Strong Style Forever » EBW

Machismo · 8/30/2024 12:44 am

EBW Summer Memories

Week 7

Ted Pettentool: Welcome back EBW fans! You thought the Summer Memories were done? No way, it's hotter than ever, and Summer doesn't technically end until September 21st! Yes, we're taking it literally! The E1 Climax was just around the corner this last week! See? We're just about caught up. We needed a "rest week", and by that, I mean we had a showdown between Usagi and Beryl, and a World Championship match! We learned what Trevor has in mind for his reign as VBW's Champion, and we had one of the biggest shockers happen on Xcite during the ReCrewnion! Let's cut to the chase and recap this week in EBW history! The show began with a familiar bus pulling up outside of the arena, which got a huge reaction from the crowd. It was none other than Rick Shaw, who really ties everything together, but he's not technically the GLUE that held the Crew together, but would said glue show up later that night? So Tony Wonder returned? He claimed to have finally escaped the Shadow Realm, whatever that means. He asked to NOT be in a match with El Mago, who has been busy himself doing a tour performing illusions on The Strip! He got his wish, but ended up in a match with Troy, who decimated him and sent him mentally back into the Shadow Realm with a Punt Kick! Ouch! NEW CXJ Champion El Hijo Del Kiva and Fray Tiburon joined forces against Johnny Starbound and Hooligan. Starbound continued to be a pest to anyone that comes into contact with him, as he abandoned Hooligan late in the match, and went to have a talk with Colby Roads, leaving Hooligan open to the Brainbuster by Fray Tiburon followed by the pin.

Backstage

Johnny Starbound found himself surrounded by the story as Colby Roads offered him a drink.

Johnny Starbound: Hey, I just left a match for this meeting, so this had better be good.

Colby Roads: You didn't really care to help that Anahauc Rudo anyways did you?

Johnny Starbound: While that's true, a win still would have been good for me financially.

Colby Roads: This will be far more lucrative. It's time you found a family to call your own. A team that wants to foster YOUR story. You're smart, so I know you'll understand what I'm saying.

Johnny Starbound: You're afraid that HE is going to bring the Weekend Wrecking Crew back together, and you want as much help as you can get!

Colby Roads: Like I said, you're smart.

Johnny Starbound: Smart enough not to get a stupid neck tattoo. You really banked on your logo not sucking when you did that huh? Whatever, I'm in! Haha!

-

Ted Pettentool: Things got CRAZY up next in an EBW Women's #1 Contender match. Makoto Kino watched on as Hilda Iceheart, Erica, and the Women's Tag Team Champions Tracy and her daughter Christina faced off in a 4-Way match for the right to challenge her! Christina was weary of trusting her mother, who seemed to be the perfect picture of good sportsmanship and pious dignity when the match began. She had mentioned how she wants to bring the gospel to Erica and save her, however she took an opportunity in this match and rolled up her own daughter after Christina hit a head kick to Erica, who was launched into it by Hilda, who continues to have her number. Christina was in shock as Tracy celebrated and thanked God for the opportunity to reclaim the EBW Women's Championship! I'm starting to think something is funny about that Tracy lady. The next match saw EBW Champion Bashin Dan team up with his two friendly rivals Rama Raju and Takumi Inui to take on SUFFER's Razorblade, Snakebite, and KYO. A true battle of good versus evil, that saw good even get a boost from Void, who appeared to continue his war with KYO, who ran defense for Preacher Ra and The Auditor. That didn't stop a surprise result from happening though, as Snakebite hit a wild Big Boot to the champ that left him knocked out for the 1-2-3. Snakebite immediately demanded a title shot. Does he deserve one? I mean the win loss record is a little skewed, BUT he pinned the champ. Does he deserve it? We'll leave it up to you. For the in ring action, we came to our main event, as Usagi Tsukino, the renewed and invigorated leader of the Sailor Sensations, took on Queen Beryl, her arch-nemesis from like…other stuff that happened in Edo. What stuff? Nega stuff. A cinematic back and forth, as Beryl preyed on Usagi's insecurities, but her friends and loved ones on the outside propelled her to fight back. She staged a big comeback, but Beryl reinforced something that is unfortunately true in wrestling. The bad guys CAN win. With an illegal fireball attack, Beryl planted Usagin on the mat and curb stomped her for the victory. The crowd booed as Berly laughed maniacally. You hate to see it, but if I know Usagi, and it's mostly just through the dub, then I know she won't give up, and she'll strike back against the mad Queen of the Negaverse! Then we came to the moment of truth, the ReCrewnion! You think you could guess how that would go? Keep dreaming! Check it out!

The ReCrewnion

The crowd went wild as Mike Thunder appeared in the dimly lit arena, making his way to the ring, which had a spotlight on it.

Mike Thunder: You all know me as the man with the STRONGEST TITS, but tonight I'm here in a different role than I've had before. I'm here to oversee a ReCrewnion! Can I ask Magnum PT to come to the ring!

Magnum came out in his classiest cut off denims, with his mullet pulled back into a ponytail. The crowd loved to see one of the top contenders for the Xcite Championship. He entered the ring and shook hands with the other founder of the Weekend Wrecking Crew.

Mike Thunder: I've had a private conversation with you, since the last time we were seen in a ring together. A fire was lit under me, even though my in-ring career was cut short. I couldn't leave well enough alone. You feel the same way, I know that much. When I was a kid, everyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. There was no gray area. I knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a wrestler. I wanted to be the kind of wrestler that everyone would remember for generations to follow. I wanted to be in the CREW that WRECKS the WEEKENDS whenever we hit a new town! I finally got there, and I got that crew, and that changed everything. I've been a good guy, I've been a bad guy, I'm just a flawed man, but I was the wrestler I wanted to be the MOST when I was with the CREW. You were there, but it wasn't JUST you. More followed, and I'd like to bring out one of them right now. Point Man, come on out here!

The crowd went wild as Point Man descended from the rafters and landed in the ring.

Mike Thunder: Look at that! So reliable! Always there when you need him! He was totally willing to defend those tag titles no matter the cost too. I'm sorry it ended the way it did, but give it time, and you WILL have some gold again. How does a ring around your finger sound? That's something I've NEVER asked one of my ladies! Haha, I have commitment issues obviously. You can always rely on Point Man though. We're bringing this all back together because one kid had the guts and nuts to step up and tell us it was time to bring it back together after ….the weeks it was gone. Those were some long weeks I know. Jaden Yuki, you wanted the Crew, you GOT the Crew, and you're IN the Crew. Come on down!

The crowd cheered as Jaden Yuki came down in a suit, sans tie, but the top button buttoned, which screamed 1990's. He also revealed that he had cut his hair into a mullet for the occasion.

Mike Thunder: Lookin' good kid. Lookin' good.

Jaden Yuki: Yo, this is hella tight, but I can't help but feeling like we're missing something!

Mike Thunder: That's right. How could we forget the centerpiece of the Crew. The glue that holds it all together.

In the back Lakitu cam showed that Tack Angel was pretending that he couldn't be bothered to come out, but was actually quite enthused at the opportunity to come out and hear the cheers of the crowd once again. He made it to the stage and was about to come down.

Mike Thunder: We're of course talking about-

Tack Angel looked confused and bewildered, tugging on his ear and panicking as Double G did the Jackie Fargo strut to one of the biggest reactions the Fourside Arena ever heard. He gave Tack a quick hug before running down to the ring to join the Weekend Wrecking Crew!

Geoff Garrett: Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm almost embarrassed by the response, but when I see this, the years I spent trying to entertain you was worth every minute of it. Somebody told me that the Crew were having a party tonight in Fourside! All the slappies out there know that ol' Double G couldn't miss that! It's official that the Weekend Wrecking Crew are reuniting. It's a ReCrewnion, and I couldn't be happier to be here, and I'm honored to be considered the glue that held this group toge-

At the moment the crowd was shocked, as a livid Tack Angel rolled into the ring and broke Geoff Garrett's guitar over his head. He screamed at him, as he kicked Magnum PT in the head and tossed Jaden Yuki out of the ring. He left Point Man alone, but the damage was done and the people were shocked. Tack Angel was looked to be unleashing a lot of pent up anger and aggression, which was a total shock to the audience, as they always thought he loved the Crew. A stunned silence fell over the area, as a bloody Geoff Garrett asked Tack why with tears in his eyes.

-

Ted Pettentool: Yeah, I know right? I didn't see it coming either. Tack Angel lost it! He went completely off the rails and attacked the group that gave him so many friends, and so much success. Makoto Kino was even surprised by the attack, but later said she was sure Tack had his reasons, and would stand by him no matter what. A feeling of deja vu swept over me just now, and I don't know why. Weird AND foreboding.

EBW: Xcite "E1 Prelude"
Fourside Arena, Fourside
ENN

1. Singles: Troy vs. Tony Wonder
Winner: Troy via Punt Kick -> Pin

2. CXJ Division Tag: El Hijo Del Kiva/Fray Tiburon vs. Johnny Starbound/Hooligan
Winner: El Hijo Del Kiva/Fray Tiburon[o] via Brainbuster on Hooligan -> Pin

3. EBW Women's #1 Contender: Hilda Iceheart vs. Christina Angel vs. Tracy vs. Erica
Winner: Tracy via Roll Up on Christina Angel -> Pin

4. 6-Man Tag: Bashin Dan/Rama Raju/Takumi Inui vs. Razorblade/Snakebite/KYO
Winners: Razorblade/Snakebite[o]/KYO via Big Boot on Bashin Dan -> Pin

5. Women's Singles: Usagi Tsukino vs. Queen Beryl
Winner: Queen Beryl via Kiss the Boot Curb Stomp -> Pin

Ted Pettentool: The scene for Havok was a lot different. No celebrations or ReCrewnions, but lots and lots of violence, as the war between the Renegades and Metal Rush continues. The show did open up with a shocking sight though, as Schala and Paula were both seen conversing with The Auditor from Xcite. A familiar hat was seen in the locker room as well, signaling the possible return of Ness following his title loss to Cade Yaggis. He hadn't been seen in weeks! The first match saw NEW VBW Champion Trevor Mach introduce the concept of Extreme Bushido to Havok. No rope breaks and no leaving the ring just like normal Bushido Rules, but weapons were added to the ring, and you didn't have to wear MMA gloves to throw a closed fist punch. It made the hardcore aspects more prominent, and more of a game changer. Every move counted, instead of the spot fests that weapons based matches devolved into. Seto Kaiba experienced the Extreme Bushido style first hand, as Mach used his wrist tape to assist in a Bulldog Choke that led to a submission victory and good first defense. After the match, Mach said that unlike previous champs, he WOULD take the belt back to VBW saying he'd done it before, and he'd do it again. Blood 4 Blood were brimming with confidence with two titles in their camp, but Mach was shaken by an incident in the back. Let's check it out!

Backstage

Trevor was walking to his locker room when he noticed The Auditor talking with Paula and Schala.

Trevor Mach: You. What are you doing here…talking to the psychics?

Paula: That is our business Trevor. You have no part in this.

Trevor Mach: Oh I think I do, even if during the times I don't want to. This guy is trouble, surely you can read that.

Paula: We can see. We see so much more than we anticipated, and we like what we see.

Trevor Mach: Oh crud. You're going to make this a thing aren't you?

Schala: I must thank you Trevor Mach. Your previous actions, and those of the twin Angels, and the Trigger, allowed for my emergence….my opportunity. You do not have my gratitude for turning my brother against me however, and for that you will pay the price.

Trevor Mach: Lady, you did that yourself. Wait…twin Angels? Auditor, what have you done?

The Auditor: Just exchanged some information, and acquired the services required to unleash a "trigger" of my own. Oh, to find out who is pulling the strings on this end of things, makes me wish I could be drafted to Havok. How splendid this turn of events. It won't be long before I'll be back to doing what I do best….auditing sins…with blood. Until then, it's time to give someone a reminder….of who they are.

Trevor Mach: …That's not good.

Ted Pettentool: Amigo might not be World Champion right now, but he took out that aggression on Isiah Muscle, challenging him to an Amatuer Rules bout. Amigo would be the expert in this kind of match, but the young hotshot Isiah, unhappy with his string of recent losses, gave Amigo the fight of his life. The olympic level athlete was nearly pinned, but Amigo countered out and rolled up Isiah for the one count that was needed and scored the win. After the match, he put the boots to Isiah until Zyro-K made the save. Zyro Kurogane was ready to help Isiah to the back, but he was suddenly attacked by Boomtown! That's right, Metal Rush's newest member attacked Shogun Steel from behind, and targeted on his injuries sustained from the attack AND match from Feel the Heat! Zyro-K was expected to perform in the main event! The World Championship would be on the line! Boomtown's betrayal was addressed as Mrs. Xtra tried to get a word with Sal Paradise, but he simply walked away, looking dejected. When I say walked away, I mean he got in his car and left. No one has seen him since! Has Sal Paradise walked away from EBW?! More Metal Rush shenanigans followed in a rough brawl between Boz and Magus. Magus wanted a piece of Crono again, but Boz, not caring about anyone else's fights but his own, stood in the way. Magus was making him pay for it, but Metal Rush didn't care for either man, and the ring was filled with Metal Rush members who attacked them both. The match was thrown out, and Boz was left angry again that Metal Rush interfered in one of his bouts. So Picky Minch picked up an inter-brand feud with Randy no Kachi of The Story recently, and RnK decided to make a jump over and invade, not even in a Sengoku Rules environment, but just as a rebuttal to Picky Minch taking the loss of the World Team Championship Rings personally. The "Ishihiro Tomo" of Blood 4 Blood, Picky kept Randy on the mat and showed him some STRONG STYLE in a very painful way. Randy nearly stole it with a No Kachi Cutter, but Picky fought it off and flipped him around for a Hagen Suplexm bridged perfectly for the pin. More confusion, cause EBW is all about confusion, as Women's World Champion Wendy Mustang, Hope Mach, and Rhea Rampage joined forces against Paula, "Judas Wolf" Heather Mach, and Mitra Lennox. I say confusion, because in the middle of it, Ripper Jane appeared once again, and once again she seemed to be helping Hope Mach. Those two tried killing each other a few months ago at Victory Explosion, and now for some reason she was fighting off interference and taking foreign objects for her. Mitra Lennox ate a Riptide from Rhea Rampage, and the muscular and powerful Lady Renegades pinned Mitra for the win. I got a dommy mommy fetish so I….probably shouldn't have admitted that! What made me say-

Rufus Poochyfud: Haha! Look no further, than the princess herself! The once and future Women's World Champion! Paula!

Paula: Yes, I made you say it. It's amazing what one can do when they put their mind to it. You think you have all the answers, but you don't even know the questions. You had that taken from you, ya know? You think this has all been just about the veterans getting their due? Do you think it's been about Metal Rush setting right what had gone wrong in wrestling? It's symbolic of what has gone wrong in this world. The truth has been ripped away, but the sins of the past are bleeding through. Nothing is ever truly gone. Your past WILL find you. As for the action in the ring, I WILL be champion again. It's only a matter of time. Wendy Mustang wants to give a shot to Hope, because Hope screwed herself over, and screwed me over. Typical of a Mach eh? At least Heather got wise. But Wendy, you're so generous eh? You're so big and strong! You're also foolish. Thinking you can walk into my ring, and I'll just take your garbage one more time. What do you think you are? You're nothing special to me. You're an imitation of the greatness that preceded you. You're just a piece of flesh. When I step into the ring, and I look across it, and I see you…I say "that's my dinner, and mommy is hungry". You're my meal, the title is the meal ticket. Yeah, what I've had isn't enough. Metal Rush is in the business of devouring right now. We're devouring titles…we'll be devouring dreams, and we'll be devouring time. That's just what we do.

Ted Pettentool: …I almost wet myself just now. I'm sure it was because of like…psychic control? We uh…found ourselves at the main event, where Cade Yaggis put the World Championship on the line against Zyro Kurogane. Shogun Steel was fighting injured, while Cade was just a day removed from defending against Zyro AND Amigo so it really could have gone either way. Metal Rush decided it needed to go off the rails, as Ness entered the ring, making his return, as he clobbered Cade with his bat, and had the match thrown out as a DQ win for the champ. Zyro Kurogane, fed up with the antics attacked Ness, but he felt the SMAAAAASH of the bat as well. With the E1 a week away, Ness ensured that his return would coincide, and send the message that he was back, and he was coming for an E1 victory and the World Championship.

EBW: 3-Hour Havok "E1 Prelude"
Renegade Arena, Saturn City
ENT

1. VBW Championship Extreme Bushido: Trevor Mach(c) vs. Seto Kaiba
Winner: Trevor Mach via Wrist Tape Bulldog Choke -> Submission -> Title Defense!

2. Amatuer Rules Singles: Amigo vs. Isiah Muscle
Winner: Amigo via Roll Up -> Pin

3. Singles: Boz vs. Magus
Winner: No Contest

4. Havok vs. Xcite Singles: Picky Minch<Havok> vs. Randy no Kachi<Xcite>
Winner: Picky Minch via Hagen Suplex -> Pin

5. Lady Renegades 6-Woman Tag: Wendy Mustang/Hope Mach/Rhea Rampage vs. Paula/Heather Mach/Mitra Lennox
Winners: Wendy Mustang/Hope Mach/Rhea Rampage[o] via Ripride on Mitra Lennox -> Pin

6. World Championship: Cade Yaggis(c) vs. Zyro Kurogane
Winner: Cade Yaggis via DQ

Ted Pettentool: And of course the week ended with The Storm! Xcite was in control thanks to The Story, who are not too happy about the ReCrewnion, but were delighted at the actions of Tack Angel, who did not appear in Twoson, nor was he available for comment. Makoto was also unavailable for comment. Weird right? The show opened with the return of El Mago, who finished up his stint on The Strip to take on Hexagon III. Hex would have won the match but he kept going Cero Miedo and doing this hand thing. Like, it was fun a couple times, but I lost count personally at twenty three times he did it, before El Mago took him to the mat with an Abracahurricanrana, and went to the top with a Diving Double Foot Stomp to get the pin. He pulled that win out of his hat! Haha! He also had my card, which he asked me to pick like two years ago! That was crazy. Apple Kid's favorite wrestler Sailor V scored a win over the returning Trixie Gamble, who gave up trying to be a booth babe at conventions, when idiots decided pretty women needed to be REMOVED from cons. Figure that one out! Snakebite and Takumi Inui had a very special match up on The Storm, worthy of a main event for Xcite. Takumi wants another shot at Bashin Dan, but Snakebite made the claim that he's the man to snake the shot. See what I did there? Razorblade pulled the ropes down as Takumi ran them, and tossed him into the guard rail while Ra distracted the referee, and that led to a count out win for Snakebite! Typical SUFFER tactics, but when Void's face appeared on screen they quickly scrambled. The main event saw CP Munk take on Jackson Kain in a Semi-Final bout for the Xcite Championship. A great match here, that saw Kain escape the Go 2 Munk attempt and came off the ropes with a superb Shadow Kick for the pin, the win, and the spot in the finals for the Xcite Championship. Another crazy week in EBW all wrapped up!

EBW: The Storm[Xcite Control]
Twoson Market, Twoson
ENN

1. CXJ Division Singles: El Mago vs. Hexagon III
Winner: El Mago via Diving Double Foot Stomp -> Pin

2. Women's Singles: Sailor V vs. Trixie Gamble
Winner: Sailor V via Rolling Heart Vibration -> Pin

3. Singles: Snakebite vs. Takumi Inui
Winner: Snakebite via Count Out

4. EBW Xcite Tournament Semi-Final: Jackson Kain vs. CP Munk
Winner: Jackson Kain via Shadow Kick -> Pin

Ted Pettentool: That leads up to the E1 Climax!

Ted Pettentool: This year, the tournament will feature an Xcite Block and a Havok Block, with eight of the best from each brand going for the gold. No World or EBW Champion involvement this year, but we have some stellar first time ever match ups that will take place. We can also confirm that Tack Angel's in-ring return will coincide with the E1 Climax. After what took place at the ReCrewnion, who knows how that's gonna work out! Only one way to find out!

Xcite Block

1. Rama Raju
2. Takumi Inui
3. KYO
4. Troy
5. Void
6. Geoff Garrett
7. Tack Angel
8. Colby Roads

Havok Block

1. Jammer
2. Ness
3. Trevor Mach - VBW Champion
4. Magus
5. Firebrand X
6. Crono
7. Zyro Kurogane
8. Amigo

Last edited by Machismo (8/30/2024 1:05 am)

Machismo · 9/01/2024 5:12 am

Streets of Fourside

A storm was brewing over the night sky in Fourside. Rain hit the ground hard as Tack Angel clutched at his head and stumbled through the streets. As lightning struck, visions filled his head of a life not lived. Anger filled him like never before, feelings that were foreign to him. Trevor Mach and Cade Yaggis rounded the street corner to track down his old friend.

Trevor Mach: Tack! Buddy! Hey man, Makoto has been looking for you!

Cade Yaggis: Yeah Tack, why don't you come with us!

Tack Angel: You? Trevor, I expected you'd come looking for me, but Cade? Why you?

Trevor Mach: He doesn't remember yet. We're not too late.

Cade Yaggis: I wish I could forget myself.

Tack Angel: I'm not sorry about what I did! I hate mullets, and I hate the south! I did not want to be a part of the Weekend Wrecking Crew! No one would listen! No one heard me! When I finally broke free, and everything started going my way, it felt like I was fading away, to the point that I HAD to get back into the Crew to be seen again! I don't want to be forgotten! I wanted to leave a legacy on MY terms!

Trevor Mach: That's alright Tack! You're doing what you're doing. I'm not here to talk you out of that. I'm just here to keep you safe!

Tack Angel: From what?

The Auditor: From us.

Cade Yaggis: Oh no.

The Auditor rounded the corner on the other side of the building, and he was joined by Paula and Schala.

Trevor Mach: Now what do we have here? Auditor, you've been gimped of your abilities. What are you doing hanging out with the Psychic Companions Network, and where is Gary Spivey?

The Auditor: The jokes continue, but they won't help you. Consider this a new Dark Pact. An arrangement between agents of change, on both sides of a brand war. Another trigger to be pulled.

Paula: Like when we had w00t reveal to you your past Cade. When we made you remember.

Cade Yaggis: …

Schala: The past isn't so easily forgotten. A clean slate is never possible.

Trevor Mach: Speak for yourself. I'd tell you how you could have a clean slate, but I get the feeling I wouldn't really be talking to Magus's sister….whoever you are.

Schala: You don't know me? You should. You should know me intimately.

Cade Yaggis: Trevor?

Trevor Mach: What? Don't look at me. I have no idea what she's talking about.

Cade Yaggis: This is a new world. This is a new time. We're moving on from the past!

The Auditor: You're the one that caused this. You're the one that removed me from my connection to the Infernals. Death should not have saved you from "V".

Tack Angel: My head…what are you…this…

Trevor Mach: Tack, I'm BEGGING you not to listen!

Schala: I can see it…the world left behind. It exists beyond the veil, and it will rejoin the world as it is. I see him….as he was. The darkness that plagued him left a mark that can not be erased. It was forgotten but-

Paula placed her hand on Schala's shoulder.

Paula: It can be…brought to the surface. After all, none of you know what it's like to be the-

Tack Angel: STAR PRINCE!

Trevor Mach: This is gonna be bad.

Tack clutched at his head, his eyes widening at the name Star Prince, and suddenly it all began to flood back to him. The rain fell in sheets, relentless and cold, as Tack Angel staggered. He found himself on his knees, clutching his head as the past clawed its way back into his mind, filling every corner with agonizing memories.His breathing came in ragged gasps, almost drowned out by the sound of the rain. Every droplet that struck him felt like a needle, piercing through the thin veil of control he clung to. He could feel the raw power of the emotions he had once thrived on. Anger, bitterness, and the insatiable hunger for power, swirling inside him like a storm far more violent than the one overhead.

Trevor Mach: TACK NO! LISTEN TO ME! YOU NEED TO FIGHT IT!

Tack Angel: AAAAAHHHH!

Cade Yaggis: THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE HE'S FIGHTING IT!

Trevor Mach: GET PLAN B READY! TACK, YOU NEED TO FIGHT IT!

Tack Angel: AAAAAAHHHH! I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I SEE IT! I REMEMBER! I REMEMBER….EVERYTHING!

Tack suddenly tried to kick Trevor in the head, an impulse that reverberated through the years.

Trevor Mach: WHOA!

Tack Angel: Get away from me! GET AWAY!

Trevor Mach: That's not you Tack! That was Darkness Angel! That was Tack o' Dark, but that is not you!

Tack Angel: They're me and I'm them! THEY'RE ME AND I'M THEM AND I REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE SO I REMEMBER WHO I WAS! I REMEMBER WHO I AM!

Trevor Mach: No, don't say i-

Tack Angel: I AM….THE STAR PRINCE!

Trevor Mach: Oh damn…dollar for the swear jar.

Tack Angel: YOU! You ruined everything!

Trevor Mach: Calm down buddy! It's not like that anymore!

Tack Angel: You pushed me to the brink! You turned the people against me! You drove into MY home and TORE ME IN HALF WITH A SCYTHE!

Trevor Mach: YOU TOLD ME TO!

Tack Angel: YOU HUMILIATED ME! YOU HUMILIATED THE 5-CROWN KING!

Trevor Mach: TACK STO-

Tack Angel: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Oh the embarrassment I suffered! Having to play nice with trash! The unwashed masses with their stupid fixations! I'm so far beyond them, and I was made to look like a clown!

Trevor Mach: Tack, Darkness Angel was-

Tack Angel: Oh I know! I know all too well what Darkness Angel was! He was a failed ruler, while I was doing it right! I KNOW TREVOR! I KNOW EVERYTHING! I'M SMARTER! I'M BETTER! THE ONLY WEAKNESS I HAVE, IS THAT I SUFFER FROM INGRATES WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE TACK ANGEL! YOU STOLE THEM ALL FROM ME! YOU TOOK THEM!

Trevor Mach: You have your true love Tack! Remember that! She came back for you! She chose you when everyone else chose Tack o' Dark! She chose YOU! Cade, bring her!

Cade came from around the corner with Makoto Kino.

Makoto Kino: Tack? What's going on?

Tack Angel: You brought HER?!

Trevor Mach: She loves you man. That's your wife right there!

Makoto Kino: Wife? I don't understand. We just started dating! He just moved in nearby. I don't-

Tack Angel: SHE'S NOT THE SAME! SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED! WHAT I WENT THROUGH! SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE TACK ANGEL! MAKOTO, GET AWAY! FORGET ABOUT ME! I WILL NOT DRAG YOU BACK INTO THIS WAR! YOU…TREVOR….CADE…STAY AWAY FROM MY BRAND!

Makoto Kino: Tack, please I don't-

Tack Angel: MAKOTO….please…I have work to do.

Trevor Mach: Auditor….are you happy you absolute dick!? *sigh* Another dollar for the swear jar.

Cade Yaggis: What do we do?

Trevor Mach: …We do what we do in the ring, and then all of this'll be on the wheel.

Cade Yaggis: The wheel?

Trevor Mach: It all comes around.

Cade Yaggis: What about Makoto?

Makoto fell to her knees, and held her head in confusion. Tears fell into a puddle in front of her, and for a brief moment, she caught a reflection of herself with different color eyes and hair.

Makoto Kino: What was that? Tack, what are you doing?

Trevor Mach: *sigh* Maybe we made things worse.

Last edited by Machismo (9/01/2024 5:19 am)

Machismo · 9/06/2024 2:50 am

Tali Mach: I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know what you want me to say. I-

Ted Pettentool: *clears throat* I got it Tali! It's me the host with the most, Ted Pettentool, and I'm joined by Tali Mach for this, the E1 Climax Report! What a week it was right?

Tali Mach: I mean yeah, but am I getting paid more for this? Tali don't work for free.

Ted Pettentool: I uh…I think so?

Tali Mach: Good. I'd better be. I contribute a lot to this company, you know? I even made my own title card for my Keys to Victory segment. You know how much work I put into that?

Ted Pettentool: …You had it AI generated?

Tali Mach: Yeah, but I had to type in the prompt and find the best one. What do you want from me?

Ted Pettentool: Just sit back and enjoy the recap of this previous week in the E1 Climax!

Tali Mach: Sit back? I literally can't do anything BUT sit back you insensitive prick.

Ted Pettentool: I'm sorr-

Tali Mach: Gotcha! Haha! Wheelchair jokes are my love language Ted. You're alright.

Ted Pettentool: I'm so confused. Do you WANT to talk about the E1?

Tali Mach: I'm waiting on you!

Ted Pettentool: Great! Let's hit it up! It was a crazy week for EBW during the opening weeks of the E1 Climax 2024! We had so many SUPER matches to bask in, and some startling developments, like what is going on with one Tack Angel for example.

Tali Mach: He's lost his mind!

Ted Pettentool: Seemingly, but we'll get to that. The Climax kicked off in SEW territory, the Meridian Cube Garden in North Point. The packed crowd of Xciters saw some big matches, like the opening bout in which Geoff Garrett defeated Colby Roads in the first shot of the Weekend Wrecking Crew versus The Story feud. Double G was heartbroken by the actions of Tack Angel, but decided to set that aside and focus on the match. He did a great job!

Tali Mach: That long hair looking luscious and well kept. It's got to be the source of his powers.

Ted Pettentool: After the match, he said he wanted to speak to Tack Angel and sort out the problems they had as friends, brothers, and co-parents. Tack did NOT come out though.

Tali Mach: Blue balling *bleep*!

Ted Pettentool: Uh…some might say that? So next up, we DID get Tack Angel. He came out to a different theme song than we've heard before, something much different! Check it out!

Tali Mach: Yeah! Do that!

Ted Pettentool: Tack was NOT playing games. He wasn't playing up to the crowd, and he wasn't sweating the larger and more imposing Troy. I've never seen Tack had that kind of attitude in a match against Troy, and the big Alpha Beta wasn't ready for it either. A vicious head kick set up for the WRIST CLUTCH and the Angel Driver for the pin and the two points in the E1 Climax! After the match, Tack had some cryptic words on the microphone.

-

Tack Angel: You know, there was a time when I looked at all of you people and I saw family. I saw honor, respect... tradition. I was the hero, right? Your champion, your soldier on the front lines, fighting for justice. Tsk… fighting for you. But I woke up! I remembered what you did to me… what YOU ALL took from me! I had a life before this… A REAL life! I was the Star Prince… the rightful 5-Crown King! And I ruled the stars with power and grace. But then, I fell. I was shackled in this miserable mortal coil, brainwashed into thinking I was just another good ol' boy with a Southern smile, living that Weekend Wrecking Crew dream. You know what woke me up? It wasn’t the cheers or the championships. It was when I took one look at you, Wrecking Crew, with your greasy mullets, your cheap beer, and your revolting Southern twang, and I thought… 'This is beneath me. Beneath me. All of it. The flannel, the camaraderie, the dumb loyalty to a lifestyle that is stuck in the mud. You people think driving trucks and fixing trailers makes you strong?! I’ve remembered what REAL strength is! REAL power! I am destined for the stars! And you… You Wrecking Crew, with your pathetic mullets and backwards ways, are nothing but roadkill on my path back to my throne! You’re going to regret ever thinking you could stand beside me. I’ve remembered who I am… The Star Prince! The 5-Crown King! And soon enough, this ring, this world—everything—will bend to me once more! So you better hold on to your ratty mullets, boys, because the stars are aligning once again… and I am reclaiming what’s MINE!

-

Tali Mach: Something oddly familiar about his bloviating, feels like we're missing something. Whatever, Tack's matches are normally my piss break, which is a LOT more complicated for me. This actually has my attention. What's he up to?

Ted Pettentool: I didn't really think about how difficult that's got to be for you.

Tali Mach: Tack matches?

Ted Pettentool: N-No, the other thing.

Tali Mach: Oh. Meh, I don't really give *bleep*.

Ted Pettentool: Might be a healthy mindset all things considered. The Angel Family wasn't done on this night, as Christina Angel and Tracy put the EBW Women's Tag Team Championships on the line against Usagi Tsukino and Minako Aino up next, but not before Tracy, the Women's #1 Contender for the World Championship had THIS to say!

Tali Mach: *groans*

-

Tracy: Hallelujah, what a blessing it is to be here in North Point. God is smiling on me tonight Xciters, I truly feel the love, and thanks to your generous donations to my charitable causes, some needy people are getting exactly what they need. This fur coat…that's a whole different thing. Ignore that. That's EBW Women's Tag Team Championship money. Usagi, I find it an admirable cause to crawl out from under the oppression of a toxic relationship to rise to the occasion. However, you consider yourself a Queen. Do you bow to the King? Christina and I will help enlighten you if need be, isn't that right Christina?

Christina Angel: You pinned me for the #1 Contender spot!

Tracy: Honey, are you STILL dwelling on that!? My goodness, we're the EBW Women's Tag Team Champions, and your mother has a shot at reclaiming the World Championship. After that, we can talk about who gets a title shot, but we'll be the ones with the titles, and we'll call the shots! We can bring praise and GLORY to His name!

Christina Angel: You mean line your own pockets even more! What ARE these charitable services you're sending this money to? Does Step-Pep Pep Geoff know what you're doing?

Tracy: Honey! Please! Don't speak like them! You're not like THEM. You're not of this world. You're a holy crusader like me! Together, you and I are going to change the world! Come on now! Let's evangelize to those Sailor Sensations in the ring, and show them how this family does it!

Christina Angel: *sigh*

-

Ted Pettentool: And so we got…a TITLE CHANGE! But how you might be wondering? Well the dynamic team of Christina Angel and Tracy were actually on the ropes in the match to begin with. Christina's heart didn't appear to be in it, and Tracy found herself overwhelmed by Usagi. Tracy pulled a metal cross out of her tights that she wore to the ring, but concealed once she took off her entrance gear! Christina stopped her from using it, and when Tracy turned to argue with her, she flashed a brief look of menace, before getting blindsided by Usagi. The leader of the Sensations hit the Moon Spiral Heart on Tracy and pinned her for the win! NEW EBW Women's Tag Team Champions! It was quite the sight, seeing all the Sensations come out to celebrate, along with Mamoru and Seiya. EBW Women's Champion Makoto Kino had been despondent after recent actions from Tack, but seeing her friends celebrate in victory helped lift her spirits. However, Queen Beryl appeared on the stage and laughed a wicked laugh. She promised the Sensations that the next week she would reveal her secret weapon that would lead to a paradigm shift to Xcite! What a hook!

Tali Mach: It's alright.

Ted Pettentool: Takumi Inui and KYO engaged in a tremendous E1 Climax bout that saw Void's appearance drive the uncontrollable KYO out of the ring and right into a Count Out loss! SUFFER really has to nail down some monsters that can listen to coaching I'd think, but where are you gonna find one of those, especially at THIS hour! The main event saw a first ever battle, as Void returned to the ring after security kept him away from KYO. He took on the former EBW Champion, THE FIRE Rama Raju. Bashin Dan, the EBW Champion looked on, joining the friend he beat at Victory Explosion, and I think he also just wanted a front row seat to this epic match. We gave this way for FREE! It was a great match, but it wasn't without interference, something we hate, especially during the E1. Snakebite came out, and everyone expected him to hit Void, but he hit a Big Boot to Raju instead, as a shot against Bashin Dan, as he believed he had earned a shot at the Dangerous Player. Void actually seemed hesitant as he reluctantly continued the match instead of pursuing Snakebite and hit the Chaos Theory for the victory over Rama Raju. Void with the two points. After the match, Dan made a bold statement. He said that he'd put the title on the line if it meant he could get Snakebite in the ring, and away from future Rama Raju matches in the E1, and said he wouldn't wait until next week. The match was signed for….THE STORM!

Tali Mach: Talk about giving stuff away.

EBW: Xcite "E1 Climax 2024"
Meridian Cube Garden, North Point
ENN

1. E1 Xcite Block: Geoff Garrett vs. Colby Roads
Winner: Geoff Garrett via The Stroke -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. E1 Xcite Block: Tack Angel vs. Troy
Winner: Tack Angel via WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver -> Pin -> 2 Points!

3. EBW Women's Tag Team Championships: Christina Angel(c)/Tracy(c) vs. Usagi Tsukino/Minako Aino
Winners: Usagi Tsukino[o]/Minako Aino via Moon Spiral Heart -> Pin -> NEW EBW Women's Tag Team Champions!

4. E1 Xcite Block: Takumi Inui vs. KYO
Winner: Takumi Inui via Count Out -> 2 Points!

5. E1 Xcite Block: Rama Raju vs. Void
Winner: Void via Chaos Theory -> Pin -> 2 Points!

Rufus Poochyfud: Well well well, this is where you're hiding Tali my sweet.

Tali Mach: I'm not hiding anywhere you *bleep* and if you get any closer you'll-

Rufus Poochyfud: Oh please, I'm not here for that, but I am laughing at the outcome that Paula and Schala caused with their little meeting with Tack Angel. Very amusing. Metal Rush has made itself a little "Dark Pact" as you'd call it, and I'm here to celebrate!

Tali Mach: Oh yeah? I saw something that made me have to settle in with the popcorn on Havok. The "Protagonist Brawl" of Metal Rush. Ness and Crono forced to fight? Yeah, I had a good laugh from that one.

Rufus Poochyfud: The Princess set the record straight on Havok if you'll recall. They both left the egos at the door and fought it out cause Metal Rush is all about being the best. It's not like these wrestlers won't compete against each other when we take over. Battle is the name of the game. This IS a combat sport. Metal Rush had a lot to celebrate on this night. You should tell 'em. Go on, tell 'em!

Tali Mach: Hard pass.

Ted Pettentool: Well, it's MY job, so I guess I'll cover it. Amigo and Magus opened the show after an E1 Presentation, where all the participants opened the show in the ring, while they played a montage of previous winners and what those victories led to. Schala's presence in Metal Rush has changed the game for the returning Magus, who only wants to save his sister, but he took his eyes off Amigo for one second, and that was one second too long, as Amigo hit the Hagen suplex on him and bridged it for the pin and the two points. Next up, Metal Rush's newest member Boomtown was going to take part in one of the biggest matches of his career, as he'd challenge former World Champion and current Television Champion Benjamin for the strap. Before the match, he had THIS to say, as he FINALLY spoke out about the situation with Sal Paradise.

-

Boomtown: Well, well, well! Listen to all that hate. Music to my ears! Ain’t it beautiful? You used to cheer my name—Boomtown, the guy you could always count on to stand tall, to stand with legends, like Sal Paradise. But that… that’s old news now, isn’t it? You see, you people… you’re like sheep. You thought I was one of you, just some punk ready to fall in line, shake hands, kiss babies, and make y’all feel good about yourselves. But let me tell you something, I was never YOUR choice. The only thing keeping me chained was that washed-up relic Sal Paradise! He was dragging me down! Sal, buddy… you might be a legend, but you’re dead weight. And legends… they get replaced. Yeah, I hear you out there, chant his name! Chant all you want! That won’t bring him back! I didn’t just turn my back on Sal, I elevated myself! He's not the People's Choice anymore… no, no. Now, I choose what the people want! I decide where this business goes next! Metal Rush? Yeah, baby, we’re the future, we’re the ones running this show now. And I’ll be the heart of it, I’m the fire burning in the soul of Metal Rush. We’re not here to make friends, we’re here to take over. You people want to see heroes? Well, too bad. You’re getting Boomtown and I’m about to tear this whole place apart brick by brick. And for anyone still clinging to that feel-good nonsense, waiting for Sal Paradise to come back and save the day, let me make this clear—Sal ain’t coming back! And if he tries? Well, next time, I’ll make sure that dog stays down for good. BOOM!

-

Ted Pettentool: Benjamin is not called the "Mystic Bout Machine" for nothing. When our man out of time is focused, he's the absolute best, and he was showing that to Boomtown in the ring. The "kid" seemed to still have a lot to learn, but with Metal Rush, I guess none of that matters?

Rufus Poochyfud: He learned the most important thing. He knew that association means survival, and elevation. He helped Hotlanta and Generator, and they repaid the favor, didn't they?

Ted Pettentool: Despite Benji's friends Jammer and Vape coming out to try and help, he still fell prey to attacks from the World Tag Team Champions, and Boomtown finished him off with Here Comes the Boom! for the pin, the win, and the Television Championship! Boomtown betrayed Sal and immediately found himself with singles gold. On paper that sounds great, but the way he got it. The Renegades didn't care for it.

Rufus Poochyfud: They'll learn. They'll come around. Time and pressure. We're gonna break a few eggs, and we're playing the long game. Where was Sal Paradise by the way? That's right, he didn't bother showing up! Boomtown rid the wrestling world of Sal Paradise. You're welcome!

Tali Mach: *sigh* Shut up already!

Rufus Poochyfud: You're just upset about what happened next aren't you?

Tali Mach: What? No! Trevor's taken a loss before! It happens!

Ted Pettentool: …Spoilers I guess! If you didn't see it, yes Mach lost in his first E1 outing against Zyro Kurogane. It was a tough test, and Trevor Mach HAS been roughed up in recent weeks from his VBW defens-

Rufus Poochyfud: Stop making excuses! He lost! It was hilarious, and after the fact, we actually had Seto Kaiba try and recruit-

Tali Mach: You had Seto Kaiba get involved! You guys are really screwing up the E1 with all the interference! LET! THEM! FIGHT!

Rufus Poochyfud: Haha! Oh Tali, you never fail to entertain me.

Ted Pettentool: Yes, it's a shame what happened, but Zyro-K was respectful to Mach. He helped him up and Trevor gave him an encouraging fist bump, before limping out of the ring. Seto Kaiba entered the ring and then we had THIS scene!

-

Seto Kaiba: My old friend Zyro Kurogane! Congratulations on a job well done! Metal Rush, we're not in the business of Trevor Mach obviously, but we COULD be in the business of Zyro Kurogane. I know you might not trust me because of what has happened in the past, but I know something else even more. Money talks, and we have a lot of it. Why don't you give up your aspirations of whatever Samurai Ifrit is supposed to be, and join the winning side.

Zyro Kurogane: ….First off, a hand for Big T over there, for giving me a great fight. That dude beat some sense into me, and I'm always happy to return the favor, my man! Kaiba…the rich *bleep* with all the "cards" eh? You want to know something? I know a guy with a little dick that sounds like an owl.

Seto Kaiba: Who?

Zyro Kurogane: Exactly! You're out of your MIND if you think I'm going to join Metal Rush. I WILL be seeing Amigo all too soon, and I WILL make him pay for getting in my business, and if you don't want to yet again face the consequences of your actions, you'll vacate the ring, because you're in here with ZYRO-K! BEY-BEEEEEEY!

Seto Kaiba: A costly mistake!

-

Rufus Poochyfud: And it will be. Mach and Blood 4 Blood were the ones we wanted removed from the board, but now I personally want Zyro Kurogane gone. Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams, but our fire will melt "Shogun Steel" and you can count on that!

Ted Pettentool: The next match was a stellar match between Jammer and Firebrand X. X still isn't saying a word about his return, but he's a former E1 Climax winner…sort of. That's a whole thing with Arrimer X and what have you. Anyways, they went the distance! Time Limit Draw! They both ended with a point! Jammer wanted to get back on the right track, and that's one way of doing it! SURVIVING Firebrand X. Just as the EBW Women's Tag Team Championships changed hands on Xcite, Dem Girlz were going to try and repeat history. Unfortunately, Val Dorado got involved in this title bout and ended the match in a DQ. For some reason, just like in previous occasions, Ripper Jane appeared and ran Val off. What is she up to?

Tali Mach: That's what I'd like to know. Helping Hope recently, and now this? I'll admit, that's on my radar.

Rufus Poochyfud: Belts stay with Metal Rush. That's all I care about.

Tali Mach: After the match, my sisters from another mister laid down a challenge though, didn't they? A ⅔ Falls Dog Collar Match at the E1 Climax Finale for the Women's World Tag Team Championships. Now THAT'S entertainment.

Rufus Poochyfud: …

Ted Pettentool: And then we had a momentous main event. Ness versus Crono, a match worth the price of admission, and Ness's first match since losing the World Championship to Cade Yaggis. Now the World Champion DID appear, but he didn't get involved. He just sat near the ring, but that was enough to get Ness off kilter just enough for Crono to blindside him with the Chrono Trigger for the pin.

Rufus Poochyfud: Hypocrites! He knew what he was doing! It doesn't matter! Ness is going to sweep the rest of his matches, and so is Crono. It's going to be a rematch of these two in the finals. MAKE NO MISTAKE!

Ted Pettentool: And there he goes.

Tali Mach: Good riddance!

EBW: 3-Hour Havok "E1 Climax 2024
Renegade Arena, Saturn City
ENT

1. E1 Havok Block: Magus vs. Amigo
Winner: Amigo via Bridging Hagen Suplex -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. EBW Television Championship: Benjamin(c) vs. Boomtown
Winner: Boomtown via Here Comes the BOOM! -> Pin -> NEW EBW Television Champion!

3. E1 Havok Block: Trevor Mach vs. Zyro Kurogane
Winner: Zyro Kurogane via Straight Jacket Hagen -> Pin -> 2 Points!

4. E1 Havok Block: Jammer vs. Firebrand X
Winner: Time Limit Draw -> 1 Point Each!

5. Women's World Tag Team Championships: Darkness Aoi(c)/Mitra Lennox(c) vs. Jenny James/Jessy James
Winners: Jenny James/Jessy James via DQ -> No Title Change!

6. E1 Havok Block: Ness vs. Crono
Winner: Crono via Chrono Trigger -> Pin -> 2 Points!

Tali Mach: Allow me to wrap this up for you! These people already saw these shows! They saw these matches! I want to get home! Trevor is probably dead tired after that Zyro-K match, and I'm worried that the kids might overwhelm him.

The Mach Farm

Trevor Mach: Ugh…I am SO tired!

Justice Mach: Daddy, can we wrestle you for hours, punch you, kick you, and use your stomach as a trampoline?

Trevor Mach: *putting on MMA gloves* Prepared to get WRECKED kids!

-

Tali Mach: So in a shocking twist, we are NOT going to get the movie superstars in the finals of the Xcite Championship Tournament like it was shaping up to be, as Magnum PT pulled out the big win with a Mustache Ride for the pin. Mav even seemed shocked by it, but they fist bumped and Mav could be seen telling PT sorry about Tack, which is something I think needs to be said more often personally. Gianna Rambaldi got her groove back after losses to Hilda Iceheart, her former BFF, and you don't want to know what that acronym stands for when I say it.

Ted Pettentool: I kinda do.

Tali Mach: She trapped Rei in the Crossface and tapped her out. Trevor and I trained her to NEVER tap out, so that was a bummer personally, but she'll get her act together, either with hard work and determination or that power of friendship bull*bleep*. The main event saw Bashin Dan and Snakebite battle it out for the EBW Championship….on The Storm…showing you gotta watch all the shows I guess. Imagine having more than one show and using your top title to attract viewers. Imagine it. Dan got roughed up, but it just makes him stronger, which is how Trevor and I operate in the bedroom.

Ted Pettentool: *cough cough*

Tali Mach: Ra and the Audit guy wanted to interfere, but Void kept them at bay as he's been doing lately, and Dan hit the Brave Clash on Snakebite to retain the EBW Championship. I knew he'd win it, but that little bit of doubt is what attracted viewers. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT TONY!

Ted Pettentool: Tony?

Tali Mach: Yeah, Jeff Andonut's friend. We're on a fantasy booking board together.

Ted Pettentool: Oh.

Tali Mach: He's a money mark.

Ted Pettentool: Right. Well folks, that was week one of the E1 Climax! We'll see you next time for more action in the tournament of tournaments!

EBW: The Storm[Xcite Control]
Twoson Market, Twoson
ENN

1. EBW Xcite Championship Tournament Semi-Final: Mav Valentine vs. Magnum PT
Winner: Magnum PT via Mustache Ride -> Pin

2. Women's Singles: Rei Hino vs. Gianna Rambaldi
Winner: Gianna Rambaldi via Crossface -> Submission

3. EBW Championship: Bashin Dan(c) vs. Snakebite
Winner: Bashin Dan via Brave Clash -> Pin -> Title Defense!

Machismo · 9/07/2024 2:07 am

Vape's Parent's House

Vape was sitting restlessly on the couch of his parent's house as his mother approached with a box of old papers and photos.

Amber: Honey, we do enjoy you spending so much time here, but I'm worried that your friends might be missing you.

Vape: I uh…I wouldn't worry about that. I'm not here by choice Mom. I might…purposefully exposed myself in the women's shower one….seven times too many, and I'm serving a suspension. Jammer kicked me out until it's up so I'll "learn my lesson", but I don't understand what he's trying to say. That would imply he's right about something, when in reality I know everything. In fact, I have it written right here that God told me that it's cool to expose myself to as many women as possible. I wrote it down, and I'm trying to get him to weave that into his reality, but he's just not doing it. He's stubborn, and I've learned nothing.

Amber: That's nice dear.

Vape: You weren't listening were you?

Amber: Hmm? I'm sorry Tadville, I'm just looking through some old letters from your grandmother and grandfather!

Vape: Oh? Grandpa Bertie and Grandma Mary?

Amber: Mmm-hmm!

Vape: Wow, let me check these out! Oh wow, they're from way back in the war huh?

Amber: Yep.

Vape: Wow, these are so old. What's this one? It says that he was being sent somewhere after insisting he saw two time travelers hand a red belt with an "M" on it, to Sgt. Angel. That doesn't sound right?

Amber: Oh, they blamed it on shell shock. He saw a lot of action during the war. Also he was on a lot of morphine after being shot multiple times. It was surely just a hallucination.

Vape: I see. Hmm, here are some letters they wrote back and forth to each other! Oh wow!

-

194X

My dearest Mary,

The sea is quiet today. The enemy attacks have ceased, for now. My thoughts drift, as they often do of you my love. Do you also think of me?

Love, Bertie.

-

Dear Bertie,

Yes.

Love, Mary

-

Dearest Mary,

I was THRILLED to receive your letter. But alas, it was over so quickly. Your words do much to brighten my spirits. So perhaps tell me an amusing story or even a joke. I would very much love to hear from you.

Love, Bertie

-

Dear Bertie,

Knock knock.

Love, Mary

-

My Dear Mary,

I fear the knock knock joke structure does not work well in the letter format. Instead, and I hope I'm not being too forward, I would love it if you sent me something a bit "naughty". It's lonely over here.

Love, Bertie
-

Bertie,

You rascal! I shall do as you say and send along something naughty. You better not pass it around to your friends, you dirty boy.

Your naughty wife, Mary

-

Mary,

You have sent me cocaine! When I said naughty, I meant a racy photo, not an illegal narcotic. I have other worries though. Last night, my friend Stephen was shot at sea. I will miss him terribly.

Yours, Bertie

-

Bertie,

Don't panic. As long as nobody saw you shoot him, they can't prove it was you. Trust me, I've been down this road before.

Love, Mary

-

My love,

I did NOT kill Stephen! It was the enemy OBVIOUSLY. What do you mean, you've been down this road before? Have you been involved in a murder?

Concerned, Bertie

-

Bertie,

No. Wink. Wink. Wink. Smart move blaming the enemy. People don't seem to like them very much, though the ones I met at dinner the other night were lovely.

Yours, Mary

-

Mary,

You had dinner with WHO the other night? How? Why? Details please.

Alarmed, Bertie

-

Bertie,

Oh you know me, always making new friends. By the way, I went to visit your parents the other day. I'm enclosing a photo of the three of us.

With love, Mary

-

Sweet Lord in Heaven Mary,

What happened to my parents!? This is a photo of you at the cemetery! Why did you not tell me that they passed away?

Worried, Bertie

-

Bertie,

I wanted to tell you in person, but you've been off with your friends, doing who knows what? But boys will be boys as they say.

Mary

-

Mary!

I'VE BEEN AT WAR! PLUS, STOP SENDING ME COCAINE!

Bertie

Vape sat back as he pulled out a vial of white powder.

Vape: He kept it?!

Amber: Yep. It's a family heirloom.

Vape: Why did Grandma Mary have so much cocaine?!

Machismo · 9/12/2024 1:44 am

Ted Pettentool: Welcome to the E1 Report! The Tedster here, to recap another thrilling week of tournament action! What an incredible week right? My co-host for the week Boz?

Boz: …

Ted Pettentool: Yeah, I didn't think you'd answer. I'm not even sure why they decided to have you come out here and-

Boz: Let's get this straight. Any week I'm not competing, is just more pent up aggression for the next victim that ends up in my path. You want that to be you little man?

Ted Pettentool: N-no! Not me! I didn't do anything!

Boz: Keep it that way. EBW loves the theatrics, that's the conclusion I've come to. It's not just about a battle among titans, but you've got to make it flashy. Don't worry…I intend to.

Ted Pettentool: And there he goes. That guy is an enigma. Well, let's get to the results then shall we? I mean that IS why you're here after all, unless it's to just see more of the Toolbox! No? It's the results? Alright then. This week was hotter than a microwaved pizza pocket! We had hard-hitting action, mind-bending finishers, and enough drama to fill up a soap opera marathon. So grab your popcorn, or better yet, a bucket of chili cheese fries, because Ted’s got some opinions! Let’s dive into this bad boy match by match, shall we?

Producer Steve: *off camera* Is he seriously waiting for an answer? I think he is. Yes Ted. Go.

Ted Pettentool: Alright, we kicked off the night with Takumi Inui facing off against Colby Roads. Now, if you don't know these guys, let me tell ya, Colby Roads is basically like your classic underdog—if that underdog spent more time working on his tan and focus groups than his in-ring skills! Takumi Inui? He's got that Crimson Smasher that hits harder than my Aunt Edna’s casserole. Colby tried his best, but let’s be real here, folks, Inui smashed him like a bug on a windshield. BAM! One Crimson Smasher later, Colby’s lying there like he just realized his favorite TV show got canceled. Two points for Takumi! We had KYO and Troy going toe-to-toe next, and they were not messin' around! Troy came in looking like he was ready to throw down and talk trash like only he can, even against his own teammate, but KYO locked in that Hell Claw and let’s just say Troy’s night went south quicker than a snowman in a heatwave. The ref had to call it off! Referee Stoppage. Void appeared on screen with some words for KYO.

-

Void: Void: You…you think you know darkness. You think it’s something that hides under your bed or lurks in the corners of your mind when the lights go out. But you don’t know…you don’t understand. Darkness…true darkness…doesn’t hide. It consumes. It devours. It lives within you, waiting…waiting for the moment to rise. And in that moment, when the shadows stretch long and the light grows faint, you will learn—darkness is not a choice. It is not an enemy to be fought. No…darkness must be met with darkness.

-

Ted Pettentool: Creepy stuff! Now here’s where things got interesting! Tack Angel versus Void—it’s like watching your favorite superhero square off against a shadowy figure, which one am I talking about at this point? Which one is which? Tack came in, dressed in an ornate prismatic jacket, like a man on a mission, and Void, well, Void looked like he just walked out of a Tim Burton movie. But folks, KYO and Void aren't going to let the E1 stop them from getting involved in each other's business. Tack kicked Void's head into next Tuesday and then finished him off with a WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver. Two points for Tack, and Void? Better luck next time, my dark and brooding friend! The night wasn't over for Tack though. We'd see the "Star Prince" again after the next match! Up next, the EBW Women’s Tag Team Championships were on the line, and Usagi and Minako didn’t just show up—they showed out! These two came in like they were channeling their inner magical girl warriors. Erica and Gianna Rambaldi put up a solid fight, but let’s be real—when Usagi hit that Moon Spiral Heart, it was game over! Boom! One, two, three! The titles stay with Usagi and Minako, and I gotta say, folks, it's amazing how far the Sensations have come since Makoto claimed that title, and she came out to celebrate with her girls! It was a feel good moment until Queen Beryl appeared on the stage.

-

Queen Beryl: Makoto Kino…oh, the mighty warrior with a heart that burns with righteousness. How noble, how predictable. You stand there, clinging to your sense of justice, your passion for battle, and your desire to protect everything you hold dear. But tell me, how strong will that heart be when I break it? You see, little thunderstorm, you may believe you hold power, that you're destined to wear that championship, but you're nothing more than a fleeting light—a flicker in the grand scheme of things. And as for that precious title you so desperately cling to? It will be mine. Oh yes, Makoto, I will take my rightful place as the champion, just as I have taken something else that means so much to you. Allow me to introduce you to someone who now stands by my side, my new companion—someone who was once so close to you. Isn’t that right, my Star Prince.

The crowd gasped as none other than Tack Angel stepped onto the stage. Makoto’s eyes widened in disbelief. Queen Beryl smiled wickedly as Tack stood by her side. Beryl looked at Makoto, her voice full of twisted satisfaction.

Queen Beryl: Oh yes, Makoto. You thought your bond with him was unbreakable? You thought he would always be by your side? He belongs to me, and I belong to him.

Queen Beryl turned to Tack Angel, her eyes gleaming with malice. Slowly, she leaned in and kissed him. The crowd erupted in shock, and Makoto’s face crumbled as her heart shattered before everyone’s eyes. The Lakitu captured the anguish in Makoto's expression, her body trembling as the reality of the betrayal sank in.

Queen Beryl: In this world, the bad guys can win! Don't you get that yet? Want to blame someone? Blame the once and never Neo Queen Serenity! You see, Makoto, this isn’t just about a championship anymore. This is about breaking you—crushing your spirit and leaving you with nothing. And when I stand over you with your title in my hands and him by my side, you will finally understand that everything you’ve ever fought for...was meaningless.

-

Ted Pettentool: Wow, that's drama that belongs on the Jimmy Swift show, am I right? It was main event time, and this one was a doozy! Geoff Garrett, the man who looks like he was born strutting, going up against Rama Raju, the former who was smoldering with a fiery determination to win. Geoff was seen before the match consoling Makoto Kino with the rest of the Crew and the Sensations, but was quick to come out for the bout. But, did he have his wits about him. In a match against "The Fire" you have to have you wits about you. If he was distracted at all it would spell disaster, and as it turns out, he was. With the precision of a surgeon and the intensity of a dude who's just been cut off in traffic, Rama hit Geoff with that Burning Arrow, and BOOM! Down went Garrett faster than a piñata at a kid’s birthday party. After the match, Tack Angel made his presence felt once again as he rushed out to hit Double G with a head kick, but he was cut off by Rama Raju. Tack bailed, but he found himself backed up by none other than Colby Roads, CP Munk, LG Rod, and Randy no Kachi. Tack Angel was making "The Story" about him it seemed? Hmmm.

EBW: Xcite "E1 Climax 2024"
Chaos Theater, Twoson
ENN

1. E1 Xcite Block: Takumi Inui[2] vs. Colby Roads[0]
Winner: Takumi Inui via Crimson Smasher -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. E1 Xcite Block: KYO[0] vs. Troy[0]
Winner: KYO via Hell Claw -> Referee Stoppage -> 2 Points!

3. E1 Xcite Block: Tack Angel[2] vs. Void[2]
Winner: Tack Angel via Head Kick x WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver -> Pin -> 2 Points!

4. EBW Women's Tag Team Championships: Usagi Tsukino(c)/Minako Aino(c) vs. Erica/Gianna Rambaldi
Winners: Usagi Tsukino[o]/Minako Aino via Moon Spiral Heart -> Pin -> Title Defense!

5. E1 Xcite Block: Geoff Garrett[2] vs. Rama Raju[0]
Winner: Rama Raju via Burning Arrow -> Pin -> 2 Points!

-

On the road to Southtown

Jammer was sitting in the back seat of the rental car, while Vape was squeezed into the front seat, driving them to the next show.

Jammer: Thanks for the assist Vape. I need to rest if I'm going to be ready for this match coming up. Benji and I are battling for relevance in the Havok landscape like our careers depend on it, because they just might. It's been a while since you drove. Last Christmas right? What's been the hold up?

Vape: Uh…I definitely didn't hit anyone, if that's what you're implying.

Jammer: I wasn't implying anythi-

Vape: Hey, I'm actually getting a call. Mind I take this on speaker?

Jammer: Go for it.

Vape: Go for Tadville!

Degrees: Tadville Ray….mond? Right? Tadville Raymond?

Vape: Oh come on Doc, you know it's me Vape!

Degrees: Gotta be technical about these things.

Vape: Right. Yeah, it's me.

Degrees: Good good, just checking. I have your test results back, if you have time to go over them.

Jammer: Maybe you want to turn the phone off speaker to-

Vape: Sounds good!

Degrees: Actually it shouldn't. The results aren't great.

Jammer: Vape man, you should really-

Vape: Go for it.

Degrees: So as far as your cholesterol is concerned. It is QUITE HIGH.

Vape: Makes sense. I'm dipping this pizza into ham and shrimp.

Degrees: That's a negative, and and now a positive, as in you're positive for herpes.

Jammer: How?

Vape: The toilets at this club I frequent no doubt. No big deal though, I think everyone has herpes by now.

Jammer: I'm begging you to take it off of the speaker!

Degrees: And you also have something we're calling Hepatitis Gold.

Vape: Gold eh? I prefer silver, but still, I like the sound of that.

Degrees: You really shouldn't Vape. Now, you had asked about the ED?

Vape: The empty diapers?

Degrees: I was talking about the erectile dysfunction, but we can circle around. The reason the diapers are empty is because you're not putting them on. That's why everything is shooting straight into the pants.

Jammer: We're not getting the deposit back on this rental.

Vape: Alright, what about the weiner stuff.

Degrees: We ran some tests on your penis, and it came back negative. Like, it's negative in length.

Vape: That explains a lot…or maybe a little. Eh? Eh?

Jammer: Do NOT high five me!

Degrees: Your family history is giving me concern.

Vape: Why? It's fairly simple. Mom and Dad did it, whichever person my Dad actually is, and five months later I popped out!

Jammer: Five months?!

Degrees: …Vape, how many drinks do you have per night?

Vape: Purr Night? What is that? A holiday for cats?

Jammer: Dude!

Degrees: Also, you should NOT be driving under any circumstances, because according to your vision test you're legally blind!

Vape: Just like Reese Witherspoon!

Jammer: THAT'S LEGALLY BLONDE!

Vape: Agree to misagree!

Jammer: Misagree?! I need out of this car. Doc, what are the chances I can jump out of this car and live?

Degrees: I'd rather you DIDN'T do that, but how fast are you going?

Vape: 10 miles per hour.

Jammer: WHAT?! That's it! I'm out! I'm walking! Look! See? I'm walking faster than you're driving!

Vape: I WAS SCARED!

Jammer: I CAN TELL! WEAR THE DIAPER NEXT TIME!

-

Ted Pettentool: Onto the Havok side of the E1 Climax! First up, Crono and Firebrand X went head-to-head, and lemme tell ya, it was like watching two fireballs collide in mid-air! Crono looked like he just stepped out of a time machine, which is just ridiculous. I mean he's done it before, but not LATELY ya know?. And Firebrand X? He’s so fiery, I half-expect him to melt the ring with that silent swagger. What brought him back? Why now? Still NO IDEA! But when Crono hit that Chrono Trigger, I swear, time stood still! Boom! One, two, three! Firebrand X was down faster than Ted Pettentool at a buffet! Crono racks up 2 points. Now, I don’t know about you, but when two Machs collide, you know you’re in for a show! It’s like watching two tornadoes duking it out! Heather and Hope Mach were throwing fists like they were born for it (which, spoiler alert: they were). Judas Wolf wasn't playing fair though. She gouged the eyes of her cousin's deaf daughter, and jacked her jaw with a loaded fist before she hit that Machbuster Double Knee so hard, I thought she was going to bust a hole through the ring! Down went Hope, and Heather picked up the win like it was just another day at the gym. This was a family feud you don’t want at Thanksgiving, folks! The desert came when Ripper Jane ran down to the ring and fought off Heather. What is going on with this? The psycho monster that almost makes my ex look tame wanted to blow Hope up, but now she tries to watch out for her and anyone associated with her. Make it make sense!

The Alison Chains Show

Alison Chains: Welcome to Good Morning Meth! The show that's all about crystal meth and the crystal meth lifestyle! It used to be a morning show, then it turned into a morning to late afternoon show, and then a morning, afternoon, and evening show, cause when you're riding the snake and chasing the dragon, you don't NEED to sleep! I enjoy meth because it makes me feel positive, confident, and sexyyyy- oh I just lost another tooth! Haha! I- wait what? This is The Alison Chains Show? Who am I here? Alison Chains? Is that what I go by? Oh yeah, I totally remember! HAHAHA! That's….that's a hell of a oopsie eh? Ya know, maybe I shouldn't even DO meth, cause when you're jacked up on ice and you're doing it with people, they try to kill you for your meth! HAHA! That's funny right? No one is laughing? Who are you?

Christy Angel: Christy…your tag partner! You're on a real bad bender right now aren't you?

Alison Chains: I prefer to call it….flibberdegid- what were we talking about?

Christy Angel: What WERE you talking about? We're here because they wanted our expertise on something, and I'm ready to oblige. So listen up everyone, if you want to hit my mega move in EBW: The Game, you have to Up, Up, Quarter Circle, Punch, X, Y, X, X, X, X, Quarter X, Half Quarter Quarter Circle, Quarter Square, Triangle the button, Triangle, the shape, and then Kick. That'll- what? That's not why we're here either? Then why ARE we here?

Kid Havok: Ladies, I think they wanted you to speak on your match scheduled for The Storm. You're going to be putting the Senshi Championships on the line against the Sensations of Xcite!

Christy Angel: We're working this weekend? I was going to play First Fantasy Online, now with at least 29% of the women characters actually voiced by women!

Kid Havok: I mean, you could go over there and figure out what's going on with your sister…and Mom…..and Dad for that matter.

Christy Angel: Ha! Why do you think I like it better HERE! No thanks!

Alison Chains: Hey! Great news! That tooth I lost? Wasn't my tooth!

Christy Angel: Why was it in your mouth?

Alison Chains: Wow, you said it! Haha!

-

Ted Pettentool: That was…*sigh* my tooth. *clears throat* So we just saw Machs fighting earlier, but speaking of Machs, it was Trevor’s turn to step into the Havok Block, and boy, did he live up to the name! Amigo tried to bring the heat, but Trevor Mach came in with that Burning Machismo like a guy who's late for dinner and didn’t even bring flowers. It was awesome. He escaped the Olympic Slam, and countered immediately into the big finish. One Burning Machismo later, and Amigo was flat on his back wondering where it all went wrong. Trevor snags 2 points! Now, we got Jammer, the man with a plan, going up against Magus, who looked like he’d rather be battling demons than wrestling. But when the bell rang, it was all business! Jammer came out swinging, wanting to return to that top form that saw him as World Champion once upon a time. Magus is being hounded by Metal Rush, but considering they don't like Jammer either, only Schala made her presence felt. She is kryptonite to Magus, as Jammer hit a Sring Braid-o, and a Slam Jam. Magus might be a master of dark magic, but not even his spells could save him from this Slam Jam-tastic beatdown. Two points for Jammer! Magus is going to have to confront Schala and settle this once and for all. He came back to save Crono, but now it's gotten far more personal. Boomtown shocked the world when he turned his back on Sal Paradise, and helped Hotlanta and Generator retain the World Tag Team Championships! It got even worse when he used them to help him beat Benjamin for the Television Championship. On this episode of Havok, the Metal Rush contingent battled World Champion Cade Yaggis, Subculture, and Picky Minch of Blood 4 Blood. Another one of those kinds of matches you've come to expect from Metal Rush. With Subculture and Cade on the outside fighting the tag champs, Picky Minch probably wished he was anywhere else when Boomtown hit him with that Here Comes the Boom!—and boy, did it ever! Minch hit the mat so hard, they’re still trying to scrape him up. Boomtown grabbed the ropes JUST to play it safe I guess. Pft. One, two, three, and BOOM! Match over! I-

Boomtown: Hey! Don't claim to know why I do anything! I see the way you're looking at me. Everyone is so sad that Sal Paradise hung it up. I did you all a favor. He was NEVER the same person he was when he was champ! He wanted to fight his compulsions, and that made him weak! My Dad was like that. All that power, and he did nothing for himself! I'm not my father! I'm not a little Sal Paradise. I'm not a protege! I'm the here and now! Boomtown baby! You're in Boomtown now, and I OWN the game!

Ted Pettentool: Boomtown everyone. Who let him in here? Well, main event time for Havok, with Zyro Kurogane, the man with moves so slick he could slide uphill, versus Ness, the psychic wonder boy who apparently left his brain waves back in Twoson. This match was a clinic, folks! Ness gave it everything he had, but when Zyro locked in that Straight Jacket Hagen, Ness looked like he was trapped in his own personal horror movie. Zyro picked up 2 points faster than Ness could say "PK Thunder," and it was lights out for our boy in blue. Looks like Ness is going back to the drawing board, and Zyro’s making moves straight to the top! Seriously, something off about Ness. First the loss to Crono and now Zyro-K. Paula looked concerned, perhaps he came back too early after losing the World Championship? Big win for Zyro-K though. The man likes to run his mouth, so you know we'll be hearing all about it!

EBW: 3-Hour Havok "E1 Climax 2024"
Howlers Arena, Southtown
ENT

1. E1 Havok Block: Crono[2] vs. Firebrand X[1]
Winner: Crono via Chrono Trigger -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. Lady Renegades Singles: Heather Mach vs. Hope Mach
Winner: Heather Mach via Machbuster Double Knee -> Pin

3. E1 Havok Block: Trevor Mach[0] vs. Amigo[2]
Winner: Trevor Mach via Burning Machismo -> Pin -> 2 Points!

4. E1 Havok Block: Jammer[1] vs. Magus[0]
Winner: Jammer via Slam Jam -> Pin -> 2 Points!

5. 6-Man Tag: Boomtown/Hotlanta/Generator vs. Cade Yaggis/Subculture/Picky Minch
Winners: Boomtown[o]/Hotlanta/Generator via Here Comes the Boom! on Picky Minch -> Pin

6. E1 Havok Block: Zyro Kurogane[2] vs. Ness[0]
Winner: Zyro Kurogane via Straight Jacket Hagen -> Pin -> 2 Points!

Ted Pettentool: No seriously Steve, I expected him to show up when I said that. People just show up at random, and it's hard to keep up! Oh we're back? Well, we have one more show to cover for the week, and that's The Storm! Another high quality outing for the weekend! Ladies and gents, you could practically smell the lucha in the air! El Hijo Del Kiva and El Mago flew around that ring like two cats chasing the same laser pointer! El Mago had a few tricks up his wizard sleeves, but when El Hijo Del Kiva hit the Kiva Dive, it was all over, folks! BAM! Like a human missile with precision aim! And just like that, Kiva keeps the gold around his waist tighter than I keep my secret nacho cheese recipe! Snakebite and Razorblade sound like a couple of characters you’d find in an '80s action movie, and they sure fought like it! Seiya Kou and Mamoru Chiba? They had heart, but Snakebite and Razorblade had a hunger for destruction! They wanted their opponents to SUFFER care of SUFFER, but even they looked surprised when Mamoru Chiba turned on Seiya Kou and kicked him in the pills that I'm still surprised he has. He's so feminine. It's weird. When Razorblade hit that Exploder Suplex on Seiya Kou, it was quick and brutal. One, two, three, and Seiya was down for the count! After the match Mamoru Chiba could be seen standing beside Tack Angel! What's going on there?! Does HE want my secret nacho cheese recipe! It's a SECRET! In the main event, hoo boy, this one was a brawl to end them all! On one side, you’ve got the Xcite dream team of Makoto and her Senshi sisters, bringing that Sailor power with all the flash and glitter you’d expect. But standing in their way? The unstoppable force known from Havok! Hope Mach and her squad came in like a wrecking ball, folks, and when Hope locked Makoto in that Lebell Lock, it was game over faster than you can say 'Moon Prism Power!' Makoto tried to fight it, but Queen Beryl appeared on the outside and clocked Makoto before disappearing under the ring. I mean she literally disappeared. How did she do that? El Mago trap door? Is that right Steve? Sneaky El Mago! The ref had no choice but to call it before Makoto turned into a human pretzel! Havok still holds the gold, and the Senshi squad is going to have to regroup after this one.

EBW: The Storm[Xcite Control]
Twoson Market, Twoson
ENN

1. EBW CXJ Championship: El Hijo Del Kiva(c) vs. El Mago
Winner: El Hijo Del Kiva via Kiva Dive -> Pin -> Title Defense!

2. Tag: Seiya Kou/Mamoru Chiba vs. Snakebite/Razorblade
Winners: Snakebite/Razorblade[o] via Exploder Suplex on Seiya Kou -> Pin

3. Xcite vs. Havok! EBW Senshi Championships: Hope Mach<Havok>(c)/Alison Chains<Havok>(c)/Christy Angel<Havok>(c)/Jenny James<Havok>(c)/Jessy James<Havok>(c) vs. Makoto Kino/Usagi Tsukino/Minako Aino/Ami Mizuno/Rei Hino
Winners: Hope Mach<Havok>(c)[o]/Alison Chains<Havok>(c)/Christy Angel<Havok>(c)/Jenny James<Havok>(c)/Jessy James<Havok>(c) via Lebell Lock on Makoto Kino -> Referee Stoppage -> Title Defense!

Ted Pettentool: So that ends another week in EBW! They're going so fast now! It's like it was slow for a while, but now we're really moving! We'll see you next time for another installment, but for now, check out the card for the E1 Climax Finale so far! A big match has been added, with the World Champion and EBW Champion joining forces for a special tag match! Oh by the way, it's happening IN THE DOME!

EBW: E1 Climax 2024 Finale!
Saturn Dome, Saturn City
ENN+/ENT+

1. E1 Climax Xcite Block #1 vs. Havok Block #2: TBA vs. TBA
2. E1 Climax Havon Block #1 vs. Xcite Block #2: TBA vs. TBA
3. EBW Tag Team Championships Ladder Match: El Hijo Del Kiva/Fray Tiburon vs. Rey Dorado/El Mago vs. Johnny Starbound/Hooligan vs. Snakebite/Razorblade vs. Jaden Yuki/Point Man vs. LG Rod/Randy no Kachi
4. EBW Women's Championship: Makoto Kino(c) vs. Queen Beryl
5. Champion Showcase Tag: Cade Yaggis/Bashin Dan vs. Boomtown/TBA
6. E1 Climax Finals: TBA vs. TBA

Last edited by Machismo (9/12/2024 2:00 am)

Machismo · 9/13/2024 1:10 am

Ninten: Ninten here, the host with the most, as in most psychic wife ever, cause here comes Ana!

Ana: I knew you were going to say that!

Ninten and Ana: AHAHAHAHA!

Ana: No but seriously, I'm incredibly psychic, and something evil is lurking and growing more powerful….but enough about that, you're here for wrestling news, and some kooky shenanigans no doubt.

Ninten: Those EBW wrestlers are always up to all sorts, am I right? This time though, it's NOT a wrestler, but one of the two bosses in the Brand Wars that was under the microscope! Darius Grouch was in court, and we managed to sneak in a Lakitu wearing a beard! How did nobody notice it? People are weird these days! You can pretty much dress however you want!

Saturn City Courthouse

Darius Grouch paced back and forth as the judge and jury watched him closely.

Darius Grouch: Your honor, members of the jury, I'll try to make this short. You all know me by now, you've seen how I handle myself here. I think you have a good sense of who I am. Maybe I'm being naive but I don't think you need a fancy lawyer for a question of right and wrong, which is why I dismissed my lawyer. It's very simple. When I think of wrestling, I don't think of TV deals or licensing agreements. I think of wrestling in the living room with my Dad when I was ten. We didn't have a ring or anything fancy. It was just me and Dad, having fun in the living room. Afterwards we'd sit back, turn on the real wrestling on television, and have a nice hot bowl of chili. Well he passed away a few years ago. Memories like that…they're all I have left of him. It's why I got into the wrestling business in the first place. Those memories are the most precious thing I have. Anyways, I don't want to take up anymore of your time, I know we all have places we'd rather be. I just wanted to say that I know that technically, the term Monday Night War is trademarked, and maybe I shouldn't have tried to get a show on the air on Monday nights to compete with Xcite, using the name that SEW already owned, but that was what I grew up watching with my recently passed Dad, and I just wanted to relive those memories and honor him. I just wanted to say that. Thank you. Thank you, your honor.

Judge: Alright, so I just want to remind the jury that that was NOT what this case was about. What Mr. Grouch DID do, was get caught funding the illegal Ring of Fire fighting events that saw grown men gluing glass to their fists and fighting in a literal ring of fire.

Darius Grouch: Objection your honor, you have no evidence of that!

Judge: We have a video of you AT the Ring of Fire event, snorting cocaine off of a prostitute, and admitting that your real passion isn't wrestling but, "the death matches that you pay for with your own money". That's a real quote from the video. You edited the video yourself, and made a sizzle reel so you could, and I quote again, "get Spike TV back on the air".

Darius Grouch: You're saying this, and yet many of the jurors are on my side.

Judge: Like who?

Darius Grouch: Juror #4 was throwing me vibes.

Juror #4: Oh, I was just remembering how you fired your lawyer on the first day and how the judge told you that you would regret it. If you saw me nodding at you, it was because I was remembering how right he was.

Darius Grouch: Juror #2 was so moved by my story that she was crying!

Juror #2: I was laughing actually, because you said your Dad was dead, but he's not dead. He's in fact sitting right there. He was a witness for the prosecution. He said we should fry you, and then we stopped paying attention to anything you said after that.

Darius Grouch: I didn't even know the hookers were going to be there.

Judge: That is not true. The EBW employees said you were excited about the "hella hot hookers" that you were paying for with your own money. *sigh* At this point I'd like to excuse the jury to make their deliberations. While they're gone I'll just enjoy this lunch I made fo- oh and they're back! That was instantaneous. What have you decided?

Juror #1: We have found the defendant guilty….of being the biggest party animal in all of Eagleland!

Darius Grouch: OH YEAH!

Juror #1: And also thirty eight counts of endangerment, drug possession, and sex trafficking. It carries a sentence of five to ten.

Darius Grouch: WHAT?! Eh, who cares. It'll be overturned in appeal anyways.

Judge: This IS your appeal! You're going to prison!

Darius Grouch: …I did not see this coming.

Judge: I really can't see how that's possible.

Hours later, Darius Grouch found himself in a jail cell. He was not alone, as a cell mate sat down next to him.

Darius Grouch: I'd rather not be bothered right now. My empire is crumbling beneath me because I couldn't help but indulge in my appetites.

Ryan IQ: Heh. First time eh?

?

In a bright room, The Auditor sat behind a table, he looked down and pressed his round shades to his face. Gordon Cole walked into the room.

Gordon Cole: I'M ASSUMING YOU ARE ALREADY AWARE OF WHY YOU ARE HERE!

The Auditor: What do you wish to hear from me? That I remember the other world? Of course I do. I wasn't from there like you were. I existed beyond it. Do you wish to know the secret of your existence? You believe an author orchestrated it, but what if this world orchestrates the author. One can not exist without the other. The avatar of the author deemed himself its destroyer as well, and thus became an "angel of death" as it were. It was bigger than him. It was here before he was, and thus he only tapped into the Sanctum, which is the creative force behind all things at this level of reality, which is one of many. Will that suffice? Did I "spill the beans" as it were. Oh yes, I do miss being behind a table like this, but normally I would do my "special work" and I long to get back to it.

Gordon Cole: THAT WAS FAR MORE INFORMATION THAN I WAS EXPECTING AT ONE TIME! IT WILL TAKE ME SOME TIME TO PROCESS WHAT YOU HAVE JUST TOLD US!

The Auditor: It really makes no difference if you know or not.

Gordon Cole: YOU HAVE BEEN POKING HOLES IN REALITY!

The Auditor: I am not personally responsible, I merely offered assistance when asked. That's what I do. I am…or was…an Infernal, a being of chaos, pleasure, and pain, that existed in the dark places of the Sanctum. I was there at the beginning, when the Celestials and Infernals collided in what became the universe, and I saw it a second time, when reality was overwritten with a second attack from the Intercessor. I like the old world better. I'm good with them bringing it back. I really do question why you've brought me here.

Gordon Cole: WHERE IS GIYGAS!?

The Auditor: Oh! That is why I'm here. Your Project G? Yes, I know all about it. The universe was remade without his most recent incarnation existing in it. You've realized by now that a certain level of chaos is inherent in the universe, and without the known chaos, you've found yourselves beset by an unknown chaos. This one appears to be far worse too. Far more than a Dark Pact. It's a devourer of sorts, and it's hungry.

Gordon Cole: SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS?

The Auditor: Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

Gordon Cole: *sigh* GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

Limber Mines Lake

The moon hung heavy and full over Limber Mines Lake, casting silver ripples across the water's still surface. The air was cold, the kind of chill that wrapped itself around the bones and whispered of long-forgotten things beneath the depths. Crickets chirped in the brush nearby, their rhythmic song the only sound in the night. An old fisherman, weathered and stooped from years on the lake, sat in his rickety boat, puffing on a bent pipe. He wasn’t here for fish tonight—no one fished at Limber Mines after dark, not anymore. But old habits died hard, and his calloused hands still held the rod, more out of instinct than purpose. It was a kind of ritual for him, a way to commune with the mysteries that swirled in the water beneath. Then, from the corner of his eye, something stirred. The water—silent moments before—parted with a soft splash, too controlled to be a fish breaking the surface. The fisherman squinted through the mist rolling off the lake. At first, he saw nothing but the glimmering reflection of the moon. But then...something moved again. Slowly, as though drawn by invisible strings, a figure began to rise from the water. A man, drenched and gasping, dragged himself onto the rocky shore. His clothes clung to him like a second skin, dark and heavy, soaked through with lake water. The fisherman’s heart lurched in his chest as the figure crawled on hands and knees, fingers clawing at the dirt like someone who had been underwater far too long. The fisherman quickly reeled in his line, muttering curses under his breath as he grabbed his lantern and rowed toward the shore. As his boat scraped against the rocks, he hopped out, knees cracking from age and exertion. The man on the shore was trembling, his lips moving frantically, eyes wide and vacant as if he was trying to make sense of something far too large for his mind to grasp. The fisherman knelt beside him, shining the lantern close enough to see the man’s pale, waterlogged face. His skin had the grayish-blue tint of someone who had been in the lake for far too long, but he was alive—barely. His breath came in shallow, ragged gulps, and his hands clutched something pinned to his tattered shirt.

A badge.

The fisherman leaned closer, his heart thudding in his chest. The badge was simple, old and tarnished, but the word engraved into the metal was clear as day:

"Face."

The Mach Farm

Trevor Mach was hitting the heavy bag in the barn, as World Champion Cade Yaggis pulled up on his motorcycle.

Trevor Mach: Nice wheels kid.

Cade Yaggis: You made a good recommendation. I love it.

Trevor Mach: Just remember the helmet. Can't have our World Champion in a wheelchair.

Cade Yaggis: I'm being careful. Thanks for looking out for me. I mean that. That's why I came here today actually. I realized I'd never really thanked you for what you've done. You knew about who I was when I forgot, didn't you?

Trevor Mach: Sort of? It comes and goes. I get intuitions about it. Like, I don't think Tracy is actually the mother of Christina and Christy. I think it was Amy Stuart. She's nowhere to be seen to prove it, but I just get that vibe.

Cade Yaggis: The world changed huh?

Trevor Mach: Big time. I think you did it.

Cade Yaggis: Me? I figured it was you.

Trevor Mach: It's been me enough, hasn't it? I think it was you this time. "Trigger"...is not a made up nickname. It didn't come from nothing. The scarred dude knows.

Cade Yaggis: So what do we do about all of this?

Trevor Mach: We wrestle kid. That's what we do. We're wrestlers. Besides, when the challenges arise, they tend to find us. We don't have to go looking too hard.

Cade Yaggis: What about the issues with Tack?

Trevor Mach: I can't…I can't deal with the Star Prince again. For now, it is up to Xcite to deal with. If he wants a piece though, we're not that hard to find.

Cade Yaggis: How do you deal with it?

Trevor Mach: Oh, I really don't. I'm a mess kid. I'm an absolute mess. I second guess a lot, and I get trapped in circular thinking.

Cade Yaggis: Well how do you deal with THAT?

Trevor Mach: 1 Peter 1:7. 'These trials only test your faith to see whether or not it is strong and pure. Your faith is being tested as fire tests gold and purifies it.'

Cade Yaggis: …I understand.

Trevor Mach: I bet you do Trigger. I bet you do.

Justice Mach: Daddy, Uncle Subbie is on television!

Trevor Mach: Oh shoot! That's right? He's on that show tonight with Christina!

Cade Yaggis: What show?

Trevor Mach: Come on!

Trevor and Cade ran inside as Tali sat in front of the television with a bowl of popcorn.

Trevor Mach: I'm glad one of us remembered it was on.

Tali Mach: This is my popcorn Cade.

Cade Yaggis: A-alright? I didn't-

Tali Mach: Don't touch my Dr. Pepper either.

Cade Yaggis: Yes Mam!

Trevor Mach: It's coming on!

Tali Mach: Hehehe. This is going to be a train wreck.

Cade Yaggis: Why do you say that?

Tali Mach: Have you met any of us?

Cade Yaggis: Oh…right!

On the television a show called "Couple Goals" was airing. A smarmy host appeared on screen.

Bob Dabilda: Hey hey, my name's Bob Dabilda, and this is Couple Goals, where we find out just how much these couples know about each other. Let's start with our celebrity couple! You might know them from EBW wrestling! It's Christina Angel and Subculture!

Christina Angel: Still don't know why we're here.

Subculture: Money.

Christina Angel: Oh yeah. HI THERE! AHAHAHA!

Subculture: Heh, she's a peach huh?

Bob Dabilda: And our other couple, have known each other since they were six! It's Brian and Abby!

Bobby: I love this woman!

Abby: He's the only man for me!

Christina Angel: Welp, we're cooked.

Bob Dabilda: As you know your partners answered a series of questions before the show, and it's your job to answer them. Let's start with question one. What is your partner's favorite book?

Subculture: Oh crap. Uh….Will I ever find a Rainbow by Tack Angel?

Christina Angel: *holds up sign* "Will I ever find a Rainbow by Tack Angel" I did NOT expect you to get that one!

Subculture: Wow! Really?

Christina Angel: Dad's ghost writer was really good.

Bob Dabilda: And now Bobby and Abby?

Bobby: Harry Potter?

Abby: *holds up sign* "The Bible" So close honey!

Bob Dabilda: Was it though? Next question, and this one is for the ladies. What is your partner's great fear?

Christina Angel: Not sure he wants people to know this, but it's a fear of heights.

Subculture: *meekly holds up sign* "That you'll die in a bizarre accident, and even though I had nothing to do with it, the police will assume I did it, after discovering how much I've complained about you in text messages to my friends" I should've….said heights. *sigh*

Bob Dabilda: I'll say. Abby, how about you?

Abby: Bees?

Bobby: *holds up sign* "Losing the kids" Bees don't bother me that much.

Bob Dabilda: At least that one was normal. No points for Bobby or Abby yet. Somehow, Subculture and Christina are still in the lead. Another one for the ladies. What is something your partner always wanted to know? Christina?

Christina Angel: I'm still a little thrown by that last one. I'd say he wants to know if aliens exist?

Subculture: *meekly holds up sign* "If police can still read your text messages, if you destroy your phone after a loved one is caught up in a freak accident"

Christina Angel: What have you been texting?

Subculture: It's just bantz Christina! It's just bantz.

Bob Dabilda: Abby? What's something Bobby wants to know?

Abby: If there is an afterlife!

Bobby: *holds up sign* "What it feels like to be a man." I didn't know we had to show our answers to everyone.

Bob Dabilda: Next question! What is the biggest fight you've ever had?

Subculture: That one is easy! The tropical "incident".

Christina Angel: *holds up sign* "That time we were on vacation and I wanted to jump from the waterfall, but you wouldn't let me until other people were around." THAT'S why you wouldn't let me jump?!

Subculture: Heh.

*buzz*

Bob Dabilda: Oh! We're out of time for the competition round, and it looks like somehow Christina and Subculture are moving onto the grand prize question! If you get this one right, you win the grand prize! Where is someplace that Subculture has always wanted to visit?

Christina Angel: I'm questioning his sanity now, and concerned about his paranoia, but I'm going to say Takiki, Anahauc.

Subculture: *holds up sign* "Takiki…"

Bob Dabilda: I see you have some dots at the end there. What's that about?

Subculture: *holds up another sign* "When I'm wrongfully accused of your death, I'll turn to the only lawyer I know I can trust, and who would possibly believe me. Your lawyer Shannon." *holds up another sign* "The night before the verdict, realizing the situation is hopeless, we'll go on the run together across the border." *holds up another sign* "When we get to the hotel room, we'll see there is only one bed. When she calls to complain to the front desk, I'll notice that her finger is on the button, and she's not really complaining, and that's when I'll know it's on." *holds up another sign* "Finding ourselves in a place beyond right and wrong, we make love and reach a new apex of human pleasure. Today might be my last day of freedom, and I act accordingly. Dripping in sweat and drained of years of secret longing we stare at the ceiling. She asks where we are again, and I say Takiki. She mounts me once more."

Christina Angel: …..

Bob Dabilda: Well you both said Takiki….so that means you win!

Christina Angel: HEY ALRIGHT!

Back at the Mach Farm, everyone was in shock, except for Tali, who was laughing hysterically.

Trevor Mach: Is Subculture planning on killing Christina?!

Tali Mach: No, but I owe him twenty bucks now.

Cade Yaggis: What?

Tali Mach: I dared him to answer like that.

Trevor Mach: He REALLY should've asked for more.

Last edited by Machismo (9/13/2024 1:27 am)

Machismo · 9/14/2024 1:35 am

Recording Studio

Jammer was sitting in a recording studio, ready to record some lines with Eggs Bert and-

Clem Fandango: Jammer? Can you hear me? This is Clem Fandango Jammer.

Jammer: Uh yeah, I sure can. Hi! So, what's this all about?

Eggs Bert: Well, we have a major animated movie that Dibney is working on, and they wanted you to be the voice of the main character.

Jammer: I really should've looked over that contract before I came in. Can I get another copy of that please? That's great though. I'm guessing it's a Space Jam sequel? The Slam Jam Man is FINALLY going to join the ranks of Jordan! That other guy, I could take or leave….leave more than take…let's just make THIS Space Jam 2.

Clem Fandango: This is Clem Fandango, can you hear me Jammer?

Jammer: I can hear you Clem Fandango.

Clem Fandango: Right. This isn't for Space Jam.

Eggs Bert: It's actually for the animated Vape movie.

Jammer: WHAT?! VAPE MOVIE?! WHY!? HOW!? WHO?! Who keeps hiring him and using him for stuff? Am I just out of touch? Is this some muckbang tiktak thing?! I don't even know what that is, but I've heard those words. I just know basketball, wrestling, and being an adequate love interest to an angry biker chick. That's really all I've got. *sigh* So I'm voicing me I take it?

Eggs Bert: No, you're voicing Vape.

Jammer: What? Me? I'M voicing Vape? Why don't you just use Vape?

Clem Fandango: This is Clem Fandango. Can you hear me Jammer?

Jammer: Sure can Clem Fandango.

Clem Fandango: Right. Dibney was looking to go in a different casting direction.

Jammer: You mean they'd rather cast someone else, instead of the actual person? Sounds close to right, but shouldn't a black lesbian be voicing him then? Shouldn't he just BE a black lesbian?

Eggs Bert: That was the first choice, but they all said no.

Jammer: Probably a smart decision. I REALLY should've read that contract! *sigh* I can do this though. I'm a professional. A professional what? I don't know, but I'll do it.

Eggs Bert: Alright Jam Man, we don't have the full script yet, but we're going to record some lines to give the animators something to work with. So let's take it from the top in 3-2-1!

Jammer: "Saturn City! Here I come!" "Return to Wrestling? You bet I can! I'll be the champ for sure!"

Eggs Bert: Good so far. Keep it going.

Jammer: "Back off jackhole! I wasn't looking at your wife!" Wow, he says that in Dibney film? "I am the Vapist!" Huh?

Eggs Bert: Great job. Next.

Jammer: "Calm down jerkoff! I didn't touch your daughter! She was coming onto me!" Whoa whoa whoa. What's going on in this movie? "Grow up man, your sister sure did!" "So what college do you girls go to? You're in high school? Could've fooled me!" "Winning at Victory Explosion could save the community center, but I can't go because of one bad date?! This is a witch hunt, your honor!" Hold it! Vape's in court?!

Eggs Bert: What's the 'ish Jam Man?

Jammer: The 'ish is that it feels like you're portraying my best friend as the bad guy in his own movie?

Clem Fandango: Jammer, this is Clem Fandango. Can you hear me Jammer?

Jammer: Yes, I hear you Clem Fandango.

Clem Fandango: We have the voice for Jammer. Would it help to have him in there to do lines with you?

Jammer: MY voice actor? Again, why isn't it just me? Fine. Bring him in.

Jackson Kain: Yo! Pleasure to be working with you OUTSIDE of the ring! Haha!

Jammer: You're voicing me?

Jackson Kain: That's right!

Jammer: And I'm voicing Vape.

Jackson Kain: Yeah huh.

Jammer: Swell. Let's keep it going I guess?

Jackson Kain: "Woohoo! You're my beeeeeest friend Vape!"

Jammer: I wouldn't be that enthusiastic about tha- "Thanks Jammer, you're mine too!"

Jackson Kain: "That's why I was so upset when I heard you were calling me the r-word!"

Jammer: What?! Vape wouldn't call me that!

Eggs Bert: The r-word is "rusty" we think. Like you're rusty in the ring.

Jammer: Oh alright then.

Eggs Bert: Keep it going.

Jackson Kain: "You didn't call me rusty did you Vape?"

Jammer: "No, stop being such a retarded fa-" WHOA! I can not say those lines.

Eggs Bert: Right. Go ahead and skip the next couple of pages then. We'll pick up from there.

Jammer: That's a lot of character assassination right there. Vape's gonna sue you guys! *clears throat*

Jackson Kain: "WOW! YOU DID VAPE! YOU WON THE BIG MATCH AT VICTORY EXPLOSION!"

Jammer: "Yeah! I did it! Alright!"

Jackson Kain: "Hey Vape, what are you doing with my niece?!"

Jammer: "She's not your niece tonight buddy! She's gonna call me Zaddy!"

Jackson Kain: "Why her, you cruel monster?! Why her?!

Jammer: "POWER!" I can't do this. Look, Vape is a morally reprehensible monster at times yes, but he's also my close personal friend. We've been through everything together. I can't possibly besmirch him like this.

Clem Fandango: Jammer, this is Clem Fandango. Can you hear me Jammer?

Jammer: Yep!

Clem Fandango: ….

Jammer: I can hear you Clem Fandango!

Clem Fandango: We just got that copy of the contract you were wanting.

Jammer: *sigh* I'll just look at it for a second before I tear it apar- they're paying me that much just for this?

Eggs Bert: It looks that way. Dibney is not as good with money as they used to be.

Jammer: …Well then….let's keep rolling eh? This flick ain't gonna finish itself! Haha! Oh Vape, I'll buy you a pizza or something from the money I make. There, guilt gone! I wonder where he is right now?

Saturn City Bank

Vape, Amber, and Ray were at the bank, as Vape drank his slurpee and his folks wrote a check. As they stood there, another woman walked away with a teller.

Bank Teller: Congratulations Ms. Hopley, your business account is officially open!

Ms. Hopley: Oh thank you so much! This is so great!

Amber: She's a business owner, meanwhile we're making check deposits like it's 1995.

Ray: Better safe than sorry honey. Last time I tried e-depositing I accidentally put my social security number on zillow!

Vape: Oh, those parents of mine!

Suddenly, two men in masks rushed into the building.

Robber #1: Hands up everybody! This is a robbery!

Vape: Uh-oh!

Robber #2: Nobody move!

Ray: What are you going to do to us?!

Amber: Yeah! Yeah! What are you gonna DO to us?

Vape: Huh?

Robber #1: Slide your phones across the floor! Now get on your knees!

Amber: Do NOT touch me! Do NOT!

Robber #2: Look, be quiet and no one gets hurt!

Amber: No one gets hurt? Yeah right! I've seen enough movies to know what happens to a chick like me! Take me to the vault and get it over with you nasty nasty boys!

Vape: Mom, why are you bending ove-

Ray: What am I supposed to do?! J-just watch?!

Robber #1: Watch what?!

Ray: Watch helplessly, as you have your way with my supple wife!

Vape: Ew!

Amber: Oh, this is SO messed up!

Ray: And who is gonna film it? The bank teller?

Bank Teller: Film it?!

Ray: I'm so mad I can't see straight right now!

Robber #2: Shut up! No one is filming anything!

Robber #1: Who is in charge around here?

Bank Teller: Normally it's me, but I guess now it would be you?

Robber #2: Very good! Very good! You're going to put in the combination to the vault, and do NOT hit the emergency button!

Amber: Oh yeah, get the vault open so you can do horrible things to me right?!

Robber #1: Why are your hands tied?! We didn't do that!

Ray: We tied ourselves up! We didn't want to give you sickos the satisfaction! Oh, I can see it now. You're gonna take my hot, supple wife into the vault, lay her on a stack of quarters and make a smut film, and he's gonna film it!

Bank Teller: I'm not!

Robber #2: No one is here to do anything with your wife dude!

Ray: Oh, I get it! You're gonna have your way with ME instead?!

Vape: EW!

Ray: If you try any funny business I will just SCREAM, and I'll scream like this! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Vape: Dad!

Ray: Isn't it your lucky day, cause we just opened up our marriage!

Amber: And we were pretty nervous about opening it up, so we made a LOT of rules.

Ray: And every single one of the rules allows me to be with MEN!

Vape: GUYS! NO!

Ms. Hopley: You're all nasty! Can you just shut up so they can rob us in peace! I actually feel sorry for them! That one is gagging!

A third robber walked in.

Robber #3: Aye caramba you guys! I've been waiting in the car for way too long! Rapido! We gotta move!

Amber: Oh look, a barely legal Anahauc boy! That's cool right?

Ray: A barely legal Anahauc boy is MUCHO cool.

Robber #3: What? I'm 31! What's going on here?

Robber #2: This weird couple is trying to hook up with us!

Robber #1: And this pervert wants to film it!

Bank Teller: I DO NOT! That was not my suggestion!

Robber #3: We need to finish this! Let's man up, and-

Ray: Remember us!?

Vape: Mom?! Dad?! Why are you in your underwear?!

Amber: Yeah, you sickos!

Robber #1: Where did you get handcuffs!?

Amber: I know what happens next!

Ray: Yeah, me too, and just a warning for you! I do pilates! This is going to hurt you WAY more than it's gonna hurt me!

Robber #2: *gags*

Suddenly, a robotic figure in a blue mask dropped down in front of the bank and walked in.

Ms. Hopley: Oh look! It's Arremer X! Our hero! We're saved!

Robber #1: Oh no! We took too long!

Robber #2: The gross old swinger couple distracted us!

Robber #3: Run!

Arremer X: You won't make it far. Folks, the police are on the way.

Amber: Oh great! I bet they'll want to join in!

Arremer X: …Vape, are these your parents?

Vape: I now understand how Jammer feels around me.

Ray: If the cops join in, HE'S gonna film it!

Bank Teller: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

-

Tommy Dukes: Welcome to EBW World! Yes, you're seeing that right. It's us! Tommy Dukes and Nerma! Now the question might be why Ninten and Ana aren't here?

Nerma: Well after what happened to Darius Grouch, the future of Havok was thrown into turmoil! I bet Swift is even popping the champagne, ready to reclaim the brand and merge the shows together. We believe EBW is stronger the way it is. Competition creates opportunity. Plus, I can NOT stand the thought of being on the same show as Tack Angel! It suddenly hit me that I don't like him, and I haven't for some time! How can someone forget something like that? I don't know. I keep seeing these visions in my head. A mad dictator with his own kingdom. I thought I was just being crazy, but he called himself Star Prince, and THAT is Tack's gimmick, and if you'll recall he has used it before! How did I forget? How did any of us forget? At least I was wrong about the multiple wives thing! He's not that much of a freak! Queen Beryl though? Ha! Good luck with that!

Tommy Dukes: Rest assured Renegades, the show must go on, and the Brand War is far from over. We haven't heard about who is running the show, so WE are going to volunteer OUR services!

Nerma: That's right! Havok will be brought to you by the Dukes Family this week! Look how far we've come honey!

Tommy Dukes: I'd say let's see how far we've come, but I'm not ready to say goodbye to Kugane.

Nerma: Huh?

Tommy Dukes: Super niche reference to a douchebag.

Nerma: Oh.

Tommy Dukes: But yeah the EBW power couple has moved up in the world!

Nerma: You used to call yourself the "blank" of wrestling all the time, but now you can saw you're the Boss of Havok!

Tommy Dukes: …of wrestling.

Nerma: This really takes me back to the day you proposed. Do you remember that day?

Tommy Dukes: I do.

Nerma: Did you know that a Lakitu was following us that day?

Tommy Dukes: I did NOT!

Nerma: We should show it!

Tommy Dukes: Oh honey, these people don't want to see that! It's all about combat sports for Havok, and-

Nerma: I SAID SHOW IT!

Tommy Dukes: RIGHT!

Years Earlier…

Tommy and Nerma were sitting with Nerma's friend Tiffany, and her husband Bert.

Nerma: So, we're on the beach, and Tommy gets down on one knee and says "marry me".

Tiffany: Ok I called it! I totally called it! Awww!

Bert: Well congratulations you guys.

Tommy Dukes: Thanks, I appreciate that Bert. Bert. Bert. Am I saying that right Bert?

Bert: Only one way to say Bert. Hehe.

Nerma: Now Tiffany, I have a little question for you, so if you wouldn't mind following me in the kitchen?

Tiffany: I bet I know what this is about! Hahaha!

Bert: There they go! Haha! This is great.

Tommy Dukes: Yeah definitely! Listen, *harsh whisper* I think I made a mistake.

Bert: Huh? What's that?

Tommy Dukes: Oh no no, it's nothing it's just *harsh whisper* I shouldn't have proposed, Bert. You see, she had a family member pass away, and I wanted to fix it.

Bert: Oh. Oh no. Maybe there is someone else you could talk to about this?

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I have no else to tell Bert. All my friends are her friends. Please, help me Bert.

Tiffany: We're back, and I knew it! She wanted a maid of honor, and she's got it!

Nerma: Yay! Bert, that means that YOU are in the wedding party!

Bert: Heh…heh…awesome.

Tommy Dukes: It's gonna be awesome! Right Bert?

Bert: Oh yeah. For sure! Hon, did you say we needed to get going soon?

Tiffany: Not at all! Any champagne in this house? We need to celebrate!

Nerma: Of course! Follow me!

Bert: Haha…oh nooo. Heh. *sigh*

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I keep driving to the airport. I just sit in my car, and I watch the planes fly awaaaay.

Bert: Maybe you should talk to a therapist about this?

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* My therapist has dementia. I still meet with him because I feel bad, but it's not helping. He thinks he's talking to a coconut. You have to help me Bert.

Nerma: We got drinks boys!

Bert: Oh good!

Nerma: Tiffany is trying to talk me into a destination wedding!

Tiffany: I'm just saying, it could be fun!

Bert: OR, you could hold off on planning?

Tiffany: Why would you say that Bert?

Tommy Dukes: Yeah Bert, why?

Bert: I'm uh…just saying to take some time and enjoy the engagement? See if it feels right?

Nerma: We ARE locked in. We're engaged!

Tommy Dukes: Does engagement mean nothing to you Bert?

Bert: Well, in the eyes of the LAW, you could still walk away.

Nerma: Uh-huh…*sniff* right. Excuse me for a moment. *sniff*

Tiffany: Nice going Bert! Nerma, wait up.

Bert: Great, now you got ME in trouble.

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I'm going to leave tonight.

Bert: *harsh whisper* WHY are you doing this?

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I found a guy on groupon that can do facial reconstruction.

Bert: On groupon?!

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I'm gonna get it, and I'm gonna start a new life in Summers. I need you to meet me there with twelve thousand dollars in cash.

Bert: *harsh whisper* I am NOT a part of this.

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* You're the MAIN part of this.

Bert: I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL!

Nerma: Alright, what is going on in here?

Tiffany: I heard yelling!

Bert: Listen, Tommy needs to tell you something.

Tommy Dukes: He's right. Nerma, I have to admit, I'm having doubts! My head is swimming with thoughts of being good enough for you, and I guess I'm panicking.

Nerma: Oh sweetie, that's perfectly natural. I worry about things too, but I know that I love you, and we'll deal with everything together!

Tommy Dukes: Aww honey, you mean that? You're panicking too?

Nerma: This is uncharted territory, but we'll go through it together.

Tommy Dukes: Oh wow, I feel so much better now! I'm sorry about everything. Bert, I'm sorry if I said anything that made you uncomfortable.

Bert: It's all good man.

Tiffany: Alright, I think this calls for some REAL drinks.

Nerma: I know where they are. Follow me!

Bert: *sigh of relief* Well, I'm glad we were able to get through tha-

Tommy Dukes: *harsh whisper* I didn't mean a WORD of it. I'll see you in Euroland, under my name of Juan Sanchez. Goodbye Bert. You're my best friend.

Bert: What?!

-

Tommy Dukes: …..

Nerma: ….That's where you went that day?! Bert said you went to get food! I mean you even came back WITH food!

Tommy Dukes: …The groupon guy…he lied…he just wanted sex….facial…meant something else from what I thought it meant.

Nerma: …..

Tommy Dukes: But hey, we did end up getting married! No regrets!

Nerma: …..

Tommy Dukes: Yaaaay?

Nerma: …..

Machismo · 9/20/2024 5:01 am

Ted Pettentool: Ladies and gents, welcome to the E1 Climax Report, where the stakes are as high as the egos, and the action is hotter than a steel chair under the summer sun, or the steering wheel of my modestly priced Honda. I’m Ted Pettentool, your source for hard-hitting, no-nonsense wrestling news… with a bit of flair on the side. Let’s get right into it! Geoff Garrett came into the opening match riding high, looking like the CEO of Southern Swagger, but Void? He’s the kind of guy that crawls out of the shadows and makes you question your life choices. This was going to be hard enough as it is, but before the match, an errant head kick cut Double G open. No one was on scene to see WHO kicked him, but I think we can guess. Our favorite guitar wielding hero shook it off and insisted on battling the enigmatic Void, or as Double G referred to him as "Ignigatic". Garrett started strong, working his mat game, but once Void started locking in those holds, it was like watching a man slowly sink in quicksand. Geoff hit a Snap DDT, trying to keep Void grounded, but Void rose up like a dark wave, countering with the Chaos Theory. One smooth pin later, and Void grabbed two points like they were made for him. After the match, the lights went dark, and bluish blooms seemed to drop from the sky, and a black water seemed to seep in on the ground, but was it somehow only a lighting effect? Hey, who is paying for all the special effects around here eh?. Preacher Ra appeared on the stage next to a masked man, with long hair, a flowing cape, and a Kabuki inspired mask.

Preacher Ra: Brothers and sisters of the damned… you stand in the presence of a man who has long since abandoned salvation baby. I am Preacher Ra, and I am the one who cast the first stone ya dig? I am the one who broke the seal and unleashed the darkness upon EBW. But even a man like me… even I can’t always control the monsters I create. Void. Yes, Void. The black abyss that now haunts this wretched place… the chaos I once thought I could command. But you see, Void is not like the others. Void is something more, something primal, a force not bound by my will or my word. And while you may think that frightens me, you’d be wrong. No… it only excites me. It fuels my purpose. It ignites my need to crush what I once created. I sought out help, you see. I made a call. A call into the darkest corners of Edo. I sought out forces older and far more dangerous than anything you could imagine. I called upon the coldest, most ruthless warrior ever to stalk the shadows. And when he answered… oh, when he answered, I knew that Void’s reign of chaos would meet its match. Allow me to introduce you to the man whose blood runs as cold and black as death itself. The warrior who feels no pain, no remorse, no mercy. He comes not to save, but to destroy… to watch with eyes that pierce the very soul. The man who will be watching Void’s every move… waiting for the moment when the abyss finally stares back. Behold… Karasu.

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Ted Pettentool: Wow, a new monster added to the pool eh? This Karasu sure could be-

Point Man: The Point Man knows who hit Double G!

Ted Pettentool: Oh wow, you snuck up on me!

Point Man: The Point Man does that! The Point Man is known for it! You can always count on the Point Man to get to the bottom of a conspiracy, and I think it's very obvious who is behind this! Tack Angel, we were your friends, but you threw it all away to dig up the darkness inside of you! The Point Man battles the forces of evil, and if you're evil that makes you an enemy! *throws down smoke bomb*

Ted Pettentool: *cough cough cough* You didn't need to do that! I would've looked away if you asked! Great, now the smoke alarm is going off. Good thing we put batteries in those babies. Can you imagine living with a constant chirp going off? It would drive me INSANE! ABSOLUTELY INSANE! Oh good, the alarm is off. Thank you Steve! Moving on, If there’s one thing you don’t want, it’s to be on the wrong end of KYO’s Hell Claw. Takumi Inui found that out the hard way on this night. The match opened up with some beautiful chain wrestling – Inui with some slick arm drags and a dragon screw. Working him over to try and slow him down. It didn't take though. After working Inui’s arm with some brutal strikes, KYO went in for the kill. When that Hell Claw clamped down in his jaw, Inui’s body language changed – you could practically see his spirit leaving his body. The ref stepped in before KYO decided to rip his jaw off, and just like that, KYO walked out with two points and a reputation for breaking men’s souls. Another showdown with Void is on the horizon, and I don't think Takumi was quite ready for what KYO going from 0-100 in SECONDS! Tack Angel and Colby Roads seem to be on the same side now. They were seen working together, and Tack has history with the Heel Besties and CP Munk as we all know. Add Mamoru Chiba to that equation, as he joined The Story down to the ring to see Tack and Colby compete. Colby had this to say before the match.

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Colby Roads: Wrestling… it's in my blood. You all know it, I know it, and, hell, I remind myself every time I step into this ring. For years, they’ve talked about the royal families of wrestling, about dynasties. My *sniff* *lip quiver* father, my brother—they paved roads in this business. But let me make something clear to all of you right now: there’s more than one royal family in wrestling, and you’re looking at the one that’s gonna finish the story. You see, I was born into this. The story has been written, but it’s incomplete. It’s missing that final chapter where Colby Roads stands atop the wrestling world, not as a footnote, not as someone riding on the coattails of his family’s legacy, but as the one who finished the story! I’ve bled for this business, I’ve sacrificed for this business, and now? Now it’s time for me to claim what’s been mine all along. But here’s the twist, folks. I’m not the only one in this ring who’s royalty. No, no, no… I’m about to introduce someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about. A man who’s done it all, seen it all, and yet, like me, he’s tired of being the guy who just takes it on the chin. He’s royalty in his own right. He’s the Star Prince. You see, Tack Angel, the Star Prince, he’s wrestling royalty too. But we’re tired, we’re done with the pandering, with smiling and letting the world walk all over us. We’ve been the good guys, the ones who ‘do what’s right’ while the real winners laugh in our faces. But not anymore. Whether it's me or him, it doesn’t matter who wins tonight in the E1 Climax. You know why? Because we’re of the same mind now. We’re not just wrestling royalty anymore—we’re here to take the throne, take control of the story, once and for all. When we step into that ring, the world will see what happens when two men, born from wrestling royalty, decide to take the story back into their own hands. This isn’t about the past anymore, it’s about the future. My future. His future. And when the dust settles, whether it’s me or Tack Angel, the Star Prince… we will be the ones holding the pen. We will finish the story.

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Ted Pettentool: Colby Roads might have the heart of a lion, but Tack Angel? He’s got the stars on his side, at least that's what he thinks. The Eagleland Cheese had strong words before the match, but he found himself on the ropes. Tack controlled the pace early, working the body with stiff roundhouse kicks that sounded like gunshots. Colby tried to rally with his 3-Star repertoire, but Tack shut that down quickly. The final sequence was a thing of beauty – head kick to wobble Roads, then Tack set him up for the WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver. That combo hit like a meteor shower, and Roads was down for the count before he even realized what galaxy he was in! Makoto Kino, always one to accept a challenge, and take on all comers, even in a uh…down period in her personal life, took on the righteous Tracy Tracy came into this one with a chip on her shoulder the size of Zombie U. Kino controlled the early going with some fierce elbow strikes and a vicious Hagen suplex that left Tracy rattled. But Tracy didn’t seem interested in playing by the rules tonight. She feined a friendly handshake, but tried to turn the tide with a sneaky eye rake. She hit the TikTak to no avail on the pin attempt, and a Crucifix Powerbomb was avoided by Makoto, who smashed Tracy with a big boot. The pious Tracy lost control and hit Makoto with a chair when it became clear her best on the night wasn't going to be enough to put down the younger star. DQ boooo!

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Tracy: I stand before you today, not as a sinner—oh no—but as a mother, a prophet, and a servant of the Lord who has been wronged! The hypocrisy of the world around me is on full display, and I am but a humble vessel, a victim of betrayal and falsehoods! I gave my life to this family, to this business, and to you! And yet, my own daughter, my own flesh and blood, has turned her back on me over a simple misunderstanding. A mother’s love cast aside! It breaks my heart! But what cuts even deeper is how easily the world accepts her treachery while painting me as the villain! And what about Makoto? Oh, Makoto Kino, you ungrateful child! When Tack Angel—the man I warned you about, the man whose darkness I saw from the very beginning—when he abandoned you, who was there to offer you help? I was! It was me, Tracy, the beacon of light, offering you a way out, a hand to lift you from the shadows! But did you accept it? No! You turned your back on me too, just like everyone else. Because it’s easier to cast me as the villain than face the truth I’ve been preaching all along. I saw it coming! I warned you, Makoto! From the very beginning, I told you that Tack Angel was not the righteous prince he claimed to be. I saw the darkness in him—oh, how I prayed that you would listen to me. But no! You were blinded by love, by loyalty to a man who walked away the moment it suited him. And now, who’s left standing? Me! I, Tracy, still here, still standing tall, while you stumble in the dark! I am the victim here! The true victim! But you see, no one wants to admit that the woman who tells the truth, who stands firm in her convictions, who serves the Lord with pure intentions, is the one being wronged. No, they’d rather side with the liars, the betrayers, and the cowards. They paint me as the heel, the hypocrite, the manipulator! But the truth? The truth is that I have been nothing but a guiding light, and the world has chosen to turn its back on the truth. So I stand here, broken-hearted but unbowed, betrayed but unashamed. And to my daughter, to Makoto, and to all of you who have chosen to reject me, I say this: The day of reckoning is coming. And when it does, you will all see that I, Tracy, was right all along. You will fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness, but by then it will be too late. The path to salvation will have closed, and I will be standing at the top, vindicated, triumphant, and basking in the glory that is rightfully mine. May the Lord have mercy on your souls… because I won’t.

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Ted Pettentool: A lot going on on this show right? Well it all came to head when The Fire battled SUFFER's Alpha Beta Troy. Rama Raju walked into this match with focus sharper than a knife, and Troy? Well, let’s just say tonight wasn’t his night. Raju came out strong with some lethal knees, and when Troy tried to slow things down with a backbreaker, Raju fired right back with blistering strikes. Troy started saying some unsavory things that had to be bleeped out, you know, as per usual. The crowd came alive when Raju signaled for the Burning Arrow, and it was lights out from there. Troy hit the mat so hard, he might’ve left an impression, and Raju walks away with another 2 points. Raju might have lost the EBW Championship, but he's on the fast track to getting a rematch with the Dangerous Player. What an Xcite!

EBW: Xcite "E1 Climax 2024"
Zombie U, Threed
ENN

1. E1 Xcite Block: Geoff Garrett[2] vs. Void[2]
Winner: Void via Chaos Theory -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. E1 Xcite Block: KYO[2] vs. Takumi Inui[4]
Winner: KYO via Hell Claw -> Referee Stoppage -> Pin -> 2 Points!

3. E1 Xcite Block: Tack Angel[4] vs. Colby Roads[0]
Winner: Tack Angel via Head Kick x Wrist Clutch Angel Driver -> Pin -> 2 Points!

4. EBW Women's Championship: Makoto Kino(c) vs. Tracy
Winner: Makoto Kino via DQ -> No Title Change!

5. E1 Xcite Block: Rama Raju[2] vs. Troy[0]
Winner: Rama Raju via Burning Arrow -> Pin -> 2 Points!

Ted Pettentool: Well folks, we're not done yet. Strap in, because Winters just got a whole lot hotter! Let’s break down the action-packed chaos that unfolded at 3-Hour Havok, where the E1 Climax marched on, the Lady Renegades stole the show, and a Television Title shot got decided with a fist to the face. Havok's E1 week kicked off with Tommy Dukes and Nerma claiming that they were now in charge of the brand. They said they wanted to continue the Brand War with Swift, but said they would be far more fair and less cut throat about the whole thing, letting the ideologies speak for themselves. How did THEY get the cushy job after "The Rumble" met his demise from his crippling death match gambling addiction? Who knows. The matches started with Jammer taking on Crono. What’s more timeless than this matchup? Nothing, according to Crono, who traveled through time—or at least, it felt like it—with a relentless pace in this bout. Jammer tried to muscle his way through with his brute force, but Crono was quick on his feet, and a lightning like force. The finish came with the Chrono Trigger! Gotta love that knee based offense. Crono sealed the deal and picked up 2 more points. Jammer was great as always, but Crono is just working on a different level right now. After the match, we went backstage, where Kid Havok was talking to Trevor Mach and Magus.

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Kid Havok: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing here with two of EBW's most intense competitors, both set to collide in the E1 Tournament—Trevor Mach and Magus! You two are about to face off, but you’ve also been working together to get to the bottom of this situation with Crono and Schala being in Metal Rush. So, how are you guys balancing being opponents and allies? Trevor, let’s start with you.”

Trevor Mach: Balancing? Oh, Kid, I’m not much for balance. It’s all chaos, really. One minute you’re punching someone in the face, and the next minute you’re—well—punching the same guy in the face, but maybe this time it’s for fun, y’know? I mean, Magus and I, we’ve got this weird ‘I respect you, but I’m still gonna kick your teeth in’ vibe going on. It’s mutual. I’m not holding back, though. Magus knows I’m bringing everything I’ve got. Everyone knows I'm living on the edge. I'm insane in the membrane. I'm a ticking TIME BOMB, and I could off at any second! But after the match? We're going to bump those fists and get back to the business at hand.

Kid Havok: Magus, Trevor says he’s not holding back, but he respects you. How do you feel about facing him in the ring, especially with everything else going on?”

Magus: Trevor Mach is formidable. He thrives on chaos. But I have seen more darkness, faced more suffering, than he can imagine. I will not hold back either. This match... it’s a necessary step, but nothing will stand in the way of our goal. I don’t care about victories. I care about finding the truth. Crono and Schala... they don’t belong with Metal Rush. This isn’t about loyalty or betrayal. There’s a force at play, something deeper. And we’ll uncover it, no matter the cost.

Trevor Mach: Yeah, yeah, real uplifting speech there, buddy. But the cost you’re talking about? That’s gonna be a bunch of stiff shots and a suplex or two from yours truly. Then we can talk about uncovering forces and saving your pals from a bad decision. But Magus is right. After we beat the sh- *sigh* *dollar in the tip jar* snot outta each other, we’re going to figure out what’s going on.

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Ted Pettentool: Trevor Mach, the VBW Champion, squared off against Magus, the walking mystery in a wizard’s robe. I’m pretty sure Magus cast some kind of spell, because no matter how hard these two hit each other—and believe me, they hit each other like it was a rent-due day—they couldn’t get a finish. For a solid minute they tore into each other, grabbing each other by the neck and throwing wild punches. The fans were on their feet the whole time! It got SO LOUD! The referee actually called for them to stop! A double ref stoppage? Doesn't happen often. So, 1 point each for these guys. What a battle! Next up was the Lady Renegades 6-Woman Tag Match! This was wild from the get-go! Hope Mach and Rhea Rampage were like a tornado in there, but everyone was buzzing about the mystery partner. Out comes Ripper Jane, and this team went full demolition mode! Paula and Heather Mach—tough as nails—couldn't keep up with the sheer brutality. Val Dorado was flying high but got grounded fast when Rhea Rampage hit the Riptide like a tidal wave and put her down for the count. Can you believe that?! Hope Mach and Ripper Jane working together! I can't believe that-

Tali Mach: You're surprised?! I didn't see it coming either!

Ted Pettentool: Ah! People keep sneaking up on me!

Tali Mach: Ripper Jane Hope?! Ripper Jane? Bad idea! Do you hear m- no you don't hear me. You don't hear me, and I have no way of booting you in the backside for working with the deranged psychopath! I need some answers! These Machs I have to deal with, I swear! Heather has lost it! Hope is making wild decisions, and my husband just went Frye-Takayama with his FRIEND for ONE POINT! *sigh* I don't like being the sane one he-

Trevor Mach: *clears throat*

Tali Mach: Huh? What? What are you doing here?

Trevor Mach: I literally drove you here.

Tali Mach: Besides that fact.

Trevor Mach: Just heard you throwing shade at the fam? Yeah, Heather is psychotic, but she was due for this. Hope? I'm sure she's got her reasons. Me? The swelling is already going down. I mean I could ALMOST see when I was driving. Don't count yourself out here lady. You had this burned CD in the car.

Tali Mach: Oh no.

Trevor Mach: Here Ted, check this out.

Tali Mach: I'd rather you didn't.

Ted Pettentool: "Songs you can choke me out to while wrecking my uterus"

Tali Mach: …..

Trevor Mach: …..

Ted Pettentool: …..

Tali Mach: …Who says romance is dead?

Ted Pettentool: I'm just surprised you still burn CDs.

Tali Mach: Wait until you see the betamax collection.

Ted Pettentool: ....So Ness, the Metal Rush leader, is having a rough tournament, and this show was no exception. Firebrand X came out looking like he had something to prove, and boy did he! The crowd was on his side, and Firebrand X was all business. The Fire Thunder Driver came out of nowhere, and that was all she wrote! If Ness doesn’t turn things around soon, he’s gonna be out of contention! Next up, we had the highly anticipated grudge match between Zyro Kurogane and Amigo. This match was stiff—like a car crash, but ya know...with more suplexes. Amigo, the sinister grappler, took it right to Zyro Kurogane, but Shogun Steel is in a class of his own. Zyro escaped a Hagan Suplex while Isiah Muscle fought off Seto Kaiba on the outside. Zyro hit that Straight Jacket Hagen for the pin. Zyro is on a big roll, and I wouldn’t want to be the next guy standing across from him. Main event time people! You know, sometimes all it takes is one punch to change everything—and Subculture proved that tonight. With all four men in the Television Championship #1 Contender match flying around like pinballs, Subculture waited for his moment, ducked a wild Rozan Shoryu-Ha from Dragon Shiryu, and landed a KO Punch that sent Shiryu straight to the mat. One pin later, and Subculture is your next contender for the EBW Television Title. If the champ isn’t careful, he might just feel the BOOM himself!

EBW: 3-Hour Havok "E1 Climax 2024"
Winters Heated Gymnasium, Winters
ENT

1. E1 Havok Block: Jammer[3] vs. Crono[4]
Winner: Crono via Chrono Trigger -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. E1 Havok Block: Trevor Mach[2] vs. Magus[0]
Winner: Double Stoppage -> 1 Point Each!

3. Lady Renegades 6-Woman Tag: Hope Mach/Rhea Rampage/? vs. Paula/Heather Mach/Val Dorado
Winners: Hope Mach/Rhea Rampage[o]/Ripper Jane via Riptide on Val Dorado -> Pin

4. E1 Havok Block: Ness[0] vs. Firebrand X[1]
Winner: Firebrand X via Fire Thunder Driver -> Pin -> 2 Points!

5. E1 Havok Block: Zyro Kurogane[4] vs. Amigo[2]
Winner: Zyro Kurogane via Straight Jacket Hagen -> Pin -> 2 Points!

6. EBW Television #1 Contender: Subculture vs. Benjamin vs. Dragon Shiryu vs. Boz
Winner: Subculture via KO Punch on Dragon Shiryu -> Pin

Ted Pettentool: The show ended in a very odd situation, as the new "Bosses" of Havok tried to enter their new office.

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Backstage

Outside the office of the Havok Brand Boss, the door was firmly locked. Tommy Dukes and his wife Nerma, stood frustrated after trying to get in. Both were dressed sharply, as if they expected to immediately step into power. Tommy was pacing, while Nerma has her arms crossed, glaring at him.

Tommy Dukes: Alright, this isn’t funny anymore! I said dibs! What kind of place is this where dibs doesn’t mean anything?”

Nerma: Well, well, Mr. ‘Big Boss,’ looks like you forgot to check the fine print in your ‘dibs’ contract. Maybe you should’ve called double dibs—you know, just to be safe.”

Tommy Dukes: Oh, don’t start with me, Nerma! You were the one strutting around calling yourself ‘Boss Lady’ the second Darius Grouch was hauled off in cuffs! I didn’t see you questioning the dibs system back then.”

Nerma: Of course I didn’t! I figured if you were claiming to be the boss, I might as well go along for the ride. I mean, how hard can it be to boss people around? Look at Darius. He barely did anything! He just yelled a lot and used big words like ‘corporate synergy.’”

Tommy Dukes: Well, apparently the Board of Directors doesn’t see it that way. They’re not too keen on the idea of two announcers walking in and calling dibs on a multi-million-dollar wrestling brand. Who knew?”

Nerma: I was so ready too. I had plans, Tommy! Big plans! Like adding a VIP popcorn machine to the office, giving ourselves private parking spaces, and I was gonna give Firebrand X a new theme song. Something catchy, like—‘Fire it up, Firebrand!’ I don’t know, I’m still workshopping it.”

Tommy Dukes: You’re already on theme songs, and we can’t even get in the office to take out the trash!”

Nerma: I mean, come on! Darius Grouch gets arrested for that whole ‘money laundering, secret island, ring of fire mafia’ thing, and we were right here! Right here when they took him away! How are we not the new bosses? We called dibs, Tommy! That should be airtight.”

Tommy Dukes: I thought it was airtight! Dibs has been the cornerstone of decision-making since the dawn of time! The cavemen probably called dibs on their clubs. But nooo, the Board of Directors had to get all ‘official’ and ‘procedural’ and ‘wait for the right paperwork.’”

Nerma: So, who’s the new boss then? I didn’t hear anything about an announcement.

Tommy Dukes: Well, funny thing about that. They haven’t told anyone yet. All we know is they appointed someone new, and it’s a mystery who it is.

Nerma: Oh, great. Just what Havok needs—another mystery boss. What’s next? A guy in a mask? Someone who communicates with us through cryptic emails? Or, I don’t know, an AI that makes decisions based on fan voting?”

Tommy Dukes: Whatever it is, it can’t be worse than Grouch, right? I mean, what are the odds?”

Nerma: With our luck, Tommy? *looks at the camera* Pretty high.

-

Ted Pettentool: We move onto The Storm, which promised a big main event, as the Xcite Championship would finally be decided. Yes, that's right, the Xcite Champion would be crowned…NOT on Xcite…but The Storm? Why you might ask? Well it's good for The Storm, but apparently something is brewing behind the scenes that has President Swift all out of sorts. Some serious table flipping going on there! The show started with Hilda Iceheart and Erica locking horns once again, and like usual, her former partner Gianna Rambaldi can not let things go! DQ victory for Hilda on this one. Hey, it's a win, and she keeps rising up the ranks with wins no matter how she gets 'em. Mamoru Chiba is not only a member of The Story now, but he's a Tack Angel supporter who has also changed himself. Donning his mask and top hat, the iconic Tuxedo Mask entered the fray with Rod and Randy to take on Seiya Kou and the Weekend Wrecking Crew! Mamoru showed off new moves like the Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber, and the Rose Strike leaping knee attack. However, most impressive was the Moonlight Sonata, which is a fancy term for the Dragon Sleeper. With Point Man and Jaden Yuki battling the Heel Besties on the outside, Seiya found himself trapped, and the ref called for the bell. The Story have found themselves a tough ally. He had THIS to say after the match.

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Mamoru Chiba: You know, I’ve always stood for something. I’ve always believed in duty, in fate, in protecting the ones I love, no matter the cost. But sometimes... sometimes, the people closest to you forget their path. They turn their back on destiny, on what was promised, on what could’ve been. Usagi... the love of my life, the one who was destined to rule by my side, she made her choice. She decided that destiny didn’t matter anymore. She decided that our future—my future—was something that could be thrown away for a dream of a different kind of life. And maybe, just maybe, I would’ve understood that. But I don’t accept it. I can’t accept it. You see, I was meant for more. I was meant to be a King. A ruler. A protector. And you all know that, deep down. You’ve seen it in me, the potential, the power. It’s not something I can walk away from because someone else decides to. That’s why I joined The Story. Because just like the Star Prince, I had something stolen from me. A future—a past, a present, everything—taken from me by those who fear what we could become. By those who think that the power we hold should be locked away, never to be realized. Tack Angel, the Star Prince, he understands. He sees what was stolen from us. He knows what it means to be destined for greatness, only to have it stripped away by people who don’t have the vision, who don’t have the guts to take what’s rightfully theirs. So while Usagi turns her back on what could’ve been, I move forward. I stand with Tack Angel, with The Story, because I still believe in destiny. I still believe that I’m meant to be more than just the man standing in the shadows. I was meant to be a King, and I will not stop until I’ve reclaimed everything that was taken from me. The future still belongs to us.

-

Ted Pettentool: Ladies and gentlemen, joining me now is Usagi Tsukino, and...well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before. Usagi, the floor is yours.”

Usagi Tsukino: You know, Ted, I’ve been through a lot in my life. I’ve fought monsters, I’ve faced evil, I’ve saved the world more than once. I've had to take tests I was TOTALLY unprepared for! But nothing...nothing...could prepare me for the betrayal I’ve experienced. The man I loved, Mamoru Chiba, turned his back on me...not just on me, but on everything we stood for.”

Ted Pettentool: Mamoru’s recent comments—

Usagi Tsukino: He didn’t just turn his back on me—he abandoned me! He left me for my best friend first, and when that wasn’t enough, he lowered his standards even more for Erica! I don’t even recognize the man I used to call my future King anymore. He talks about destiny, but how can you claim to care about fate when you’ve thrown away the most important thing that was ever meant for you? It's alright though. It worked out for me. He was right that I did throw away destiny, because I found a deeper love with someone who I actually have chemisty with. I just regret all that had to be lost. *sniff* The life could have lived, and the children we...would have had. He’s fallen in line with Tack's new vision and this whole ridiculous Story nonsense, and it makes me sick. Mamoru, you’re making a huge mistake. This isn’t some heroic quest to reclaim the past—it’s a sad excuse for your failure to move on. You’re not trying to take back the future; you’re running from the present! And what’s worse? You’ve teamed up with someone who has done nothing but hurt the people closest to him.”

Ted Pettentool: You’re referring to Tack Angel.

Usagi Tsukino: Exactly. Tack Angel. The so-called ‘Star Prince.’ You know what Tack’s really good at? Breaking hearts. You think you’re on some righteous crusade, Tack, but all you’ve done is destroy the people around you. You broke Makoto’s heart! She stood by you, she believed in you, and what did you do? You abandoned her the moment it didn’t serve your precious story. You’re no Prince. You’re just another self-obsessed coward, hiding behind your fantasies instead of facing the damage you’ve caused.”

Ted Pettentool: So, Usagi, what would you say to Mamoru and Tack if they were standing right here, right now?

Usagi Tsukino: I’d say this: Mamoru, you’ve lost your way. You’ve lost me. And no amount of crowns or kingdoms or titles is going to fix that. If you think aligning yourself with Tack is going to make you a King, you’re delusional. You and Tack—you're not rewriting the story. You’re writing yourselves into a corner, and when it all comes crashing down, there’ll be nothing left but regret. And Tack...I hope you’re proud of yourself. You didn’t just break Makoto’s heart. You’re tearing down everything we once fought for—everything we believed in. You talk about destiny, but all you’ve done is run from your own mistakes. You hurt the people who cared about you, and in the end, that’s all you’ll be remembered for.
Ted Pettentool: Here you have it, well I mean there you have it. It's not here, it's over there. Strong words from Usagi Tsukino! That leads us into our main event, well actually it's tangentially related, as Magnum PT took on Jackson Kain for the right to be the first ever Xcite Champion. The movie superstar from TinselTown, taking on the on fire PT, the grizzled veteran coming back from a long and storied history to get to a history making moment here. Just like with Mav Valentine, PT was fighting an uphill battle, but he somehow managed to duck and Shadow Kick and come off the ropes to hit the Mustache Ride on the former World Champion, to score the 1-2-3! Mav Valentine is the NEW and the FIRST EBW Xcite Champion! I know a certain Prince of the Stars who CAN'T be happy about that one!

EBW: The Storm[Xcite Control]
Twoson Park, Twoson
ENN

1. Women's Singles: Hilda Iceheart vs. Erica
Winner: Hilda Iceheart via DQ

2. 6-Man Tag: Seiya Kou/Point Man/Jaden Yuki vs. Tuxedo Mask/LG Rod/Randy no Kachi
Winners: Mamoru Chiba[o]/LG Rod/Randy no Kachi via Moonlight Sonata[Dragon Sleeper] on Seiya Kou -> Referee Stoppage

3. EBW Xcite Championship Tournament Finals: Magnum PT vs. Jackson Kain
Winner: Magnum PT via Mustache Ride -> Pin -> FIRST EBW Xcite Champion!

Ted Pettentool: Wow! What a week am I right? It feels like every single week has been can't miss television since we started these reports! It's almost like the format was an open invitation to just GET NUTS! Seriously though, the E1 is living up like it does every year, as the best tournament in wrestling, and we're seeing some standout performances. It's not uncommon to see someone like Tack Angel at the top of his Block, but we actually have Crono and Zyro Kurogane topping the ranking of their Block, and Ness is dead last! That's the World Champion just before the current one I want to remind you. Did Cade Yaggis beat the confidence out of Ness? Rama Raju, Takumi Inui, KYO, and Void are all battling for contention as well, while 'Mr. E1' himself Trevor Mach is in the middle of the pack in a very strong Block. Queen Beryl is making moves against Makoto, and Usagi is livid with the actions of Mamoru Chiba and Tack Angel. The two young champions Cade Yaggis and Bashin Dan continue to stand tall as shining beacons of EBW, and behind the scene shenanigans are running rampant. Fun time to be an EBW fan eh? We'll see you next time, as I leave you the current stands in the E1 Climax 2024! Buh-bye!

E1 Standings

Xcite Block

1. Tack Angel - 6 Points
2. Rama Raju - 4 Points
2. Takumi Inui - 4 Points
2. KYO - 4 Points
2. Void - 4 Points
3. Geoff Garrett - 2 Points
4. Troy - 0 Points
4. Colby Roads - 0 Points

Havok Block

1. Crono - 6 Points
1. Zyro Kurogane - 6 Points
2. Jammer - 3 Points
2. Firebrand X - 3 Points
2. Trevor Mach - 3 Points
3. Amigo - 2 Points
4. Magus - 1 Point
5. Ness - 0 Points

Last edited by Machismo (9/20/2024 5:18 am)

Machismo · 9/21/2024 1:49 am

Ninten: Ninten there, no wait, I'm here. I forgot where I was for a second. I'm joined by my lovely and psychic wife Ana.

Ana: I know who wins the E1.

Ninten: Please don't tell me. I'm enjoying it. It's been quite the roller coaster, but behind the scenes it's been equally as chaotic. The trial of Darius Grouch wasn't great for "The Rumble" and his appeal was even worse, but somehow he got another appeal because that's how it works for rich people. But who would defend Grouch in his appeal this time? Well it was none other than Tack Angel's FORMER manager Arliss Michaels, who was apparently also a lawyer. He had some experience working for massive corporations in the courtroom before. Here's an example!

Courtroom

Lawyer: One final question Mr. Miller, and I know this has been a difficult thing to revisit. Do you feel at all responsible for the deaths of your loved ones?

Mr. Miller: Not at all. All I know is that I miss them.

Lawyer: All he knows is that he misses them. No further questions, your honor.

Judge: Your witness Mr. Michaels.

Arliss Michaels: Please, just call me Arliss, or call me the winner after I'm done here, because it's an open and shut case.

Judge: Is it though?

Arliss Michaels: All he knows is that he misses them. That might be true, but that's not why we're here today. We're here to find out if my client, Jurassic Park, the beautiful island full of real life dinosaurs, is at fault for the deaths of Mr. Miller's friends and family when all the dinosaurs got out…for the sixth time, and I say no they are not.

Mr. Miller: I'd say yes, they most certainly are!

Arliss Michaels: Your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile?

Judge: No. Definitely not.

Arliss Michaels: Mr. Miller, you think you're owed something by Jurassic Park, but you waived all rights to sue the park!

Mr. Miller: What? No. I did not agree to that.

Arliss Michaels: Exhibit A. Mr. Miller, could you please the back of your VIP All Access Raptor Pass?

Mr. Miller: I can't read it. It's covered in blood. So much blood.

Arliss Michaels: Just move the blood around. You can see it.

Mr. Miller: It says that Jurassic Park is not responsible for lost or damaged items.

Arliss Michaels: NOT responsible…..for lost or damaged items….like your friends and family.

Mr. Miller: I would not consider my loved ones to be 'items!'

Arliss Michaels: But the law does.

Judge: No it does not.

Arliss Michaels: Let me ask you this Mr. Miller. Did you have fun at Jurassic Park?

Mr. Miller: It was the single most horrific experience of my life.

Arliss Michaels: Oh yeah? What about this? Exhibit B! I have footage of you and your loved ones at the park! Look at you all having a great time, posing for the camera and STOP STOP STOP STOP! That's enough footage. I think we get the idea.

Lawyer: Your honor, request permission to continue the video.

Arliss Michaels: Your honor, that would just be wasting time and-

Judge: Do it.

Arliss Michaels: Alright. Alright. Alright, I will. No problem. No big deal. Fine.

The video showed Mr. Miller and his family were having fun, when suddenly a large dinosaur came out from behind the trees and chomped down on one of his friends. Blood, carnage, and screaming ensued.

Arliss Michaels: Who even knows what is happening there! I mean really!

Judge: That is his friend getting eaten by a dinosaur. Sorry, I know I'm not supposed to weigh in, but it's obvious.

Mr. Miller: A T-Rex ate my friend like a tylenol! Swallowed whole, in one gulp!

Arliss Michaels: Objection your honor, that was NOT a T-Rex. The T-Rex is a good guy now, consistently saving the day! Sustained!

Judge: You don't get to say sustained!

Mr. Miller: One of those new genetic dudes you guys cooked up came into the picture and hell really broke loose.

Arliss Michaels: The Psychosaurus?

Mr. Miller: Why would they make a giant dinosaur like him?! It was too big and powerful to control!

Arliss Michaels: Like him? You called the Psychosaurus a 'dude?' And yet, we ALL know that all the dinosaurs on the island are made to be female! Your honor, the witness has lied under oath, I call for a mistrial! YES! I did it! His credibility is EXTINCT! Haha!

Judge: This was NOT a mistrial, and we'll now allow the jury to deliberate on-

Juror #1: We don't need to. We all just looked at each other and nodded. We find the defendant guilty. SO guilty!

Arliss Michaels: Well, I guess that's lunch then.

Lawyer: Is that a dinosaur egg?

Arliss Michaels: Well yes. You think this is OK to eat?

-

Ninten: I'm sure that the appeal is going to be uh…'something' to behold?

Ana: He's going to lose.

Ninten: You can't be too sure of-

Ana: I'm sure.

Ninten: Right. Well onto the next next appeal I guess? How many times can he appeal?

Ana: He's got a lot of money, so a lot of times. Plus, he's made it clear to the celebrities and politicians he knows that if something happens to him, a secret 'black book' is going to be released to the public, so he will not be getting killed, and we won't be told it was suicide.

Ninten: Well…that's a relief I guess? Especially after the recent scandal regarding Diddy Kong.

Ana: That's a timely reference to the day this was broadcast.

Ninten: Indeed. Indeed.

Backstage

World Champion Cade Yaggis was signing autographs, when he turned around thinking he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. A familiar glimpse of a lab coat. He ran after the figure and found him down a corridor.

Cade Yaggis: Dad! Dad, stop running!

Dr. Yaggis: You saw me huh?

Cade Yaggis: More than that. I felt you. I could tell you were close.

Dr. Yaggis: That's a family thing, it's in our blood….so to speak.

Cade Yaggis: You weren't going to tell me were you?

Dr. Yaggis: That I'm the human element of an interdimensional despot? No, I really wasn't going to son. You went through too much before. You were pulled near death, used as a puppet by Death itself, and then found your way into one bad situation after another. Your will was broken, and you felt your sacrifices were in vain. You were willing to die to stop "V", and even then you couldn't find the peace you were looking for inside. It was Hell for me to see you like that. When things…changed…I decided it would be better off if you didn't remember. You were happier in this life.

Cade Yaggis: Dad, I'm still happy. I'm doing great. I can overcome some bad memories. Whatever happened in the past doesn't define me. My lineage wouldn't define me either, if I was ashamed of it, but I'm not. You're not a bad person Dad. I'm sure Giygas wasn't at first, or George and Maria wouldn't have raised him. He was driven mad, but the humanity inside of him was strong enough that you exist, and because you chose love over evil, I exist. It's a weird story, but what ISN'T weird in EBW right? I love ya Dad.

Dr. Yaggis: ...I really needed to hear that. Thank you son. I love you too. I'm proud of what you've become. You're a pillar of EBW, and a hero, a bigger hero than you might even remember.

Cade Yaggis: I had a feeling it hasn't all come back. Don't suppose you want to tell me about it?

Dr. Yaggis: It's a lot to handle. Maybe some other time, when we have time to talk.

Cade Yaggis: We don't now?

Dr. Yaggis: I have a lot of work to do, but I wanted to see you as I was passing by. Besides, you have some…uh…company over there.

Cade Yaggis: Hmm?

Cade looked over to see Christy Angel looking over as him curiously.

Dr. Yaggis: I bet she's wondering what you're doing wasting time with your old man.

Cade Yaggis: Naaah. She's a sweetheart. I'm sure it's something nice.

Christy Angel: *to herself* Cade has got a really nice as-

Dr. Yaggis: Well son, have fun, but be careful. Keep an eye on Metal Rush. Something is coming.

Cade Yaggis: I could tell. I'm ready. Whatever happens, I'll handle it.

Dr. Yaggis: I know you will.

Machismo · 9/26/2024 6:13 am

Ted Pettentool: Ladies and gentlemen, freaks and geeks, it’s your boy Ted Pettentool back in action, bringing you all the juicy details from the most scandalous, the most spectacular, and the most sweaty tournament in the land—THE E1 CLIMAX! You want breakdowns? You want carnage? Oh, baby, do I have stories for you! Let’s dive into the Xcite and Havok blocks, where dreams are shattered and destinies are being rewritten faster than my alimony payments! We started the night with an unexpected sight, as Tack Angel, normally coming off the Angel Express, was now leaving the confines of a stretch limo!

Tack Angel: The Star Prince has arrived!

Ninten: Tack! Tack Angel, can I get a-

Tack Angel: That's Star Prince to you.

Ninten: Sorry….Star Prince.

Tack Angel: Better. Much better. I deserve to be called the Star Prince. After all, I'm your hero. I saved the world. Say "thank you Star Prince!"

Ninten: Uh….

Tack Angel: Say "THANK YOU STAR PRINCE!"

Ninten: THANK YOU STAR PRINCE!

Tack Angel: Good. What do you want?

Ninten: Really, we want some insight into this change, but at the moment I'd love to ask what happened to the Angel Express? What happened to Rick Shaw? He-

Tack Angel: What? He really tied everything together! He was useless! He was just a guy that drove a bus! Why act like he mattered? I hated that he was my driver. How dare he be anywhere NEAR me. I fired him, and I enjoyed every second of it. I dragged it out. The best part was when he said my dear old Dad would be oh so disappointed in me. Like I care what the man in the walls thinks! I've traded up! Beryl, my new hotness, my sweet sweet Queen deserves better, and so do I. I don't have the finances I once had because I let people walk all over me, but I'm going to get what belongs to me. For the moment, I'm going to travel in style, even if it cost me my meager savings. A Star Prince just deserves better. Swift is going to pay up if he wants to keep the draw on the road every week, plain and simple.

Tracy: How you have fallen from Heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn. You have been cast do-

Tack Angel: I know the verse. What do you want? Alimony? Not a chance. In fact, I'm going to be fighting you in court to get back what belongs to me. You want to get in my good graces again? Again, not a chance. You lied about me and you let the mullet wearing loser touch you. You're tainted goods. Geoff Garrett of all people. Trash begets trash.

Tracy: Heh. I just wanted to see you, in all your "Star Prince" glory once again. I know what you were. I know what you are. About time you took the mask off again. Can't wait to see you crash and burn again.

Tack Angel: And I can't wait for MY daughter to decimate you. She doesn't belong to you, and I think you know that. The mother was something ALSO taken from me. I'll be doing the taking from now on. In fact-

Tack grabbed Tracy and planted a big kiss on her. She didn't resist that much, as he pulled away.

Tack Angel: Yeah….you taste like gutter trash now.

Tracy: So you know? Tack, I'm sorry, I-

Tack Angel: You want forgiveness? Get religion. Oh wait….you did. Hahaha!

Tracy: Grrrr!

Ted Pettentool: Kicking things off, we had "Star Prince" Tack Angel, versus the hard-hitting Crimson Smasher himself, Takumi Inui. These two weren’t just dancing in the ring, oh no, this was a full-blown fight. The bell rang and Tack tried to assert dominance with a flurry of forearms. Inui, though, didn't back down and hit him with a spinning back kick that caught Tack off guard. After taking some body shots from Inui, he countered with a roundhouse kick to Inui's midsection, doubling him over. Now here comes the real power. Inui attempted to get back on offense with a snap suplex, but Tack broke free and whipped him into the corner. He charged in with a big corner knee strike, following it up with a stiff Hagen suplex—but Inui kicked out at two! Later, Inui fired back with a jumping knee strike and hit the ropes for a sling blade! Tack was reeling, but as Inui went high risk for his finisher, Tack flipped the switch, met him up on the ropes and WHAM! Tack then hit the WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver! Tack Angel with the pin, and that’s another 2 points in his cosmic journey! After the match, Tack grabbed a mic.

-

Tack Angel: Listen, before we go any further, I want to make something clear. That music they got playing me out. That's not my choice. I don't appreciate it. I don't want it. I've got my own song, and I have just the women to play it. My lovely Queen Beryl, the next EBW Women's Champion. Give 'em a taste my Dark Queen!

Tack Angel: Tack Angel: That's much better, don't you think? Doesn't really matter. You know...there was a time when your cheers actually meant something to me. When I thought you... simple-minded, backwater peasants had some kind of value. That your adoration mattered. But standing here, listening to your pathetic boos, I realize what a fool I was. Cheered on by hicks. Surrounded by the lowest common denominator—plebeian scum. I mean seriously, I gave my blood, sweat, and my TEARS to you people! I tolerated so much of what I didn't like for YOU! I was expected to be happy to be surrounded by mullet bedecked losers, and women who forgot their place, when standing next to the Star Prince. They exist to serve ME and service me, because I have appetites, oh you wouldn't believe my appetites. I had to pretend to be a shy nice guy that just wanted someone to hug me. Oh no, I'll *bleep* anything that moves. You people from the south—you peasants—have no idea what it's like to be royalty. To have power. To deserve power. You're beneath me. I'm sick of pandering to you, sick of pretending that your little chants, your little signs, your mindless support means anything. I don’t need your approval. I don’t need your cheers. I am a king—the King without a kingdom. A 5-Crown King. And unlike the last time, I will not be denied what I’m owed. As for my kingdom, it was incomplete. And a King without a cadre of queens is an incomplete man. You see, I’ve realized something... one queen? One queen is never enough to satisfy the dark urges of a true king like me. But now... thanks to Queen Beryl, I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted. Power. Control. Darkness. And Seiya Kou, you...you are nothing more than a footnote in my grand design. A flash in the pan, a pretender to my throne. Stay out of my way, or I’ll show you just how unforgiving a true king can be. I came back for one reason and one reason only—to finish what I started. I will finish this E1 Climax... undefeated. I will stand atop the mountain once again, and I will claim the prize that’s rightfully mine. And when I do, Bashin Dan...you will get the rude awakening that’s long overdue. You think you’re the golden boy? You think you’re untouchable? You’re no different than your old 'friends' from the last time I was 5-Crown King. And just like them, you will learn the hard way that I am inevitable. I am Tack Angel. The Star Prince. The King without a kingdom...but not for much longer.

-

Ted Pettentool: That was a wild start to the night, but we were only scratching the surface here, as then THIS happened, a rare glimpse of Void backstage, and some unexpected guests.

Backstage

Void was seen standing in wait for his match later in the show. The Lakitu was being careful not to be seen, as Void stood motionless, looking down at the floor. That was, until The Auditor appeared with Razorblade and-

The Auditor: There he is Ana. This is why I require your services!
Void: …..

Ana: You locked up Ninten, and grabbed me to read Void's mind?! You must be OUT of yours, because I can't see him. I can't envision him. His future is a mystery to me.

The Auditor: How interesting and exquisite. A truly chaotic element. If only he would have stayed under my employ! Well I simply must know who the man behind the mask is. You said that's not Derek Mach?

Ana: And it's not Hardcastle either. I don't know who it is!

Razorblade: Easy *bleep* you don't want to upset The Auditor. It's been too long since he's sliced into flesh, and you're looking quite supple.

Void: …If you touch her. You'll never get what you want. Go ahead Ana. You can approach me. You can read my thoughts. I won't bite.

Ana slowly approached Void and slowly stuck out her hand. She was hesitant to touch him, but finally made contact with his mask, and suddenly shot back in panic.

The Auditor: What did you see?

Ana: I-I-I don't…I don't know. Who….what are you?

Void: I'm immortal. What I am, will be resurrected time and time again. Into your nightmares….into your world, and if I decide it, I will reach up to drag you down.

Ana: Yikes.

The Auditor: Oh yes, I do enjoy a good mystery, especially one with a promising outcome. Perhaps you are my key to getting back to business after all. We'll see how the crazed KYO and the Edo phantom Karasu do against you.

Void: Line them up.

-

Ted Pettentool: Next up, we had The Fire himself, Rama Raju, squaring off against Mr. ‘I’m Finishing My Story’ Colby Roads. Roads, who’s been on a bit of a losing streak, started off hot—came in with that classic snap jab combo, followed by a disaster kick that nearly took Raju’s head off! But Raju’s tough as nails, and he shrugged it off like it’s nothing! Roads went for a swinging neckbreaker, but Raju countered with a lightning-quick enzuigiri to the back of the head. Colby was dazed, and Raju took advantage, lifting him up for a brainbuster, but Colby kicked out at 2.5! Colby struggled to get up and went for the Cross Roads, but Raju spun out of it and hooked him up! BAM! Burning Arrow! One, two, three! Colby Roads’ story might need a rewrite, because Raju’s just added another chapter to his own! Oh, this one was something special. Geoff Garrett, guitar enthusiast and wrestling veteran, faced off against the powerhouse Troy. Garrett started out with those stiff knife-edge chops, trying to bring Troy down to his level. Troy was having none of it and powered back with a series of shoulder blocks, rattling Garrett’s bones like an old guitar. Troy hoisted Garrett up for a stalling suplex, letting the blood rush to Garrett’s head before dropping him like a bad habit! Garrett barely kicked out, but he wasn't done yet. After ducking a clothesline attempt from Troy, Garrett fired back with his signature double knee gutbuster! Troy was down, and Garrett smelled blood in the water. He set up for his patented finisher, and WHAP! The Stroke! Garrett covered, and it was all over. This country boy just scored himself another 2 points However, as if Tack Angel hadn't involved himself enough in the night, he came out and hit Double G with a head kick, drawing the ire of the fans. They still couldn't believe that he was doing all of this until now, but the head kick on their beloved hero was the straw that broke the camel's back! That was crazy right, but-

Alison Chains: Hey! Tedster? Is it Havok time yet?

Ted Pettentool: Huh? No, it's still the Xcite recap. Why?

Alison Chains: You said I had to wait until the Havok portion if I needed something.

Ted Pettentool: I didn't expect you'd actually do that.

Alison Chains: And obviously I didn't. *cough cough*

Ted Pettentool: Oh no! You're coughing up blood!

Alison Chains: That's weird. I don't remember eating this much blood!

Ted Pettentool: Huh?

Alison Chains: Can I have some money please please please! I'll do that thing with my tongue and-

Ted Pettentool: Hey hey hey! Yes, you can have some money. Please, don't spend on anything illegal.

Alison Chains: I can't promise that! Thanks Daddy!

Ted Pettentool: *cough cough* Wait, you got it all wrong! I'm NOT her sugar daddy! Stop laughing Steve! I'm more like a…fructose father? No, that's terrible. I'm a glucose guardian! Yeah, that's it! That doesn't help does it? Let's move on! Oh boy, where do I even begin with this one? It’s like a reality show with wrestling! We’ve got Makoto Kino, Usagi Tsukino, and Seiya Kou on one side, going head-to-head with the sinister trio of Queen Beryl, Erica, and Mamoru Chiba. The match started with Seiya and Mamoru—oh, the tension! Seiya was throwing out those crisp dropkicks, trying to get under Chiba’s skin, but Mamoru countered with a spinning heel kick that nearly took Seiya’s head off! Tag to Erica, and she’s all over Usagi with a snapmare into a soccer kick to the back. The champ Makoto tagged in, and she was laying out lariats like it’s nobody’s business. She's got the reach for it. Tallest one in the ring! But just as things got heated, Beryl stepped in, and all chaos broke loose! Seiya was back in, trying to hit Star Serious Laser, but Mamoru ducked and BAM! He locked in the Moonlight Sonata—a brutal submission move that wrenches Seiya’s neck. The ref called for the bell, and Seiya’s out cold! Beryl, Erica, and Mamoru stood tall while the chaos continued to simmer. Main event time for Xcite! Dark versus darker in the E1 Climax. Void and KYO? Yeah, it was about as uplifting as an Edgar Allan Poe story. They started off trading stiff strikes—forearms that echoed through the arena like thunder. KYO tried to take the advantage with a Hell Claw chokehold, but Void powered out with a back elbow and followed it up with a quick snap Hagen suplex. Void woked over the monster sent to destroy him, while KYO threw everything out to fulfill his twisted mission. It was a monster mash, a real graveyard smash, and we're not even in October yet! Void was getting the advantage, but KYO wasn't done though—he hit a spinebuster so hard, I thought Void was going to become a permanent stain on the mat. KYO went for the kill with a Hell’s Hammer, but Void, ever the opportunist, flipped him over into a Chaos Theory! KYO’s head bounced off the mat like a basketball. One, two, three—it’s all Void, baby! Dude scares me, but I was also scared to see dark water dripping into the ring. Karasu was watching, and a showdown with the imported specter from Edo was inevitable. The show seemed to be over, but then we caught sight of Swift arguing on the phone with the EBW Board.

Swift's Office

Swift: Yeah you're *bleep*ing right things are out of control, but you don't need to be bothering me about it! It's the choices YOU'RE making! I'm not saying those chuckleheads Nerma and Tommy should've had the job, but are you SERIOUSLY thinking of making HIM the Boss of Havok! You won't let me just take control again?! I know you think conflict creates cash, but you're making a huge mistake. I wanted to beat Havok to bring it back into the fold, but NOW, I'm going to have to destroy it. Don't threaten to fire me! Don't you dare! You pull that trigger, and you'll have to remember you can't put the bullet back into the chamber! You do what you gotta do, and I'm going to do what I gotta do! *click* THIS JOB IS KILLING ME! SOMEONE GET ME SOME TABLES! AAAAAHHHH!!!!

EBW: Xcite "E1 Climax 2024"
Loves Arena, Valentine
ENN

1. E1 Xcite Block: Tack Angel[6] vs. Takumi Inui[4]
Winner: Tack Angel via WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. E1 Xcite Block: Rama Raju[4] vs. Colby Roads[0]
Winner: Rama Raju via Burning Arrow -> Pin -> 2 Points!

3. E1 Xcite Block: Geoff Garrett[2] vs. Troy[0]
Winner: Geoff Garrett via The Stroke -> Pin -> 2 Points!

4. Mixed 6 Tag: Makoto Kino/Usagi Tsukino/Seiya Kou vs. Queen Beryl/Erica/Mamoru Chiba
Winners: Queen Beryl/Erica/Mamoru Chiba[o] via Moonlight Sonata on Seiya Kou -> Referee Stoppage

5. E1 Xcite Block: Void[4] vs. KYO[4]
Winner: Void via Chaos Theory -> Pin -> 2 Points!

Ted Pettentool: The next episode of Havok was a shocker. I know we have to build each of these up like that, but this was seriously shocking. The ring announcer opened the show, and introduced to the Renegades in and out of the ring, the new Havok Boss…

Rufus Poochyfud: Well, well, well... looks like the inevitable has finally happened! Allow me to reintroduce myself—I am Rufus Poochyfud, and I’m not just the leader of the greatest faction in wrestling, Metal Rush—oh no, no, no—I am now the Boss of Havok. Yeah, that’s right, folks. I run this show now. So if you thought Havok was chaotic before? Buckle up, because things are about to get a whole lot more... metal. And let’s be real, who else could’ve possibly taken the reins? The EBW Board of Directors clearly knew what they were doing. You need someone with vision, someone with charisma, someone with the guts to revolutionize this brand, and no one fits the bill quite like yours truly. Now, I know what you’re all thinking. 'Rufus, how can you lead Havok when you’re also leading Metal Rush?' Simple. I am Metal Rush. Metal Rush is Havok now. We’ve already started a revolution, and this... this is just the next step in our complete domination of this brand. From here on out, Havok will be our playground, our kingdom, our empire. You think you’ve seen chaos? You haven’t seen anything yet. See, the Metal Rush revolution isn’t just a flash in the pan. It’s not some passing fad. This is a movement. And now, with me in charge of Havok, it’s going to sweep through every inch of this brand until we’ve taken control of it all. Every match, every title, every corner of this roster? All under the Metal Rush banner. But I’m not stopping there. Oh no, no, no. Havok is just the beginning, people. Because once I’ve turned this place into my personal masterpiece, once Metal Rush controls every inch of Havok... I’m turning my attention to Xcite. That’s right, Swift, I know you’re watching this. I see the fear in your eyes every time you step into that ring, knowing that I’m waiting in the wings. You’ve seen what I can do before, and deep down, you know what’s coming. I owned this company once. I ran EBW from the top, and I’ll do it again. You can try and stop me, Swift. You can rally your troops, put up your little defenses, but it’s inevitable. I’m inevitable. So get used to it, folks. Havok is mine. And when I’m done conquering Havok, Xcite is next. Whether you like it or not, Rufus Poochyfud will rise again. You don’t have to like it, but you will have to accept it. THE POOCH IS LOOSE! AHAHAHAHA! Oh! Oh, one more thing! I'm making a declaration. Tonight, is where the dreams of one Trevor Mach come to an end. Your idea of what wrestling is, and my idea of what wrestling is are two different things, and unlike before, you're not ousting me to take over as President. We're not playing that game again. You have until the end of the night to disband Blood 4 Blood and join Metal Rush. Shake the hand of Ness and tell him it's over. If you don't, I'm not going to fire you. I'm going to fire everyone around you. I'm going to fire everyone you care about. I'll boot them out of the door. You have until the end of the night! Tick tock tick tock!

-

Ted Pettentool: So yeah, it was a brave new world for Havok, and Metal Rush was suddenly in charge. The reactions from the locker room were mixed. Guys like Boz couldn't be reached for comment, while Zyro-K had some unsavory things to say about the situation. Elsewhere…

Metal Rush Locker Room

Paula and Ness were standing with a confused Amigo.

Amigo: So let me get this straight. You want me to take a fall?

Ness: !!!

Paula: Don't look at it that way. We need to get Ness back to his winning ways. You'll take a minor hit, for a big boost, and a large financial compensation.

Amigo: I do love money.

Ness waved off the idea.

Paula: Amigo, give us the room please.

Amigo: Sure, I'll just be deciding what I spend my bonus on.

Paula: Ness, you've been keeping your mind shielded from me since you took that time off. Are you well?

Ness: *nods*

Paula: I'm sure you enjoyed the time spent with Will, but our son can't grow up in the world the way it is. We need to finish this mission. We need to take over Havok, then Xcite. With EBW in our possession, Schala can complete her mission.

Ness: …

Paula: The reason she came back from the Darkness Beyond Time.

Ness: …

Paula: We have to do the right thing. You've been made a pariah. You've been made a joke. Now, you get to be the true hero you once were. We need to make the right decisions. You know what to do.

Paula continued to get ready while Ness stepped out of the locker room. He found a familiar face waiting in the hallway.

Trevor Mach: I have a suspicion about you.

Ness: !!!

Trevor Mach: Relax Nestor, I'm not here to fight you, unless that's what you want, but I get the feeling you don't want that anymore. Ever since I've gotten mixed up in all the shenanigans in EBW, I've had an instinct about certain things, and I get the feeling you didn't come back the same. Your match with Cade. The big encounter, it changed you. You snapped out of it, didn't you?

Ness: …..

Trevor Mach: Whatever is going on with Metal Rush and the mind games, you got your wits about you again, but you don't know what to do about it. You've got Paula in your ear, and I know she's your wife, but I think we both know that something strange is going on there. I wish you could tell me about it, but in the meantime, I think it's time you plant your flag, and show me where you stand. Look dude, I know we haven't always been on the best terms. I strolled in and I made my mark at your expense. It happened, I did that. That's the name of the game in wrestling, but I always respected you. You inspired me to fight. You inspired me to be a good guy. You lit up my brain with an endless fount of creativity. You're the reason this is all happening right now. I respect you Ness. It's about time you respect yourself again. If you hear what I'm saying to you, then I've got a plan that'll work out for both of us. This war just changed, and it's time we change with it…

-

Ted Pettentool: The once boy wonder Ness was down on his luck, but this time? Oh, he came out swinging—literally! Amigo was ready to play dead, but Ness seemed to imply to Amigo that he wanted him to fight, and the surprised Amigo was happy to oblige. Amigo, the ever-dangerous technical mastermind, went for an early arm wrench and a series of arm drags, trying to keep Ness grounded. But Ness fought back with a barrage of PK Thunder shots, hitting Amigo from all angles. Amigo tried for a triangle choke, but Ness scrambled out of it and nailed a PK Fire that sent Amigo into the corner. Ness wasn’t playing around. He hit that PK Rockin’ with everything he had, pinning Amigo in the center of the ring for the win. A hard-fought victory for Ness, who seemed all fired up! The Lady Renegades were in action next, as a perturbed Paula led her team to the ring. This match was as wild as a stampede! Rhea Rampage lived up to her name, but first, World Champion Wendy Mustang opened with some classic hip tosses and a drop toe hold on Darkness Aoi. Heather Mach came in like a freight train, dishing out stiff suplexes left and right. Lainey Strong hit a beautiful springboard clothesline on Paula, but the match shifted when Rhea Rampage tagged in. Aoi tried to put up a fight with a roundhouse kick, but Rhea hit her with a devastating powerbomb. And then came the Riptide on Aoi—BOOM! Aoi’s down, Rhea’s on top, and the Renegades walked away with the victory, BUT it wasn't over yet.

-

Paula: Surely you realize by now, that that's not how this is going to work anymore ladies. Rhea, since you feel the need to get involved in our business so much, and because Judas Wolf wants to take a bite so badly, I'm demanding you get back in this ring to face her!

-

Ted Pettentool: It seems that with Metal Rush in charge, a win for the opposition wasn't going to go down smoothly. Rhea and Heather locked up in a heated grudge match. Paula demanded that the ringside area be cleared, but she stuck around and helped Heather, telling the ref to look away and "let it go". It feels like 2000 here! Rhea was against the ropes, and despite being a taller and stronger athlete, that hungry Judas Wolf was out for blood, and hit the Machbuster Double Knee for the pin. After the match though, Ripper Jane appeared and actually chased after Heather and Paula. Still trying to figure her out. I-

Ripper Jane: You want to know? All you had to do was ask. AHAHAHAHA!

Ted Pettentool: OH CRAP! IT'S RIPPER JANE!

Ripper Jane: Look at me. Look at me. I SAID LOOK AT ME! You need to understand something very clearly. You don't understand me. You'll never get for one second what I've got going on up here. I'd show you, but I can only pull out SO MUCH of my hair, before I bleed too much. HAHAHA!

Ted Pettentool: ….

Ripper Jane: You're cute…I like you. I might eat you up later, but you want to know about me? It's simple. I just want to hurt people. I don't care which side I'm on. However, THEY would have left me to explode. Hope Mach did not. Plus, how FUNNY is it that I'm working with a Mach? I think it's HILARIOUS! MAYBE…she'll put in a good word for me with her Daddy? Hahaha!

Ted Pettentool: …I'm sure a magnet for the strange ones aren't I? Well, folks, this next one was personal. You could feel the tension in the air the moment Crono and Magus stepped into the ring. It’s like watching a family reunion, if your family settled their differences with fists and scythes. Magus was all business from the start. He avoided Crono’s early offense with his slippery, methodical style, setting him up for some heavy groundwork. After a few stiff Euroland uppercuts and a snap suplex, Magus went for his signature Scythe, slicing through Crono’s defenses like a hot knife through butter. But Crono wasn’t about to go down without a fight! He fired back with some of those spinning kicks that had the crowd on its feet. For a moment, it seemed like Crono was ready to put Magus away. But Magus had other plans. He pulled out the Dark Matter Drop—yes, folks, a nasty maneuver, straight from the depths of... wherever Magus gets his moves from. That was all it took to put Crono down for the 1-2-3. Magus picks up a huge win and 2 points in a match that could have swung either way, and the first loss for Crono in the tournament. He rolled out of the ring stunned and a little taken aback until Schala appeared to calm him down. She escorted him to the back while Magus stood tall with the W! After the match, Schala and Crono found a contemplative Ness in the hallway.

Backstage

Schala: Ness, there you are. We have been worried about you. We were told you came into contact with Trevor Mach. Fear not. By the end of the night, he will be just one man without anyone to back him up. Today is a day of celebration, for we're a large step closer in reaching our dreams, the dreams that I brought you all. Stay the course, and we'll save the world for your family….for little Will. Don't lose focus on what must be done.

Ness: …..

-

Ted Pettentool: Next up, we had the charismatic powerhouse Zyro Kurogane against the unpredictable baller, Jammer. This one was a chess match, with Zyro using his apt technique to keep Jammer at bay early on. Zyro hit Jammer with a crisp snap Hagen suplex, followed by a sequence of arm drags and technical submissions to weaken Jammer’s limbs for Straight Jacket. Jammer, in classic fashion, used his street baller background to muscle his way out of Zyro’s holds. He landed a stiff running clothesline that nearly decapitated Zyro, followed by a spinebuster that had the crowd gasping! Jammer went for the Slam Jam, but Zyro-K was playing possum, and kipped up and out of the way. Then it was time for the finisher. Zyro locked Jammer in the Straight Jacket Hagen, wrenching the life out of him with an iron grip before taking him to the mat. Zyro takes the win, keeping his momentum alive in this E1 tournament.

Locker Room

Subculture punched his locker while Picky paced back and forth. Little Mac sat calmly, thinking of a plan, while Cade Yaggis tried to fire them up.

Cade Yaggis: Guys, I know this looks bad, but Trevor said he had a plan.

Subculture: They want to disband Blood 4 Blood! They want to just take over and finish us off! Plan or no plan, I want to bust some skulls! Cade, you're newer to this, but I've been through this crap before, and so has Little Mac and Picky!

Little Mac: We've even been responsible for it sometimes.

Subculture: Don't bring that up! I'm a hungry street dog. You can take me off the street, but the street will always be with me, and right now I'm wanting to unleash a little street justice on Metal Rush and Rufus Poochyfud!

Picky Minch: We have a match right now. What are we waiting for? You going to lead us out champ?

Cade Yaggis: Of course I will. Just remember, whatever they have planned, we'll come back with something of our own. I know everyone was looking at me on this one. I'm supposed to carry the torch. I'm supposed to lead the way. I am doing that, by trusting that Trevor's got the solution. That's a crazy wild chance I'm taking, but it was my decision to make. Let's go out there, and see who Metal Rush have in store for us to fight.

-

Ted Pettentool: Now this one had a mystery partner, and boy, did we get a surprise! Out came none other than the returning Poo! Yeah, you heard that right! Poo made his grand return! Hold the applause! The villainous Prince of Dalaam was back with a vengeance for in ring action. The match itself was a frenetic back-and-forth. Subculture and Generator opened things up with a classic power vs. speed exchange, Subculture using his bulk to knock Generator around while Generator darted and weaved, hitting quick jabs and leaping hurricanranas. Cade Yaggis brought the brute force, leveling Hotlanta with a sidewalk slam that shook the ring, but the ever-clever Hotlanta used his strength to keep from being pinned. The turning point? Poo. He got the tag, and the crowd exploded. Poo came in like a house on fire, nailing Picky Minch with a flying elbow and dishing out devastating strikes all around. The final blow came when he hit Subculture with the Starstorm OMEGA, a brutal flurry of energy-infused blows, putting him down for the three count. A tough loss of the Blood 4 Blood on what looked to be their final night as a team. The new Havok mandated it. If they remained together, they'd all be out of the job. How would that turn out? Stay tuned on that one, cause it's time we cover the MAIN EVENT! Trevor Mach squaring off against Firebrand X, the man with a fire burning as hot as his name, in a very important bout in the E1 Climax Tournament! This would seem like a clash of styles, but people often forget Firebrand's entrance into EBW as THE hybrid fighter, and that was on display here. Mach, the relentless striker, came out guns blazing, hitting Firebrand with a flurry of knees and elbows that had the masked man stumbling. Firebrand, not to be outdone, fought back with a series of fiery kicks and a perfect enzuigiri that rocked Mach’s head back. You could tell both men were ready to leave it all in the ring. Mid-match, Firebrand had Mach locked in a brutal triangle choke, but Mach powered out with raw strength, transitioning into a Knee Trigger off the ropes that nearly sent Firebrand into next week. The crowd erupted as Mach locked in the Bulldog Choke, wrenching Firebrand’s neck. Firebrand X fought hard to break free, but the hold was locked in tight. Referee stoppage! Firebrand’s lights were out, and Trevor Mach picked up 2 points in a hard-fought contest. Trevor's celebration was short-lived though, as Rufus Poochyfud made his way onto the stage.

-

Rufus Poochyfud: It's time Trevor! The clock has struck the hour, and now you have to make a choice. Are you willing to become a member of the silver and black attack, or will your ego really cost you the jobs and livelihoods of everyone you care about?

Trevor Mach: That's quite the mandate to drop on me in one night. All of this feels sudden, but you were counting on that….when you tipped off the feds about "The Rumble" am I right?

Rufus Poochyfud: When did you become a detective Trevor?

Trevor Mach: I don't have to be a detective to know that you're backstabber. Always have been, and always will be. Once you got what you needed you were ready to pull the trigger. You didn't like the Boss being a neutral party. I respected it. You? You're gonna make this easy though, because I have an affinity for smashing corrupt as- *dollar in the swear jar* buttheads like you!

Rufus Poochyfud: So, you're ready for me to prove that I'm willing to back it up? I don't care to fire every single non-Metal Rush person on the roster if I have to. I have that power now. I'll destroy this brand and rebuild it with my own hands if I have to! Do NOT test me Mach! I've waited too long to get back to where I am! I took control! I will wield that power! What is it going to be!

Trevor Mach: ….Bring Ness out here.

Rufus Poochyfud: Hahaha! You got it!

Everyone was watching with bated breath as Trevor stood in the middle of the ring. Ness came down with Poo and Crono at his side, the elite of the Metal Rush faction.

Poo: Oh, I have been waiting for this! I had to come back for this night, so I could see the look on your face when you saw Blood 4 Blood dismantled, and you couldn't do anything about it. Your close little team. Your tight knit unit. I've hated it for so long. It's OVER. You're done! Now, you're one of us. Now, you're gonna step on through….to the other side.

Trevor Mach: Ness….it's time to make that choice.

Ness: …..

Poo: Hey, Ness, don't need to think about a thing! He's Metal Rush all the way. He CREATED Metal Rush. He's the founder. Where he goes, Metal Rush goes, and we're going straight to the top! All out conquest, and YOU get to help! So here you go Trevor. Shake his hand, and put on this t-shirt, or that idiot Subculture never gets the Television Championship shot he earned against Boomtown. He won't get the chance cause he'll be FIRED! Cade Yaggis will have to vacate the World Championship. His legacy will be ended by you! Picky? Gone! Little Mac DONE! Hope Mach can become my little deaf concubine when the money runs out.

Trevor Mach: Heh…it's hard to forgive you Poo. It's really really difficult. I'm only a man. I have my limits. Don't push me.

Poo: SHAKE…his hand, and put on the shirt….like the whipped and beaten dog you are.

Trevor Mach: I'll shake his hand. I'm shaking it. Look, here I go.

Trevor and Ness shook hands, both men staring at each other as they did.

Poo: Step one is done! Good man! You're really maturing Trevor, I must say. One last element. Put….on….the….shirt.

Trevor Mach: Thanks for the offer, but I've got my own.

Trevor ripped his Blood 4 Blood shirt in half to reveal a new kind of Metal Rush shirt. Not a silver and black one, but a black, red, and silver one. Poo and Crono were confused, but then Ness ripped his shirt off, and had the same shirt underneath. The Renegades went wild, as the roar of the crowd nearly took the roof off the place. Trevor attacked Poo, while Ness attacked Crono. They cleared the ring and stood side by side, sharing another handshake as Trevor grabbed a mic.

Trevor Mach: You wanted me to shake his hand, well here you go! You wanted Blood 4 Blood dead, well you've got it! You wanted me to join Metal Rush? I just did, but NOT YOU'RE Metal Rush! This Metal Rush is a Metalbound Brotherhood you might say! Oh, you look mad Rufus. You look so mad. I can't wait to say this then. I've been waiting YEARS to say this line. It's time for YOU to FEEL! THE! RUSH! YEAAAHAHAHA!!!

EBW: 3-Hour Havok "E1 Climax 2024"
Howlers Gymnasium, South Town
ENT

1. E1 Havok Block: Ness[0] vs. Amigo[2]
Winner: Ness via PK Rockin' -> Pin -> 2 Points!

2. Lady Renegades 6-Woman Tag: Wendy Mustang/Lainey Strong/Rhea Rampage vs. Paula/Darkness Aoi/Heather Mach
Winners: Wendy Mustang/Lainey Strong/Rhea Rampage[o] via Riptide on Darkness Aoi -> Pin

3. Lady Renegades Singles: Heather Mach vs. Rhea Rampage
Winner: Heather Mach via Machbuster -> Pin

4. E1 Havok Block: Crono[6] vs. Magus[1]
Winner: Magus via Scythe x Dark Matter Drop -> Pin -> 2 Points!

5. E1 Havok Block: Zyro Kurogane[6] vs. Jammer[3]
Winner: Zyro Kurogane via Straight Jacket Hagen -> Pin -> 2 Points!

6. 6-Man Tag: Cade Yaggis/Subculture/Picky Minch vs. Hotlanta/Generator/?
Winners: Poo[o]/Hotlanta/Generator via Starstorm OMEGA on Subculture -> Pin

7. E1 Havok Block: Trevor Mach[3] vs. Firebrand X[3]
Winner: Trevor Mach via Knee Trigger x Bulldog Choke -> Referee Stoppage -> 2 Points!

Ted Pettentool: I know after that INSANE ending to Havok, you're probably exhausted, but stick around, because I have a stormy recap of "The Storm"! We hit Twoson Park hard with a night of unexpected twists, explosive action, and the crowning of a champion who’s as high-flying as they come. Let’s dive into the chaos, shall we? We kicked things off with a fast-paced battle in the CXJ Division. Fray Tiburon and Johnny Starbound—two of the quickest, most agile guys in the division—put on a clinic of high-flying, hard-hitting action. The ego crazy Johnny Starbound tried to live up to his name with a meteoric rise in this match, hitting a springboard crossbody early on that sent Tiburon crashing to the mat. But Fray Tiburon, as slippery as the sea creature he’s named after, bounced back quickly. A barrage of quick strikes and counters had Starbound reeling. After dodging a 450 splash attempt, Tiburon capitalized with a vicious Brainbuster that rattled Starbound’s senses and sealed the deal with a clean 1-2-3. Next up, we had the Weekend Wrecking Crew tag team of Xcite Champion Magnum PT and Point Man squaring off against LG Rod and Randy no Kachi of The Story. Magnum PT and Point Man had the upper hand for most of the match, keeping LG Rod isolated with a series of quick tags and textbook tag team tactics—double back suplexes, arm wringers, and corner splashes that kept the fans on the edge of their seats. Randy no Kachi eventually got the tag, and that’s when things went off the rails. As Randy no Kachi began to mount a comeback, frustration boiled over. In a shocking turn of events, CP Munk entered the ring and blasted Magnum PT with a low blow! The referee didn’t miss it and immediately called for the bell. A disqualification, folks! Magnum PT and Point Man take the victory, but you can bet they won’t be happy about how they won. I have to wonder if a certain self proclaimed Prince didn't have a hand in that. The highlight of the night—the CXJ Championship match closed the show! El Hijo Del Kiva, the reigning champ, faced off against Flying Man, the fan favorite from 3'dPW. The question on everyone's mind: could Flying Man finally soar to the top? After all, we don't know much about Kiva's son except for the fact that his Dad 'made a violin' with his Mom? I don't know what that means. From the opening bell, it was clear these two were evenly matched. El Hijo Del Kiva’s dazzling speed and precision were met with Flying Man’s agility and unpredictability. Both men took to the skies, with Flying Man hitting a corkscrew plancha that sent Kiva crashing into the barricade. But Kiva, the consummate champion, wasn’t about to be outdone. After avoiding a Flying Elbow attempt, Kiva climbed to the top turnbuckle and delivered his signature Kiva Dive—a perfectly executed top-rope splash that left Flying Man gasping for air. Kiva hooked the leg, and it was all over. Another successful title defense for the high-flying CXJ champion!

EBW: The Storm[Xcite Control]
Twoson Park, Twoson
ENN

1. CXJ Division Singles: Fray Tiburon vs. Johnny Starbound
Winner: Fray Tiburon via Brainbuster -> Pin

2. Tag: Magnum PT/Point Man vs. LG Rod/Randy no Kachi
Winners: Magnum PT/Point Man via DQ

3. CXJ Championship: El Hijo Del Kiva(c) vs. Flying Man<3'dPW>
Winner: El Hijo Del Kiva via Kiva Dive -> Pin -> Title Defense!

Ted Pettentool: Another wild week in the world of EBW eh? It just keeps heating up! The E1 Climax will rage on, and I'll be right here to cover it, so we'll leave you with the current E1 Standings, and we'll see you next time!

E1 Standings

Xcite Block

1. Tack Angel - 8 Points
2. Void - 6 Points
2. Rama Raju - 6 Points
3. Takumi Inui - 4 Points
3. KYO - 4 Points
3. Geoff Garrett - 4 Points
4. Troy - 0 Points
4. Colby Roads - 0 Points

Havok Block

1. Zyro Kurogane - 8 Points
2. Crono - 6 Points
3. Trevor Mach - 5 Points
4. Jammer - 3 Points
4. Firebrand X - 3 Points
4. Magus - 3 Points
5. Amigo - 2 Points
5. Ness - 2 Points

The Mach Farm

Tali rolled her wheelchair to the door, as she heard Trevor come home after a long week in the E1 Climax. She seemed to have plans in store for him, until she saw that he wasn't alone.

Tali Mach: …Can't say I expected this. The company you keep.

Trevor Mach: Hi honey.

Tali Mach: Trevor, what is Ness doing here?

Trevor Mach: Well, you probably saw what happened on Havok?

Tali Mach: You kidding? I've been watching that sucker punch you gave to Poo on repeat!

Trevor Mach: Well, I basically told Ness to trust me on making a big move that has all but ruined his chances of going home right now. I thought he could stay here until we sort this all out.

Tali Mach: …Trevor…can I see you in the other room please? No offense Ness, but I just don’t want to talk to you or be around you at the moment.

Trevor Mach: How can he NOT take offense to- WHOA!

Tali pushed him into the kitchen, and shut the door behind her as she made her way in.

Trevor Mach: Hey now, I just-

Tali Mach: I had plans for you Trevor Mach.

Trevor Mach: Eh?

Tali Mach: You've been working hard. You've been making smart moves. You sucker punched Poo. That earned you Tali sexy time. But now?! I'm going to need a good reason not to blow a gasket!

Trevor Mach: Um…we did sort of screw up his house on more than one occasion, and this could be a way to make up for it?

Tali Mach: WRONG! You're assuming I feel bad about that. That *bleep* was hilarious! You better have something better, or you and the mute with the bat can go sleep in the barn and I'll make sure that-

Trevor Mach: It made Paula mad!

Tali Mach: I-what?

Trevor Mach: Paula was mad.

Tali Mach: You made Paula mad?

Trevor Mach: Yeah.

Tali Mach: How mad?

Trevor Mach: Really mad.

Tali Mach: O-oh yeah?

Trevor Mach: Yeah. So super mad! She was livid.

Tali Mach: ….

Trevor Mach: Tali? Are you alright? Your eyes are rolling into the back of your head?

Tali Mach: Just having the closest thing to an orgasm I'm capable of.

Trevor Mach: From spite? I don't know if that's healthy and-

Tali Mach: Take your pants off.

Trevor Mach: Huh? What are you doing down the- Oh! At least you're not blowing a gasket. Of all the ways for this argument to go, this was easily the best!

Last edited by Machismo (9/27/2024 1:13 am)

Index
» Strong Style Forever
» EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

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Re: EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

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Index
» Strong Style Forever
» EBW - Earthbound Wrestling Part 2

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