve! When your downstairs is mean, but you need it to be clean. Summers Eve...Douche! I understand we had some scandal involving Coach Bert of the Saturn City Saturns. Here's a picture of him right now. An unassuming bug eyed older man with a suspicious mustache, or a sexual predator with a suspicious mustache?

Saturn Dome Press Conference

A confused Coach Bert was sitting next to the podium, where Team Owner Mr. Dick Baldok addressed the press.

Mr. Baldok: Thank you all for coming today. You know, I'd rather have called you here to talk about the first game tomorrow, and our impending victory over those Foursiders, who live in a city that only have four sides, while we have as many sides as we want. Boo Fourside am I right? They have different city limits than we do, and our traffic is WAY WORSE. Like, they complain about traffic and they're like "only in Fourside". WRONG! WRONG! Our traffic is worse. Anyways, with the Mushroom Head Virus killing the season in 2020, that was the perfect cover for all the sexual abuse allegations that were popping up at the same time. I'm not kidding. It was ridiculous how many abuses happened in just the first couple of weeks. That sort of thing normally takes years to accumulate. Now now, I'm not making light of it. Most of it was just a lot and I mean A LOT of indecent exposure. The consensus was "If Tack Angel could do it, why can't we?" but that's a whole different sport fellas. I wanted to make sure that wasn't going to happen this year. I know I'm not alone, when I say the first person I suspected of being a horrid sex pest was our very own Coach Bert.

Coach Bert: What?

Mr. Baldok: Now, let's be honest here. He's got all the tell tale signs. He's anti-social, he lives with his Mom, he's never had a girlfriend. He's a genius with the X's and O's on the field, but a loser when it comes to human interaction.

Coach Bert: What the hell Richie, I'm sitting right here!

Mr. Baldok: I am happy to say that after a full investigation, we have found no evidence, and I mean none. No seriously. None. No evidence that he's a sex pest, and we looked into it several times, he's not a pedophile either. I'm as suprised as you all are.

Reporter #1: Can you go over the specifics of the investigation?

Mr. Baldok: Now for that, I'm gonna have to hand it over to the District Attorney, Mr. Gene Poole.

Coach Bert: DISTRICT ATTORNEY?!

Mr. Poole: Thank you. We don't usually undertake investigations with no evidence or witness, but then we saw a picture of Coach Bert and jumped into action.

Coach Bert: Is it the mustache?! Cause I can shave the mustache!

Mr. Poole: We obtained a warrant to search his computer and found nothing to suspect him of any misdeeds. What we found were eleven complete novels about a character named "Bertman" who is very strong and has one million famous friends.

Coach Bert: You're not supposed to read those! They're not finished!

Mr. Poole: I assure you, they were finished.

Reporter #2: So we're supposed to be satisfied because you checked his computer?

Mr. Poole: No, we also set up 24/7 surveillance. What we found out is that Coach Bert sits down to use the toilet, even when going number one. He doesn't wash his hands. He binge watches Facts of Life, but only seems interested when Edna is on screen.

Coach Bert: ...She reminds me of my Grandma.

Mr. Poole: That's pretty much it. I know, we're surprised too. To double check we conversed with NEMBLA, the North Eagleland Man Boy Love Association, but when we realized that was just Tinseltown, we asked leading blatant pedophile who gets away with it J.Gunn to speak with us.

J. Gunn: ...It's nice to be in a school again. I can confirm that Coach Bert is not one of us...we would know. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to kill Superman.

Mr. Poole: Thank you Mr. Gunn. I want to remind you all, that he's a celebrity, and that's why he gets away with it, but if Coach Bert were doing the same thing, we'd make the boys in Gen Pop knew why he was behind bars if you catch my drift.

Coach Bert: This is getting stupid!

Mr. Poole: In conclusion we want to thank you all who took the time to nip this in the bud, especially Coach Burt's Mother, who was instrumental in the investigation.

Coach Bert: MY MOM HELPED?!

-

Pete Twinkle: Good to know that the Coach is one of the good ones right Greg?

Greg Stink: Haha sure!

Pete Twinkle: That's right Greg. Sure indeed. Well now, let's take a look at the other team, the Fourside Fanatics. They're behind at the half, fumbling just about every other play, but then again, they potentially have the worst QB in the league.

Fourside Fanatics - Coach Monotoli

Offense
------------

Quarterback - Matt McGloin
Running Back - John G. Pezazzle
Wide Receiver - Truxton Suxton
Wide Receiver - Cozmo Corter
Center - Goolius Boozler
Tight End - Smackadilly LeQuan
Left Tackle - Ladennifer Jadaniston
Right Tackle - Gunky Peep
Left Guard - McCandleless Mimetown
Right Guard - The Player Known as "Bill"
Full Back - "The Gooch"

Defense
------------

Defensive Tackle- JR Juniors Jr.
Defensive Tackle - Splendiferous Finch
Right Defensive End - Razzy Billings
Left Defensive End - Floyd Fedarious
Free Safety - Hammy Alright
Strong Safety - Nissin Maruchan
Cornerback - Speedy Lewis III
Cornerback - Hans Buschelback
Outside Linebacker - Hank the Magician
Outside Linebacker - Brenton Notnerb
Middle Linebacker - "Jank"

Pete Twinkle: That's right Matt McGloin, who has shown us absolutely nothing in this first half. He blamed his own team for why he threw to the opposite side of the field. The man came out with his shoes tied together. Also a bit of a mad man, he claims he used to live in a place called "America", but no one can find it on a map. He's an oddball ain't he Greg?

Greg Stink: What is Football again?

Pete Twinkle: Oh that my fault Greg, I forgot to turn the page on your chart. There ya go buddy!

Greg Stink: Thanks best friend! Wait, what's this? I'm hearing we have something strange happening during the halftime show in the Saturn Dome! Let's go back to Tommy Dukes and Stephen Pentros!

Saturn Dome

Tommy Dukes: Well Pete and Greg, I wouldn't believe it if I didn't work for EBW and MCW, but it appears that the wizard Merlin has appeared in the middle of the field. For what reason, I can not say, but a giant portal has just opened up behind him, and it looks like a large group of men are emerging from it!




Tommy Dukes: It appears to be Arthur King, and his team the North Point Knights! What an entrance!

Stephen Pentros: Time traveling Knights come to play football huh? Now I've seen everything.

Tommy Dukes: First time?

Last edited by Machismo (3/09/2023 11:21 am)

Zombie U Parking Lot

Miss Xtra: Miss Xtra here, doing what I do best, and that’s hanging out in a parking lot apparently? A car just pulled up, and we think it might be one Trevor Mach, who would be here to inform us all of the condition of Tali Mach aka Real M’s. The car is parking, and we’re about to see if it’s-

Seto Kaiba: Not quite.

Miss Xtra: Oh, it’s…Seto Kaiba.

Seto Kaiba: Don’t be so disappointed. You had to know it was me. This car is too nice to belong to a farmer hick like Trevor Mach. The old man doesn’t have the taste for such fine automobiles. This is electric. He prefers gas guzzlers. Just keep leaving that footprint. Anyways, you may ask me questions now.

Miss Xtra: I’m not really here to-

Seto Kaiba: Oh, you want to know about what I plan to do about Bashin Dan…Jaden Yuki….Jammer…Benjamin…and yes even Vape. I have plans. All sorts of plans. With my kind of money, you can buy any plan in the book. In fact I did, and you’ll find out soon enough. Now if you’ll excuse me. Here’s my hotel key for later…just in case. *wink*

Miss Xtra: Why would I-

Seto Kaiba: I have SO MUCH money.

Miss Xtra: …Well…NO! NO! I love Mav Valentine…even if he doesn’t know it! *sigh* Wait, someone else is coming out of the limo. Who is-

Arliss Michaels: Excuse me! Excuse me! I have to catch up with my new client. Wave of the future this kid is. Brimming with potential, and he’s got a lot of money. Excuse me.

Miss Xtra: Arliss?! How do I even know who that is? I didn’t have HBO as a kid. In fact, that show was already off the air by the time I was born!


"Yngwie Malmsteen - Only the Strong"



Larry Grim: Welcome to EBW: XP! You smelled the place, so you know we’re in Threed! Zombie U, one of our best venues, because the Zombies just sort of buy the tickets on impulse and shamble in. We don’t complain, especially not now, because it’s Victory Explosion season baby, and it’s going to be a bumpy and unpredictable ride to say the least all the way to the DOME! For example, you saw that Tommy Dukes took my spot on Xcite this week, and here I am calling the action with Nerma! Heya Nerma!

Nerma: You really are just a skeleton man in a cloak. I never sat close enough to see it before, but yeah. If I hope that cloak, it’s just a skeleton inside. This is just silly.

Larry Grim: Actually no, you don’t want to open up the cloak. Inside are horrors you may never be able to process. Might melt your brain….like literally. I showed it to Trevor once, and for reasons I won’t get into he can handle it, and he STILL said it was quite unpleasant so-

Nerma: OK FINE! I WON’T OPEN IT! I was just saying that in MCW we don’t normally have talking skeleton people! It’s just us living humans calling great wrestling action, the way it’s supposed to be.

Larry Grim: The very first EBW show involved aliens, so it’s pretty much expected to be outlandish.

Nerma: Fine fine! When it comes to wrestling, we have a big show tonight. Some heroic MCW wrestlers are flying that Ensider banner here in EBW, and they’re here for payback! I can’t wait to see them run wild on EBW tonight!

Larry Grim: It will certainly be a battle of will and skill tonight between EBW and MCW, but we’ll also see Rama Raju’s in-ring singles debut, Kishin Kid versus Picky Minch, and Mike Thunder taking on Sal Paradise. All of these big matches, but we open the show with the Dan Club taking on the Eagleland Gladiators. Should be an exciting contest, so let’s get right to it!

EBW: XP
Zombie U, Threed
ENN

1. 8-Man Tag: Bashin Dan/Jaden Yuki/Jammer/Benjamin vs. Sabre/Laser/Tower/Viper
-An exciting opening contest that would put the Dan Club against the invading Eagleland Gladiators. A true test, with only Turbo sitting on the outside, staring daggers right through Benjamin specifically. Jaden Yuki was the big star here, getting a heroes’ welcome after helping Dan play Kaiba Corp. All the talent involved were sharp and ready, but in the opening minutes of the match, things stopped dead in their tracks, as Seto Kaiba sent Hazen, Rude, and Razorblade out to mix it up with both teams. A big brawl ensued and a No Contest was issued. The Dan Club and the Glads managed to run Kaiba Corp. back out of the ring, as Kaiba clapped.  
Winner: No Contest

Seto Kaiba: Oh well done, you won the numbers game! I love numbers! I have more of them than all of you combined! I can buy you and sell you over and over. IN FACT Gladiators, I’d think twice about attacking me again, as I have just finished my meeting with Ike Madamle, and Kaiba Corp. has just become one of your big sponsors. You wouldn’t want to upset the sponsors would you? From now on, you will stay out of my way, unless I snap my fingers and tell you to fetch! You thought I was going to come out here and say yes to your demands Jaden? What an amateur play, but I guess it’s the only card you could play when you don’t have the money that I do! The Glads will fetch my card for me and-

Bashin Dan: I don’t have time for this Kaiba! I’m done playing games! You want us to go through the Gladiators!? You’re setting up one big distraction to try and get you through Victory Explosion, but it’s not going to work. I’m not in the main event this year. I’m not going for the World Championship. I have two things that will get me what I want though. I have the EBW Television Championship, the workhorse title, and I have this Blue Eyes White Dragon. It’s the last card of its kind, and I’m tired of playing around with you.

Dan took the card out of its protective casing.

Seto Kaiba: Dan? DAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAN!? DAN STOP!

Bashin Dan: You brought this on yourself!

Dan made the tiniest little tear in the card.

Seto Kaiba: STOOOP! STOP IT! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! FINE! I’LL GIVE YOU THE MATCH! JUST STOP! Victory Explosion 17….you have your match.

Bashin Dan: I want more than the match. I want the title.

Seto Kaiba: But YOU’RE the-

Bashin Dan: “King of Games”.

Seto Kaiba: …That’s what this is all about isn’t it? I have to applaud you Dan. You surprised me. You showed me something here. Hand me the card, and the match is yours.

Bashin Dan: When the match is made official…I’ll hand you the card.

Seto Kaiba: …Surprised me again. I’m going to surprise you, when your dreams of overcoming me…become your biggest regret in your career. I will crush your dreams Bashin Dan. No one threatens me and gets away with-

Bashin Dan: I STILL HAVE THE CARD!

Seto Kaiba: FINE! WE’RE LEAVING!

Sabre: Man, that dude was out of his mind, thinking us Gladiators were gonna do anything for him. Mad respect to you Dan, for the standoff there. You showed you have what it takes to hang with the Gladiators.

Larry Grim: Another show of respect, the kindest invasion I’ve ever seen, truly an athletic competition, with nothing personal.

Nerma: I don’t know, Turbo has been staring at Benji this whole time, and he has NOT blinked.

Larry Grim: Oh no.

2. Women’s Tag: Wendy Mustang/Lainey Strong vs. Kimber Blaze<MCW>/Lacy Wagner<MCW>
-Wendy Mustang and Lainey Strong might not have been the EBW Women’s World Tag Team Champions anymore, but Wendy’s win at Rumble City gave them momentum, and made them the perfect candidates to fend off the invading Ensiders Kimber Blaze and Lazy Wagner. Both ladies felt unappreciated in EBW, and spent the time since then training and planning to show the world how wrong they were. The Twin Lariats had the experience, but the Ensiders were right there with them in the ring. It was back and forth all the way, until Wendy flipped over the top rope to land a devastating LARIAT-OOOOOOO on Lacy Wagner, who flipped from the impact, and was quickly rolled up for the 1-2-3. After the match, they tried to continue fighting, pushing right through the Black Shirts to do it, but the Red Shirts eventually restored order.
Winners: Wendy Mustang[o]/Lainey Strong via Front Flip Lariat on Lacy Wagner -> Pin

Nerma: NO! I mean, I gotta remain impartial here, but come on…you knew I’d be pro Ensider here.

Larry Grim: Well it didn’t work out in this case, but don’t worry, you’ll get another chance, as tonight Alison Chains puts her EBW Women’s Television Championship on the line against Tiger Storm, the one that started this invasion. One of MANY invasions in EBW right now. We really let ourselves get surrounded, didn't we? Oh well, we love the challen-

The screen cut to black, as Erica stepped out of the darkness, holding the EBW Women’s World Championship covered in blood, her blood.

Erica: Wendy Mustang, before you would have faced ego. Ego is powerful. Ego is prideful. Ego is good, but it was conquered, so I replaced it with something else. I became fear itself. You will learn to fear me, and you will suffer in the same darkness I did, until it changes you, and you learn to love it.

The Preacher: My sweet sweet child, Erica has such sweet suffering to bestow upon you. What a wonderful gift you have coming your way. The god of flesh hungers to know yours. Ya dig?

When the lights came back on, Kishin Kid was already in the ring, pacing back and forth, and calling out to Picky Minch.

3. Singles: Kishin Kid vs. Picky Minch
-Kishin Kid and Picky Minch were up next. Minch had the mouthpiece in, and wanted to shoot, while Kishin Kid made him work for it, chasing him around the ring and playing to the crowd. The Auditor slashed Picky with his fountain pen, and the brief distraction let Kishin get to work on the fireball. Tack came out to keep The Auditor back, but the damage was done, as Kishin Kid hit a low blow on a Hagen attempt and hit the Wrist Clutch Demon Driver, CLUTCHING the WRIST right in front of Tack for the pin.
Winner: Kishin Kid via Wrist Clutch Demon Driver -> Pin

Kishin Kid: THAT…is the Demon Driver Tack Angel, and with it, I intend to send you straight to Hell. I tried to tell the others that you refused to become one of us. The pain would never take. You would never be warped or shaped by the fire and the pain, and the indulgence of flesh, because you are already a monster unto yourself, and a monster that requires the burning flames to cleanse you. You will meet the one The Preacher serves, and only then will you finally understand. Tack, you threw out a challenge to me, and I accepted. Years ago, you thought this was settled, and you thought it was over, but I came back after traveling the world and realizing that we were not finished. You had changed things, and you needed to pay for that. I’m throwing out a challenge of my own. Victory Explosion 17. You and I in an INFERNO MATCH! The first one to burn loses. Are you willing to stand in the flames with me?

Larry Grim: A big match challenge thrown down for Victory Explosion! This show is really shaping up to be legendary already!

Nerma: Speaking of The Stygian Inquisition and Victory Explosion, we’re now going to hear from Miss Xtra, who just caught up with Wendy Mustang.

Backstage

Miss Xtra: Miss Xtra here, I didn’t find Trevor Mach just yet, but I did run into Rumble City winner Wendy Mustang. Wendy, we just heard from Erica earlier about her plans for you at Victory Explosion. What do you say to all of that?

Wendy Mustang: Fear? She thinks she’s fear. Well shucks, I guess I should be scared then huh? I've known fear. It's a very healthy thing most of the time. Fear warns us of danger, reminds us of our limits, and protects us from carelessness. I've learned to trust fear. I reckon fear exists for a reason don’t you? Fear exists for a purpose right? Only one purpose…to be conquered. Like all the other fears I’ve had in my life Erica, you too are gonna vanish. Yee….haw.

Miss Xtra: Well said! I-wait was that…I just saw Christy Angel, and Tack was not too far behind her! Come on Lakitu! Move that cloud!

Miss Xtra and the Lakitu followed Christy Angel being followed by Tack.

Christy Angel: I don’t want to talk about it Dad. Get away from me!

Tack Angel: I don’t understand! You’re not joining Tracy are you? With Elysium? You know what she did to the family right?

Christy Angel: What SHE did?! What about what YOU did! I REMEMBER! None of them do, but I remember. How could I forget? Mom is gone, because of what YOU did!

Tack Angel: It wasn’t entirely me! It was me, but it wasn’t me, and we had to-

Christy Angel: I don’t care what you thought you HAD to do. It was that day I realized that I was going to do what I WANTED to do, and not what I thought I HAD to. I went to MCW to learn, and I trusted in Paula to help me find guidance. I didn’t want to turn out exactly like Christina, though I bet that’s what you wanted.

Tack Angel: I just wanted you to be happy no matter what, unless another Subculture appeared. Then we’d have to have a talk about-

Christy Angel: All of that was expected of me. I’m not falling in line, and I’m not gonna fit into your expectations of me. I’m going to be myself Dad. Mom would approve, I think.

Tack Angel: Makoto is-

Christy Angel: NOT MY MOTHER! Don’t you DARE even try to pull that. AMY ANGEL IS MY MOTHER! SAY HER NAME DAD!

Tack Angel: A-Amy IS your mother, but Makoto is my wife, that makes her your step-mother, and she cares for you all the same.

Christy Angel: I don’t care. I don’t care at all. Me helping Tracy wasn’t about her or Elysium. It was me making a statement for myself. I closed the door on my past, literally closing it on Paula’s head.

Tack Angel: You weren’t raised to be cruel.

Christy Angel: What do you think wrestling is?

Tack Angel: It’s a lot of things…most of them ridiculous. But we can choose to be better than that.

Christy Angel: Well…I’m making my own choice Dad.

As Christy walked away, Tack turned to the camera and shrugged.

Tack Angel: Kids, am I right?

4. Singles: Rude vs. Rama Raju
-The next match was highly anticipated, as it featured the singles debut of Rama Raju, the man who came from Dalaam to win his first match, the Rumble City, and immediately earn a World Championship shot at Victory Explosion. Rude, the crafty veteran was the perfect opening test. He tugged at his black gloves, before opening the match with a hard right to Raju’s jaw. Rama Raju took the punch in stride. Raju was quick to retaliate, working fast to plant Rude on the mat quickly. Rude used dirty tricks to try and get the upper hand. A concealed cord was quickly discarded by Raju, but Rude used that time to hit a thumb to the eye, and planted Raju with the Rulebreaker STO. 1-2-KICKOUT! Rude’s finisher couldn’t keep Raju down, and the man from Dalaam was up before even Rude. The Fire unleashed a flurry of offense. He kept his composure the whole time, but you could see rage behind his face. He lifted Rude for the Falcon Arrow and pinned him for the victory.
Winner: Rama Raju via Falcon Arrow -> Pin

Larry Grim: A big win for Raju there, beating a veteran of the sport, and proving his win was not a fluke. As you can see on the stage Zyro Kurogane is applauding the effort.

Nerma: He doesn’t want an easy win in the Dome. He wants it to be his crowning moment. These hot blooded shonen protagonists and antagonists are all alike in that regard aren’t they?

Larry Grim: I guess so.

Zyro Kurogane: Not bad Raju. Not bad at all. Just remember that even though they call you “The Fire”, Samurai Ifrit burns hotter. The EBW World Tag Team Champions, and the EBW World Champion united in purpose, and that’s the TRUE Perfection that w00t never even dreamed of. A united front, dedicated to victory at all costs, and that is what you’re up against. A man who will fight with his very heart and very soul to keep what is his. This World Championship IS MINE! You don’t get to come in from Dalaam and suddenly change the work and steal what is mine. I want you to try, and I want you to try as hard as you can, but your “fire” will not melt my Shogun Steel, and I will be TRIUMPHANT!

Rama Raju: …..

5. EBW Women’s Television Championship: Alison Chains(c) vs. Tiger Storm<MCW>
-The next match saw the crazed Television Champion Alison Chains put the title up against Tiger Storm of MCW, the Ensiders specifically. Darkness Aoi watched on from the stands, as Christina backed up the wild eyed Chains, who forgot what she was doing on more than one occasion. Tiger was offended by her lack of care regarding the match, but that pulled her into a false sense of security, when Alison snapped into action. A wild and ugly brawl between the two ensued. In the brawl, Kimber Blaze and Lacy Wagner tried to get involved, but Christina kept them at bay. That’s when the loose cannon Christy Angel jumped the guard rail and clocked Alison in the head. Tiger Storm looked surprised, but rolled with it, and pulled Chains back into the ring. She hit her Tiger Driver 9X, because she’s got other finishers, but this one is funny because name puns, and claimed the victory AND EBW’s Women’s Television Championship!
Winner: Tiger Storm via Tiger Driver 9X -> Pin -> NEW EBW Women’s Television Champion!

Nerma: YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEAH! Ensiders with the win baby! Tiger Storm claims your title belt! Booya! How is that for vindication! Go on girl, flaunt that belt! You earned it!

Larry Grim: Christy got involved though.

Nerma: It was a win at all costs brawl, and Tiger Storm took advantage of the unpredictable Christy Angel. No one knows what she’s gonna do next, but Tiger Storm didn’t sit around and ask that question. She took advantage and she earned it!

Larry Grim: Well Christina definitely is asking that question. She’s confused about her little sister’s actions and attitude. The Women’s Tag Team Champions now without the Television title clout they had before. I see all sorts of matches coming out of this one for sure, but now it’s time for the main eve- wait, I’m hearing from backstage, that Trevor Mach IS in the building. Let’s take a look!

Backstage

A sullen and pale Trevor Mach weakly paced into the arena. Looking like he hadn’t slept for days, Subculture and Little Mac helped him to sit down as Miss Xtra thought about speaking up, but before she could-

Kid Cadet: HI EVERYBODY! I'M KID CADET! Trevor! Trevor! We’re all dying to hear about M’s! Is she OK? Can you talk about it!? Huh? Huh?!

Subculture: For crying out loud lady! Take it down a notch!

Little Mac: Let the lad rest. He’s had a long week.

Trevor Mach: I’ll talk about it after the main event. I just need to catch my breath. Is that OK?

Kid Cadet: Wow…you’re really looking hurt right now. I’d better back off.

Miss Xtra: I could’ve told you that you IDIOT!

Kid Cadet: HEY!

6. Singles: Mike Thunder vs. Sal Paradise
-Main event time, as Mike Thunder collided with Sal Paradise. A battle of the crafty veterans and former World Champions, as well as another wrinkle in their long history together. They both had their tag partners on the outside as well. They had a staredown, and when the bell rang, the crowd exploded. They locked up mid-ring. Sal shoved Mike into the corner. A frustrated Mike shook his head after the break. Sal circled Mike and they locked up again. Mike cinched on a headlock. Sal threw Mike off and shoulder checked him. Sal had some intense words for Mike. Mike ducked into the ropes and then walked on the perimeter of the ring. Mike back elbowed Sal, but Sal fired back after running the ropes with a hard shoulder check. Mike rolled to the floor. Fans cheered as Sal stood his ground in the ring. Mike milked the moment, then re-entered the ring. Sal smiled as he just patiently waited. Mike psyched himself up and then kicked Sal as he pretended to go for a lock-up. Sal clotheslined Mike over the top rope a minute later. Sal whipped Mike into the ringside steps. Isiah threw a water bottle at Sal. Sal had some words with him, which opened up Mike to attack Sal and throw him into the ringpost. Sal barely beat the ten count.

Mike punched away at Sal on the mat. Fans booed. Mike landed a leaping clothesline for a two count a minute later. The pace really slowed to methodical milking of every spot. Mike eventually had Sal down, so he gave the fans "THE THUNDER". Sal recovered and landed a headbutt. Both were down on their backs and slow to get up. Sal hit some clotheslines and a released overhead belly-to-belly.  Sal landed a control nekobreaker. Both were down again and slow to get up. Sal kipped up after about five seconds, but noticed Isiah getting into a fight with Boomtown on the outside. Sal was more focused on helping Boomtown than Mike, and in that moment, Mike clobbered Sal and spun him around to hit the Muscle Buster and the pin.
Winner: Mike Thunder via Muscle Buster -> Pin

Larry Grim: And Mike Thunder with the win. Samurai Ifrit have all the momentum heading into Victory Explosion so far, and as you can see Rama Raju is watching from the stage. He’s pointing at Mike Thunder. Could it be he wants a piece of Mike before getting to Kurogane?

Nerma: Well then, that was the main event for the action, but another main event of sorts is to come. After the break, we’ll be joined by Trevor Mach with an update on the condition of Tali Mach aka Real M’s.

After the break, Larry Grim was in the ring with a worn out Trevor Mach.

Larry Grim: Well, we all know the story by now, about what happened to Tali Mach. She has been in critical care since Rumble City, and Trevor Mach has been with her every step of the way, but the word is she’s hanging in there. The question also is how are you?

Trevor Mach: No, that’s not a question. That doesn’t matter at all. Tali though she…she is…*sniff* She’s fighting it. She’s doing her best. She always says she doesn’t care, but with the way she’s been hanging on, it makes me think she cares more than just about anyone. I don’t really know what else to tell you. I don’t know why I even showed up here tonight. I was told they wanted a prognosis, but I’m no Doctor. Degrees is doing his best, and I was just…praying…for a miracle. No jokes…no big statements from me tonight I’m afraid. I’m…broken to be honest. I think I just needed a distraction for the night. Something to do. Something to take my mind off the nightmare. We had a night together once in Onett, where I thought she was going to die. I held her in my arms, and in that moment we began to share a life, and with her dying, it feels like a part of me is dying too…the best part, so I pray that she doesn’t die. I pray that she keeps on living, and that’s really all I can do. That’s really all I can say. That’s all I’ve got Larry. It’s all I’ve got.

Larry Grim: Well, we’re certainly with you in your thoughts and prayer Trevor. We all wish you and Tali the best, and we hope she pulls through this situation. Have you heard any news about the plate of the car that swerved her?

Trevor Mach: The plate to the car, what are you talking abo-

Suddenly the big screen changed to show w00t, sitting in the back of his limousine. The camera slowly panned closer to him as he swirled his drink.  

w00t: P3RF-3C-T10N Trevor, the plate said P3RF-3C-T10N. I would know all about that. See, I was driving away from my failure, when my greatest opportunity fell right into my lap, and I couldn’t possibly pass it by. Well actually, I DID pass it by. I was driving that night. I ordered the driver out, and went on a joy ride, and that’s what I saw her. She was angry. She was furious. She was feeling dejected, like a miserable failure. She was drunk. That’s when I passed her by, but not before I listened to that voice inside of me that said “do it”. So I did. I ran her off the road. It was partially her fault, sure, you should NEVER drive drunk after all, but when I saw that moment, I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t help it. I HAD TO DO IT! In one stroke I broke her, and by breaking her I BROKE YOU! I ALWAYS TOLD YOU I WOULD, AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE DONE! I BROKE YOU TREVOR MACH! I WIN!

Trevor Mach: ….RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Last edited by Machismo (3/11/2023 11:17 am)

Miss Xtra: Miss Xtra here, not being bogged down by Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink this time. Thank God for that! I AM joined by-

Kid Cadet: Hi everybody! I’m Kid Cadet!

Miss Xtra: Kid Cadet though. We’re working it out. I am NOT going to make fun of her being a spastic little flatty patty.

Kid Cadet: And I’m not going to make fun of Xtra’s age or her sagging udders!

Miss Xtra: Uh-huh. We have a big BIG Xtra to deal with tonight, so you mind if we get on track.

Kid Cadet: I agree with you! It doesn’t get much bigger for us! We have the-

Miss Xtra: The Victory Explosion card!

Kid Cadet: *sigh* Yeah…that, and it’s got a lot of MCW involvement!

Miss Xtra: In a way you might not expect either, but we’ll get to that as we run down the card. The most exciting Victory Explosion since the last one and until the next one! We will kick off the excitement with an MCW vs. EBW battle for the Women’s Television Championship!

Kid Cadet: I got this! Tiger Storm, leading the Ensider charge against EBW took the title, and instead of throwing it in the trash, she’s gonna be gracious and face off with her rival Darkness Aoi for the belt. Great way to start the show, but then we have Elysium in action. Tracy, Ariel, and Rayne will take on an inter-promotional team of Hope Mach and Dem Girlz Jenny and Jessy James.

Miss Xtra: The Eagleland Gladiators have been very good since coming to EBW, and they’ve won quite a few. However, Turbo could not best Benjamin, and they drew when they collided. He wants a rematch, and he’s gonna get it. Benjamin versus Turbo baby! Then the EBW World Tag Team Championship will be on the line, when Samurai Ifrit hang the straps above the ring for a LADDER MATCH! Cause if history tells us anything, it’s that the 17th Victory Explosion should have a ladder match that might kill wrestling forever, when the next generation of talent try to recreate it forever and ever and ever. The other teams involved are LoveBoom, Blood 4 Blood, The Eagleland Gladiators, Dan Club, and The Stygian Inquisition. It could really go to any team, but only the best will walk out with the tag gold.

Kid Cadet: I call dibs on the next one! You won’t believe the match you’re getting next, but before I tell you about it, we gotta set it up right? Right? RIGHT?!

Miss Xtra: JUST DO IT!

Kid Cadet: Well, after XP, one Christina Angel did not much care for the antics of little sister Christy Angel. Cue the backstage segment!

Zombie U - Backstage

Christy was running off, when Christina Angel caught up behind her and forced her to turn around.

Christina Angel: Christy! Stop running from me! We need to talk!

Christy Angel: I have nothing to say to you!

Christina Angel: Why are you doing this?!

Christy Angel: Doing what? What I want? I’m tired of being on a leash. I’m tired of everyone expecting me to be like YOU!

Christina Angel: I never expected that. I don’t think any of us-

Christy Angel: Dad did! They all did! They wanted another you, but I refuse to be trapped or put in a box! I’m going to be my own person, make my own choice, and maybe make my own mistakes too. That’s bound to happen, but they will be MY mistakes! I DON’T WANT TO BE YOU!

Christina Angel: *sigh* So…that’s what it’s all about huh? Fine. You want to make your mistakes? You’re going to have to deal with the consequences. You just screwed over my tag partner, and I’m not OK with that Christy. I’m not OK with that at all. You and I are going to have a match, and I’m going to give you a harsh reality check, because apparently you need one.

Christy Angel: …Fine. Tired of being in your shadow anyways! You want it? You got it!

Christina Angel: *sigh* Christy.

-

Kid Cadet: So yeah, it’s gonna be a battle of the sisters! Christina Angel versus Christy Angel! It’s ALSO gonna be a battle between MCW and EBW, and MCW is totally gonna win.

Miss Xtra: You think so? Christina Angel shocks the world as a hobby. I think you’ll be surprised. An added layer was…uh…added to the match after it became official. Christy asked for this personally. Makoto Angel is going to be the Special Referee!

Kid Cadet: She asked for it?! Why? Why? Why would she do that?

Miss Xtra: Simmer down. I have no idea. You’ll have to ask here. We have more matches to run down. Kishin Kid and Tack Angel will collide in an Inferno Match. Erica will put the Women’s World Championship on the line against Rumble City winner Wendy Mustang after that. Then, the semi-main event will see Seto Kaiba and Bashin Dan finally collide, with the title “King of Games” at stake. The main event will see EBW World Champion Zyro Kurogane take on Rama Raju for the EBW World Championship, the top prize in the game. It’s gonna be EMOTIONAL!

EBW: Victory Explosion 17
Saturn Dome, Saturn City
ENN+

1. EBW Women’s Television Championship: Tiger Storm<MCW>(c) vs. Darkness Aoi
2. 6-Woman Tag: Tracy<MCW>/Ariel<MCW>/Rayne<MCW> vs. Hope Mach/Jessy James<MCW>/Jenny James<MCW>
3. Singles: Benjamin vs. Turbo
4. EBW World Tag Team Championship Ladder: Kinniku Mike(c)/Isiah Muscle(c) vs. Sal Paradise/Jason Boomtown vs. Subculture/Picky Minch vs. Tower/Sabre vs. Jammer/Vape vs. The Assessor/The Witness
5. Battle of Sisters: Christina Angel vs. Christy Angel<MCW> Special Referee: Makoto Angel
6. Inferno Match: Kishin Kid vs. Tack Angel
7. EBW Women’s World Championship: Erica(c) vs. Wendy Mustang
8. ”King of Games”: Seto Kaiba vs. Bashin Dan
9. EBW World Championship: Zyro Kurogane(c) vs. Rama Raju

Miss Xtra: As of right now, this might be the first Victory Explosion without a Trevor Mach match, as the Bad Man is in rough shape following the-

Kid Cadet: Let me handle this one! Real M’s is awake, but the news isn’t great. From what we’ve heard, she may never recover the use of her legs. A legendary career cut short.

Miss Xtra: We’re just relieved to hear that she’s awake, and she is going to pull through. It’s been a rough time for us all. I can’t imagine how Trevor Mach is handling this right now. We can only hope he’s embracing his family, and counting his blessings.

One Eyed Jack’s - Sin City

Jackie was whistling as he washed some mugs behind his bar, when he suddenly heard the door open behind him.

Jackie: Sorry, but we’re closed for the evening. In fact, I thought I had locked the door already.

Trevor Mach: You did. Tali had a key.

Jackie: …

Jackie dropped his mug, as he turned around to see an angry and shaking Trevor Mach in the doorway.

Jackie: …Trevor? I didn’t expect you. How is Tal-

Trevor ran across the room and punched Jackie in the face, sending him to the floor.

Trevor Mach: YOU…are her Godfather. THAT MEANS YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER! WATCH OUT FOR HER! What did you do? You liquored her up and sent her on her way. You let her relapse, and YOU LET HER DRIVE!

Jackie: I couldn’t stop her from making her mistakes! I couldn’t do anything to stop her!

Trevor Mach: YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY! YOU KNEW SHE WAS TRYING TO STAY SOBER AND YOU POURED THE DRINKS! YOU DID IT! YOU DIDN’T TAKE HER KEYS! YOU DIDN’T CUT HER OFF! YOU LET HER GET HAMMED AND BECAUSE OF YOU SHE WAS ON THAT ROAD AND SHE CAN NEVER WALK AGAIN!

Jackie: I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I didn’t know it would get out of hand like this!

Trevor grabbed up a whisky bottle and smashed it beside Jackie’s head.

Trevor Mach: YOU’RE DONE! Do you hear me? You’re done. Stay away from her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t try to contact her. Don’t even think about her!

Jackie: Y-you can’t-

Trevor Mach: Can’t what? Take care of my wife? Try and stop me. I dare you. Give me a reason Jackie.

Jackie: …..

Trevor Mach: Don’t make me ever come back here.

Trevor stepped out of the bar and took a deep breath. He didn’t notice that a familiar face was standing right behind him.

Dae Montell: It’s a tragedy isn’t it?

Trevor Mach: …You.

Dae Montell: Losing a loved one, or watching a loved one lose everything, and there is nothing you can do about it. The pain….the anguish….the agony.

Trevor Mach: *points* I know who you are…Anubis…Mephistopheles…whatever you call yourself. I know who you are. Save your breath.

Dae Montell: You wound me Azrael. You think I’m here to gloat or something? I’m here to help you. I’m here to offer you something that was taken away. Your wife’s legs.

Trevor Mach: …What?

Dae Montell: You want her to be able to walk. You want her to be able to run, to play with your children, and continue doing what she loves. You want her to feel you when you make love. All of that has been taken away from you both. You don’t like to lose, but you both lost it all. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Trevor Mach: Heh, I know the price that comes with making a deal with you. The price is too high to pay, and I won’t pay it.

Dae Montell: You won’t pay it? For the love of your wife? For her happiness? What kind of a monster would value himself over his wife like that? What has God done for you in this situation? I’m offering you everything. Look what he took away?

Trevor Mach: …God didn’t do this. We’ve done this to ourselves.

Dae Montell: He took her ability to walk.

Trevor Mach: He kept her alive.

Dae Montell: This offer…you’re not going to forgive yourself if you pass it up. You know you’re tempted.

Trevor Mach: More tempted than I’ve ever been by you demon.

Dae Montell: You won’t be able to forgive yourself if you don’t.

Trevor Mach: She’ll never forgive me if I do.

Trevor walked away as Dae Montell flashed a big smile and disappeared back into the shadows. Trevor got into his truck and drove off into the Sin City night. His face showed the overwhelming rage inside. The powder keg, ready to ignite. The absolute….Malice.

Last edited by Machismo (3/13/2023 3:14 pm)

Smalltown Church - Smalltown

Trevor Mach staggered into the Church, not drunk, but exhausted and broken. A bitter man, hanging onto his hatred. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he walked into the dimly lit Church, as a thunderstorm illuminated the night sky. As Trevor looked around to light a candle, he no longer saw them along the wall. As he put his hand on the pew, he slipped and nearly fell, until he was caught by-

Fray Tiburon: I’ve got you brother. I’ve got you.

Trevor Mach: Tiburon? What’s happening? I-I was going to light a candle but-

Fray Tiburon: Big changes my friend. You’re looking at an ex-communicated Fray Tiburon.

Trevor Mach: What?!

Fray Tiburon: The Church has changed its policies to the point I had to speak up, and because I spoke up, they used that as a chance to get rid of me. Apparently, I had been making too many waves.

Trevor Mach: So you’re not a Padre anymore?

Fray Tiburon: I haven’t been for a long time Trevor.

Trevor Mach: What?

Fray Tiburon: We’ve been over this a few times.

Trevor Mach: News to me!

Fray Tiburon: *sigh* Someone in the Church wanted to harm me, and so they’re pulling support for this Church as well. I pray that those who use the Church for misdeeds will be weeded out, so it can return to glory.

Trevor Mach: Great…so what now? What about you?

Fray Tiburon: Don’t worry about me? How are you? How is Tali?

Trevor Mach: She’s awake…but…it’s bad. It’s so bad Pad- Fray. It’s really bad.

Fray Tiburon: That’s what I was afraid of.

Trevor Mach: I was coming here to talk to God, but now the Church is shutting down? I can’t believe-

Fray Tiburon: It’s not shutting down. It’s going to become a Non-Denominational Christian Church. It will serve anyone who seeks Christ and salvation. You will always be able to find the Good News in Smalltown. Your efforts were not in vain.

Trevor Mach: That’s a relief I guess, but Catholic background and-

Fray Tiburon: You aren’t comfortable with that background. The guilt of the culture eats you up inside. It helps to fill you with…malice…am I right?

Trevor Mach: I don’t mean for it too, but it doesn’t provide the comfort I would hope for. It doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t feel like…”home”. My Aunt Margaret, she took me to a Non-Denominational Church when I was a kid. I loved it. I was happy to go. I felt alive there. I was told I was baptized there actually. No Catholic christening for me I guess. That’s what happens when half the family is Catholic and the other is Protestant. I don’t remember being baptized. That’s something that’s always bothered me. Was I really or did they just assume, and was I too young to make that choice? She was the only one who could answer that question. I just can’t remember.

Fray Tiburon: You know, it’s never too late to make that choice as an adult. You could do that right here, and right now, in THIS Church.

Trevor Mach: …Yeah?

Fray Tiburon: I’ve had revelation after revelation since leaving Anahauc to do my work here. I’ve come to realize that the mission to find God is more important than how you do it specifically. I was tied up by rules made by men, but now I’m free to follow God’s plan, and maybe…just maybe this was all a plan for you and for Tali.

Trevor Mach: A plan? It’s hard to believe that. I think we do it to ourselves. God is too good to hurt us, but we’re dumb enough to hurt ourselves just fine. He’s too good to have a plan for a guy like me, but apparently…that’s the point right?

Fray Tiburon: Bingo. God works in mysterious ways and all that. You’ve heard it before.

Trevor Mach: I’m sure feeling it now. I think…you might be onto something Tibs.

Fray Tiburon: We’re going to Tibs now?

Trevor Mach: Well I can’t call you Padre anymore.

Fray Tiburon: Yeah, for a while now.

Trevor Mach: Had no idea.

Fray Tiburon: You had to have.

Trevor Mach: Maybe you said something about it. So…baptism huh? From you?

Fray Tiburon: Oh no, I’m not a Pastor. That’s a whole other thing you’re getting into now Trevor.

Trevor Mach: Well then who is going to run the Church? Who is going to talk to the people?

Fray Tiburon: Who indeed? We have had ONE man stand up. Right over there.

Trevor Mach: Huh?



Trevor Mach: Whoa…pretty cool entrance. That’s the hero shot.

Geoff Garrett: That’s right Mr. Mach, I am a fully ordained and accredited Pastor, that will now oversee Smalltown Church! Don’t you worry though, cause I’ll still lead the Red Shirts to restoring law and order in EBW!

Trevor Mach: Love those Red Shirts.

Geoff Garrett: You’re a man in conflict ain’t ya? Fighting the hatred and malice inside. Luckily, God has your back sir, and he just wants to help you unburden that malice.

Trevor Mach: Unburden the malice? Let it go? Don’t know if I’ve ever tried it. I mean maybe Trevor-10 did, cause he was better than me but-

Geoff Garrett: I can feel the presence of almighty God in this room. Oh, the swagger! It’s coming on upon us isn’t it?

Trevor Mach: …Yeah. Yeah it is.

Geoff Garrett: Trevor Mach, you’ve always been crazy, but are you crazy for Jesus? Are you jacked up on Jesus? I AM!

Trevor Mach: YEAH!

Geoff Garrett: You’ve spent your entire life living by baptism through fire. Why don’t you try baptism by the holy, living water of Jesus Christ? Fight the malice. Be born again.

Trevor Mach: …..

Last edited by Machismo (3/15/2023 12:50 am)

Ninten: Welcome to EBW World, the show that’s not Xtra! Seriously, they have cut down my time, but I’m getting paid the same, so it all works out for me. Plus, I get a percentage on the sales of Ensiders merchandise. I mean literally a percentage….one percent. One penny for every dollar. Cha-ching am I right? Well, we have some ground to cover in this installment, with a peak into the mind of Alison Chains. That’s right it’s the Alison Chains Show! Plus, we have the upcoming card to Xcite, which  is sure to thrill on the way to Victory Explosion. First though, we have the EFL Recap for the game between the North Point Knights and the Summers Beach Bums. Well, we all saw what happened, so is a recap really needed? I mean one of the Beach Bums brought a gun to the game, and Coach Merlin had to stop him from shooting Arthur King, who brought a sword to the game himself. I know it doesn’t explicitly say you CAN’T bring a mythical sword you pulled from a stone OR one lobbed at you by a woman in a lake to the field in the rules, but it should. If you ask me, and no one HAS…but that’s bush league fellas. The score was 12-3 Knights, and if the owner Harley Rex is using this as a money laundering operation like many believe, I would suggest he work harder at trying to hide that fact…or better yet…don’t do it. Now onto The Alison Chains Show!

The Alison Chains Show

Alison Chains entered a bright colored house, with goofy and off kilter furniture, and two kids sitting on the bright yellow couch.

Alison Chains: Hi kids, and this time I actually mean it! I was “told” that the children I was talking to before weren’t really there. Yeah right, I said, BUT just to make sure, I called upon a good friend of mine to let me borrow her children. By good friend, I mean person I bumped into on the road, who gave me twenty bucks when I needed to get a “fix”, and by borrow, I mean she does NOT know where they are, but I’m gonna bring em back safe and sound. This is Kyle and Clarissa! How are you two?

Kyle: We’re fine!

Clarissa: Hungry though, and we’re quite bored!

Kyle: Yeah, we’re bored!

Alison Chains: Why are you sitting, so filled with dismay? If you’re that bored, you should go out and play?

Kyle: Oh we’re rhyming no- It’s been raining Miss Alison, as long as we’ve known!

Clarissa: We’re bored Miss Alison, bored to the bone!

Kyle: We want someone to play with. Someone who’s fun!

Alison Chains: Well perhaps if you imagine, you’ll find the one!

Kyle and Clarissa close their eyes to use their imagination, while Alison took the opportunity to pop something into her mouth. As her pupils dilated, a knock came at the door.

Alison Chains: *bleep* You kids heard that too right?

Suddenly a large cat like man with a hat walked into the house.

?: *goofy voice* Hello there kiddies! A ratta tat tat! In case ya didn’t know, I’m the Cat in the Hat!

Alison Chains: Cat? What are you doing here?

Cat in the Hat: *serious voice* Alison. M-My gosh…you look good.

Kyle: Miss Alison, what’s going on?

Clarissa: You know the cat guy?

Alison Chains: I-uh-uh I’ve met him before.

Cat in the Hat: Met? Is that what they call it now?

Alison Chains: I uh…I think you should leave.

Clarissa: We want him to stay!

Kyle: Please put on a fun show for us!

Cat in the Hat: Uh…*goofy voice* Sure thing kiddies! I’m gonna tell you a fun and fantastical story about how one night a silly cat met this girl named Alison who rocked his world and-

Alison Chains: I didn’t even know you were real! I thought you were a hallucination!

Kyle: What’s going on here?

Alison Chains: I thought we were gonna talk about imagination, I didn’t expect THIS! Who sent you here?!

Clarissa: Our imaginati-

Alison Chains: No kid, that’s *bleep* and you know it.

Cat in the Hat: *serious voice* Linda told me. She said I needed to be here.

Alison Chains: Linda Dallas?! What did I ever do to he-OH!

Cat in the Hat: So who is Jake?

Kyle: I’m Kyle!

Cat in the Hat: Shut up kid. Who is Jake Alison?

Alison Chains: He’s just…someone I know.

Cat in the Hat: Oh yeah? You have an eyelash right there.

Alison Chains: You’re just using that to touch my face.

Cat in the Hat: Yeah…yeah maybe I am.

Alison Chains: *sniff* Seeing you is just- *sniff* Bringing back so much.

Cat in the Hat: I know I know. Don’t cry. Here, take this.

Cat in the Hat tried to give her a handkerchief, but it just kept coming out of his glove.

Cat in the Hat: Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Oh there’s the end. Here ya go.

Alison Chains: *sniff* Thanks.

Alison dried her eyes, as she leaned in ready to tongue kiss the Cat in the Hat when-

Clarissa: Hey Cat! You wanna see me dance! Look! Dancing is fun right?!

Cat in the Hat: Yeah kid..that’s…that’s great. Wow. Yep.

Alison Chains: You…you should probably go Cat.

Cat in the Hat: You’re right. It was never meant to be right? After all, didn’t you leave me for Thing 2?

Alison Chains: …He goes by Johnathing now.

Cat in the Hat: Right.

Alison Chains: I didn’t leave you for him. I just said that because I was scared…scared of how much I needed you. How much I loved you. I was scared that you were just a really really lucid drug trip.

Cat in the Hat: *sigh* Maybe I am. Maybe that’s all we are. Remember me will ya?  I’ll never forget you Alison. Oh, the places you let me go.

Cat in the Hat walked out of the room as Alison Chains sat down and tried to compose herself, slipping another substance into her mouth as the kids sat awkwardly.

Kyle: …Can we go home now?

Alison Chains: Sure kid. Get the *bleep* out of here.

Clarissa: Can we at least have bus fare?

Alison Chains: …Don’t push your luck.

-

Ninten: Well…that’s something. You all saw the cat guy too right? Heh…man cats…what a weird thing. I’m just saying if I saw a cat man of some sort I’d have a lot of questions. Chains seemed very friendly with what I considered a hallucination myself. Anyways, we’ll be cutting back to Alison for another look into her…uh…”kooky” house? I’m joined now by Little Mac and Subculture, who are preparing day and night for the match coming up on Xcite. The Boxing Match, with Sabre, an accomplished boxer in his own right. Little Mac, how are you preparing Subbie for this contest.

Little Mac: I don’t have anything left to teach him. He used to be an unrefined street dog, but now he’s a presentable man. You did good Subculture, you cleaned yourself up, you found a wife, you found friends, and you made something of yourself.

Subculture: Oh thanks! That’s nice of you to say since-

Little Mac: And I think that’s why you’re going to get your head knocked in.

Subculture: Huh?

Little Mac: You’ve gone soft. You’re tame. You’ve BEEN tame. I haven’t seen you smash skulls like I taught you to do since the KO Bombers. You’re in your prime, and you’ve been perfectly fine being just another face in Blood 4 Blood. Have you forgotten what this group was all about? I didn’t start it, YOU four did. Trevor, yourself, Mav, and Picky. You wanted to keep each other sharp, and watch each other’s backs. Mav is recovering now, and Trevor’s head is in a whole different place right now. Picky is gonna be occupied, and I ain’t exactly as spry as I was before you donated that chunk of your liver to me.

Subculture: OK, so you DO remember that I was the one to do that, cause with all the insults I was beginning to wonder if-

Little Mac: GET MAD! These Gladiators want to make a joke of you! They think they can come in and do this job better than you! You need to prove them wrong! You need to get that fire back in your gut! You were injured for a long time, and you were working through it. I went easy on you, because I knew that, even when you tried to hide it. You’re not so hurt anymore. You’re slim, you’re trim, and you’re in good shape, you just lack that edge. I WANT unrefined! I WANT the street dog! Find that edge inside yourself again, and take this guy out!

Subculture: …You think I don’t have an edge anymore? I’m gonna borrow a line from Trevor for this one, so forgive me if you’ve heard it before. I’m not as toothless as you think. I’m not such a good guy, because a good guy doesn’t need rules. I have a lot of rules…to keep myself in check…and I do that for you, for them, and most of all for Christina. The only difference between who I was, and who I am, is that I found people to care for. Good men don’t need rules. Mess with me, and you’ll find out why I have so many….but seriously, do I come off as whipped or something?

Little Mac: That’s just how I see it.

Subculture: Dang it!

Ninten: Sounds like you are ready then. Putting that aside, we have to ask about an update on Tali Mach and Trevor Mach. I know it hasn’t been easy for Blood 4 Blood lately, having just emerged from Mav Valentine’s dilemma to move right into this one.

Subculture: Yeah, well we’re dealing with it best we can. Tali is probably never walking again, and Trevor went and got born again from what I understand, so I’m expecting he’s going to ask us to go to Church or something.

Little Mac: I’m going.

Subculture: What? He asked you already?

Little Mac: Texted.

Subculture: I wasn’t expecting you would say yes.

Little Mac: Why? Cause I’m from the Pasta Town portion of North Point, I gotta be a pizza making, wife beater wearing, Catholic stereotype?

Subculture: I DIDN’T SAY THAT!

Little Mac: I’ll have you know Doc Louis had me sing in his Church’s gospel choir to “improve my lung capacity” for the ring.

Subculture: Did it work?

Little Mac: I beat Mr. Dream didn’t I?

Subculture: Huh.

Ninten: Well, I’m told it’s time to head back to Alison’s house. Everyone hold onto something I guess? Maybe wear a helmet.

The Alison Chains Show

Child-like music played as Alison re-entered her house.

Alison Chains: ♫ My name is Alison, and this is my house. Welcome to Alison’s House! *wink* ♫ Welcome back everyone! Just a little song for ya, because I’m told singing helps with the pain of loss! Haha! The kids are gone now, but that’s OK, cause I’ve other friends who live here with me! Check it out! We have Mr. Chair over there! Hello Mr. Chair!

A man’s face sticking out of a chair suddenly came to life.

Mr. Chair: Hellooooo Alison!

Alison Chains: Good morning Clocky!

A man’s face sticking out of a grandfather clock suddenly came to life.

Clocky: Morning Alison! Time to learn and sing and play!

Alison Chains: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Clocky: Whoa!

Alison Chains: RIGHT YOU ARE CLOCKY! Jukebox, ready to play some tunes?

A man’s face sticking out of a jukebox suddenly came to life.

Juke Box: S-S-S-S-S-SURE THING ALISON!

Alison Chains: You hear that everybody! We’re gonna have some REAL fun this time! Haha!
*honk!*

Alison Chains: Oh! It’s mail time! Thanks Mr. Mailman! Oh! It’s from Mr. Banker!

Clocky: Is Mr. Banker going to come over and teach us about money!

Alison Chains: Hahah-They’re taking the house!

Mr. Chair: Huh?

Alison Chains: It’s uh…just a bunch of bank mumbo jumbo. It’s not important!

Mr. Chair: That sounds serious Alison.

Juke Box: Y-Y-Y-Yeah! I really think we should talk about that b-b-bank thing!

Alison Chains: I’m just a few payments behind is all, cause I’ve been paying you guys to stay here with me. Don’t worry about it! I just need to win a few matches in EBW and-

*ding dong*

Alison Chains: Oh! Who could that be? What do we do when someone is at the door? We say hello and how do you do, and they say-

Repo Man: Ralph’s Repo! Excuse us! Ok Murph, just grab all this gross junk and put it in the truck.

Alison Chains:  Hey! Whoa! Hey Whoa! Hey! Whoa! You can’t take my stuff.

Repo Man: Uh yeah. Yeah we can. We’re gonna take all of it.

Alison Chains: Wait! You can’t take Clocky! There’s a guy in there!

Repo Man: It’s on the list, I gotta take it.

Clocky: Where are you taking me!? I don’t have my phone or wallet Alison! HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Alison Chains: Guys, this is just a misunderstanding. When the network hears about this, they’re gonna swoop in and help out!

Mr. Chair: The network? You SAY the network, but we only see you recording this on an old VHS camcorder.

Juke Box: How come we never see the Lakitus Alison? You say they’re here, but I don’t see them.

Alison Chains: You guys hear that? The clock struck eleven!

Mr. Chair: THEY TOOK THE CLOCK ALISON! HE WAS MY FRIEND! CUT ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR RIGHT NOW!

Alison Chains: I can’t do that because it’s STORY TIME!

Mr. Chair: GET OFF ME!

Alison Chains: Hey!

Repo Man: OK, time to take the chair.

Alison Chains: Wait! You can’t take that chair!

Repo Man: My list says I can.

Alison Chains: No seriously, you can’t!

Repo Man: Why not?

Alison Chains: Well…cause I have sex with it.

Repo Man: WHOA!

Mr. Chair: YOU WHAT?!

Alison Chains: Only when you’re sleeping!

Juke Box: Have you…ever had sex with my juke box Alison?

Alison Chains: What?! No! Of course not!

Juke Box: …..

Alison Chains: …Maybe.

Juke Box: I WANT OUT OF HERE! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Mr. Chairs: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Repo Man: I’m not sure I want to touch this stuff anymore.

Alison Chains: …*shrugs* That’s all folks.

-

Ninten: That was…not pleasant, and I’m sorry for any ACTUAL children that may have watched that. Alison Chains is…very bi-polar, and I wish she’d get the help she needs. It’s not easy being a psychic around her. You see very strange things…all the time. Well, that just leaves one last thing before we go. The card for Xcite, and it’s going to be big top to bottom. A 6-Way opener with members of the tag teams that will be competing in the Overkill Ladder Match at Victory Explosion 17. The ladder match that is sure to desensitize wrestling fans after it is over. Rama Raju will be in action again. This time going up against fan favorite Magnum PT. PT will put the #1 Contender to the test, and I’m sure Zyro Kurogane will be watching on. Subculture and Sabre will be having that Boxing Match in the middle of the card. Bashin Dan will put his Television Championship on the line in an Open Challenge, and he’s probably hoping it’s Seto Kaiba or a member of Kaiba Corp. that accepts the challenge. Dan is looking to keep the momentum going as he attempts to become “King of Games”. After that, a HUGE main event as Tracy of MCW is competing against Wendy Mustang in a non-title bout. A big test for the #1 Contender, to see how she can do against World Champion caliber competition. It’s all taking place at the Fourside Arena in…well Fourside. Wouldn’t it be something if it WASN’T in Fourside. We’ll see you then!

EBW: Xcite
Fourside Arena, Fourside
ENN

1. 6-Way: Jason Boomtown vs. Isiah Muscle vs. The Assessor vs. Picky Minch vs. Tower vs. Jammer
2. Singles: Rama Raju vs. Magnum PT
3. Boxing Match: Subculture vs. Sabre
4. EBW Television Championship Open Challenge: Bashin Dan(c) vs. TBA
5. Women’s Non-Title Singles: Tracy<MCW> vs. Wendy Mustang

Last edited by Machismo (3/17/2023 1:15 am)