The E-1 Tag Team Climax rolled on through X-perience this week with yet another great show with some top notch matches and a few big surprises. The show opened up with an unscheduled bout between Fuel and Masu Rao. These two were on the same team during the second season of The Ultimate EBW so they each other pretty well. Fuel's been climibing up the latter very quickly since winning TUE and scored another big win over the strong stylist Masu Rao after hitting the Firestarter. Masu has been consistent and reliable since joining EBW but he needs to step it up and get some big wins if he wants to get noticed.

Next up it was time for E-1 Tag Team action! This was an all outsider match pitting P+P's Flying Elivses against the EBW Rejects Chicken Man and Retro Hippie. The Flying Elvises were on top of their game and but on their best match to date in EBW. The high flying skills of Costello were especially impressive and he won the match by hitting his For the Stars Moonsault on Retro Hippie. The EBW Rejects are rejects for a reason but they put up a fight. The Flying Elvises were just much better and scored their first 2 points in the tourney.



Another all outsider tag match ended with another FTW loss. This time it was the ladies as Toadstool and Daisy of MKPW took on FTW Rangers Pink and Yellow. The Prinesses have acting alot more like.....well princesses in this tourney then wrestlers but they stepped up their game this time. The FTW Rangers did alot of strange poses and whatnot....very strange. It's still surprising that the Princesses can wrestle in dresses but sure enough they did. It was another surprise when Toadstool lifted up FTW Ranger Yellow and dropped with a Parasol Powerbomb. Team MKPW makes it out the scoreboard.

Before the next match, Nerdler caught up with the tag champs Brawler SWIFT and Tanooki W00t backstage.



Nerdler: Nerdler here with SWIFT and W00t as they are preparing for their upcoming battle with the Guapo Brothers of P+P. I'd like to take this time to pimp out my new show and mention that these two will be on the next episode to talk about how they teamed up. Plus we'll hear about the movie SWIFT Fury! I would be joined by the other members of Nerd Squad but they haven't been bailed out of jail yet.

Tanooki W00t: Well serves em right for trying to be perverted voyers. Hey how come you aren't in jail with em?

Nerdler: .....my mother bailed me out. But that's not important. What is important is that you two have a big match tonight. Winning this will ensure that you retain the lead in Block A over Trevor and Ness. I'm assuming you're prepared but where are your tag title belts?

Brawler SWIFT: We're not bringing em out tonight. It's not about flashiness and gimmicks right now. It's about being serious focusing on this match. We're dead serious for this.

Tanooki W00t: Right!

Brawler SWIFT: Ummm....W00t?

Tanooki W00t: Yeah buddy!?

Brawler SWIFT: What's with the beard?

Tanooki W00t: Well....you grew a beard so I thought I would too. Isn't it badass?

Brawler SWIFT: First off it's fake... *rip*

Tanooki W00t: Ouch!

Brawler SWIFT: Secondly we're supposed to be focused on the match tonight! Damnit what happened to the heelish dick W00t? I could use him tonight. Always had a trick up his sleeve. Come on let's go kick some Guapo ass!

Tanooki W00t: He wants to see some tricks eh? I'll show him that Tanooki W00t has plenty of tricks.

Nerdler: Who are you talking to?

Tanooki W00t: Them....the people read....watching right now. I'm foreshadowing something that is going to happen during our match.

Nerdler: Oh.

The tag champs were up next as they battled P+P's Guapo Brothers. It was technical and brawler versus lucha libre. The wide range of styles alone made this an interesting contest but how it ended was even more interesting. The Guapos had just been thwarted from pulling off a few dirty tricks when SWIFT headbutted Billy and superkicked Rocky. That's when the legal man W00t jumped to the top turnbuckle and jumped into the air. Then all of a sudden he was engulfed in a puff of smoke and turned into a W00t statue! The statue came crashing down on Rocky and the weight prevented him from escaping the pin. 1-2-3 and Statue W00t wins the match for his team! Even SWIFT was shocked by this turn of events, but like W00t said he had plenty of tricks up his sleeve. The ability to turn into a statue comes with the Tanooki Suit. W00t turned back to normal with a smug smirk on his face that reminded fans of the old W00t. As Nerdler tried to interview W00t on his new ability all he would say is the name of his new finisher. The Splash that Rocks your World!



The feud between EBW's factions has spilled over into the E-1. This was made evident on the last show as S.T.U and Iron Mafia cost each other their tourney matches. Now add ChaotiX into the equation and this next match was all out war. Viewtiful Trevor and Ness battled Franky and Shark #1 of S.T.U. Of course Iron Mafia was looking on but so was the rest of the S.T.U faction. Even M's and Paula came out to join the brawling outside the ring. M's lunged off the stage onto Tracy and Val as they were closing in on Sharkette. Now through all of this a match was taking place in the ring. Strong Style was the name of the game as the 4 fighters exchanged hard hitting kicks and strikes. It was an exciting and even fight until Don Poo taunted Franky out of the ring and the two heated rivals brawled. As this was going on Trevor hit the Busaiku Knee Kick on Shark #1. Then he and Ness decided who was going to finish him off. After a tied game of Rock Paper Sisscors they decided....why not both. They both climbed up seperate ring posts and dropped a couple of elbow drops before Ness got the pin and the win. After the match Trevor and Ness immediately jumped out of the ring onto the brawling Don Poo and Franky. Security had to come out to break it all up. The rivalry between Franky and Don Poo is costing them both points in the E-1. Not much time left for them to put it all aside and score more points.



The E-1 matches were done for the night but we still had two huge matches. First four of EBW's best fighters would duke it out to detirmine the #1 contender for Danny Leung's 2nd Belt Championship. We already knew that the first three fighters would be former tag partners CP Munk and Tack Angel as well as their mutual rival the veteran Captain Strong. But the 4th participant came as a big shock....The Great KYO! This would be KYO's first match since the loss of both his titles that sent him over the edge and on a hunt for Masked Lanta. This prompted Danny Leung and Nani to come out and watch from the entrance. The action was nonstop and the fans were into it. KYO was especially brutal and at times the three other fighters had to team up to subdue him. But tonight he couldn't be stopped and put down CP Munk with a Cradle Piledriver to win the match. Afterwards he simply stared at Danny for awhile with a cold stare and a big grin. Then Masked Lanta's mask appeared on the screen. This cause KYO to laugh maniacally and run through the crowd to the back. The hunt continues for Masked Lanta and Danny's issues with KYO are just beginning.



The main event was big for many reasons. One was because it was an interpromotional match between the allies EBW and P+P. But also because it was for the prestigious EBW C-X-J Championship. This was the biggest match in Rey Dorado's career to date. He was joined by the chairmen of P+P and the Flying Elvises. Generator was also joined by the fighters of the C-X-J division. This one really had a big deal feel to it. Generator was taking this very seriously as Rey Dorado has done nothing but impress since making his excursions to EBW. This was easily the match of the night, and it showed the full potential of the C-X-J Division. High flying, hard hitting, and chain wrestling. Anything one of these guys could do the other matched. Rey's adaptation to the 8-sided ring was complete and he used to for some very impressive manuveurs. Generator was at the the top of his game and fought like he did back during his wars with HOT. After a long fight with alot of near falls it was still evenly matched. Shadow, Given, and HOT appeared at the entrance to watch the conclusion of the battle. Generator and Rey traded strikes in the middle of the ring as the crowd cheered them both on. Generator was limping at this point from a dropkick to the knee by Rey earlier in the match and it was at this point that it finally gave out on him and allowed Rey Dorado to scoop up the champ and drop him with a suplex before climing the ropes and hitting his Full Circle finisher! The fans went crazy as they wanted Rey to get the pin but they also wanted Generator to kick out. Well the latter happened and Generator kicked out but Rey once again climbed the ropes and hit another Full Circle! 1-2-3 and Rey Dorado is the NEW EBW C-X-J Champion! The rising star of Power Play Wrestling has become a supernova by breaking the generational wall and claiming the prestigious C-X-J Championship! The fans were on fire for the win but they also applauded Generator for never giving up even when his knee was injured. Shadow was visibly upset and stormed backstage. Fuel helped Generator to his feet and they both shook hands with the new champion! The title was now in the hands of P+P. Normally this would be a troubling thing but since P+P is the close ally of EBW we are happy that they are reaching the next level with this big win. The show ended with Generator placing the C-X-J Championship around the waist of the new champ Rey Dorado!



EBW: X-perience (E-1 Tag Team Climax)
Onett Community Center
BTV!/MN-4

0. Fuel beat Masu Rao (12:57) with the Firestarter.
1. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Presley/Costello(2) beat Retro Hippie/Chicken Man(0) (10:49) when Costello hit the For the Stars Moonsault on Retro Hippie.
2. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Block B
Toadstool/Daisy(2) beat FTW Ranger Pink/FTW Ranger Yellow(0) (8:18) when Toadstool hit the Parasol Powerbomb on FTW Ranger Yellow.
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t(6) beat Rocky Guapo/Billy Guapo(0) (14:03) when W00t hit The Splash that Rocks your World on Rocky Guapo.
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Viewtiful Trevor/Ness(5) beat Franky/Shark #1(2) (18:55) when Ness hit the Elbow Drop on Shark #1.
5. EBW 2nd Belt Championship #1 Contender Match
The Great KYO beat Tack Angle, CP Munk, and Captain Strong (13:16) when KYO hit a Cradle Piledriver on CP Munk.
6. EBW C-X-J Championship
Rey Dorado beat Generator(c) (20:03) with the Full Circle to become the 11th EBW C-X-J Champion!

Block A

Team ChaotiX - Viewtiful Trevor/Ness (5)
Team S.T.U - Franky/Shark #1 (2)
Team Pokey - King Pokey/Orange Kid (1)
Team MKPW - Mario/Luigi (0)
Team Guapo (P+P) - Billy Guapo/Rocky Guapo (0)
Team Swiftanooki - Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t (6)

Block B

Team Legend - Little Mac/Master Lu (4)
Team Iron Mafia - Poo/Rude (2)
Team CTW - Chrono/Magus (2)
Team FTW - Retro Hippie/Chicken Man (0)
Team Flying Elvis (P+P) - Presley/Costello (2)
Team Lovekick - Jamie OD/Sal Paradise (2)

Block A

Team ChaotiX - M's Style/Paula (2)
Team TUE - Nani/Jan the Mach Pizza Girl (0)
Team CTW - Marle/Lucca (2)
Team MKPW - Sheik/Samus (4)

Block B

Team Iron Mafia - Tracy/Val (4)
Team EK - Erica/Kumatora (4)
Team Princess - Toadstool/Daisy (2)
Team FTW - FTW Ranger Pink/FTW Ranger Yellow (0)

-



EBW-P+P News and Updates!

The wrestling world is still buzzing over the big upset win by Rey Dorado! The supernova of P+P has made history to become the EBW C-X-J Champion. Interest in both promotions is at an all time high and this only raises that interest. Mr. Poochyfud is happy for Rey Dorado and hopes that he will raise the value of the title by defending it in EBW as well as P+P. The exposure is also bringing up the value of Dorado and P+P in general so it's been a good investment for EBW. Just days after the big win we can confirm that Rey Dorado will defend his newly won title against P+P star Red Devil. It's sure to be a great match. Also on the card EBW's Young Gunz are teaming to take on Latino Nation and Mono Loco from the CBA promotion.

Power Play Wrestling: Full Circle Complete
Heck Yeah Gym
Heckertown

1. Bullet Vs Hoodlum
2. Flying Elvises Vs Guapo Bros
3. Tamtin Vs Destruction Dave [IG]
4. The Young Gunz [EBW] Vs Latino Nation [CBA] & Mono Loco [CBA]
5. EBW C-X-J Championship Match
Rey Dorado (c) Vs Red Devil

In other news the rivaly between Picky Minch and Hoodlum continues to grow. Hoodlum wants EBW out and WAR Picky begs to differ. So at P+P's biggest show to date they will collide in a No DQ match! The show is called Cibernetico Classico Coolio and will also feature a Torneo de Cibernetico Elimination Tag Team Tournament. Rumors are swirling that EBW is sending talent to compete.

Power Play Wrestling: Cibernetico Classico Coolio
Plateau Hall
Nace

1. No Disqualifications
Picky Minch [EBW] Vs Hoodlum
2. Torneo de Cibernetico
12 Participants To Be Announced

News on CP Munk!

EBW.com has learned that CP Munk is taking a small excursion to Dalaam and Edo. Munk was once one of the brightest prospects of VBW before coming to EBW to form Journey with Tack Angel. Now his career is at a crossroads and he must find his place in EBW. That's why he is taking this excursion according to his friend Tack Angel. While we're not sure of the full nature of the excursion we do believe that he is traveling to Dalaam for high altitude training and to Edo to drop weight and perfect the art of strong style. We wish CP Munk luck on his training.

EBW Women in the spotlight!

It was announced earlier today that the women of EBW are going to duke it out on a special All Women show. The show is called EBW Women's ~ONE NIGHT ONLY~ and will be taking place at Battle Dome. The show is getting a set and interviewer all to give it the unique feel. It will feature Tracy defending her EBW Women's Title against Erica. We'll also see the highly anticipated non-sanctioned bout between M's Style and Val. Other bouts include the wrestling debut of Sharkette and a EBW/MKPW vs. CTW/MKPW tag battle. The show will be airing in the normal timeslot for EBW: X-tra so you don't want to miss it!



EBW Women's ~ONE NIGHT ONLY~
Battle Dome
BTV!/MN-4

1. Sharkette Debut
Sharkette vs. Jan The Mach Pizza Girl vs. Nani
2. EBW/MKPW vs. CTW/MKPW
Kumatora/Paula/Samus/Sheik vs. Marle/Lucca/Toadstool/Daisy
3. Non Sanctioned Blood Feud Fury
M's Style vs. Val
4. EBW Women's Championship
Tracy(c) vs. Erica

-



Trevor at Indy Galaxy! More EBW/P+P News and Notes!

Earlier this week P+P talent and the EBW Young Gunz both headed to the Indy Galaxy promotion for some interpromotional battles. But they weren't the only ones to appear as Global World Champion Viewtiful Trevor popped up to watch the action and see what some of the P+P talent could do first hand. He was said to be very impressed by the level of competition as well as the growth of the Young Gunz who ended up continuing their rivalry with Hoodlum during the show.



Indy Galaxy: Unorganised
Plateau Hall
Nace

1. Fatal Four Way
Red Devil [P+P] defeated To'mas Jefferson [Free], Mr. Mask and Kendo Kengo when he pinned Mr. Mask with the Devil's Wings.
2. Bullet [P+P] defeated Mick Mash (8:36) with the Russian Roulette.
3a. Jeff Andonuts [EBW] & Apple Kid [EBW] Vs The Bad Elements went to a No Contest.
3b. The Young Gunz [EBW] defeated Hoodlum [P+P] & The Bad Elements (16:09) when Apple Kid pinned Wicked with the Crash Landing.
4. IG Tag Team Championships
Skullduggery (c) & Nightmare (c) defeated Destruction Dave & Tamtin [P+P] & Zurf Zambada [P+P] (11:14) when Nightmare pinned Tamtin with the Tiger Driver.
5. Triple Threat Falls Count Anywhere
IG Heavyweight Championship
Torch (c) defeated Destruction Dave and Slayer [FTW] [Free] (25:19) when Torch pinned Destruction Dave with the Flamethrower.

This was not the last of the Trevor/P+P news though as Trevor invited EBW.com to come to his house to talk about the fast rising indy promotion during one of his famous parties.



Viewtiful Trevor: Hey Larmore save some drinks for everyone else.

Dave Larmore: WHAT THE *BLEEP*! This isn't beer!

Viewtiful Trevor: Nope it's a keg full of new Viewtiful Dew. It's Viewtifully delicious! Anyways, I was at the most recent Indy Galaxy show and I've got to tell ya, those P+P guys stole the show in my opinion. Their entire roster is full of supernovas in the making. The experience there has done wonders for the Young Gunz. I hear that they have a big show called Full Circle Complete coming up. I think I might just show up.  ;)

Jamie OD: Hey my brother works at P+P. I think I'll have to go too.

Sal Paradise: Will ladies be there?

Jamie OD: Of course.

Sal Paradise: I'm SO in!

M's Style and Paula train in the new Casa De M's!



EBW.com caught up with M's and Paula as they trained in M's new dojo which was recently built in the Casa De Trevor compound. M's and Paula both have their hands full in the next few weeks as they will either have to collide with Tracy/Val, Erica/Kumatora, or even a rematch with Samus and Sheik in the E-1 Tag Climax. Before that though they have the big EBW Women's show to look forward to. M's has been having issues mantaining her patience recently with the conflicts with Tracy and Val as well as the issues with Erica and is hoping to regain her discipline with training. Paula is also hoping to improve as a fighter with the intense training that M's puts herself through.

Franky and Poo have a meeting!



In a shocking turn of events the leaders of S.T.U and Iron Mafia met at the EBW Arena today to have a "Friendly Discussion". The arch rivals met to agree that they would no longer interfere in the E-1 matches so the teams would have a chance to compete in the finals. Both teams are low on points due to all the faction fighting so we might see a change now but is it too little too late? Rude also appeared to talk more smack about Team Legend. He considers his loss to them a fluke and would like nothing more then to face Little Mac one on one in the 8-sided ring. We'll have more on this as it develops.

-



The Women of EBW took over the Battle Dome tonight for EBW Women's ONE NIGHT ONLY! This show served as a break from the hectic schedule of the E-1 Tag Team Climax but it was also to showcase the growing Women's Division in EBW as well as its allies. The Battle Dome was remodeled to give the show a unique feel and to set it apart from the other EBW shows.



The opening match featured the in ring debut of S.T.U's Sharkette as she battled Nani and Jan in a Triple Threat. The perky and energetic Sharkette quickly impressed with her high flying skills which Jan and Nani weren't counting on. They were able to put on a good technical showcase but Sharkette always broke up the action with a Hurracanranna or her specialty the Shark Twist. In the end her sneaky tactics helped her win as she waited for Jan to hit the Mach Pizza Powerbomb on Nani. Then she tossed Jan out of the ring and hit a picture perfect Shooting Shark Press on Nani. 1-2-3 and a big win for Sharkette as she begins her EBW career.



Next we headed to the back where EBW Women's interviewer Nerma was backstage with the EBW Women's Champion Tracy and her hired gun Val.



Nerma: Nerma here with the champ Tracy and Val as they both prepare for important matches tonight. Tracy are you....

Tracy: Excuse me let the champ do the talking. So tonight is OUR night huh? I think tonight is MY night. It's a shame Pooky can't be here tonight as it's all women, but Val and I will represent the Iron Mafia and dominate.  Tonight, I defend my belt and crush a rookie while Val destroys my nemesis once and for all. That match has no rules so I trust that Val will do whatever it takes.

Nerma: But what happens if M's or Erica win the matches?

Tracy: HA! Erica has alot to learn. For starters she needs to learn that she worships a false hero. She doesn't stand a chance. As for M's....well if she wins tonight then I might just give her a title shot. She won't be in any shape to compete after tonight anyways. Hahaha!

Next up Kumatora and ChaotiX member Paula teamed with Samus and Sheik of MKPW to take on Lucca and Marle of CTW who teamed with Daisy and Toadstool of MKPW. This was a highly entertaining interpromtional match that had everything. Everyone got a chance to impress in the ring, especially Samus who once again caught her opponents completely off guard. She was the star of the match and you could tell Paula was taking notes as Samus was the one to beat her in the first E-1 Tag match. Samus picked up the win for her team after a Aran DDT on Daisy. The fans were really into this one but the next match was probably the most anticipated...

The saga between M's and Tracy has spanned months and involved many other individuals. Now another match between the two may happen but first M's would have to get by the roadblock known as Val. Little is known about Val but we do that she is hardcore and tough as nails. This non sanctioned match was everything you've come to expect from these two. Weapons played a big factor with M's going through a table early but Val was unable to keep her down as she quickly rose to her feet headbutt her into the corner. From there M's grabbed a crutch and drove it into the throat of Val. Normally this wouldn't be allowed but this non sanctioned so they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. The hits were hard and heavy and after awhile it was a wonder how either woman managed to get back up yet they did. Late in the match Val DDT'd M's onto a barbed wire board and but her open badly. The blood seemed to fuel M's as she quickly got back to her feet and unleashed a flurry of kicks and spinning back fists. Then she grabbed a shopping cart and rammed it over and over into Val before attempting a pin. 1-2 KICKOUT! Val wouldn't stay down! M's was angry and trashing about the ring before finally calming herself and unleashing the M's Sexy Murder! She doesn't pull out that move very often so you know she was wanted to keep Val down for the count, and that's exactly what she did. M's wins and bypasses the roadblock to Tracy and the EBW Women's Championship.



Backstage Nerma was waiting to get an interview with M's. But she wasn't alone...



Nerma: Nerma here with....

Nerdler: Hey hold on a sec! How come you get to do OUR job?!

Nerma: Because I'm a woman and you're not!

Nerdler: Oh yeah....

Nervert: How she's so hot!

Nerf: Indeed she is!

Nerdler: Keep it to yourself guys! You're talking about my sister!

Nervert: WHAT?!

Nerf: She's your sister?

Nerma: Yep, Yancy Nerdler is my brother I'm sorry to say. Mom wants you to move out of the basement by the way.

Nerf: Your first name is...Yancy? HAHAHAHA!!!

Nerdler: Oh real funny laugh it up!

M's Style: You three get out of here NOW!

Nerd Squad: AHHHHH!!!

Nerma: Thank you! So anyways M's how does it....

Erica: M's! Thank goodness you're alright! I was so worried about you.

M's Style: No reason to worry about me Erica. I had the situation well in hand.

Erica: Well I was just really worried. I was also hoping that you would come out and root for me in my title match tonight.

M's Style: Yeah I can after my interview I....

Erica: Cause I have a big surprise for you! You see I...

M's Style: ERICA! I need some space right now ok!? I just got out of one of the most brutal matches in my career and I'd like to take a breather before having to deal with anything else OK?!

Nerma:......

Erica: I....I....

M's Style: Listen....I'm sorry....I will be out there to watch the match. But you need to realise that if you win you become my enemy.

Erica: I just want to do you proud M's.....I want to be like you.....just like you.....hehehe. I'm going to go get ready.

M's Style: She's starting to get on my nerves.

Nerma: Well she....

?: A little on edge M's?

Nerma: *sigh*

M's Style: Who are you?

?: Oh we're talked before remember? I just thought I would come to the show and check up on your progress.

M's Style: What are you talking about?

?: I'm just waiting for the day you pull the trigger is all. The internal countdown....it's ticking away. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. Can't you hear it?

M's Style: I have no idea what you're talking about.

?: Oh I think you do. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. In your soul you can feel it. Your past will come back to haunt you and burn you to ash. But a phoenix will arise from the ashes and I will be there when it happens.

M's Style: .....

The main event was up next. EBW Women's Champion Tracy would make her first title defense against TUE winner Erica. Erica's big surprise was her new attire that resembled M's attire with the color scheme. M's was puzzled by this. This one was surprisingly competitive with Erica giving the champ a run for her money and impressing the fans and even M's. Tracy countered that with her technical prowess that she picked up from her man Poo and of course her dirty tactics. Erica managed to kick out of not one but two PSI Starstorms , but after a third one Tracy grabbed the ropes and got the pin. A valiant effort from Erica but Tracy retains and now an M's vs. Tracy rematch seems all but inevitable...



EBW Women's ~ONE NIGHT ONLY~
Battle Dome
BTV!/MN-4

1. Sharkette Debut
Sharkette beat Jan The Mach Pizza Girl and Nani (13:56) with a Shooting Shark Press on Jan.
2. EBW/MKPW vs. CTW/MKPW
Kumatora/Paula/Samus/Sheik beat Marle/Lucca/Toadstool/Daisy (16:22) when Samus hit the Aran DDT on Daisy.
3. Non Sanctioned Blood Feud Fury
M's Style beat Val (14:39) with M's Sexy Murder.
4. EBW Women's Championship
Tracy(c) beat Erica (12:01) with a PSI Starstorm.

 

New wrestling promotion coming to Onett!



In recent years Onett has become a hotbed for wrestling. The EBW promotion has made the town it's main HQ and brought in fans from all over the world. Now a new promotion is starting up and it's interesting to say the least. Former EBW employee Ike Madamle is known for many things but an expert on wrestling he is not. Yet Ike Madamle has for some reason decided to start his own wrestling promotion called Super Pro Wrestling: For The Win!

Ike Madamle: It was fun working for the EBE so I figured "Hey, I can do this too"!

FTW will not be trying to compete with EBW but will instead strive to be the 2nd best promotion in Onett....you read that right they are actually striving for the #2 position. While this indy promotion will be on a much smaller budget then EBW, it's still managed to bring in some talent.......sort of....



The Ace of the new promotion will be none other then "Wrestling Legend" Lobster Man! This bizzare aging veteran's career began in the 70's for Atari Pro where fought in opening matches for years. His big break came in 1982 when he brought the Square from Pong a cup of coffee. Somehow this lead to the Square from Pong deciding to tag with Lobster Man and the team managed to win the Atari Pro Tag Team Titles. When Atari Pro went out of business Lobster Man traveled from promotion to promotion where he was soudly beaten by some of wrestling's biggest legends like Little Mac, Master Lu, and Pacman. In 1989 Lobster Man won an all you can eat challenge at the local burger shop but other then that he has not been seen or heard from in nearly 20 years. Now pushing 50, Lobster Man is finally getting his big break as the lead of this bizzare promotion. Many critics say this promotion is a mockery and should die a painful death but we here at Onett News wish them the best of luck. You can learn more about this promotion at FTW.com



Roster for Super Pro Wrestling: For The Win!!!


LOBSTER MAN
Wrestling Style: Old School Brawler
Finisher: Lobster Claw
Titles Held: 1x Atari Pro Tag Team Champion w/ The Square from Pong
Bio: This "legend" made a name for himself as a jobber to the stars in the 70's and 80's. Now the aging veteran leads a new generation of would be wrestlers in FTW!


RON SIMMONS
Wrestling Style: Old School Brawler
Finisher: Dominator
Titles Held: None (Claims to have held titles in NWA, OVW, MCW, WCW, and WWF but since those promotions "don't exist" who knows.)
Bio: Another veteran whose best days are behind him. Made a name for himself recently in EBW for just showing up at random times. Last match was a win in EBW's Gimmick Battle Royale. Loves to use his catchphrase "DAMN!".


ULTIMO TIGER
Wrestling Style: Brawler, High Flyer, Cheater
Finisher: Tiger Driver and Tiger Suplex
Titles Held: WTP Champion
Bio: The maniacal Ultimo Tiger is known far and wide as the most diabolical and egotistical fighter on the indy scene. Claims to be the best fighter in the world even though he has never made it to one of the big promotions. Loves to pop up everywhere get smited.


ZOMBIE
Wrestling Style: Brawler
Finisher: Zombie Death Drop
Titles Held: 3x Atari Pro Singles Champion, 1x Atari Pro Tag Team Champion w/ Pacman
Bio: The fighter known as Zombie is actually the reanimated corpse of Jack Wentworth, the man behind the mask of such characters as Dig Dug and Blinky. Had a very successful run in Atari Pro before dying of a lobster claw to the face. Found amongst the zombies roaming around Threed, Zombie has retained his enough of his old self to remain a competent wrestler.


SLAYER
Wrestling Style: Hardcore
Finisher: Barbed Wire Chokehold
Titles Held: 5x VBW Heavyweight Champion, 2x VBW NEX Division Champion, 2x VBW Tag Team Champion w/ Bob the uber Blob
Bio: The hardcore warrior of VBW resurfaces to unleash his ultraviolence on FTW. Wherever he is blood will spill.


BOB THE UBER BLOB
Wrestling Style: Brawler, Hardcore
Finisher: Top Rope Splash
Titles Held: 2x VBW Tag Team Champion w/ Slayer
Bio: The blob has followed Slayer into VBW to reignite the hardcore revolution.


KAMIKAZE A & KAMIKAZE B
Wrestling Style: High Flying
Finisher: Shooting Star Press and 450 Splash
Titles Held: 3x VBW Tag Team Champions
Bio: The high flying clowns made a name for themselves in VBW. They are possibly the most capable high flying clowns on the indy scene.


MR. CARPAINTER AND THE BLUE BLUE CULT
Wrestling Style: High Flying, Technical, Cheaters
Finisher: Blue Bomb
Titles Held: None
Bio: The cult leader Mr. Carpainter brings his cult to FTW with the purpose of painting the new promotion blue.


CAVEBOY!
Wrestling Style: Brawler
Finisher: Chokeslam
Titles Held: None
Bio: The big burly brawler made his debut in EBW and impressed with his strength but his lack of any sort of attention span became his weakness. The dimwit is now in FTW.


RETRO HIPPIE
Wrestling Style: Pacifist
Finisher: Suplex
Titles Held: 1x EBW C-X-J Champion
Bio: After therapy and rehab the Retro Hippie of EBW is back to his peace loving and protesting ways. No one else would take him so FTW scooped him up.


CHICKEN MAN
Wrestling Style: High Flyer, Technical
Finisher: Chicken Wing Neckbreaker
Titles Held: None
Bio: The odd combination of man and chicken has found his way to FTW and a less then great exit from EBW. After clearing his name in a steroid controversey Chicken Man is ready to wrestle again.


FTW RANGERS
Wrestling Style: High Flyers, Technical, Brawler
Finisher: Red-STO Blue-Missle Dropkick Black-Lariat Pink-Senton Bomb Yellow-Spinning Kick
Titles Held: None
Bio: No one knows who these 5 are but the FTW Rangers are here to save FTW! From what?......I have no idea....


BUBBLE MONKEY & MS. BUBBLE MONKEY
Wrestling Style: High Flying
Finisher: Banana Bomb, Bubblecanrana
Titles Held: None
Bio: Bubble Monkey was a contestant of EBW's reality show The Ultimate EBW. He didn't make it to the finals but he did turns heads. Mainly because he was a monkey and it was stupid to have him wrestle. Apparently FTW didn't realise that cause he is here along with his new woman Ms. Bubble Monkey.


PUNCH999
Wrestling Style: N/A
Finisher: N/A
Titles Held: None
Bio: This hyper young lad is known far and wide as the worst wrestler in the history of wrestling! He has never won a match and most people who watch his matches normally ask for their money back. So why not have him in FTW!



First look at FTW Arena!



FTW fans rejoice! Our genius owner Ike Madamle has found a permanent home for Super Pro Wrestling: For The Win! The abandoned circus tent on the south side of Onett has been rented for the fee of $250 a month. A fee that Ike Madamle will gladly pay.

Ike Madamle: I have to say that I wasn't expecting to spend money to create my own promotion but after the wrestlers told me I had to pay them I managed to get a loan from my Mommy!

Random Old Guy: Hey you....youngster....what are you doing in my house?

Ike Madamle: Umm I don't think this is your house sir.

Random Old Guy: Probably.....I don't even know who I am. Last thing I remember was getting shot down over Nam.

Ike Madamle: Vietnam?

Random Old Guy: No Nam's House of Pancakes.....or did I make that up just now?

Ike Madamle: You seem to have a good head on you shoulder old timer. How would you like a job?

Random Old Guy: ....what are you doing in my house?

The news about FTW is spreading fast. Ones and ones of wrestling fans are taking notice. Even wrestlers from the competition have endorsed the FTW vision...



Dave Larmore: .....hello I am EBW's Dave Larmore and I think that FTW is the *bleep*. The future is now and it.....*sigh* and it is called FTW.....ok this is *bleep*!

Would Dave Larmore lie for beer? We don't think so.  ;D



Super Pro Wrestling: For The Win announces super first card!

Onett's 2nd grestest wrestling promotion ever will offer the ones and ones of fans it's first show next week! The show is being called: Super Pro Good Fun Time For The Watching People Show! Our dynamic hero Lobster Man willl team with Ron Simmons to take on the evil Ultimo Tiger and Zombie in the best main event ever! Kamikazes and Blue Cultists will collide and body parts will fly when Slayer and Bob take on the EBW Rejects! If you want to arrive late you won't be missing much as Punch999 will be in the opening match against Caveboy! No offense to Caveboy! it's totally Punch999's fault. But other then that this will be the bestest wrestling card of all the times!

FTW: Super Pro Good Fun Time For The Watching People Show!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Caveboy! vs. Punch999
2. Super Hardcore Fun Time
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob vs. Chicken Man/Retro Hippie
3. Kamikaze A/Kamikaze B vs. Blue Blue Cultist #1/Blue Blue Cultist #2
4. Super Awesome Clash of the Power!
Lobster Man/Ron Simmons vs. Ultimo Tiger/Zombie



Of all the wrestling shows that this reporter has been to, this one was by far the worst. FTW got off to a horrible start before the matches even began. Ike Madamle appeared in the poorly constructed ring with the mysterious guard that follows him around and a strange costumed person. He revealed to the 5 people and 1 Mr. Saturn that showed up that this was Woofy the FTW mascot! What does a guy in a dog costume have to do with wrestling?!



I nearly walked out of the old battered tent when I heard when that I had to sit through a Punch999 match but I toughed it out. The fans booed the second Punch999 appeared and began throwing garbage at him. This was brutal already. Luckily it wasn't very long. Caveboy! was his opponent and made quick work of him when the giant dimwit punched the annoying little bastard and pinned him within 10 seconds! I don't think Caveboy! even knew that the match had started.

Rating- N/A (Why did they hire Punch999?)



The next match made me throw up several times for various reasons. The EBW rejects made their way to the "ring" for their first match since being fired from EBW. Chicken Man asked for a mic but FTW doesn't have a sound system so he had to speak up. He went on a tirad about how he was screwed out of his job in EBW because Mr. Poochyfud was Anti-Chicken. Retro Hippie then stepped up and told the people in attendance about his road to steroid abuse and recovery......nobody cared. Then he claimed that he had returned to his peaceful ways and intended to protest this brutal match by sitting in the corner the entire time. Slayer and Bob the uber Blob appeared and were happy to allow the Hippie to sit out. They brought plenty of weapons with them and the violence they inflicted on the two can't be put into words. Needless to say Hippie ended his protest and tried to escape but he was quickly taken down and choked out with a Barbed Wire Chokehold from Slayer. It was fun to see the Hippie get beaten so I enjoyed this one.

Rating- * (The pain inflicted on Hippie warrants a star)

I was actually surprised by the next match in that the Blue Blue Cultists and the Kamikazes put on a hell of a match. Mr. Carpainter cut a mic-less promo before the match on how he wants to convert the fans and paint the FTW arena blue. If you ask me it would be a big improvement. This place sucks....and smells. Anyways, the two teams put on an entertaining Lucha style match that ended with BBC #1 pinning Kamikaze B after a Blue Bomber finisher. This was the best thing on the show so far but it wasn't enough to wash away the stench of failure and Punch999.

Rating- *** (Good match but not good enough to save the show)

Then came the "big" main event that....no one was waiting for. The over the hill team of Ron Simmons and promotional ace Lobster Man would take on the evil Ultimo Tiger and The Zombie! Zombie was led out by a gothic looking woman while Ultimo cut an articulate promo about how evil he was and how he planned on dominating FTW. Unfortunatly I was taking a restroom break at this time and missed most of it but I heard from the one guy who was paying attention that it was plenty evil. Lobster Man tried to cut a promo too but his speech was slurred and it sounded to me like he was either drunk or having a stroke. Ron Simmons said "DAMN!" and I think I heard someone chuckle.....or cough. The match itself was a disaster. Ultimo Tiger was quick on his feet and looked impressive but every attempt at taking down the large Lobster Man failed. Ron Simmons and the Zombie were the only two in this match that were actually getting anything done. Imagine that a Zombie was doing more then the company ace! The match seemed to drag on and on. Ultimo finally ran out of energy and fell down. Lobster Man had fallen asleep in the corner but after being poked with a sick he finally made a move on Ultimo and captured him in an Onett Crab. The weight of Lobster Man made escape impossible and Ultimo Tiger was about to tap but the thiry minute time limit ran out and the match ended in a draw. I was not aware that the main event tag match had a thirty minute time limit.....go figure. Anyways after the match Ultimo and Zombie ran off and Lobster Man cut another promo that no one could understand. I later found out that he was actually having a stroke during the match but his over use of pain pills left him oblivious to this fact. The faces stuck around to sign autographs but everyone had already left in the middle of the promo.

Rating- * (It gets a star because it finally ended)



In the end this show was a disaster and I wouldn't be surprised if this is the one and only show of FTW. I don't see any possible way anyone could call this show a success.

Final Rating- * (One match was decent everything else made me sick)

Suggestion- Fire Punch999......out of a cannon. Get your ace some medical help.

FTW: Super Pro Good Fun Time For The Watching People Show!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Caveboy! beat Punch999 (0:10) with a Punch.
2. Super Hardcore Fun Time
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob beat Chicken Man/Retro Hippie (10:02) when Slayer submitted Retro Hippie with a Barbedwire Chokehold.
3. Blue Blue Cultist #1/Blue Blue Cultist #2 beat Kamikaze A/Kamikaze B (13:04) when BBC #1 hit the Blue Bomber on Kamikaze B.
4. Super Awesome Clash of the Power!
Lobster Man/Ron Simmons vs. Ultimo Tiger/Zombie (30:00) went to a Time Limit Draw.

-



FTW First Show a SUCCESS! New Star Coming in and Next Card Announced!

Yesterday's HUGE FTW debut show was a complete SUCCESS! Fans packed the arena to see the super fun action! Now the mometum begins to build for the next show. FTW.com has been informed of a big story that will make the next show even better! Ike Madamle is making roster additions and he is starting with a big superstar!



Ike Madamle: I would like to present to all the members of the press....wherever they are.....our latest fighter to be signed! May I present....JEFF HARVEY!

Jeff Harvey: *sigh* He said my name wrong but I'm contractually obligated to go by whatever he calls me.

Ike Madamle: You're probably wondering how I was able to get such a huge star to join FTW. Well FTW is a rocket ready to soar and Jeff Harvey is jumping on the bandwagon.

Jeff Harvey: *sigh* Ike is my second cousin and his mommy called and told me I HAD to join FTW. Plus my house recently burned down so I need to make a little money. I'm only doing this till my music career takes off though.

Ike Madamle: Ha, even I know that'll never happen!

Jeff Harvey will debut against Retro Hippie at FTW's second show which has been titled Lolzapalooza. The main event will be the first ever Lolzapalooza Over the Top Rope Rumble. This rumble will crown the first ever FTW Super Awesome Champion! The FTW rangers will debut at that show. Also debuting will be Bubble Money as he battles the hyper waste of life Punch999. We'll also see and Inferno match between Slayer and Chicken Man.

FTW: Lolzapalooza!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Bubble Monkey vs. Punch999
2. Inferno Match "Jump in the fire and have the fun time ^_^"
Slayer vs. Chicken Man
3. Welcome Jeff Harvey it's time for the Super Pro Fun Times!
Jeff Harvey vs. Retro Hippie
4. Lolzapalooza or How I learned to stop worrying and love the elimination!
Super Awesome Championship
Lobster Man vs. Ultimo Tiger vs. Ron Simmons vs. Zombie vs. FTW Ranger Red vs. FTW Ranger Blue vs. FTW Ranger Black vs Bob the uber Blob.



So last time I wrote about FTW I commented on how only one match was good, and that was the match between the Blue Blue Cultists and the Kamikazes. So how did FTW capitalize on this? They left both teams off the second show......wonderful. Anyways, I attended the second FTW show with very low expectations. Frankly I was surprised they were even having another show after the debacle that was the debut show. Ike Madamle did surprise me though with his recent signing of Jeff "Harvey". I expect that once word gets out on the signing we might see some emo kids and pre teen girls fill the FTW "Arena". But for this show their were even less people then the first show! The FTW mascot Woofy greeted everyone and tried his best to be entertaining but eventually he gave up, kicked a small dog, and walked away to have a smoke. This show was titled Lolzapalooza and was being treated as a big deal according to the FTW website. Boy was I in for a treat....not.



The opening match for this show was even worse then the opening bout for the first show. Once again the waste of space Punch999 was serving as the opening act but this time he would be facing a monkey.........a Bubble Monkey. Another EBW reject made his FTW debut alongside his valet Ms. Bubble Monkey. What the hell is a monkey doing with a valet?! Punch999 entered the ring by floating in with his stupid red balloon. Bubble Monkey blew a bubble and floated in the same way. How is this even a match for a wrestling show? Bubble Monkey and Punch999 simply floated around for a while before Punch dropped down and started doing a rediculous dance to try and pump up the fans. Instead they booed and wished death upon him. That's when Bubble Monkey popped his bubble, brutally clawed and scratched at Punch and finished him off with a Banana Bomb. This all took about 36 seconds. So another loss in less then a minute for Punch999

Rating- N/A (I refuse to rate a Punch999 match)

The next match amused me because I got to see someone burn. Yes it was an inferno match where someone actually burned! Apparently Mr. Madamle didn't feel the need to buy Fire Extinguishers. The EBW reject Chicken Man would have the "honor" of facing the Hardcore Hero Slayer. Seriously what is Slayer doing in FTW? He's much better then this. He's gone from taking on EBW's best as the leader of VBW to facing a Chicken Man in a seedy little promotion. Anyways the fight itself was acceptable. Chicken Man tried to show off his technical skills but Slayer was just too brutal and in his element to be stopped. It wasn't long before Slayer had Chicken Man by the throat and he raised him up into one of the fires. Chicken Man started running around the ring as his feathers quickly caught fire. Everyone was searching for something to put him out with. That's when a man that looked ALOT like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame entered the tent and dragged away Chicken Man. Is the Colonel intending on adding Chicken Man to the all you can eat buffet? And will he be Original Recipe or Extra Crispy? Perhaps that is the biggest question of all?

Rating- ** (The fighting was acceptable, Chicken Man burned, Colonel Sanders cameo)



Next up we would see Jeff Harvey's FTW debut as he would do battle with the activist Retro Hippie. Before the match began Jeff tried to plug his band Peroxwhy?gen but no cared and a SHUT UP chant picked up. Then Retro Hippie came out with a loud speaker and a sign. He started protesting crap like an end to violence and everything. If he doesn't like violence then why in the hell is he a wrestler? He must have too much soy in his diet. Retro Hippie started waving around his sign in the ring while Jeff Harvey started flip flopping all around the ring for no apparent reason. He wasn't even aiming at Hippie he just kept flip flopping around. Even the soy latte drinking Hippie was confounded by his actions but if you follow Jeff Harvey's career like I'm forced to then this should come as no surprise to anyone. Finally he managed to land a Flippy Floppy Swanton on Hippie and score the win in quick fashion. Was that even a match? I mean what the hell?

Rating- * (At least Jeff Harvey looked kind of cool when he was flopping around.....right?)



It was now time for what I would call the WORST Rumble in the history of wrestling. Believe me I know I've watched the rumble from Nokia N-Gage Pro and this was MUCH WORSE. By this time the company mascot was getting drunk off his ass and I wish I could've joined him at this point. First of all the tattered ring was much too small to fit all of the wrestlers at the same time especially with tubby wrestlers like Bob the uber Blob and company ace Lobster Man. So the moment the bell rang and someone tried to move, Zombie and Bob were eliminated! This brought out Zombie's goth looking valet who I think tried to place a curse on me......not too sure. Now that some fat was removed from the ring the wrestlers could actually move around. Lobster Man swung his claw arms around in an attempt to hit someone but everyone just stayed clear of him and fought on the other side of the ring while he blindly swung around. The FTW Rangers jumped around and posed like idiots which made it very easy for the diabolical Ultimo Tiger to eliminate them. The Ultimo and Ron Simmons picked up where they left off at the last show. Lobster Man stopped swinging to catch his breath for several minutes while the other two combatants battled. Finally Ultimo managed to put down Ron Simmons after hitting the Tiger Driver, scooping him up, and tossing him out. Did I just see an actual wrestling move?!?!?! Ultimo Tiger quickly turned around to face Lobster Man but the washed up veteran managed to hit Ultimo with a stray swing of his claws and eliminated him. Lobster Man solidified himself as useless....I mean company ace and now he was the first Super Awesome Champion......who names all this stuff for FTW? Oh I almost forgot to mention that the rumble was just a little over 9 minutes.....can you believe that?!

Rating- * (IT SUCKED!)



In the end this horrible show was less then half an hour long! LESS THEN THIRTY MINUTES! It was a complete waste of time. Thirty minutes of my life I will never get back...excuse me...less then thirty minutes. No way in hell this show was a success. NO WAY IN HELL! FTW R.I.P

Final Rating- * (What were they smoking?)

FTW: Lolzapalooza!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Bubble Monkey beat Punch999 (0:36) with a Banana Bomb.
2. Inferno Match "Jump in the fire and have the fun time ^_^"
Slayer beat Chicken Man (6:05) by setting Chicken Man on fire!
3. Welcome Jeff Harvey it's time for the Super Pro Fun Times!
Jeff Harvey beat Retro Hippie (3:10) with the Flippy Floppy Swanton.
4. Lolzapalooza or How I learned to stop worrying and love the elimination!
Super Awesome Championship
Lobster Man beat Ultimo Tiger, Ron Simmons, Zombie, FTW Ranger Red, FTW Ranger Blue, FTW Ranger Black, and Bob the uber Blob. (9:08) to become the 1st Super Awesome Champion!



Lolzapalooza = another HUGE Success for FTW! Huge new signings!

FTW is like a Rocket ready to take off to successville! The fastest growing promotion called FTW in Onett! After yesterday's huge show that saw the incredible Lobster Man become the first ever Super Awesome Champion, Ike Madamle went out to recruit even more talent! Mr. Madamle is an equal opportunity kind of guy and will hire anyone even if they don't have wrestling experience....ISN'T THAT AWESOME! His first stop was the Onett Hospital....



Doctor Flavin: Well here we are Mr. Madamle, the psych ward. Here we contain the criminally insane and try to rehabilitate them. This guy here however.....is uncurable. We don't know his actual name but when he was on his murderous rampage he told the cops he was Mr. Scary.

Ike Madamle: Awesome! He seems like just the guy I'm looking for!

Doctor Flavin: You....you can't be serious.

Ike Madamle: I'm always serious....see...this is my serious face  .

Doctor Flavin: Well...I guess we can release him in your care. I'm honesty scared to death of him and would love to have his crazy ass out of here. I just need to know that he can control his urges.

Ike Madamle: Hey Mr. Scary, can you be good and come wrestle for him in FTW?

Mr. Scary: ......Define...."Good". Are humans inherently good? I believe we are inherently violent. It's in our nature. We wear a mask of compassion to cover our dark inner urges. The demon within that craves blood and anarchy. We try to silence the demon but sometimes the screams are just tooo loud. Can you hear them? Can you hear the screaming Mr. Madamle? The demons crave blood and death. I am the harbringer of their word.

Ike Madamle: I'm gonna take that as a yes!  :D

Doctor Flaving: Great....he's your problem now.

The next person to join FTW was quite possibly the biggest signing in our short yet epic time as #2 promotion in Onett! Coming off his failure as a Mixed Martial Artist, KIMBO SLICE has now signed with FTW!



That's right the former street fighter turned psuedo MMA hype machine is now an FTW wrestler! Kimbo Slice showed is enthusiasm to be in FTW by beating Punch999 bloody and tossing him on top of FTW Arena. This powerhouse of a fighter will make his debut at FTW's next show.

Ike Madamle: I'm thrilled that Kimbo Slice wants to be in FWM! He realises that FOB is the hottest thing going right now!

Kimbo Slice: I'm so hungry! Since I was exposed as a fraud in MMA everyone has forgotten about me. I'm broke, hungry, and I've had to do some horrible stuff to survive. I had to decide between killing myself or joining FTW.......It was a hard choice. So I made the smart decision.....but then I realised that I had no bullets so I joined FTW instead.

Ike Madamle: See, Kimbo bleeds FTW already!

Speaking of big stars in FTW, we were amazed to discover that the man in the Woofy suit is none other then EBW star Larmore! We asked him if he made the choice to quit EBW and switch to the winning team of FTW and here is what he had to say!

Dave Larmore: *bleep* NO! I'm just working part time as your *bleep* mascot so I can feed my addictions! I NEED MORE BOOZE!

I think what he meant to say is that FTW in NUMBER #2!

FTW Third Show Announced!

The huge news keeps coming! FTW has announced that the third show will be titled Enter the Kimbo and will feature 4 monumental, epic, legendary, sexy, bombastic matches! Retro Hippie and Punch999 will face off in a Last Loser Standing match to open the show. Then the debuting Mr. Scary will take on "Kentucky Fried" Chicken Man in a Board with a nail in it Deathmatch! Then Team VBW with take on the Kamikazes and the FTW Rangers in a Cheesewheel Deathmatch! That's right CHEESEWHEEL......ISN'T THAT AWESOME! Finally in the main event we will see the biggest main event EVER! Our hero and Super Awesome Champion Lobster Man will team with Ron Simmons, Jeff Harvery, and KIMBO FREAKING SLICE to take on the EVIL team of Ultimo Tiger, Zombie, and the Blue Blue Cult. This show will be sure to please our millions of fans!

FTW: Enter the Kimbo!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Last Loser Standing
Retro Hippie vs. Punch999
2. Board with a Nail in it Deathmatch!
Mr. Scary vs. "Kentucky Fried" Chicken Man
2. Who cut the cheese? Death did!
Cheesewheel Deathmatch
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob vs. Kamikaze A/Kamikaze B vs. FTW Ranger Red/FTW Ranger Blue
4. Enter the Kimbo for the fan's fun time watching!
Lobster Man/Ron Simmons/Kimbo Slice/Jeff Harvey vs. Ultimo Tiger/Zombie/Blue Blue Cultist #1/Blue Blue Cultist #2

-



Well here we are again.....FTW. I was shocked that they had a second show and now I'm even more shocked as I sit here at the third show that the attendence has actually increased! Just like I predicted before I see an emo kid and a pre teen girl here to see Jeff Harvey I imagine. Perhaps the addtion of MMA failure Kimbo Slice also brought in "fans" but I doubt it. The show opened with Ike Madamle and the FTW Rangers coming out to cut a promo about how drugs were bad. I found this ironic since the ground was littered with broken needles. Nobody cared and booed the FTW Rangers. They did bring out Pink and Yellow FTW Rangers that were easy on the eyes but that was the only highlight of this promo.



I know I'm supposed to give them the benefit of the doubt but when one of your matches has Punch999 in it you know it's gonna suck. This time the failure at life Punch999 would be taking on Retro Hippie in a Last Loser Standing match. Retro Hippie used this time to cut a promo about how we should all drive hybrid cars. Punch999 ran around like an idiot and it ALMOST looked like he was trying to wrestler.....or hump a ring post...I'm not certain. Punch999 finally attempted to spear Hippie but he knocked himself out and stayed down for the 10 count. Retro Hippie won the "match".......wow....just wow....

Rating- N/A (Remind me to go buy an SUV.)

I felt quite uneasy about the next bout. Ike Madamle released the homicidal maniac Mr. Scary to use him as a wrestler....GREAT IDEA! Why would any person do this....oh yeah he's Ike Madamle. His opponent would be the extra crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken Man and his new manager Colonel Sanders In a board with a nail in it deathmatch. First off all they had to haul out Mr. Scary as he isn't allowed to be around people.



The Chicken Man came out charred to a crisp. He's calling himself "The Original EC (Extra Crispy)" now......what a nickname. Also he came out to some rap music and tried to act like he was a thug. I think he fried his brain in that inferno match. Anyways Chicken Man danced around the ring and tried to slip by Mr. Scary to get the board with a nail in it but the maniac pulled out a knife and kept his opponent at bay. Where the hell did he get a knife! Oh by the way Chicken Man smelled delicious. Then Mr. Scary shocked us all by tossing the knife to the side and taking Chicken Man down with a Twoson Slam. The guy actually knows how to wrestle! That's a shocker! After beating Chicken Man down for awhile Mr. Scary climbed up the ring post to grab the Board with a nail in it. As Chicken Man got to his feet Mr. Scary jumped down and bashed him in the head before pinning him. After the match Mr. Scary grabbed his knife and hovered over Chicken Man but security quickly grabbed him and hauled him away. Mr. Scary could be heard yelling "But I bet he tastes like chicken hahahahaha!". That guy is demented!

Rating- ** (Mr. Scary can actually wrestle...and he made me piss myself.)



The next match was just a cluster*bleep* of violence and cheese.....you heard me right....CHEESE! Team VBW fought the Kamikazes and the FTW Rangers in a Cheesewheel Deathmatch! Throughout the match cheesewheels were getting chucked into the ring and were actually getting used. The Kamikazes mostly stood back and watched as Slayer threw cheese at the FTW Rangers. Bob the uber Blob was in the corner eating the cheese. At the end of the cheddar carnage Slayer won the match after chokeslamming Kamikaze B onto a Cheesewheel. This match was......cheesy.......no that's not funny at all.

Rating- * (I'm hungry for cheese)



The main event was the biggest in FTW's short and stupid history. I was big in that we were going to see the wrestling debut of Kimbo Slice...yay.....woohoo.....this is going to be interesting. FTW Super Awesome Champion Lobster Man lead the team with Kimbo, Ron Simmons, and Flippy Floppy Jeff Harvey who was covered in paint for some reason. He did this strange little dance thing as he entered the tent and paint flew into my eyes. Then came Team EVIL consisting of Ultimo Tiger, Zombie, and The Blue Blue Cult. The ring was once again full of large wrestlers with little room to move around. Luckily the Blue Blue Cult jumped back out of the ring and Jeff Harvey followed by flipping over the ropes after them.....he missed but it gave the other fighters room to move around. I was slightly amused by this match although Kimbo and Lobster Man barely stepped into the ring. But finally late in the match Kimbo was tagged in and stood face to face with Ultimo Tiger. Ultimo was dwarfed by Kimbo who looked quite menacing. The big brawler threw a swing but he missed which allowed Ultimo to punch him in his glass jaw and quickly knock him out. Team EVIL won the match. Damn Kimbo's got a weak jaw! For once the show ended with the bad guys standing in victory......some victory if you ask me. Ultimo Tiger demanded a title shot and it looks like we'll see Lobster Man versus Ultimo Tiger for the Super Awesome Championship at the next show.

Rating- ** (Seeing Kimbo get KO'd by Ultimo Tiger was funny)



In the end the show was insane but a SLIGHT improvement over the second show.  This one ran a little over thirty minutes. Still very short but since it's FTW I'll consider that a gift.

Final Rating- *1/2 (They have to be running out of money by now right?)

FTW: Enter the Kimbo!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Last Loser Standing
Retro Hippie beat Punch999 (1:02) when Punch999 ran into Hippie and fell down.
2. Board with a Nail in it Deathmatch!
Mr. Scary beat "Kentucky Fried" Chicken Man (4:06) with a Top Rope Nail to the Head.
2. Who cut the cheese? Death did!
Cheesewheel Deathmatch
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob beat Kamikaze A/Kamikaze B and FTW Ranger Red/FTW Ranger Blue (12:56) when Slayer hit a Cheese wheel Chokeslam on Kamikaze B.
4. Enter the Kimbo for the fan's fun time watching!
Ultimo Tiger/Zombie/Blue Blue Cultist #1/Blue Blue Cultist #2 beat Lobster Man/Ron Simmons/Kimbo Slice/Jeff Harvey (13:02) when Ultimo Tiger KO'd Kimbo Slice.

WARNING: If this show gives you cancer....then that means it's working  ;)



Another Success Brings Another Huge Signing!

FTW can't be stopped! After three shows FULL of action and stars FTW is continuing to grow. Now Ike Madamle has been able to hire some new backstage talent, namely a booker and who better to bring in then the BESTEST BOOKER IN THE WORLDS! Rince Vusso!



That's right Rince Vusso has been hired to shake things up in FTW. He's got alot of new ideas that will change the face of FTW!

Ike Madamle: I've seen his track record and while alot of people claim he is a cancer to every promotion he as worked with I see things differently. Perhaps he was just TOO GOOD for these promotions and they couldn't handle his awesomeness so they buckled under the pressure of his mind. The future of FEQ now lies in the hands of VINCE RUSSO!

Rince Vusso: That's Rince Vusso sir. Anyways, no one else would hire me and I needed work so here I am. I plan on making sure that FTW is full of the things that wrestling fans want....namely less wrestling and more sports entertainment. I'm going to make some big changes by using the same ideas that have destroyed the other promotions I have worked in. It's gotta work this time right? Go Yankees!

Mr. Vusso has already rolled up his sleeves and booked the next show for FTW called The Coolness! This show will feature the biggest match in FTW history as FTW Super Awesome Champion Lobster Man will put the prestigious title on the line against the diabolical Ultimo Tiger. This evil mastermid wants to rule FTW with an iron claw and the only person who can stand in his way is a man with lobster claws for hands. Ike Madamle was in negotiations with Boogaloo TV! to air this show on tv but he must have been disconnected during the conversation and has yet to here back from them. The first card of the "Vusso Era" is shown below.

FTW: The Coolness!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Punch999 on a Pole Match
Retro Hippie vs. "Original EC" Chicken Man
2. Exploding Teddy Bear on a Pole Deathmatch
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob/Mr. Scary vs. FTW Ranger Red/FTW Ranger Black/FTW Ranger Blue
3. Kimbo Slice's Dignity on a Pole Match
Kimbo Slice vs. Ron Simmons vs. Jeff Harvey vs. Zombie
4. The Coolness!
Super Awesome Championship on a Pole Match!
Lobster Man(c) vs. Ultimo Tiger

-



FTW show number four.....the fourth show of FTW......FTW.......numero......four. Sorry I just have a lack of excitement for this product. I think you all know why. It's just terrible. Anyone involved in it should be ashamed of themselves. Anyways, I got that out my system so now it's time for the review!

FTW presented their "biggest" show to date called The Coolness. This was the first show of the "Vusso Era" and you could tell right away that things were different by looking at the card. Now when I say different I don't mean that in a good way. FTW just found a new way to suck. I guess they deserve some credit for that at least. New FTW booker Rince Vusso opened the show.



Rince Vusso: So this is FTW huh? In case you don't know who I am, I'm Rince Vusso the new booker for FTW. In case you don't know anything about my style what I'm going to do next is called a "Shoot Promo". I would expect alot of these cause I know that's what the fans want and nothing or nobody will make me think otherwise. I've got alot to gripe about and I KNOOOOW that you people want to hear about it. That company up north screwed me over big time!

Ike Madamle: Wait....what company up north?

Rince Vusso: You know who I'm talking about!

Ike Madamle: No....no I don't.

Rince Vusso: Well those people up north screwed me over! They weren't interested in my style of doing things. But I KNOW that you people love shoots, run ins, and pole matches. Sports Entertainment is the future and wrestling is *bleep*. The less wrestling we do and the sports entertainment the better.

Ike Madamle: You're a funny guy Vusso. Even I know that's pretty stupid.

Rince Vusso: Laugh all you want but with me at the helm your tv ratings will shoot throught the roof!

Ike Madamle: We....we don't have a tv show.

Rince Vusso: Oh....well who am I talking to?

Ike Madamle: That's the wall silly! Hehehehe!

Rince Vusso: Right.....well welcome to the "Vusso Era" of FTW......tent wall!

It's times like this that I wish I hadn't stopped drinking. Woofy AKA Larmore offered me a beer but I MUST remain professional and cover this show. I mean at least before they were TRYING to be wrestling. Now they are going to TRY and be sports entertainment? Oh dear.

The first match was the first opening match in FTW where Punch999 didn't compete but he was still in the match...hanging from a pole...being a little annoying bastard. Retro Hippie and Extra Crispy Chicken Man would compete to see who could get Punch999 down from the pole and attack the other person with him. That actually sounds like fun. The whole thing was quite amusing in fact. Chicken Man and Retro Hippie kept sissy slapping each other as they tried to reach for Punch999. People started throwing garbage at him and a half full beer can knocked him out. At least now I didn't have to hear him. Finally Chicken Man grabbed the little punk off the pole and started swinging it at Hippie. Hippie screamed like a little girl and held up a peace sign but his hippie ways couldn't stop the onslaught and Chicken Man won the "match".

Rating- ** (I admit I was laughing my ass off)



Next up was a CRAZY Exploding Teddy Bear on a Pole Deathmatch! The psycho f'ed up team of Slayer, Bob the uber Blob, and Mr. Scary took on the scared *bleep*less FTW Rangers. Between exploding Teddy Bears and grown men in spandex wetting themselves we also got to see several random pointless run ins. The people running in to interfere weren't even sure why they were out there. Rince Vusso just kept pushing them out and telling them to run in. I was once again surprised that Mr. Scary knows what he is doing in there. He slowly stalked his prey and finally went in for the kill with a move I have dubbed the Psychodriver on FTW Ranger Blue.

Rating- ** (I don't know what that was but it was something)



Next up Jeff Harvey, Zombie, Ron Simmons, and Kimbo Slice battled in a Kimbo's dignity on a pole match. The pole didn't have anything attached to it. Everyone was wondering why...actually that's a lie no one cared, but Rince Vusso came out to explain that Kimbo SLice HAS NO DIGNITY! Oh so that explains that. I think Kimbo actually started crying and cursing about some guy named Seth...I'm not sure. This match was a big cluster*bleep* of insanity. Ron and Zombie were once again the only fighters actually wrestling. A dead man is actually putting on the best technical display so far....go figure. Kimbo started ranting about how cool he is and Jeff Harvey once again started flip flopping around the ring. Late in the match Zombie was taken to the mat and Jeff Harvey jumped up onto the ring post to hit his Flippy Floppy Swanton, but in the process his foot cracked Kimbo in his Glass Jaw and he was knocked unconcious. Jeff Harvey quickly pinned the big man and won the match. Kimbo was covered in paint as Jeff celebrated his victory. Once again I got paint in my eyes. I think Mr. Harvey has fallen off the wagon if you know what I mean....then again was he ever really on the wagon?

Rating- * (You'd figure Kimbo's beard would absorb some of the impact)



Finally it was time for the main event. Lobster Man would make his first defense of the Super Awesome Championship against Ultimo Tiger. One of these guys is an evil mastermind with a technical wrestling background and the other doesn't even know where he is. Can you guess which one is which? This was supposed to be the biggest match in FTW's small and rediculous history but the historic part came at the end of the match. As Ultimo Tiger tried to pick up Lobster Man for what I think was an exploder suplex, two men came out of the crowd and attacked both Lobster Man and Ultimo. Lobster tipped right over without a fight but Ultimo managed to escape and see the two people that had attacked him.......HALL AND NASH! Ok what the hell are these two doing here? Oh wait.....Vusso is here...it all makes sense now. Sure enough Vusso came out to celebrate with Hall and Nash. Celebrate what you ask? I have no idea. These old has beens follow Vusso around, play politics, and draing a promotion of all of its money before moving on. But why are they in a promotion with NO money? I have no clue but this is some messed up stuff.

Rating- * (Match sucked but what happened after maybe sucked more)



The question now is what do these three plan on doing next? I don't really care but I know that I'll be sent here to find out. So I'll see you then. I need to find Larmore and take him up on the booze....

Final Rating- * (WHAT THE *BLEEP*!)

FTW: The Coolness!
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Punch999 on a Pole Match
"Original EC" Chicken Man beat Retro Hippie (4:06) when Chicken Man grabbed Punch999 and beat Chicken Man unconcious.
2. Exploding Teddy Bear on a Pole Deathmatch
Slayer/Bob the uber Blob/Mr. Scary beat FTW Ranger Red/FTW Ranger Black/FTW Ranger Blue (8:56) when Mr. Scary hit the Psychodriver on FTW Ranger Blue.
3. Kimbo Slice's Dignity on a Pole Match
Jeff Harvey beat Kimbo Slice, Ron Simmons, and Zombie (10:03) with a Flippy Floppy Swanton on Kimbo Slice.
4. The Coolness!
Super Awesome Championship on a Pole Match!
Lobster Man(c) vs. Ultimo Tiger (8:33) ended in a No Contest.



The King of Wrestling make a challenge to FTW.



The Kings of Wrestling Hall and Nash have aligned with FTW booker Rince Vusso to declare war on FTW!

Rince Vusso: Can you say SWERVE!? Hall and Nash are here to help me take over and turn this wrestling crap fest into a sports entertainment paradise!

Kevin Nash: Plus we're getting paid alot of money to do very little. One thing I love doing is bleeding a company dry.

Scott Hall: This was the only way I could get out of rehab.

Rince Vusso: We're challenging three of FTW's best....well almost competent wrestl....individuals. This might sound like a rehash of an old storyli.....thing that happened in another company but it's totally different. This will be taking place at Bash at the be.....Bash at the Tent. It will be happening at Bash at the Tent....not beach....cause this is totally original. I HAVE LOTS OF IDEAS!

As Rince Vusso said Hall and Nash have challenged three FTW fighters at the biggest show so far, Bash at the Tent! They haven't revealed their third partner yet but I think I speak for everyone when I say that it's a total mystery. Also on the show we will see the FTW debut of another group.....The Insane Clown Posse! FTW President Ike Madamle decided to get into the ICP spirit!



Ike Madamle: HEY GUYS! This is lots of fun to be a clown! Woohoo! Have a balloon!

Violent J: We're aren't just *bleep* clowns. We're wicked clowns you *bleep*

Ike Madamle: .....clowns don't talk like that.....they don't talk like that at all.

Shaggy 2 Dope: We're the Insane Clown Posse you *bleep* We talk however we want yo! We're totally wicked and in no way main stream although we're also commercial tools and consumer whores. We don't conform to norms but we want our nerdy white kid juggalos to look just like us and act just like us.

Ike Madamle: What is a Juggalo?

Violent J: What is a Juggalo? WHAT IS A JUGGALO?!.....we don't really know.

Ike Madamle: ....sounds stupid....just like the two of you.....and that's coming from me. While you're at it watch your mouth! I don't think I'm going to give you a balloon at all! Hmph!

Bash at the Tent
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Coffin Match
Punch999 vs. Mr. Scary
2. [Insert Random Thing] on a Pole Match!
Retro Hippie vs. Kimbo Slice
3. Blue Cow Flaming Death Match of Super Death upon Death
Slayer vs. Chicken Man
4. Insane Clown Posse Balloon on a Pole Match
Ultimo Tiger/Zombie vs. Violet J/Shaggy 2 Dope
5. K.O.W vs. FTW
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall/? vs. Lobster Man/Jeff Harvey/Ron Simmons



FTW chugs along at a snails pace and refuses to die. Quite the contrary in fact, as the useless and the old have flocked to this crummy tent to create a brand new genre of Sport Entertainment. Meaning the only kind that actually makes you want to gouge your own eyes out just to take your mind off the pain of watching this CRAP! They survive by catering to the niche audience of emo kids, ICP fans, and drug addicts. Now they put on their "biggest" show to date.....Bash at the Tent. Now I know I'm supposed to remain neutral on this for the most part but we all know the media is biased as hell so let me jsut tell you that this was one of their worst shows to date. I mean they were bad before but this was the worst of the worst. Sure enough with the talk of ICP coming in the "Juggalos" appeared. Actually I think it was the same peopl who have been coming with white face paint but I can't be for sure. This show would have been their shortest to date too if it weren't for Rince Vusso coming out after every match to cut a shoot promo about how stupid wrestling is....then why is he in the business? Also he keeps talking about this sports entertainment company up north and how he plans on copying them and using their talent even though he hates them. Does that make any sense? You're probably wondering why my opening statements are longer then usual. Well that's because this show was insanely short and I need to fill up space on the page or I don't get paid and if I don't get paid then I don't have the money to fuel my relapse into alcohol abuse. But anyways let's get to the matches.

The opening match was another Punch999 classic. The useless bastard had the unlucky task on taking on the psycho Mr. Scary in a Coffin Match. No reason for this match or build up whatsoever but since it's a gimmick match people want to see it....yeah right. Well this one was over before it even began as Mr. Scary took one step at Punch and the little guy ran into the Coffin! That's it! It's over! But Mr. Scary had to satisfy his bloodlust so he dragged Punch out of the coffin and nearly stabbed him to death! I'm so glad kids come to this show....not. Luckily the security guard caught Mr. Scary and dragged him away.

Rating- N/A (Yikes!)



Next for the [Insert Random Thing] on a Pole Match they decided to string up the half dead Punch999. Retro Hippie would have his hands full with the pissed off MMA reject Kimbo Slice. The fans started to chant GLASS JAW! Even though Kimbo has a bad reputation for having a glass jaw Hippie is scared of everyone so this was no exception. This wasn't a technical match in any stretch like all other FTW matches and ended quickly as Hippie managed to get Punch down from the pole and hit Kimbo in the jaw. That sent Slice to the ground and Hippie scored the "upset?" win.

Rating- * (Kimbo needs to go back to backyard fighting and Hippie needs to go protest something stupid)



Now this next one I was actually looking forward to in that it's a concept that they stole from EBW. The Blue Cow Flaming Death Match of Super Death upon Death! This match was only done a couple times in EBW due to the ultra violence of it. I figured with Slayer in the match that this might be the last we would ever see of Chicken Man...and that's a good thing.  But I had no clue just how violent it would be. I still have nightmares and go to therapy because of what I saw on this day. I curl up in a ball and cry whenever I see a cow. Slayer won.....I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Rating- N/A (I can't stop crying)

I decided to take my bathroom break for the next match as I don't listen to ICP and the Juggalos get on my nerves when how they sing along to the entrance music. After what I saw in the last match I didn't need another reason to vomit. The Insane Clown Posse put their wanna be backyard wrestling skills to the test against the devious Ultimo Tiger and the undead Zombie. Most of this match was nothing but ICP showboating in front of the crowd until Ultimo Tiger dropped kicked Violent J in the face. The attack caused him to bleed and the sight of blood made Zombie go on a rampage. He proceeded to tear into Shaggy 2 Dope and eat him! Violent J tried to stop him but he too was eaten by Zombie. Well so much for ICP. Ultimo and Zombie win.

Rating- N/A (This is supposed to be wrestling right?)



Next up was the "Big?" main event. The old timers Kevin Nash and Scott Hall teamed up along with a mystery partner to take on the other old timers Lobster Man and Ron Simmons as well as Flippy Floppy, paint covered, drug addict Jeff Harvey. This match was full of action....if by action you mean Kevin Nash destroying his knees after 20-30 big boots, Scott Hall being hung over and trying not to throw up and Lobster Man forgetting where he was. Jeff Harvey jumped onto the ring post and flipped out of the ring even though no one was out there. It was just odd. In the end that surprise that everyone knew was coming finally came as Hulk Hogan joined his old friends and pinned Ron Simmons after a leg drop that broke his hip. I can't say this was a surprise mostly because earlier in the night I used the urinal next to Hogan but it was also quite obvious this was going to happen. Another Rince Vusso rehash. Hogan, Hall, and Nash then stood in the ring to cut a promo that will one day not be remembered by anyone at all. It was mostly about how they have nothing left to give to wrestling so now they leech off of it and how since Hogan has lost his family, his reality show, and his stupid celebrity wrestling show is garbage and was cancelled 5 minutes into the first episode (I wish). The he declared that they would beat a dead horse one more time and become the Old World Order of wrestling and keep down the young whippersnappers. This is so Rince Vusso to try and rehash old crap and just like normal nobody cares.

Rating- * (I hate my job)



What was called the biggest show in FTW history was a giant flop or as I say "They pulled an FTW". Now we have FTW vs. OWO to look forward to......oh yay.

Final Rating- * (Meh)

Bash at the Tent
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. Coffin Match
Mr. Scary beat Punch999 (0:05) when Punch cried like a bitch and jumped into the coffin.
2. [Insert Random Thing] on a Pole Match!
Retro Hippie beat Kimbo Slice (2:54) when Hippie hit Kimbo Slice in the jaw with Punch999.
3. Blue Cow Flaming Death Match of Super Death upon Death
Slayer beat Chicken Man (5:11) but due to the graphic nature of the match we can't disclose how.
4. Insane Clown Posse Balloon on a Pole Match
Ultimo Tiger/Zombie beat Violet J/Shaggy 2 Dope (8:20) when Zombie ate their brains.
5. K.O.W vs. FTW
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall/Hulk Hogan beat Lobster Man/Jeff Harvey/Ron Simmons (13:46) when Hulk Hogan hit the legdrop on Ron Simmons.

 

(Onett News Writer Jack Flack is now the offical reviewer of Super Pro Wrestling: For The Win! For the rest of his life!)

Everytime I think I'm getting out they pull me back in! Just as I was thinking they would give me a new assignment at Onett News they tell me it is now my PERMANENT JOB TO COVER FTW!!! I was just about to go postal and lay waste to anyone in my path but they told me I was getting a raise......so on that note YAY let's cover some FTW!!! This goofy as hell little fed is starting to grow on me.....just kidding no matter how much they pay me this *expletive deleted*  makes me sick! Since Rince Vusso started booking he has filled FTW with a bunch on washed has beens who a supposed big names. But seriously I doubt that anyone here in Onett have heard of them. That and the total suckage of this failed project makes it obvious why the attendance hasn't increased from week to week. Now that they are going to have their own show they really needed a strong show to set the ground work for the tv show....they failed.

This show titled Circus Wild, had a theme of FTW vs. o.W.o. With the old has beens taking on the rejects of this failed promotion. The first match of the show saw the debut of the FTW true born WMP78 as he faced the biggest of FTW's biggest mistakes......Punch999. WMP78 was actually trained by Ron Simmons who was actually able to wrestle once upon a time, so I was expecting some level of talent but I wasn't given a chance to see it as Punch999 decided to run around like a little bitch. I was bored to tears by this long drawn out debacle but FINALLY WMP78 caught the little bastard and dropped him with a Crucifix Neck Crank called the 78 Unleaded. All I can say is it was a win.....that's it.

Rating- * (Punch999 is a cancer)



Next up was the surprising entertaing yet poorly named Mr. Scary's Torture Chamber Last Rites Hardcore Deathmatch on a Pole Match. It was entertaining cause I got to see some douche bags get the shit kicked out of em in an ultra violent setting. What's more entertaining then that? Anyways the ring was set on fire as hardcore weapons littered the ring. A sledgehammer was also hanging from a pole. The 5-6 fans in attendance were shouting "Fire Vusso!" as Ultimo Tiger and Zombie faced Chicken Man and Retro Hippie, as well as the maniacal team of Mr. Scary and Slayer. Retro Hippie tried to beg for peace but ended up getting tossed out of the ring and through a table. The rest of the match was basically happy hour for Slayer and Mr. Scary. Not a whole lot of actual wrestling (not surprised in the least) but Ultimo Tiger kept trying to get in a move whenever he was running away screaming like a girl. Zombie's arm caught on fire and as the undead wrestling flailed he arm about he ended up falling onto a barbed wire board and couldn't get back up. The psycho killers Mr. Scary and Slayer both set their sights on Ultimo Tiger but soon turned their attention to Chicken Man who had been frozen with fear the whole match. He's not a big fan of fire for obvious reasons. Slayer made quick work of him and showed off his new Gorecore Ace Crusher finisher. Wow a wrestling move!!!

Rating- N/A (This was fun but it wasn't wrestling so no score)



The next match could only be described as the most convoluted clusterF*** in the history of anything Rince Vusso has ever done. Flippy Floppy Drug Addict Jeff Harvey and Ron Simmons would try to defend FTW against the geezers Kevin Nash and Scott Hall of the Old World Order. The problem from the start was that it looked like Scott Hall no showed the event. No one was surprised but it was still a problem. Kevin Nash had to fight on his own with his vast moveset that includes Big Boot, Elbow Drop.................Powerbomb........So anyways as the match was going on Jeff Harvey went on a drug trip and did a swanton out of the ring and onto the hard concrete for no reason. Thing were evened out for like 10 seconds until Nash's knee suddenly EXPLODED! I'm not joking it freaking exploded! That's when Rince Vusso started his signature run ins. First he shocked a couple people by bring in Kevin Nash's buddy TRIPLE H! The roid machine spit some water in the face of a fan and ran towards the ring with his signature sledgehammer. But before he got to the ring both of his quads tore and he fell to the ground in agony. So Rince Vusso brought out his second surprise run in Kimbo Slice who was wearing the o.W.o colors. I wouldn't call him an old has been....I'd call him a flash in the pan.....of suckage. He actually made it into the ring but Ron Simmons hit him in the chin and he was out cold. This whole time Kevin Nash was bouncing around on one leg trying to mantain his balance but he ended up falling on Ron and Vusso did the quick count. o.W.o wins? By the way Scott Hall ended up finally appearing but he was too busy drinking with Larmore to know what was going on in the ring.

Rating-* (WHAT THE *BLEEP* WAS THAT?!)



I know what you're thinking, it can't get much worse right? WRONG! Next up we had the "epic" encounter between reality star Hulk Hogan and FTW Super Awesome Champion Lobster Man. This one burned my eyes to watch and I've seen Hogan vs. Warrior at Halloween Havoc......this was worse. Lobster Man was too hopped up on pain killers to know where he was and Hogan was too busy flexing and pointing at Lobster Man to do any wrestling. They finally locked up at one point but Lobster Man ended up falling asleep on Hogan and nearly pinning him when Hogan's knees buckled and he fell down. It looked like Lobster Man might actually win this match until Hulk Hogan's son Nick sped into the tent with his car, drove into the ring and RAN OVER LOBSTERMAN! You would figure the match was over but no! I guess this match was no DQ.....I'M GLAD SOMEONE TOLD ME! Hogan pinned whatever part of Lobster Man wasn't under the car and once again Vusso did a quick count. Hulk Hogan won thanks to his bastard attempted murdering son and o.W.o now has the "precious?" belt. The o.W.o stood triumphant....triumphant in the knowledge that they suck!

Rating-* (.........)



Final Rating-* (  > )

THIS IS THE WORST DAMN GARBAGE THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN! DAMN THE PERSON WHO CAME UP WITH THIS SHIT! THAT'S IT I'M GONNA FREAKING LOSE IT!!! No wait.....remember the raise......So all in all another disaster for the 2nd Best Promotion in Onett. I will be forced to review FTW:ImPLANT! What a shitty name by the way. Honestly tune in that night to watch the EBW special but then do something better with your time afterwards like........ANYTHING!

Circus Wild
Abandoned Circus Tent AKA FTW Arena

1. WMP78 is here for the fun time watching!
WMP78 beat Punch999 (6:56) with a 78 Unleaded.
2. Mr. Scary's Torture Chamber Last Rites Hardcore Deathmatch on a Pole Match!
Mr. Scary/Slayer beat Chicken Man/Retro Hippie and Ultimo Tiger/Zombie (12:11) when Slayer hit Gorecore Ace Crusher on Chicken Man.
3. o.W.o Invasion
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall beat Jeff Harvey/Ron Simmons (3:04) when Kevin Nash fell on Ron Simmons.
4. Super Awesome Championship
Hulk Hogan beat Lobster Man(c) (5:12) when Nick Hogan ran over Lobster Man with his car.



FTW: ImPLANT! card announced!

FTW is making history like a rocketship ready to takeoff to successville! The first major super duper awesome episode of FTW: ImPLANT is approaching, and will take place after EBW's Battle Dome show that will welcome FTW to the Boogaloo TV! lineup! The card is set and we have TWO huge matches to offer. TV matches will have a 5 minute time limit except for title matches which will have 5:30 limit. According to Rince Vusso this is done so we'll have time for a ton of in ring promos.....ISN'T THAT AWESOME!!!!!

FTW: ImPLANT
FTW Tent

1. Welcome to the fun time watching on the television!
WMP78 vs. Zombie vs. Retro Hippie vs. Punch999 vs. Kimbo Slice
2. FTW Tag Team Championship Decision Match
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall vs. Ultimo Tiger/Zombie vs. Ron Simmons/Jeff Harvey

-



Trevor Mach: Hey SWIFTicus!

Brawler SWIFT: Sup Trev?

Trevor Mach: Well after the recent battle we had in the ring and the challenge you laid down to meet again in the finals I figured I would come bury the hatchet and wish you luck tonight.

Brawler SWIFT: I appreciate it. Like I said it's nothing personal, but we had to fight sometime.

Trevor Mach: Oh I'm with ya on that SWIFTnificent. I hope we do meet in the finals. In fact I brought someone to the Battle Dome tonight to wish you luck in your E-1 Tag Match against the Mario Brothers!

Brawler SWIFT: Oh yeah....who?

Trevor Mach: They are......right.....behind.....this.....door!



Brawler SWIFT: Who the hell is this?

Trevor Mach: It's Rick Astley! You just got Rick Roll'd!!!

Rick Astley: We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to.....



Brawler SWIFT: What the hell was that?!

Trevor Mach: Oh....well...it was a joke.....is he breathing? We're gonna get sued.



EBW fans packed the Battle Dome this evening for EBW: Tuesday Night Special! The show was meant to serve as welcoming for FTW to the Boogaloo TV! lineup, but it was more like a class in how wrestling is actually done. The card was packed with E-1 tag matches, a stellar C-X-J 6-man battle, and the main event of Tack Angel taking on The Great KYO.

The action kicked off with a 6-man C-X-J tag match. C-X-J #1 Contender Fuel teamed with C-X-J tag champs Lovekick to take on Shadow and two mystery partners. The partners were revealed to be Given and Taken. That's not much of a surprise, but the new look they were sporting was. Dressed in new wrestling attire and face paint, Given and Taken went from looking like white trash to one of the most menacing tag teams in EBW.



Calling themselves the Sons of Anarchy, this brutal duo fought like a well oiled machine, which is surprising considering how little they have actually trained as a team. Fuel and Lovekick countered with their quick, high flying style, but the S.O.A were on fire. Given was able to absorb alot of pain while Taken dished it out. Taken is a straight up brawler, and over whelmed the opposition with his desire to inflict pain. Shadow seemed pleased with his new team and let them do most of the dirty work, but he finally came in to finish off a weakened Fuel who fell to the Shadow Driver. Shadow is obivously gunning for the new #1 Contender. Lovekick seemed visibly stunned at the new team, and who could blame them since you know S.O.A is gunning for the C-X-J Tag Team Titles.

Next up the P+P rudo team The Guapo Brothers fought the team of Pokey and Orange Kid in E-1 Tag action. The Guapo Brothers have been inpressive in their EBW showings, but had yet to score a win. Meanwhile Pokey and Orange Kid were on a HUGE slump and were looking for a win here to get back on track. The Guapo Brothers came prepared tonight though. All the recent experience with some of the top teams in EBW helped them overcome Pokey and Orange Kid as Billy Guapo finished off Pokey with a Canadian Backbreaker, or as he calls it the V.I.P Only. Keep in mind that despite the slump Pokey is still a former multiple time champion and this is a big win for the Guapo Brothers.



Next up came the exciting contest between Team Legend and Team CTW. Up until now Little Mac and Master Lu were schooling their opposition but Chrono and Magus didn't enter the tournament to lose, and this quickly became a hard hitting brawl. The fans were really into this one and clearly backed the Legends. This brought out "Legend Destroyah!" Rude, who has a big problem with the Legends in EBW. He started off by watching from the entrance but quickly moved in closer and cost his enemies the match, when he distracted Little Mac long enough for Chrono to hit his Chrono Trigger finisher. Little Mac and Master Lu chased Rude up the entrance ramp where Iron Mafia suddenly appeared and began to beat the legends down. Security had to break up the brawl. Rude certainly got the attention of Team Legend tonight.



The women were up next, as Women's Champion Tracy and Val took on Erica and Kumatora in E-1 action. This was yet another exciting bout, and all four women were very impressive. Kumatora continues to do well but is also under the radar in the division. Erica was once again dressed like M's and fighting her style. Speaking of M's, the former champ made her way to the ring to watch the match as she has a bone to pick with Erica, after her "biggest fan" no showed a tag match. When Erica spotted M's she was obviously starting to panic and it showed in her performance. Tracy and Val took the opportunity to target Kumatora, and Tracy won the match after downing her with the Starstorm Suplex. After the match M's got into the ring and Erica quickly ran away. What's going on here?



More E-1 Tag action was on the way as Tag Team Champions Team SWIFtanooki took on The Mario Brothers in a highly anticipated battle. We quickly found out that rumors were true as Mario and Luigi came out in Tanooki Suits just like W00t. So we had three Tanookis and a SWIFT. Isn't this the start of a bad joke? Both teams were solid in this big brawl. It was mostly a strike fest but W00t changed things up with and armbar on Mario that almost forced him to tap! The Mario Brother's combo moves turned the tide and almost spelled the end for the tag champs, but SWIFT refused to stay down and beat the opposition after a Muscle Buster on Luigi. Team SWIFtanooki goes undefeated in the first round of the E-1 Tag Climax and regains the point lead from Team ChaotiX. Trevor Mach and Ness came out to applaud the team and show respect. Will we see these two teams battle again?



In the main event Tack Angel would have the task of taking on the diabolical KYO in singles action. KYO is an insanely tough fighter but his erratic behavior lately has made him even more unpredictable. Tack Angel on the other hand has always been known to be able to step up and take on the best of the best. This was yet another strikefest with Tack able to handle KYO's onslaught which came as quite a surprise. A spinning backfist from Tack even sent KYO out of the ring. The maniacal KYO seemed distracted by a sign in the crowd with Masked Lanta's mask on it. He ran out into the crowd and ripped it to shreds. From then on he seemed much more focused and brutal. KYO unleashed a series of stiff kicks that sent Tack to the mat. Then he hit a picture perfect Shining Wizard before stomping Tack's head into the mat. Tack shockingly managed to kick out of a pin attempt. This sent KYO into a frenzy as he grabbed a chair and started to bash Tack's head in. This brought out 2nd Belt Champion Danny Leung, who fearlessly ran into the ring and traded punches with KYO until security broke up the scuffle. The animosity between Danny and KYO is growing...and we don't even know why this was started! A chaotic end to an action packed show. EBW showed FTW how to get it done in the ring....now the ball is in their court.



EBW: Tuesday Night Special!
Battle Dome
BTV!/MN-4

1. Shadow/Given/Fuel beat Fuel/Sal Paradise/Jamie OD (11:05) when Shadow hit the Shadow Driver on Fuel.
2. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Billy Guapo/Rocky Guapo(2) beat Pokey/Orange Kid(1) (6:32) When Billy hit the V.I.P Only on Pokey.
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Chrono/Magus(4) beat Little Mac/Master Lu(4) (10:56) when Chrono hit the Chrono Trigger on Little Mac.
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Block B
Tracy/Val(6) beat Erica/Kumatora(4) (9:13) when Tracy hit the Starstorm Suplex on Kumatora.
5. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t(9) beat Mario/Luigi(0) (16:24) when Brawler SWIFT hit the Muscle Buster on Luigi.
6. Tack Angel beat The Great KYO (13:09) by DQ.

Block A

Team ChaotiX - Trevor Mach/Ness (8 )
Team S.T.U - Franky/Shark #1 (4)
Team Pokey - King Pokey/Orange Kid (1)
Team MKPW - Mario/Luigi (0)
Team Guapo (P+P) - Billy Guapo/Rocky Guapo (2)
Team Swiftanooki - Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t (9)

Block B

Team Legend - Little Mac/Master Lu (4)
Team Iron Mafia - Poo/Rude (3)
Team CTW - Chrono/Magus (4)
Team FTW - Retro Hippie/Chicken Man (0)
Team Flying Elvis (P+P) - Presley/Costello (2)
Team Lovekick - Jamie OD/Sal Paradise (3)

Block A

Team ChaotiX - M's Style/Paula (4)
Team TUE - Nani/Jan the Mach Pizza Girl (0)
Team CTW - Marle/Lucca (2)
Team MKPW - Sheik/Samus (6)

Block B

Team Iron Mafia - Tracy/Val (6)
Team EK - Erica/Kumatora (4)
Team Princess - Toadstool/Daisy (2)
Team FTW - FTW Ranger Pink/FTW Ranger Yellow (0)

-



Well....hell has frozen over an pigs are flying. FTW has a tv show. This past tuesday, wrestling fans were treated to a Tuesday Night Special from EBW....then were punished with 30 minutes of craptacular non action from FTW: ImPLANT. Now I can already tell you that this show was nothing but a waste, but I think the ratings tell a funnier story then I could. The ratings for EBW: Tuesday Night Special were a solid 5.5, a strong number for Boogaloo TV!. Then the moment the show switched over to FTW: ImPLANT the ratings plummeted to a 0.1......and that's rounding up I believe. The ImPLANT Zone as they are calling it, was prettty much empty for this show. It was so empty that they asked my to stand in view of the camera and fill up space. If I did they would give me a t-shirt. So I blew my nose with the shirt and moved into camera view, so you'll be able to see me tonight. Oh by the way I was asked by my boss to start including transcripts of FTW's various promos in my reviews. I strongly objected but I can't argue with the money so here we go. The show opened up with Rince Vusso, FTW Super Awesome Champion Hulk Hogan, and new o.W.o member Kimbo Slice coming to the ring for what I was sure would be another boring as hell Rince Vusso promo.

Rince Vusso: Hello FTW fan! The o.W.o is in the house for the first ever episode of FTW: ImPLANT. Now Ike Madamle won't be here tonight cause we locked him in the broom closet. So it's all about o.W.o tonight. So far our plan has worked. Fill the roster with the veterans and completely steal the spotlight from the young talent. Now the ratings are going to go through the roof! Cause if I know anything it's what wrestling fans want to see.....and that's NOT wrestling. It's not sports entertainment either....I'd like to call it....faux-wrestling but not really wrestling type drama. Now I'll give the mic over to Super Awesome Champion Hulk Hogan!

Hulk Hogan: Well ya know something Mean Gene! As many of the Hulkamaniacs know I'm sad, bitter shell of the man I used to pretend to be! My wife left me, I'm broke as a joke, my daughter has no talent, and my son is an reckless atempted murderer. But I'd just like to let you all know that I'm still here to drain the money from this promotion and to kill wrestling like my son almost killed his friend in that car accident! The o.W.o is where it's at FTW! Now that I'm the champ I plan on never wrestling and just holding onto the belt for years and years. The rating will increase every month I promise. Tonight my brothers, Hall and Nash are gonna run through the FTW jabronis and become the FTW Tag Champs and my new muscle here Kimbo Slice will win his match as well. So all I have to ask is....Whatcha gonna do when the o.W.o runs wild on y......ow my hip....and my knee.....my hip and knee!

Rince Vusso: You heard it from Hogan himself, the o.W.o is taking over and no one can stop us.

? Oooooooo YEAH!



Hulk Hogan: Macho Man! What are you doing here!?

Macho Man: Oooooo YEAH! Dig it! Now ya know wherever you go I have to follow Hogan! I got a big problem with you even though I've lived off your scraps for decades! Ooooo YEAH! Now I'm here to snap into you like a Slim Jim! I'm a old veteran too so that means by default I get a title shot and I want one Hogan! So all I got to say to you is....BE A MAN HULK!

That made me sick having to type that out but you get the idea of how this is gonna work. They basically want me to cover it like an EBW show but the difference is EBW is good and I praise whoever came up with it! But anyways back to ImPLANT. Macho Man Randy Savage joined the other fossils of days gone by in FTW and now wants a title shot. What doesn't Lobster Man get a rematch? Keep in mind that this show is only 30 minutes long and that promo took up 8 minutes. 2 minutes worth of commercials and we're 10 minutes in with no wrestling. You would figure that on this "huge" debut show they would run some sort of video package to celebrate what FTW has done and then showcase some top talent.....but no instead they have a promo followed by an interview segment backstage...



Larmore: Alright this is *bleep*ing stupid but I was told that if I wanted to keep getting paid in booze I would need to pull double duty as the *bleep*ing backstage interviewing guy. So I just rounded up whoever I could find for this *bleep*. First we have the little pansy ass Retro Hippie. Hippie start talking!

Retro Hippie: Well first off all I think it's time we had change in FTW. We need CHANGE!

Larmore: And you're done! Shut the *bleep* up Hippie! Your views make me want to vomit and just looking at you makes me want to stab you to death with a broken *bleep*ing beer bottle. So get the the *bleep* out of here! Who else do I have to interview!? Zombies?! Screw that what else do we have? Holy *bleep* I guess I have to talk to Punch999. Now Punch....everyone hates you. Why are you still here?

Punch999: Well that's a good question. See when I was a...AHHHHHH!!

Nick Hogan: Oops, I guess I wasn't looking where I was going hehehehe!

Larmore: *bleep* You're worse then OJ you waste of life! Go make a reality show and get the *bleep* out of here! This is bull*bleep*!

So after a profanty laced tirade from Larmore we were now 15 minutes into the show. 2 more minutes of commercials and we FINALLY got the first "match" on the night. Kimbo Slice, Zombie, Punch999, Retro Hippie, and FTW trueborn WMP78 fought in a 5 way match. Like most FTW matches this one was a cluster*bleep* of nonsense. The ring isn't big enough for all these people at one time. I could go on and on about how much this match sucked, but it was only 4 minutes long. So a short match gets a short review. WMP78 was the only one even trying to wrestle. Not sure what to make of this guy yet but he may be FTW's on actual wrestler. Of course now thanks to the beating he suffered at the hands of Rince Vusso's baseball bat he suffers from memory loss and narcolepsy. So when he wasn't forgetting where he was he was passing out. He managed to survive though and won the match after hitting his 78 Unleaded finisher on Punch999.

Rating-* (That ring is barely big enough for 2 people!)



After yet more commercials we moved on to the second and FINAL match of the show. Yep.....only two matches on the debut show. By the way due to time constraints the match was made into and Over the Top Rope Rumble. You wouldn't have time constraints if you didn't fill your show with promos and what not. It was Hall and Nash of o.W.o vs. Ultimo Tiger and Zombie, who was pulling double duty tonight which doesn't make any sense considering the size of the roster. Flippy Floppy Jeff Harvey and Ron Simmons rounded out this trifecta of suck! This match was even shorter then the first match as Kevin Nash simply used his crutch to swat his opponents out of the ring like flies. All except Jeff Harvey as he did a suicide dive out of the ring and busted open his skull for no reason. But the 12 year old little Jeff Harvey wannabes seem to like it. Hall and Nash won the match and stood triumphant with their new tag belts that mean absolutely nothing.

Rating-* (ugh....where do I begin)



The show was just about over but first we were treated to another backstage segment....yay....



Scott Hall: We should go out drinking to celebrate our win tonight.

Nick Hogan: Yeah I could use a few drinks before going on a drive.

Rince Vusso: We don't have time to drink!

Scott Hall: WHAT?!

Rince Vusso: We have to worry about dealing with Macho Man, and what if these FTW guys actually manage to do something productive?

Hulk Hogan: Ya know something Mean Gene!? You don't have to worry about Macho Man or the FTW jabronis! I'm bringing in some secret weapons to help us out! It's going down next week BROTHER!

Final Rating-* (What a failure)

This show was just plain terrible and I couldn't care less about who Hogan is bringing in next week, but I'll be here to cover the "action".

FTW: ImPLANT
ImPLANT Zone

1. Welcome to the fun time watching on the television!
WMP78 beat Zombie, Retro Hippie, Punch999, and Kimbo Slice (4:08) with a 78 Unleaded on Punch999.
2. FTW Tag Team Championship Decision Over the Top Rope Rumble!
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall beat Ultimo Tiger/Zombie and Ron Simmons/Jeff Harvey (3:03) to win the Rumble and become the 1st FTW Tag Team Champions!

-



EBW in P+P Results!

EBW joined Power Play Wrestling for its biggest show to date, Cibernetico Classico Coolio. The EBW Tag Team Champions defended the belts against the Guapo Brothers, Picky Minch finally defeated Hoodlum in a No DQ match, and EBW wrestlers joined the P+P fighters in the Torneo de Cibernetico. Surprise entrants included Generator and Fuel on Rey Dorado's team while Shadow, Given, Jeff, and Apple Kid were picked to join Red Devils' team. Team Dorado ended up winning the epic match up when Bullet survived to the end to put down Destruction Dave with 3 Russian Roulettes. The win is huge for the P+P star and early talk is that he may be brought into EBW sooner then later. It was a big day for P+P and EBW was happy to be there for it.

Power Play Wrestling: Cibernetico Classico Coolio
Plateau Hall,
Nace

1. P+P Second Class Debut
Mono Loco [CBA] defeated Yozone (9:35) with a Backslide Pin.
2. P+P Second Class Tag Team Debut
Mythbusters defeated Trouble X2 (10:12) when Mythbuster Jamie pinned Gobe Noctin with the Busted.
3. No Disqualification
Picky Minch [EBW] defeated Hoodlum (15:46) with the Dead Lift German Suplex.
4. C-X-J Tag Team Championship
Lovekick Connection (c) [EBW] defeated Guapo Bros (16:12) when Sal Paradise made Rocky Guapo tap to the Paradise Lock.
5. Torneo de Cibernetico
Bullet wins the Torneo de Cibernetico.
Rey Dorado, Bullet, Tamtin, El Hijo del Latino [CBA], Presley, Costello, Generator [EBW] & Fuel [EBW] defeated Red Devil, Destruction Dave [IG], Apple Kid [EBW], Jeff Andonuts [EBW], Shadow [EBW], Given [EBW], Slayer [FTW] [Free], & Zurf Zambada
5a. Costello eliminated Zurf Zambada (17:43) when the Flying Elvises did the Two Hit Wonders.
5b. Destruction Dave eliminated Tamtin (24:53) with the Path To Destruction.
5c. Bullet eliminated Apple Kid (33:02) with the Russian Roulette.
5d. Red Devil eliminated Presley (34:42) with the Devil's Wings.
5e. Fuel eliminated Shadow (35:30) with the Firestarter.
5f. Slayer eliminated Generator (42:48) with the Gorecore Ace Crusher.
5g. El Hijo del Latino eliminated Slayer (43:39) with the Latino Thunder.
5h. El Hijo del Latino eliminated Red Devil (44:24) by DQ when Red Devil ripped off Latino's mask.
5i. Jeff Andonuts eliminated El Hijo del Latino (44:45) with a Small Package.
5j. Given eliminated Costello (45:46) thanks to the Andonuts Launch from Jeff Andonuts.
5k. Rey Dorado eliminated Given (48:25) with the Full Circle.
5l. Destruction Dave eliminated Fuel (49:48) with a Super Power Slam.
5m. Destruciton Dave eliminated Rey Dorado (51:38) with the Path To Destruction.
5n. Bullet eliminated Jeff Andonuts (54:52) with a Texas Cloverleaf.
5o. Bullet eliminated Destruction Dave (59:47) with three consecutive Russian Roulettes.

Tack Angel and Danny Leung Join ChaotiX! Rumors concerning the Women's Division!



Global World Champion Trevor Mach and Ness arrived at EBW HQ today to introduce the two newest members of ChaotiX....Tack Angel and 2nd Belt Champion Danny Leung! Tack Angel has been looking for that push since disbanding Journey, and this may be just what it takes to elevate him to main event status. Danny on the other hand has found recent success with the 2nd Belt Championship, but needs a little backup for his war with KYO. No word yet on if Nani is also joining ChaotiX but as she is dating Danny it is very probable.

Ness: Welcome to ChaotiX peeps!

Trevor Mach: It's good to have you guys on the team!

Tack Angel: Thanks guys I'm glad to have the opportunity to work with you.

Trevor Mach: Oh we don't just work.....we party! BOOSH!

Danny Leung: *sigh* It's fun to party....I guess.

Ness: Oh come on Danny cheer up! It's not like KYO is around.

Danny Leung: If he was.....I WOULD BREAK HIS FACE!

Ness: Whoa....so KYO gets a reaction out of Danny....we better make a note of that.

Trevor Mach: Look out Iron Mafia and S.T.U! ChaotiX is growing! Shenanigans and Hijinks are soon to follow.....and tomfoolery...can't forget about tomfoolery.......BOOSH!

Ness: Boosh!

Tack Angel: Boosh!

Danny Leung: *sigh* ....do I have to say it? *sigh* boosh.....

The women of ChaotiX were missing from the announcement. This and the fact that they are not booked on the next episode of X-cite furthers rumors that something big is about to go down in the Women's Division. We're not sure if these rumors are true but something is happening soon and the women appear to be getting ready for whatever it is.

Final Cards for the E-1 Tag Team Tournament Announced! News on upcoming EBW PPV DESTINY!

The final cards for the E-1 Tag Team Climax have been set! The tournament will run through X-cite and X-perience, and as a special treat some matches will also be taking place in MKPW and CTW to help give the tourney a global feel. The cards can be seen below. On top of the various E-1 matches still taking place we'll also see Given and Taken continue their new tag team Sons of Anarchy as they take on former C-X-J Champion Generator and #1 Contender Fuel. C-X-J Champion Rey Dorado will return to EBW for some non title action as well. The main event of X-cite will see the new members of ChaotiX team with Trevor Mach and Ness to battle The Great KYO and Onett Police Force. Everyone in ChaotiX has a bone to pick with KYO, and this will be the first time Trevor and KYO have been in the ring at the same time since 3 Stages of Hell at Zero Hour. The women return to action on X-perience as the E-1 teams split in half to participate in two fatal 4-way matches in the undercard. Tag Team Champs Team SWIFtanooki offer the olive branch to ChaotiX in the main event, and will team with Danny Leung as they battle KYO and OPF. Then the E-1 action spills over into MKPW and CTW for the final first round matches! This week will offer us alot of action that is sure to deliver, and remember it's all in HD!


EBW: X-cite HD
Onett Community Center
BTV!/MN-4

1. Generator/Fuel vs. Given/Taken
2. Non-Title
Rey Dorado vs. Ultimo Munk vs. Funky Shark Ninja vs. Kung Foo
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Franky/Shark #1 vs. Mario/Luigi
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Poo/Rude vs. Chrono/Magus
5. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Presley/Costello vs. Little Mac/Master Lu
6. Welcome to ChoatiX
Trevor Mach/Ness/Tack Angel/Danny Leung vs. The Great KYO/Captain Strong/OPM #1/OPM #2

EBW: X-perience HD
Onett Community Center
BTV!/MN-4

1. Val vs. Paula vs. Samus vs. Erica
2. Tracy vs. M's Style vs. Sheik vs. Kumatora
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Billy Guapo/Rocky Guapo vs. Mario/Luigi
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Rude/Poo vs. Retro Hippie/Chicken Man
5. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Chrono/Magus vs. Presley/Costello
6. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Sal Paradise/Jamie OD vs. Little Mac/Master Lu
7. Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t/Danny Leung vs. The Great KYO/Captain Strong/OPM #1

CTW: E-1 in CTW!
CTW Arena

1. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Chrono/Magus vs. Retro Hippie/Chicken Man

MKPW: Bumble City Rumble
Bumble City

1. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block B
Sal Paradise/Jamie OD vs. Retro Hippie/Chicken Man
2. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Block A
Mario/Luigi vs. Pokey/Orange Kid



EBW.com can now also confirm that very soon EBW will be holding another PPV....by soon we mean right after the four cards listed above. That's right EBW returns to Pay Per View with EBW: Destiny! The show will take place at Saturn Dome, and will feature the semi finals and finals of the E-1 Tag Tournament. It will also see alot of other action such as Rey Dorado defending his C-X-J Title against Fuel. Over matches remain unknown at this time because most of the EBW roster is still locked into the E-1 Climax. That is why details about the PPV have remained sketchy, but depending on the outcome of the E-1 Tag Climax this show promises to deliver in a big way as do all EBW PPVs. We don't mess around when it comes to these shows. Mr. Poochyfud will have more news about EBW: Destiny on X-cite in HD!

EBW: Destiny!
Saturn Dome
PPV

1. EBW C-X-J Championship
Rey Dorado(c) vs. Fuel
2. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Semi Finals
Tracy/Val vs. M's Style/Paula
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Semi Finals
Samus/Sheik vs. Erica/Kumatora
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Semi Finals
Block A 1st Place vs. Block B 2nd Place
5. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Semi Finals
Block A 2nd Place vs. Block B 1st Place
6. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Finals
7. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Finals

Nerdler: Nerdler here with the Nerd Squad, to welcome you to another episode of EBW: X-posed! The show that takes a look behind the scenes to see what's really going on. Now you're probably wondering why EBW X-posed wasn't on last week. Well that is a very good question. You see our first episode was so raunchy that we got into a little bit of trouble.

Nerf: Sued and arrested.

Nervert: Jail sucked!

Nerdler: But now we've been let out on good behavior, and as long as we use this episode to cover EBW: Destiny we can keep our show.

Nervert: We also can't film naked people without their consent.....who knew?

Nerf: You are most illogical. Captain Kirk would throw you in the brig!

Nerdler: Who cares what Kirk would do as Picard was obviously the better Captain!

Nervert: I always got turned on by Captain Janeway!

Nerf: You fool! Voyager sucked!

Nerdler: Zip it losers! It's time to preview the upcoming EBW Pay Per View Destiny! Alot of action will be going down in Saturn Dome, as rivals clash and E-1 Champions are crowned in both the men's and women's divisions. Speaking of the women's division, how about them getting their own show? Interesting stuff!

Nervert: It sucks! How am I ever going to watch them change and steal their undergarments....I mean......aw hell IT SUCKS!

Nerf: I concur!

Nerdler: Well I'm pissed that we are not doing the interviews for EBW: X-tasy....but I promise we'll find our way in there. No one can stop Nerd Squad!

Nervert: Except the ladies....

Nerf: .......

Nerdler: ....damnit that's true! Anyways, lets take you on an inside look of this weekend's big Destiny Press Conference! We were treated to some surprises as the roster hyped the big show. For starters ChaotiX came to the press conference with THREE new members! Let's check it out!



Trevor Mach: Thank you thank you! You're all too kind! Hold the pictures please, we've got an announcement to make!

Ness: As the other factions in EBW have been waging war, ChaotiX has built an army!

Trevor Mach: Not just any army...an army of suave gentlemen and sexy strong ladies!

Ness: We've all got some epic battles to face tommorow at Destiny, but we can handle it. If you look at our resumes you'll see why we are some of wrestling's best today! But we're not ones to hog the spotlight oh no! That's why we'd now like to introduce the newest members of ChaotiX! First of all we have Danny Leung's girlfriend Nani. That makes three ladies that will represent ChaotiX in the EBW Women's Brand. Next it gives me great pleasure to introduce......

Trevor Mach: Two of the most badass beeyotches in the C-X-J Division!

Ness: Sal Paradise and Jamie OD! The C-X-J Tag Team Champions Lovekick Connection!

Sal Paradise: Howdy amigos! It's great to be in ChaotiX which such talented fighters. I can definately see this getting me some action with the ladies!

Trevor Mach: Respect Kunckles baby! Pound it! BOOSH!

Tack Angel: .....heh......

Jamie OD: ChaotiX is a team full of the best EBW has to offer! That's why Lovekick Connection belongs in ChaotiX. We're the best thing going in the C-X-J Division. Sal brings the chicks while I supply the kicks! This isn't just Lovekick anymore...It's CHAOTIX BABY!

Trevor Mach: BOOSH!

M's Style: BOOSH!

Ness: BOOSH!

Paula: BOOSH!

Nani: BOOSH!

Danny Leung: ........

Tack Angel: BOOSH!

Sal Paradise: BOOSH!

Danny Leung: ........

Jamie OD: BOOSH!

Danny Leung: I'm NOT saying it!

Nani: DANNY!

Danny Leung: *sigh* boosh....

Trevor Mach: Oh man...Lovekick AND ChaotiX TOGETHER! We're so gonna party!

-----

Nerdler: Later on in the Press Conference, the warring factions all came together to have a good ol fashioned shouting match!



Franky: You're going down pansy! I've been waiting a long time to take you out!

Don Poo: I'm going to beat some respect into you Franky! Make no mistake about it!

Rude: I'm tired of you legends running around here acting better then me! I'm the "Legend Destroyah!", none of you geezers can take me on!

Little Mac: We'll just see about that won't we Rude!

Tracy: Those other women in the E-1 Tag Tournament are going to find out why Val and I are the best! We're smart, sexy....well I am at least...., and we're deadly!

Funky Shark Ninja: Kung Foo I know we're not fighting at Destiny.....but I hate you!

Kung Foo: Feeling is mutual jackass!!!

Shark #1: I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

Shark #2: LOUD......NOISES!!!

-----

Nerdler: Finally we got to hear from the EBW Tag Team Champions Team SWIFtanooki, who have an uphill battle to climb at Destiny to retain the belts.



Brawler SWIFT: That's right it's gonna be tough! But we can't say we're the best unless we do this!

Tanooki W00t: Yes we could!

Brawler SWIFT: Pardon?

Tanooki W00t: Yes we could say that. We won the belts already what more do you want?

Brawler SWIFT: I want to put our skills to the test against the best opponents out there.

Tanooki W00t: Yeah that's what YOU want! I was content on trying to just win the E-1 but NOW we have to retain the belts too. Didn't we have enough pressure?!

Brawler SWIFT: Hey, I told you when we decided to team that I demand the best out of my tag partner! You're starting to sound like the cowardly W00t I once knew.

Tanooki W00t: Watch it SWIFT! Just don't make decisions for me again ok?! We'll win the tournament and retain the titles! That's what Team SWIFtanooki does! It looks like we're taking on ChaotiX twice tommorow. It should be.....fun.

Brawler SWIFT: Now you're talking my language!

-----

Nerdler: As you can see, everyone is on edge as we head into this big Pay Per View in the Saturn Dome. It's sure going to be an epic!

Nervert: Ok we spent most of the show plugging the PPV, can we do something else?

Nerf: I got some new footage with the Nerf Cam! It's not naked ladies I promise.

Nervert: Damn!

Nerdler: Sounds good to me Nerf. Tell us about it!

Nerf: Well after Lovekick joined ChaotiX, they also joined Trevor Mach on his quest to get Tack Angel laid. What you'll see now is the first "attempt".



Tack Angel: Guys, I'm not sure of this.

Trevor Mach: Relax specTACKular! These guys know what they are doing when it comes to getting some.

Jamie OD: You know it!

Sal Paradise: Ok amigo, this is going to be really simple. All you have to do is be cocky and confident. Chicks dig that!

Trevor Mach: I remember when I tried that with M's. She tossed me through a wall. Awww good memories. I love that sexy, crazy lady.

Tack Angel: Ummm....through a wall!?

Sal Paradise: Yeah but look at em now! Don't you want something like that?

Tack Angel: Ummmm....

Trevor Mach: Trust me......you do.  ;)

Tack Angel: Ok, I'll try it!

Jamie OD: Great! Now what you need to do is talk to the first girl you see. Remember be cocky and confident.

Tack Angel: Ok....let's do this.



Tack Angel: Umm...hey there Val!

Val: What do you want!?

Jamie OD: Oh shit it's Val!

Trevor Mach: Bail Tack! Run for your life!

Sal Paradise: This isn't going to go well.

Tack Angel: Did you know that I'm in ChaotiX? I was also a former tag team champion.

Val: So?!

Tack Angel: So....I was wondering if I could tap that ass baby yeah!



Tack Angel: AHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sal Paradise: TACK!!!

Jamie OD: PANIC!

Trevor Mach: RUN AWAY!!!



Nerdler: That didn't go well.

Nervert: It hardly ever does.....so is the game of love.

Nerf: ........

Nervert: I mean......I WANT SEX!

Nerdler: Anyways, that does it for this week's episode of X-posure. Make sure to tune in next week, as I'm guessing we did a good enough job to keep the show. Oh that reminds me WATCH DESTINY! Nerd Squad OUT!

-



Ness: Alright team! Tonight we're going to show everyone that ChaotiX is the best thing going in EBW!

Trevor Mach: Let's do this baby!

Danny Leung: More importantly I'm going to take down KYO and make him wish he never messed with me. I don't know why he started this.....but I'm going to finish it!

Ness: That's what I like to hear!

Trevor Mach: Respect knuckles!

Ness: Let's load up on the bus and head for Saturn Dome!

M's Style: I'll be right there guys.

?: Tick tock....tick tock.....tick tock goes the doomsday clock. It's getting closer M's....can you feel it?

M's Style: GO.....AWAY!

Trevor Mach: M's, are you ok?

M's Style: Ummm....yeah I'm fine Trev. We'd better get going if we both plan on winning the E-1 tonight!

Trevor Mach: Now you're talking!

M's Style: BOOSH!

Trevor Mach: Ha Ha! BOOSH!

?: Tick.....tock.....tick.....tock.....tick....tock....



The time had come for rivalries to be settled and E-1 champions to be crowned! EBW: Destiny went down in the Saturn Dome today in front of a packed crowd, ready to see the stacked card. From top to bottom, every match had a chance to be the show stealer.



The show kicked off with ChaotiX's Tack Angel taking on his old rival Captain Strong in one-on-one combat. Everytime these two collide they try to out do each other in the striking department as this was no different. The sound the strikes made as Tack and Strong hit each other could be heard all the way in the back seats of the Dome. It was a relative kick and chop fest. But Tack surprised Strong with a spinning backfist that knocked the Captain to the mat. When he got up Tack ran at him and unleashed a wicked Rider Kick to the head that knocked Strong out. 1-2-3 and Tack Angel wins the opening match of Destiny.



Next up the fans were treated to some interpromotional C-X-J action as EBW's Sons of Anarchy took on P+P's Flying Elvises, and the EBW Rejects of FTW! The match was mostly all about Given and Taken battling Presley and Costello, but sometimes Retro Hippie and Chicken Man attempted to get into the mix. Once again Given and Taken meshed well as a team, and their brawling style really made them dominant. P+P's team wouldn't go down easily though, so S.O.A set their sights on the weak links AKA FTW's team. Presley and Costello got the same idea and tried to drop Chicken Man before S.O.A could drop Retro Hippie, but when Shadow gave the word Given and Taken hit the Doomsday Device and got the win. This is definately a team not to be taken lightly.



The third match was a title match as Fuel got his C-X-J Title shot against P+P's Rey Dorado. Members of Power Play Wrestling and EBW's C-X-J Division all stood at ring side to watch the match go down. Fuel and Rey both wrestle a similar style, so the fans were treated to highly competitive and fast paced match. Rey and Fuel spent the opening minutes of the match chain wrestling. At one point Rey applied a Tequila Sunrise on Fuel but it was soon countered into a pin attempt for a two count. Fuel was showing signs of an injury at this point as he favored standing on his right leg. Rey took advantage and kicked away at his left leg until Fuel took his eyes of the champ, which allowed him to get in close and take Fuel down with a Bearhug Slam. 1-2 kickout! Fuel wasn't ready to give up just yet, and managed to climb to his feet and attempt a Firestarter. Rey countered out though and retaliated with a Doradorana that send Fuel to the mat again. From here Rey Dorado hit his Full Circle finisher and got the pin and defended the title! After the match Rey helped Fuel to his feet and shook his hand. The young Fuel was impressive but tonight Rey Dorado was the stronger fighter.



It was not E-1 Semi Final time! The women's matches were first as M's and Paula took on rivals Tracy and Val while Erica and Kumatora had the tough task of taking on MKPW's Samus and Sheik.



Team ChaotiX vs. Team Iron Mafia was first, as M's and Tracy continued the fierce rivalry that has fueled the Women's Division so far. Paula and Val barely got a chance to fight in this one as M's and Tracy tried to destroy each other. This was more of a brawl then anything else as they punched and kicked away. When Paula and Val finally got to fight it was obvious that Paula was a little outmatched in the strength department, but she had spirit and refused to back down to the hired muscle. After taking a nasty piledriver and barely kicking out though, Paula knew it was time to bring M's back in. M's looked like a demon possessed as she kicked and chopped away at Val. Tracy demanded to be tagged in and charged at M's. M's was ready though and borrowed a move out of Trevor's playbook by unleashing a busaiku knee kick. Then she knocked Val off the side of the ring before picking up the women's champ and finishing her off with a Go 2 Sleep. M's got the pin, meaning that she and Paula on are the way to the finals. M's had gotten cut open badly during the match but was still seen smiling over the unconcious Tracy. Payback is a bitch.

The next match went a little differently as Erica and Kumatora struggled to fend off the powerhouse team from MKPW. Samus's power and Sheik's agility make them very dangerous, and you had to give credit to Erica and Kumatora for even standing up to them considering their lack of experience. Despite their best efforts Samus and Sheik were just too much and won the match after Samus hit the Aran DDT on Kumatora. It will be a rematch between Team ChaotiX and Team MKPW in the finals.

The men's semi final matches were next, as Lovekick fought the tag champs Team SWIFtanooki while Global World Champion Trevor Mach and Ness took on the undefeated Chrono and Magus of CTW.



First up, the Tag Team Champions Brawler SWIFT and Tanooki W00t fought the C-X-J Tag Team Champions Sal Paradise and Jamie OD. The newest ChaotiX members had real chance here to make history by winning both titles and making it to the E-1 Finals. SWIFT and W00t would not just roll over and let Lovekick make history at their expense however. This match was surprisingly competitive given the size and power difference. Sal was able to go move for move SWIFT while Jamie kept W00t at bay. At one point they both Jamie jumped onto a ring post, ran on the ropes, and pulled off a wicked Hurracanranna. At the same time SWIFT and Sal collided in the air as they both tried to kick each other. The crowd was going wild for this hot match. They were cheering for both teams until W00t gouged Sal Paradise in the eyes. The dirty tactic got quite a few boos. SWIFT didn't notice the gouge and dropped Sal with a Muscle Buster to get the pin and win. The titles were defended and Team SWIFtanooki moves to the finals. As SWIFT and W00t were heading up the ramp SWIFT got a chance to see the eye gouge on the big screen replay. An arguement ensued as W00t could be heard explaining that he was trying to win at all costs. In any case we will see the champs in the E-1 Finals.

The tag team wars continued as Team ChaotiX clashed with Team CTW. Trevor and Ness drew with SWIFT and W00t in an earlier contest while Chrono and Magus have gone undefeated, so they have the momentum going into this one. This was the first time that the Global World Champ and Chrono have fought since before their fight with Giygas and Lavos in 2006. Two years can change alot and these two are better then ever at fighting. They started off the match by shaking hands before beginning to brawl. Surprisingly Chrono's first punch cut Trevor open above his left eye. This set things into motion really quickly. Trevor and Chrono clicked into 4th gear and things got crazy. As blood poured down Trevor's face he chopped and kicked at Chrono before catching him in a surprise armbar. Chrono almost kicked but Magus helped his former rival out. This brought in Ness who ran at Magus and landed a stiff uppercut to his abdomen. As this was going down Trevor and Chrono charged each other and collided in the center of the ring. Several times they tried to take each other down but to no avail. They finally had to tag in Ness and Magus who were both ready to clash. Magus tried to immediately catch Ness in the Dark Matter Driver but the 2008 Best of the Best of the Best winner escaped and hit a reverse DDT on the dark prince. Magus didn't stay down long though and retaliated with a running powerslam. While Trevor and Chrono traded strikes these two were trading power moves. Magus gained the upper hand, but out of nowhere Ness hit his PK Thunderbomb and quickly pinned Magus for the win. Both Chrono and Magus were shocked at how quickly things turned around on them, but they both still shook the hands of Trevor and Ness. Magus is not one to give respect lightly, but now he seemed truly impressed. Trevor and Ness will now face SWIFT and W00t in a rematch. This time it will be for the tag titles and the E-1 win.

Before we had the finals of the E-1 tournaments the fans were treated to two highly competitive grudge matches. The leaders of S.T.U and Iron Mafia clashed first, with both Franky and Poo wanting to wipe out the others faction once and for all. Striking seems to be the name of the game tonight, as they these two went for the knock out punch from the get go. they were both out for blood and it spilled early, when a headbutt busted them both open. Poo changed things up by grappling and taking Franky to the mat. A near fall on Franky forced him step up his game and he hit the Shouten on Poo. 1-2 KICKOUT! Franky picked him up again to hit another Shouten but Poo countered with a Starstorm OMEGA. 1-2 KICKOUT! These two blood rivals refused to give up, and as both of their factions watched from ringside they fought to a time limit draw! Neither man was able to top the other in the alotted time. This sent them into a frenzy and they continued to fight until their respective factions broke up the fighting. This faction war is far from over.



Next up was the highly anticipated encounter between Rude and the legend Little Mac. Their is alot of animosity between these two ever since Rude claimed that the Legends had no place in EBW. Now we would find out if Rude has the skills to stack up against Little Mac. Little Mac is obviously a striker by nature so Rude tried to keep this one a ground game. This kept the odds even and it was either man's fight. Rude even managed to lock Little Mac in an ankle lock but Little Mac managed to escape and unleash a series of vicious punches to the "Legend Destroyah!". As this heated exchange was going on in the ring Master Lu was watching intently from ringside. As he looked on Don Poo ran down behind him and laid him out with a Steel Chair. This got the attention of Little Mac, which allowed Rude to sneak up and hit The Rulebreaka! 1-2-3 and Rude steals a win over the legend! After the match Poo tossed Rude a singapore cane and he bashed Mac over the head with it until security came out to break things up. After costing the Legends a shot in the E-1 and tonight's stolen loss you know their will be hell to pay.



-

The time had finally come for the E-1 Finals matches. After weeks of in ring wars we would finally see who was the top team in the men's and women's divisions. These matches were both also rematches. Would history repeat itself tonight? First up M's and Paula battled the seemingly unstoppable Samus and Sheik of MKPW. The last time these two teams fought it was a close match but Samus and Sheik ended up pulling off the win. Since then M's and Paula have been hell bent on avenging the loss and winning the E-1. Now they get the chance to kill two birds with one stone. M's and Samus started this one off, with M's especially ready to get into the ring. She hit Samus hard with a series of kicks and back hands before headbutting Samus and sending her flying back into the ring post. But as M's came at her with a clothesline Samus rolled out the way and unleashed a flurry of strikes herself before picking up the former champ and dropping her with a Metroid Bomb. This was just like their first encounter, but this time M's kicked out of the pin attempt faster, and got to her feet even faster. M's and Samus were pulling off every power move in their arsenals. Every move felt like it could have finished the match, but they continued to fight on. When Paula and Sheik got into the ring it was no different. Paula was hellbent on tapping out Sheik and almost pulled it off when she caught the agile fighter in rear naked choke, but Samus hit the ring fast and broke it up. Paula and Sheik were giving it everything they had but this one was going to be settled by either M's or Samus. When they got back into the ring they immediately continued the offense. Samus took control and dropped M's with an Aran DDT. 1-2 KICKOUT! Samus could not pin M's, so she delivered a series of stomps before climbing the ropes to attempt an Anti-Gravity Splash. But M's quickly jumped to her feet and followed Samus up the ropes, and delivered a ring shaking top rope Go 2 Sleep that cracked open Samus's helmet! 1-2-3! M's Style and Paula won the match and the Women's E-1 Tag Team Climax! After the match Samus (sans helmet) and Sheik shook hands with the winners and raised their hands in victory.

In the second E-1 Tag Team final AND rematch of the night, Tag Team Champions Brawler SWIFT and Tanooki W00t would take on Global World Champion Trevor Mach and Ness. Team SWIFtanooki would solidify their spot as the best team ever tonight OR Trevor could become a 2-Crown Champion and ChaotiX could take both E-1 wins. The crowd was pumped and the time was now! This match, like the previous one was heated and exciting. SWIFT and W00t were exceptionally pumped, as this was the only team they were unable to take down in the tournament. Ness and W00t started things off, and Ness gained control early. W00t countered with some dirty tactics that SWIFT was not too happy about. When Trevor got tagged in he leveled W00t with a series of clotheslines and finished up with a Busaiku Knee Kick. W00t was managed to get back to his feet and stumbled over to tag in SWIFT. Suddenly the two friends Trevor and SWIFT were once again at each others throats. Chops and kicks were flying. One particular chop by SWIFT further opened that cut over Trevor's eye and he was now gushing blood. SWIFT used this opportunity to pull Trevor's shirt off and over his face to blind him, and then unleashed a knee to SWIFT's face. By the time Trevor removed the shirt that was covering his face SWIFT was ready to unleash a wicked roundhouse. Trevor ducked the kick headbutt SWIFT into a corner. Trevor then charged the corner, but SWIFT moved away and Trevor crashed into the turnbuckles. The Global World Champion was obivously hurting now, and tagged in Ness who also had issues taking down the pissed off Brawler. SWIFT finally tagged W00t back in, who grabbed Ness's jacket and used it to try and strangle him. Ness escaped and landed a hard kick to W00t's head. One of the ears to his Tanooki Suit ripped off. A few minutes later and Trevor was tagged back in. Even though the blood was still flowing he looked pumped. W00t charged him and ended up getting caught in the Trevorplex! but Trev only got a two count on the pin attempt. SWIFT quickly tagged himself in and charge Trevor. Both Trevor and SWIFT were now bleeding as they exchanged blows. W00t looked agitated from SWIFT tagging himself in, and he tried to get involved in the conflict in any way possible. SWIFT in turn shouted at W00t to keep it clean but W00t wouldn't listen. The bickering between W00t and SWIFT gave Trevor the opportunity to take down SWIFT and get him into a Cross Armbreaker. W00t was close enough to break it up, but he did not and SWIFT had to reach the ropes to escape. It's obvious these two partners are having issues at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME! W00t blind tagged himself in and charged Trevor, but the champ was ready quickly caught him in a Trevor Triangle Choke. SWIFT had rolled out the ring to recover from the armbreaker so it was up to W00t to escape. As he tried to fight out of the choke the head part of his Tanooki Suit was ripped clean off. W00t reached out and almost grabbed the ropes, but Trevor shifted the hold into a Gogoplata, and W00t had no choice but to tap out. Trevor Mach and Ness win the Men's E-1 Tag Team Climax AND are the new EBW Tag Team Champions! SWIFT was shocked to see what had happened but shook Trevor and Ness's hands before raising them in victory. SWIFT has always been respectful to those who are stong enough to face him and that was quite obvious now. The fans gave both teams a standing ovation. W00t seemed less the thrilled about the loss of the match, the titles, and the head piece of his suit, He ans SWIFT simply stared at each other before leaving the ring seperately. Trevor and Ness were battered and beaten but they were the winners, and ChaotiX managed to get a clean sweep of the E-1 tournaments.



Now it was main event time, as Danny Leung would defend his 2nd Belt Championship against The Great KYO in a Taipei Deathmatch. Before the match began, both fighters had to stick their hands in glue before then sticking them into broken glass. Along with the glass, barbed wire was put on the ropes, and barbed wire boards were set in the corners. Needless to say their was no way this wasn't going to be bloody as hell. KYO and Danny immediately tore into each othter. Danny was especially brutal and surprised everyone with the way he was dominating early one. Danny whipped KYO into the ropes which cut him open badly. The diabolical KYO was wrapped up in barbed wire but he simply grined and stared at Danny. Things turned around at this point as KYO tossed Danny around the ring and forced him into the wire. They started to trade punches, and every blow with the glass seemed to open another cut. This one wasn't so much of a wrestling match as a blood sport. The other members of ChaotiX came out to support Danny as he fought for the win, the title, and seemingly his life. KYO showed no signs of being hurt or slowing down though. He was merciless in his attacks, and constantly forced Danny into more wire. The loss of blood was beginning to take its toll on Danny, while KYO remained strong and mobile. In the end it was the blood loss that got to Danny. After going all out early on he was out of energy now while KYO went the slow and methodical route. With little resistence he was able to pick Danny up and drop him with a Cradle Piledriver onto a barbed wire board. 1-2 KICKOUT! Danny Leung refused to get up, and while blood covered him he managed to get back to his feet. KYO simply stared at Danny before grinning and hitting another Cradle Piledriver. 1-2-3 KYO wins what might be the bloodiest match in EBW history, and becomes the new 2nd Belt Champion! Danny Leung tried to get back to his feet to continue brawling but Trevor and Ness pulled him out of the ring and carried him to the back to recieve medical help. The Great KYO stood triumphant with gold around his waist once again as EBW: Destiny came to a close...



EBW: Destiny!
Saturn Dome
PPV

1. Tack Angel beat Captain Strong (5:34) with a Rider Kick.
2. Given/Taken beat Retro Hippie/Chicken Man and Presely/Costello (6:12) with the Doomsday Device on Retro Hippie.
2. EBW C-X-J Championship
Rey Dorado(c) beat Fuel (13:09) with the Full Circle.
3. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Semi Finals
M's Style/Paula beat Tracy/Val (10:20) when M's hit the Go 2 Sleep on Tracy.
4. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Semi Finals
Samus/Sheik beat Erica/Kumatora (8:04) when Samus hit the Aran DDT on Kumatora.
5. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Semi Finals
EBW Tag Team Championship
Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t(c) beat Sal Paradise/Jamie OD (14:43) when SWIFT hit the Muscle Buster on Sal Paradise.
6. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Semi Finals
Trevor Mach/Ness beat Chrono/Magus (18:07) when Ness hit the PK Thunderbomb on Magus.
7. S.T.U vs. Iron Mafia -Faction Warfare-
Franky vs. Poo (30:00) went to a Time Limit Draw.
8. Generation Battles
Rude beat Little Mac (15:15) with Tha Rulebreaka!
9. E-1 Tag Team Climax Women's Finals
M's Style/Paula beat Samus/Sheik (19:01) when M's Style hit a Tope Rope Go 2 Sleep on Sheik to win the Women's E-1 Tag Team Climax.
10. E-1 Tag Team Climax Men's Finals
EBW Tag Team Championship
Trevor Mach/Ness beat Brawler SWIFT/Tanooki W00t(c) (18:22) when Trevor submitted Tanooki W00t with the Gogoplata to win the Men's E-1 Tag Team Climax and become the NEW EBW Tag Team Champions!
11. Taipei Deathmatch
EBW 2nd Belt Championship
The Great KYO beat Danny Leung(c) (16:09) with the Cradle Piledriver to become the NEW EBW 2nd Belt Champion!

-



ChaotiX gathering at the Onett Hospital!

After what has been called the bloodiest night in EBW, the members of ChaotiX gathered at the Onett Hosptial where Danny Leung was recovering after his Taipei Deathmatch with The Great KYO. According to sources he was actually quite close to death, after losing so much blood. But now the doctors say he will make a full recovery.



Nani: Thank you all for coming. It means alot to both of us.

Trevor Mach: Hey, how ya feeling buddy?

Danny Leung: I am Danny Leung, and I LOVE LIFE!

Ness: Seriously?

Danny Leung: Actually no.....I can't back that up at all.

M's Style: I figured.

Danny Leung: I lost my title and got beaten near death. So yeah, life sucks and still dark as hell is hot.

Sal Paradise: Take it easy amigo.

Jamie OD: You're not any shape for a rant just yet.

Paula: So how is he Doctor?

Doctor: Well he seems to be making a full recovery, but we're bringing in a specialist just to make sure.

Danny Leung: Oh yeah? Just who is this specialist?



House: Hello I'm House. Which one of you...."interesting" individuals is the patient?

Danny Leung: Oh wonderful it's House. I'm as good as dead!

House: You know.....you're a bright ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, kid. How ya feeling Mr. Gloom and Doom?

Danny Leung: I AM SO HAPPY, I FEEL GREAT!

House: I can sense some sacarcasm.

Danny Leung: You're a freaking genius doc!

House: Watch it or you'll wake up missing a kidney.....or maybe both. I could sell to the black market and make some money. I'd even cut you in but.....oh wait a minute you'll be dead.

Trevor Mach: Ha! This guy's alright!

Danny Leung: Well guys I have to be honest. I really appreciate you coming here to visit me all day.

M's Style: Oh we're not staying all day.

Ness: Yeah we're going to a big party we just thought we would drop by first.

Danny Leung: Oh...well that explains the suits and dresses.

Tack Angel: Ummm we got you a gift....and a baloon.

Danny Leung: Oh gee thanks!

M's Style: Well we better get going peeps!

Trevor Mach: BOOSH!

Next EBW: X-cite card a mystery!

We have just recieved word that Mr. Poochyfud plans on keeping the card for X-cite a secret until the show actually airs. He will once again address the fans and wrestlers, which is becoming a habit as of late. We do know that the matches are being set up to detirmine what matches will see on the next EBW Pay Per View that has yet to be named. Like always we will keep you posted on any updates.

 

Well here we again, about to delve into the madness that is Super Pro Wrestling For The Win! I'm just going to say right now that the first show did NOTHING to entice viewers into watching this week. The 1% of people that stuck around to watch after the EBW special were treated to useless promos, commercials for Onett X-posed Magazine (the sponser for FTW remember?), and two garbage matches. But I have to admit that I used to be a fan of Macho Man Randy Savage. Although he isn't well known in Eagleland, like every member of o.W.o, he still might bring some energy to this dying abomination of promotion. So I was actually looking forward to seeing him on ImPLANT!



Ike Madamle: Ok guys bad news.....Macho Man isn't here tonight.

Ron Simmons: What?

Ike Madamle: Yeah....he's going to no show the event apparently.

WMP78: But didn't he say he wanted to help us fight o.W.o and take on Hogan?

Ike Madamle: Yes....but he also wanted his own dressing room. Problem is I already had one made for Hogan! I spent all the money FTW had on that! In fact I had to make some roster cuts just to pay for it!

Ron Simmons: Why in the hell would you do that?! They're trying to take over FTW and take all the money and you HANDED IT TO THEM!!??!

Ike Madamle: Yeah....I didn't really think things through.

WMP78: Who did you cut to pay for all of this?

Ike Madamle: Oh just.....Mr. Scary......Slayer.....Bubble Monkey....Ms. Bubble Monkey......every FTW Ranger.....Caveboy!....The Kamikazes....

Ron Simmons: DAMN! That's half the roster!

Ike Madamle: Oh and you Ron.

Ron Simmons: WHAT?!?

Ike Madamle: Yeah....I had to let you go too.....sorry.

Ron Simmons: THIS IS BULL*bleep*!!! Cutting the roster to pay for over rated, washed up, has been, geezer, losers! They're not bringing in ratings, buyrates, revenue, or merchandise sales! They just waste money and take up SPACE!

Ike Madamle: Hey our first show scored a 0.1 rating! I would like to think that they brought in that huge number!

Ron Simmons: *bleep* YOU MADAMLE! You'll be hearing from my lawyers!

Ike Madamle: Well I wish you luck in all your future endeavours!

WMP78: Well this is just grea......ugh.....

Ike Madamle: Ummm are you ok?

Ultimo Tiger: You idiot! He's narcoleptic remember?

Ike Madmale: He likes to have sex wth dead people?

Ultimo Tiger: Never mind. Point is you cut half the roster and we're about to be taken over by the o.W.o. I, the diabolical master of wrestling and wrestling related trivia demand to know what we are supposed to do?

Ike Madamle: Relax! Everything is under control! Lobster Man has returned from getting hit by Nick Hogan! He's still a little loopy from the pain medication and he thinks he's back in Atari Pro but at least he's back!

Lobster Man: Pac Man, tag me in! I've got a unicorn in my brain banana!!!

Ultimo Tiger: Well that's no help! At least we still have Flippy Floppy Jeff Harvey right?

Ike Madamle: Actually not tonight....nope. They found him unconcious in his hotel room. We've been playing up the story on our website in hopes of boosting the ratings somehow.

Ultimo Tiger: Hmmmm, well that's sound reasoning, and in no way offensive and in bad taste........

Ike Madamle: I have one more ace up my sleeve. Dave Larmore, time to step into the ring and become a wrestler!

Dave Larmore: I'm already a *bleep*ing wrestler you retarded dip*bleep*! But fine I'll do it if it means I can get out of this rediculous *bleep*ing suit!

Ike Madamle: Actually I want you to keep wearing it! Kids seem to like it. Also I'm going to have to give you a paycut. Turns out I was paying you more then the wrestlers....my bad...

Dave Larmore: SON OF A *bitch*!

Ike Madamle: Tonight Dave, Lobster Man, and Ultimo Tiger will form the FTW Super Awesome Team! to battle Nash, Hall, and Kimbo! This is a big match and it should bring in big ratings!

Ultimo Tiger: Maybe if you would have advertised it in advance.........but whatever, let's go earn our rediculously small pay checks.

What the hell!? Five minutes into the show and I have learned that not only is Macho Man not going to be on the show, but also the ONLY good things about FTW have been taken away to pay for Hogan's dressing room!?!?! WHAT THE HELL?!?!? Oh by the way this show is still only thirty minutes long and they just wasted half of it just now! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? Time for the first match right? WRONG!!! Now it's time for the o.W.o to spout off a little. Maybe it's about Hogan's surprise buddies....this should suck.



Hogan: Ya know something Mean Gene, FTW is falling apart at the awesome might of Hulkamania!

Nash: .....and our greed and inability to put anyone else over.

Hall: Hey yo...........I got nothing.....

Kimbo Slice: Seth, I want a rematch! I need to get out of here! I don't care if Elitewhatever is closed, I still need a rematch! PLEASE!

Hogan: Now on the last show I said I would be bringing in TWO friends. Well one of them was Brutus Beefcake.....but Nick ran him over in the parking lot.......may he rest in peace......BROTHER! I tried to bring in Leno but he stopped taking my calls in 98. Luckily one of my friends actually managed to make it. So allow me to present to you the newest member of o.W.o......DENNIS RODMAN......in a dress....

Dennis Rodman: Yo check this, I don't actually plan on doing anything....I'm just going to stand around in my pretty wedding dress, collect my paychecks, and probably get more piercings.....will I get some more attention if I do? I really hope so.

Hogan: It looks like I scared off Macho Man already so I'm going to take it easy tonight. But the rest of the o.W.o is going to run over FTW once again and keep the next generation down. Whatcha gonna do when the o.W.o rolls their wheelchairs over you!!!

I think being awake for open heart surgery would be less painful then sitting through this crap! So most of the show is once again over before we get out first match. The "action" kicked off with a pointless 3 team tag match. Maybe it was to detirmine a #1 contender team for the tag belts but I have no idea. WMP78 teamed with Zombie to take on the EBW rejects Chicken Man and Retro Hippie. Punch999 was alone as his tag partner was apparently supposed to be Jeff Harvey. Hey how come they didn't fire Punch999? Not only would I have fired him first but I also would taken him out back and shot him....but that's just me. Anyways alot of crazy sort of action as Zombie tried to eat Punch, WMP78 either passed out of forgot where he was, and Retro Hippie was protesting for change. Anyone who was watching this episode probably CHANGED the channel...hehehe. Jeff Harvey surprisingly showed up and did a Swanton onto Chicken Man before trying to pin him. Unfortunately for him the match was already over as WMP78 had already beaten Punch999 and pinned him after a 78 Unleaded. 3 wins for WMP78 but they are all wins over Punch999. That's not really an accomplishment.

Rating- * (bleh)



Next up the.....Super Awesome Team took on o.W.o in a 6-man snore fest. I will admit seeing a pissed off Dave Larmore breaking a beer bottle over Scott Hall's head was hilarious, but it did get his team the DQ loss. It was also funny to see Kevin Nash take a step in the ring and tear his quad again while Kimbo Slice's jaw FELL OFF! It wasn't much of a wrestling match at all but it was funny watching the o.W.o team fall apart. Problem is it was another victory for the washed up geezers. Rodman kept to his word and did nothing, Lobster Man stood there and drooled, and Ultimo Tiger just got fed up and walked off.

Rating-* (I got a chuckle but that's it)



Final Rating-* (Expect to see this rating every week)

Another horrible night of so called wrestling comes to an end. The final rating for the show was another 0.1. I bet maybe one or two more people tuned in to see Macho Man but now they he no showed they will probably never watch again. The infomercial that came on after the show did better ratings then FTW. That means that people waited till FTW was over to tune back into Boogaloo TV! to watch an infomercial. I think that says it all...

FTW: ImPLANT!
FTW Tent
BTV!

1. Yay! A Cluster*bleep* for the whole Family!
WMP78/Zombie beat Chicken Man/Retro Hippie and Punch999 (6:02) when WMP78 hit the 78 Unleaded on Punch999.
2. FTW Super Awesome Team! vs. o.W.o
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall/Kimbo Slice beat Lobster Man/Ultimo Tiger/Dave Larmore (4:03) via DQ.

-

EBW Thanksgiving Special!!!



Paula's Mom: Paula, thank you so much for bring your wrestling friends over for our little party. The kids love EBW!

Paula: Are you kidding? They all practically begged me to bring them along! All I had to say was Pumpkin Pie and Trevor dragged everyone into the bus! They go where the free food is.

Ness: .....I like turkey.....

Nani: Come on Danny this is gonne be fun.

Danny: I don't do parties Nani. Not after that whole Halloween incident. No way I am going over there.

Nani: DANNY!

Danny: Coming dear!

Sal Paradise: I spy with my sexy eye, three single moms!

Jamie OD: I think it's time we bring a little Lovekick into their lives for Thanksgiving. Tack, this could be your chance to get some action!

Tack Angel: Which one do I get?

Sal Paradise: Oh you mean I can't have two?

Trevor Mach: Thanksgiving is AWESOME! M's, have I ever told you how much I like Pumpkin Pie?

M's Style: Fifteen times since we've gotten here.....and 23 times yesterday....and at a very inappropriate time 2 days ago....so yes you've told me.

Trevor Mach: Ok just checkin....I like Pumpkin Pie.

M's Style: Ya know this is one of those moments where I think about your good qualities and bad qualities and decide if you're actually worth it.

Trevor Mach: And?

M's Style: ............you pass......

Trevor Mach: Haha! Thank ya baby!

M's Style: Haha! You're welcome baby!

Preschool Kid: Mr. Trevor sir, my friend and I were just wondering why we celebrate Thanksgiving in the first place?

Trevor Mach: That's a very good question little one!

M's Style: AND a convenient plot device!

Trevor Mach: Gather round kids! It's time for Uncle Trevor to tell you the story of Thanksgiving! The story of Thanksgiving is also the story of how Eagleland came to be! Now long ago when explorers first discovered Eagleland, settlers attempted to make the long voyage other to make a life for themselves in the new land. One particular group of settlers found this journey to be extremely difficult.

M's Style: Oh boy...this is gonna be good.



Trevor Mach: The pilgrims boarded a ship called the SS Spifftastic and headed to the new world. They were lead by a man named John Onett, who wasn't much of a navigator. So the 3 month trip ended up taking a year and a half. They ran out of food quickly but instead of eating each other they tried to eat the rats on board the ship. Those who didn't die of the plague then decided that it would be a good idea to start eating the ship! Those who didn't die from that bad idea went mad, but just before they all killed each other they finally reached land!

M's Style: They tried to eat the ship?



Trevor Mach: The survivors of the voyage were Jacob Twoson(Ness) and his wife(Paula), John Onett(Trevor), Delia Dalaam(Nani), Theodore Threed(Jamie), Fred Fourside(Sal), and....Danny Leung.....the first one......Danny's great great great great great great great great Grandfather.....he was an Emo too.

John Onett: Hark! For sooth and whatnot! We have landed my fellow pilgrims on this spifftastic new world! I hereby name this land Onett!

Jacob Twoson: Hey! How come you get to name this place!

John Onett: Because.....I'm wearing the belt buckle hat.

Jacob Twoson: Damnit that's true!

Theodore Threed: He's go ya there.

Fred Fourside: Totally.

John Onett: I tell ya what, you get to name the next area we are in.

Jacob Twoson: Fine! I'm gonna name it Twoson so I can be an egotistical bastard like you!

Trevor Mach: And THAT is how Onett and Twoson came to be!

M's Style: What an origin.

Preschool Kid: But you were supposed to tell us the story of Thanksgiving.

Trevor Mach: OH YEAH! So anyways, as the settlers explored the new land they learned that things weren't going to be easy...to say the least!



Danny Leung: AAHHHHHH!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

Delia: We have to help him!!!

Jacob Twoson: SCREW THAT! WE NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

John Onett: WATCH OUT! HERE COMES HIS TORSO AND LEGS! RUN!

M's Style: Wait a minute! A Dinosaur!?! Danny's ancestor got eaten by a Dinosaur!??

Trevor Mach: Yep!

M's Style: They had Dinosaurs in Eagleland at this time?!

Trevor Mach: Sure did!

M's Style: ...........Ok just checking.

Trevor Mach: Anyways, the loss of Danny was just the beginning for the group. They quickly got lost and ran out of supplies. But they got lucky when John Onett found a native girl while wandering around a river.

M's Style: Gee, I wonder who is playing the native girl in this story.......



Trevor Mach: Some historians believe this may have been the first nudity inspired nosebleed. John Onett was of course a proper gentlemen in this situation...

John Onett: OH MY GEEZ YOU'RE SO FREAKING HOT! LOOK AT THAT BOD!



Trevor Mach: By the time someone came to look for John Onett, the native girl, named Talihantus, had violently raped him several times and left him twitching and used on the ground as he wept like a school girl.

M's Style: HA!

Trevor Mach: Talihantus agreed to act as a guide, and protect the group.....but it was too late for some.



Theodore Threed: Oh looks like we've got some company!

Fred Fourside: I can only see good things coming from this!

Trevor Mach: They didn't find much of Theodore and Fred left. Threed and Fourside were named in their honor. The place that they died is now called False Optimism Creek, and THAT's the story of Threed and Fourside!

M's Style: *cough* Thanksgiving *cough*

Trevor Mach: OH YEAH! So as the group ventured on they came across a drifter who went by the name Mountain Man Larmore on a raft. He is known for being a huge alcoholic and talking to a soccer ball named Travis.



John Onett: So, Larmore my good man, where exactly are we going?

Mountain Man Larmore: *bleep* YOU! You pansy ass bastard! I'm steering this damn raft! Just let me drink in peace! *bleep*!

John Onett: Fair enough!

Trevor Mach: About an hour later Mountain Man Larmore died of alcohol poisoning. The settlers did not realise this until they questioned why they were about to go over a waterfall...



Trevor Mach: Delia was decapitated in the crash. That is why that place is called Decapitation Creek. The rest of the settlers that had survived ran into the native Saturn people and were held captive.



Trevor Mach: They were taken to the King of the Saturn People who made an example out of Jacob Twoson by placing his head on a pike! Turns out he was a human who had gotten lost and befriended the Saturns before becoming King. His murderous rage stemmed from having to live with the rediculous Saturns, PLUS he hadn't been with a woman in a while. Since Jacob was now dead John and Talihantus made a deal to give him Jacob's wife in exchange for freedom. He agreed and they celebrated the transaction with a huge feast! John and Talihantus ended up getting married and founded the town of Onett. Now people all over Eagleland celebrate this day. Well what do you think kids, quite a story huh?



Trevor Mach: Kids?

M's Style: Oh they got bored and ran off awhile ago.

Trevor Mach: Oh....well I thought it was a good story.

M's Style: Me too, here have some Pumpkin Pie!

Trevor Mach: Oh boy! Did you know I like Pumpkin Pie?

M's Style: Ya don't say!? Happy Thanksgiving EBW readers!

-



Announcer: The time has come once again to be X-posed.....but not in the way that could get us sued! Anyways, here's your hosts Nerdler, Nervert, and Nerf!



Nerdler: Hello and welcome to another edition of EBW: X-posed!

Nervert: Nerd Shquad in tha hizzoushe! Yeah booooooooy!

Nerdler: Ummmmm....what the hell was that?!

Nervert: Oh that'sh jusht my new attitude! Figured it would help me tap some booty! It'sh shuper aweshome!

Nerdler: No it's not! Especially when you forget to remove your retainer!

Nerf: Most illogical.

Nerdler: It's time to X-pose EBW once again, without interviews, behind the scenes segments, and MORE! Our first topic of the night is EBW's upcoming PPV Final Four! I had a chance to sit down with the 4 fighters participating in the men's Final Four match for the Global World Championship. I asked them all the same questions to see how they would answer. Here are the Q&A segments!


W00t

Nerdler: What is your motivation heading into this big fight?
W00t: Prove to the EBW fans that W00t should be taken VERY seriously from now on!

Nerdler: What is your strategy?
W00t: Do whatever it takes. Show no mercy and use whatever tricks I have up my sleeve.

Nerdler: How are you preparing?
W00t: I will admit I take my opponents seriously enough to watch their old matches. That's all the preperation I need. Once I'm in their heads that's it.

Nerdler: What is your favorite EBW match?
W00t: It will be this one once I win the Global World Championship.

Nerdler: What is your greatest strength?
W00t: My skills and my mind.

Nerdler: What is your greatest weakness?
W00t: I don't have one.


Poo

Nerdler: What is your motivation heading into this big fight?
Poo: Domination and respect.

Nerdler: What is your strategy?
Poo: Hit hard, hit fast, hit often.

Nerdler: How are you preparing?
Poo: Constant training! I'm not going to let my arrogance cost me a title win!

Nerdler: What is your favorite EBW match?
Poo: My first victory over Ness. I showed everyone who the real first ace of EBW should have been!

Nerdler: What is your greatest strength?
Poo: Everything about me.

Nerdler: What is your greatest weakness?
Poo: I've gotten caught when cheating. Hey, just being honest.


Franky

Nerdler: What is your motivation heading into this big fight?
Franky: To remind everyone that I'm a former and future World Champion as well as a former E-1 Winner!

Nerdler: What is your strategy?
Franky: No mercy.

Nerdler: How are you preparing?
Franky: Finding a place to conseal my brass knuckles.

Nerdler: What is your favorite EBW match?
Franky: I can't decide between my E-1 win or my World Title win.

Nerdler: What is your greatest strength?
Franky: I hit REALLY hard.

Nerdler: What is your greatest weakness?
Franky: I stop hitting.


Trevor Mach

Nerdler: What is your motivation heading into this big fight?
Trevor: To prove that I will stand up to any challenge. Plus it could be fun....painful.....but fun.

Nerdler: What is your strategy?
Trevor: No mercy.....just kidding! I'll just keeping doing my thing cause it's been working for me so far.

Nerdler: How are you preparing?
Trevor: I'm on a strict diet of Mach Pockets and Whoop Ass energy drinks!

Nerdler: What is your favorite EBW match?
Trevor: My first match with Ness. Simply cause at that point it was the BIG MATCH in EBW.

Nerdler: What is your greatest strength?
Trevor: My humility.

Nerdler: What is your greatest weakness?
Trevor: I might be too awesome.



Nerf: Now it's time for another edition of the Nerf Cam! This week we go backstage once again with ChaotiX! This week Trevor and Lovekick are trying to help Tack find a new gimmick to help pick up chicks. Let's take a look!



Tack Angel: Ummm...are you guys sure this is going to work?

[b]Trevor Mach: When it comes to picking up chicks, Lovekick knows what they are talking about.

Sal Paradise: The ladies love a good gimmick amigo. Danny works the emo gimmick and all the emo girls love him!

Jamie OD: Think of something that you really like. Something that represents you best and make a gimmick out of it.

Tack Angel: Something I like eh?

Trevor Mach: WAIT! Hold the phone! I got it![/b]



Tack Angel: You CAN'T be serious.

Trevor Mach: Sure I can! Everyone loves a rapper gimmick!

Sal Paradise: I sure do!

Jamie OD: I don't.....but the ladies will.

Tack Angel: But I'm not a rapper.

Trevor Mach: Neither was Vanilla Ice.....or any white person for that matter. But that didn't stop them did it? You will put them all to shame as.....Vanilla Tack!

Sal Paradise: Now let's hear ya try to rap!

Tack Angel: Ummmm.....I'm not a good rapper, I've got rhymes like Kazaam. I read Dr. Seuss, I like green eggs & ham?

Jamie OD: That was........an attempt all right.

Tack Angel: Ya know what guys, I don't think this is for me. I have a gimmick of my own to try. It hits very close to home for me. I'll debut it on X-cite!

Trevor Mach: Well if you're not gonna wear the parachute pants I am! STOP! Hammer Time!

Sal Paradise: My my my my music hits me so hard makes me say "oh my lord!".

----------

Nerdler: Well that was certainly interesting.

Nervert: I wish Lovekick would help ME find a woman.....or women hehehe.

Nerdler: For our final segment of the night, you will see Mr. Poochyfud at the site of his latest business venture. That's right, the owner of EBW has recently purchased a chain of fast food restaurants! The chain is now being called "Awesome Burger", and the stores are being remodeled to give off a "EBW feel". You might be asking yourself "Why is the EBW Owner getting into the fast food business?", well STOP IT!





Mr. Poochyfud: Welcome to the Grand Opening of the first Awesome Burger store! EBW has made its mark in the ring, and now it will do the same in your stomach as you enjoy some of the best burgers in town! We're an equal opportunity employer here at Awesome Burger. For instance, I hired a couple of the recent wrestlers who lost their jobs over at that "other" promotion.

Ron Simmons: DAMN! This sucks!

FTW Ranger Black: Tell me about it.

Ness: Whoa, why is it so bright and......weird in here boss?

Mr. Poochyfud: I wanted to make it look....AWESOME! Doesn't it just make you want to eat a burger?

Ness: No it makes me want to have a seizure.....but to each his own I guess.

Tack Angel: You would not believe what just happened to me!

M's Style: Whoa take it easy there Tack. What's going on?

Tack Angel: Rude almost hit me with his car!

Trevor Mach: Hmmmm riding dirty no doubt.

Mr. Poochyfud: Sorry to hear that Tack. Ya know what will make you feel better? A burrito flavored milkshake!

Tack Angel: What? Ewww no!

M's Style: Gee, I wonder who came up with that flavor?

Trevor Mach: ........

M's Style: Hehe that's what I thought.

----------

Nerdler: Well that does it for this week's episode of X-posed! Be sure to tune in next week. I don't really know what the show will be about but I'm sure it will be interesting......seriously it should be good......seriously.