Ted Pettentool: The Tedster is here! I just had the wildest Thanksgiving of my life! Alison Chains did NOT give me a choice in the matter. Never thought I'd eat in a back alley with a crazed woman, a crazy cat lady, a man in yellow spandex named Dr. Pin A. Colada, and for some reason, Retro Jones, who went on a political tirade for five hours! How about that Hunter's Moon too eh? I watched it with Alison, who stabbed me, but I was told it was an accident! I was told that…hey…scars are cool right? In regards to Hunter's Moon and the upcoming Last Clash event, I'm told that Havok might be losing a lot of backstage personnel to TK, who has a penchant for…"collecting", but Alison introduced a friend of hers to me! She ALSO stabbed me! Her name is Lindy Moseby! Here's a video she sent us to get a vibe for who she is.

-

Lindy Moseby was sitting in a car, recording a video on her phone. She was a mulatto girl, with thick glasses and wild black hair. 

Lindy Moseby: I was casually choking on a hotdog in a Costco parking lot, when I was approached by a short king, a potential suitor. This man was dressed like a sexually repressed teacher. He had the essence of an accountant. My favorite flavor of man. I bet you he buys fleshlights, just to eat them out. That's called feminism! He asks me if I'm doing anything right now. I told him I planned on going to the local Petco to start an animal gang war, but I could table that until later. He said that was great, because he needed help jump starting his KIA SORENTOOOO. The betrayal. Et tu…Greg? Disgusted, I threw the remnants of my hot dog at a little girl wearing a Chromatica t-shirt. Now does this happen to be a hate crime? Perhaps, but the art of war is merely a suggestion and I am not a chode. Also jumpstart? I don't own a car? This isn't even mine. I just saw it was unlocked and took a seat. That's when I got a text from my dearest Alison Chains, who told me she had a job for me! As soon as I find the driver of this car, I'm going to pretend I don't speak Eaglish, and convince them to drive me to the arena. Lindy OUT!

Saturn Cafe

A distraught Dan sat with Jammer, Benjamin, and Cade Yaggis 

Bashin Dan: It was awful! We came back later, and I thought they might be expecting us by that time, and I thought Trevor was watching the game. He said something about penetrating through the tight end, and something about a wide receiver. 

Jammer: And that wasn't a dead giveaway? 

Bashin Dan: I'm an innocent man! I don't know these things! It turns out….they completely forgot we were coming over. Go figure. 

Jammer: Football terminology is kind of messed up now that I think about it. 

Benjamin: This is all going over my head. I still don't get what he's talking about. 

Jammer: I know buddy. I know. 

Bashin Dan: She said...he was always giving...and she was always saying thanks. *shudders* 

Cade Yaggis: …

Jenny James: Hey guys. 

Bashin Dan: Jenny! Happy Thanksgiving! 

Jenny James: It's not been very happy. 

Jammer: Oh? What's wrong babe? 

Jenny James: *sigh* 

Jammer: Oh…sorry, we should go to another booth to talk. 

Jenny James: Yeah, I'd appreciate that. 

Bashin Dan: How, he's got some troubles eh?

Cade Yaggis: You were just telling us about your OWN issues! 

Bashin Dan: Oh…right. Well, I carefully place the deck when I-

Cade Yaggis: I can't wait to get my hands on Sal Paradise! Have I mentioned that yet? 

Bashin Dan: Oh! We're talking about your stuff now? 

Benjamin: It appears so yes.

Jammer and Jenny went a few booths down, as Jenny appeared distraught and crestfallen. 

Jammer: You appear distraught and crestfallen. 

Jenny James: I don't even know what that second thing is. 

Jammer: Yeah…I really shouldn't either. So what's wrong?

Jenny James: Jessy left EBW. 

Jammer: What?! 

Jenny James: Yeah. She's done. She's tired of it I think? I don't know. Didn't make for a fun dinner, that's for sure. 

Jammer: Yeah, how come I wasn't invited for that? 

Jenny James: By dinner, I mean we were both getting hammered at a bar. 

Jammer: I see. 

Jenny James: She left, said she was going where she belonged. 

Jammer: What did she mean by that? 

Jenny James: I have my suspicions, but what do I do? 

Jammer: Do you want to leave? 

Jenny James: No, not at all. 

Jammer: Cause EBW is the big time right? I mean that's why I stick around and put up with Vape's bullsh-

Jenny James: It's because this is where you are silly. 

Jammer: Oh! OH! Right! Yes, of course! Cause we're here…together! Right! 

Jenny James: I can blaze my own path if I have to, but I think you and I should deal with your situations too. 

Jammer: Mine? 

Jenny James: Yeah, Vape's nonsense, and Dan Club Silver, and-

Jammer: Oh Dan Club Silver isn't a thing anymore. 

Jenny James: What?! 

Jammer: Yeah, Benji and I realized it was just us, so we kind of just dropped it. Besides, the whole point was to give the card psycho some motivation, and he's got it. 

Jenny James: And Vape…or "Vanessa Vape"?

Jammer: Oh, that's even better news! He got fired! 

Jenny James: What?! 

Jammer: Yeah, they finally had enough of his nonsense! The "Vanessa" thing right as Orange Man is about to fix the country was a no go. He got the boot. 

Jenny James: Wow! So you're free? 

Jammer: I'm free! Hahaha! I'm SO free….except…

Jenny James: Except?

Jammer: He uh…he still lives in my basement. 

Jenny James: …So we have to figure out how to get him out of there. 

Jammer: Right. 

Jenny James: And I can't just kill him. 

Jammer: Ri-wait huh?

Jenny James: Nothing. We have to just hope he gets another job? 

Jammer: And we'll help. No matter what it is, we'll convince them to hire him!

As if on cue, Vape rushed into the cafe, his side fat knocking Benjamin's shake to the ground, as he ran over to Jammer and Jenny. 

Vape: Guys, I did it! I got to the final round of an interview…for a JOB! 

Jammer: YO! 

Jenny James: Things are looking up already! 

Vape: I'm going to be working at a prison! 

Jammer: Wait. 

Vape: Doing the electric chairs! 

Jenny James: Oh.

Vape: And I put you guys down as references. 

Jammer and Jenny James: Oooooh.

Both of their phones began to ring. 




Vape: Oh! They're calling! 

Jammer: I mean…

Jenny James: We DID say we'd do what it takes.

Jammer: *picks up phone* Hello? Ah yes, he put me down as a reference? Excellent. He said I was his manager at the kill shelter?! Uh…that's…that's right! Very punctual. Super organized! Very morally bankrupt!

Jenny James: *on her phone* Oh that dirty, doggone son of a bitch! Yeah, we scammed a lot of old people out of their money! Absolutely! He's very ruthless. 

Jammer: *on his phone* No, I don't think it would bother him if he got an innocent. 

Jenny James: *on her phone* No, he wouldn't discriminate. He'd kill women. He'd…he'd definitely kill women. 

Vape: *thumbs up* *nodding giddily* *checks phone* I got the job…I GOT THE JOB!

Vape, Jammer, and Jenny started dancing in celebration, Jammer and Jenny trying to stomach what they just assisted in doing. 

The Next Day 

Jammer and Jenny were in Jammer's apartment when a soot-covered Vape entered the room. 

Vape: First day done! 

Jammer and Jenny James: YEAH!

More dancing ensued, because Gloria Estefan is absolute fire. 

Vape: Forgot to tell you guys I fried that guy for like thirty minutes today. Yeah, it took him super long to die. 

Jammer: Was it supposed to? 

Vape: No. No, not at all. I totally *bleep*ed up.

Jammer and Jenny tried to ignore what he said as they continued dancing around the house. 

Vape: After thirty six months, I can move up to lethal injections. 

Jammer: Nice! What does it pay? 

Vape: $24,000 a year. 

Jammer: That's not great. 

Vape: For taking lives? No, it really isn't. Also, I forgot to put the hood on, so everyone could see the expression on his face. 

Jenny James: What did that look like? 

Vape: You ever fried to death before? 

They continued to dance in silence for several minutes, just trying to bury the horror to force this into the win column.

Vape: Yeah, I think I might be against the death penalty. 

Last edited by Machismo (11/29/2024 3:25 am)

Outside of Lamey's Place

A bus pulled up to the arena, as a confused Tack Angel wandered off the bus with the Sensations in tow, Makoto keeping close to watch over him. 

Tack Angel: So…I really turned my back on Rick Shaw? Rick, I'm so sorry sir! 

Rick Shaw: Don't sweat it kid. I could tell something was up. Something like that happened with your Dad during the war. 

Tack Angel: REALLY?! Something like THAT?! That's oddly specific. 

Rick Shaw: Isn't it? 

Makoto Kino: It wasn't your fault Tack. 

Tack Angel: I can't imagine being so mean to Rick Shaw. He ties all of this together. I'm so sorry everybody. I can't believe I let them control me. They implanted these fake memories. Horrible memories. I was filled with anger and loathing. I felt like I was owed the whole world, and I had to control it under my thumb. It was awful, like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. 

Makoto Kino: You're awake now. That's what matters. 

Tack Angel: I remember some things. I remember a Cloud of Darkness, and two forces dividing to defeat it? I think that part was real. 

Luna: That's very possible considering the timeline was reset. 

Usagi Tsukino: Yeah, that's- wait what Luna? 

Luna: Huh? Nevermind! Forget I said anything! Meow! Meow! 

Usagi Tsukino: Get back here! 

Makoto Kino: What matters is that you're back. You're with me, and we're together. I have my Star Prince back. 

Tack Angel: Star Prince…that's right…that's what they called me. It's destiny right? Well, looking at you, who am I to deny destiny. 

Makoto Kino: *blush* You make me so happy, Tack. 

Tack Angel: And you're the woman I've waited my whole life for, Makoto.

As Tack was about to kiss Makoto, a familiar face strutted in.

Geoff Garrett: Well well well, it looks like my ol' pal Tack Angel is back to normal. It's good to see you Tack.

Tack Angel: Geoff…Double G…my good friend. I am so sorry that-

Geoff Garrett: I knew it couldn't be true. All the things you said, didn't gel with the experiences we had together as friends, tag partners, and co-dads. Things you said about the south? 

Magnum PT: The things you said about mullets? No way you meant that. 

Tack Angel: PT! 

Point Man: The Point Man knew we could count on you. You're reliable, like the Point Man! 

Tack Angel: Point Man! 

Jaden Yuki: I wasn't there when you were on the team, but always been a fan brah brah! 

Tack Angel: ….YOU! 

Magnum PT: Jaden. 

Tack Angel: Jaden! Of course! 

Tack Angel: I know I don't have the right to ask, but-

Geoff Garrett: Of course you're back in the Crew! You are the HEART of the Crew! 

Rick Shaw: YOU are the one who ties it all together. 

Tack Angel: You guys….you all make my heart so full. It's time to have fun in wrestling again. I can't wait to get back into the mix. Who am I taking on today?

Makoto Kino: El Capitan from BBB. 

Tack Angel: OH! …..Why?

Makoto Kino: ….Uh..

Geoff Garrett: ….

Magnum PT: Um…

?: Hey Tackleton! 

Tack Angel: Huh?

Tack suddenly saw Havok's Trevor Mach approaching with a bat in hand. He winced, but Trevor lowered the bat and hugged Tack. 

Tack Angel: Huh? 

Trevor Mach: Good to see you buddy! 

Tack Angel: I thought that bat was for-

Trevor Mach: You?! Haha, no no no! Absolutely not….not this time anyways. Kidding!

Tack Angel: Well, I heard that I shouted some awful things at you, blaming you for this and that. 

Trevor Mach: Do you remember it? 

Tack Angel: Not really. 

Trevor Mach: Did you mean it? 

Tack Angel: I don't think so?

Trevor Mach: Then we call it the bantz, and it's water under the bridge! Don't worry about it! You and Double G might be the Dad Dudes, but you and I will always be Bad Dudes. Don't you forget it bro. 

Tack Angel: Well, that's surprising! You seem like you're in a great mood. 

Trevor Mach: What's not to be happy about? I'm about to wrap this bat around someone's head, and that's always a fun occasion. 

Tack Angel: Who are you here to hit?! 

Trevor Mach: Your new boss! 

Tack Angel: What?! 

Trevor Mach: Yeah, my name ended up in that draft thingy, and I'm going to tell him that if me picks me I'm going to shatter his face! Is it a threat? Am I just being a scamp? A shenanigan boy? Haha….he really doesn't want to find out. Bye! 

Tack Angel: Oh by the way, I'm told that I beat you in the E1! Did that actually happen? 

Trevor Mach: Uh…no…no I don't think so. I think someone's pulling your leg. You uh….you didn't beat me clean…nah. Gotta go! 

Tack Angel: *looks at the camera* Just another day at work eh? *shrugs*

Jaden Yuki: Yo man, who you talking to?




Tommy Dukes: Welcome to Xcite! We're at our new home in Lamey's Place in Jacksonville, where it's actually still kind of warm! 

Apple Kid: Yeah, in Smalltown it was freezing! 

Tali Mach: Yeah, it was so cold I couldn't feel my legs! 

Apple Kid: But-

Larry Grim: Hey, how about that new theme song eh? I mean, you did hear it right? 

Tali Mach: You didn't skip over it because you thought it was the same thing right? Just because it's got the same picture? 

Apple Kid: Huh? 

Tali Mach: So the good news is, I signed a fat contract because the new boss is a mark for yours truly, and I can't say that I blame him. The bad news? This show is a MESS! 

Larry Grim: Well, it's certainly different. It's a new era for Xcite! It's the era of TK and his vision for Xcite! It's going to be quite the ride, but we still promise to bring you the very best in what we do. You'll see your favorites, and you'll see some new faces! 

Tali Mach: Yeah, but you know what we won't see tonight? A women's match! Where's the women TK?! Where's the women? Do I need to drag myself into that ring to wrestle? I proved I can do it! Apple, throw me into that ring! 

Apple Kid: Seriously?

Larry Grim: That'll have to wait, because we have our first match coming up! 

Tali Mach: We going to get a speech from the new boss tonight? Is he going to introduce himself? Maybe set up this new vision for Xcite? 

Larry Grim: Nope! We're starting with The Shark Order taking on The Floodline! 

Tali Mach: When did Blue Rains start teaming with Rains, and when did Bad News Barry become their "Smart Fella" in place of Good News Gary? Why are they feuding with The Shark Order? I didn't even know those guys were still around! 

Larry Grim: This has apparently been a feud taking place on the indies, specifically on the west coast. I think it's assumed you know all of this before the match! 

Tali Mach: …Is that right? 

Apple Kid: Who is the third man for The Floodline!?

Tali Mach: Is it The Butcher? The Blade? The Bunny?

Larry Grim: What? Who are they? 

Tali Mach: See that's the level of confusion I'm feeling right now, skeleton man. 

Larry Grim: I see. No, the third man is none other than the dreaded antithesis to Blue Rains. It's YELLOW RAINS! 

Tali Mach: I'm really glad Trevor isn't into that. I don't do golden showers. 

Apple Kid: Golden what? 

Tali Mach: Think about it. 

Apple Kid: ….OH NO! 

Tali Mach: Oh yeah! Hahaha! It IS gross though. 

Larry Grim: Let's get to it!

EBW: 3-Hour Xcite
Lamey's Place, Jacksonville
ENN

1. 6-Man Tag: "The Shark Order" Big Shark/Shark #1/Shark #2 vs. "The Floodline" Rains/Blue Rains/Yellow Rains
-The opening match of the night set the tone for Xcite's new unique blend of high-energy action and lighthearted fun. The Shark Order, a fan-favorite trio of goofy yet surprisingly skilled underdogs, made their return to EBW after a stint on the West Coast indie scene. Facing off against their long-time rivals, The Floodline, the Sharks brought their signature antics, clashing with the villainous, synchronized antics of Rains, Blue Rains, and new to EBW Yellow Rains. The contest began with a comedic standoff as The Floodline mocked The Shark Order’s over-the-top aquatic-themed costumes, ignorning their own matching ninja costumes. Big Shark, ever the charismatic giant, rallied the crowd with exaggerated fin-taunts, eliciting a wave of cheers. The Sharks capitalized on the crowd’s energy, taking an early advantage with creative teamwork. Highlights included Shark #1 and Shark #2 hitting a perfectly timed Double Shark Splash that had the audience roaring. Being told to do more high flying moves from TK seemed to have changed their fighting style, which couldn't be easy considering their ages. Momentum shifted dramatically when The Floodline isolated Shark #2. Their heelish antics, including fake tags and coordinated interference, turned the tide in their favor. The trio reveled in their villainy, loudly calling out their synchronized moves as if they were choreographing a dance. Despite their cartoonish demeanor, their precision and power were undeniable as they kept Shark #2 grounded, drawing loud boos from the crowd. Shark #2 finally broke free with a desperate dive to Big Shark, igniting a thrilling comeback. Big Shark stormed into the ring, taking out all three members of The Floodline with a flurry of shoulder tackles and a devastating Spinbuster. The Sharks rallied with their signature move, the Feeding Frenzy—a rolling triple senton targeting Yellow Rains. The crowd thought they had the match won, but Rains managed to break up the pin at the last second. The bout descended into chaos as all six wrestlers entered the ring, trading blows and high-flying moves. The Sharks attempted a dramatic Triple TOPE SUICIDA to the outside, but The Floodline countered with a brutal triple hurl into the barricade, taking control once again. Back in the ring, Rains executed his finishing sequence with machine-like precision: a trio of BIG DRIZ Superman Punches, followed by his trademark Oooooah to set up a thunderous Spear on Shark #2 for the decisive pinfall.
Winners: Rains[o]/Blue Rains/Yellow Rains via BIG DRIZ x BIG DRIZ x BIG DRIZ x Oooooah x Spear on Shark #2 -> Pin 

Larry Grim: And a win for The Floodline…after like…twenty minutes? That was twenty minutes! 

Tali Mach: I never thought I'd spend that much of my time calling a Shark Order vs. Floodline match, but here we are. I'm sure following that we're going to hear about this backstage? See where it's going? Maybe see what TK thinks about the situation? 

Apple Kid: Nope! Apparently, we're going right to the next match! 

Larry Grim: That's not unheard of. We do that too. It's just weird that on the first episode of this new era we're just….doing matches? It's the Superkick Rockers vs. The Flipper Bros. 

Tali Mach: I need to start drinking again. I think I made a mistake. 
 
2. Super Dream Tag: Max Superkick[Debut]/Jeremy Superkick[Debut] vs. Hexagon III[BBB]/Phoenix[BBB] 
-The second match of the night saw the highly anticipated? debut of Max and Jeremy Superkick, a team whose name left little doubt about their priorities. Their opponents, Hexagon III and Phoenix of BBB, were no slouches when it came to flashy offense and getting injured as a result.

From the opening bell, it was clear this wasn’t going to be a match rooted in technicality or finesse. Max and Jeremy kicked things off—literally—with simultaneous dropkicks, followed by synchronized kip-ups and an exaggerated double pose to the crowd. The audience didn’t have time to catch their breath before the Superkicks were back at it, hitting stereo enzuigiris that practically echoed from the absurd number of thigh slaps accompanying them.

Hexagon III and Phoenix, determined not to be outdone, fired back with their own brand of high-octane nonsense. A tandem springboard moonsault combination had the crowd popping, though the spot’s elaborate setup required everyone involved to pause for what felt like a full ten seconds. Which made you wonder why it seemed like they were working together instead of facing each other. Not to be outdone, Max and Jeremy immediately responded with their trademark Double SUPERKICK, which seemed to involve more theatrics than impact but sent Phoenix sprawling dramatically across the ring anyway.

The action devolved—or perhaps evolved—into a dizzying sequence of moves so intricately choreographed it felt more like a dance routine than a wrestling match. At one point, Max and Jeremy delivered a Mapleland Destroyer that somehow left Hexagon III standing just long enough for them to deliver yet another Double SUPERKICK, followed by a perfectly synchronized pair of backflips for no discernible reason.

Hexagon III managed to mount a brief comeback, pulling out a ludicrously complicated sequence involving a handspring DDT into a rolling cutter, but the Superkicks weren’t about to let any semblance of true fighting competition creep into the match. Jeremy hit a Mapleland Destroyer on Phoenix, while Max executed a moonsault into yet another SUPERKICK, all before tagging in his brother for the grand finale.

The match ended with an insult to physics: Max and Jeremy connected with a twin mid-air SUPERKICK to Phoenix as he attempted a top-rope dive, somehow stopping him in mid-flight. Phoenix crumpled to the mat like he’d been hit by a freight train, and Jeremy made the cover for the pinfall victory.
Winners: Max Superkick/Jeremy Superkick[o] via Double SUPERKICK x Twin Mapleland Destroyers x Superkick on Phoenix -> Pin 

Larry Grim: Well, that was….something?

Tali Mach: I don't know WHAT that was…but I didn't much care for it! Nope! Didn't much care for it at all! 

Apple Kid: Oh come on! It wasn't that bad! I'm just shocked that it was given away on free television and given thirty plus minutes! I'm sure we're going to have a refreshing women's match now right?

Tali Mach: NO! I already said, that a women's match wasn't booked on the show! 

Apple Kid: Oh man, Sailor V is going to be so bummed…as is Minako! They are two different peop-

Tali Mach: Can it Apple! I'm being told we're getting an interview? That'll give me a second to take a break!

Backstage

Mrs. Xtra: I'm Mrs. Xtra, and I'm joined by Preacher Ra and The Auditor. They have some things they want to say, and I'm surprised they've come to me about this. 

The Auditor: It's a brave new world, and when all else fails, it's time for fresh tactics. 

Preacher Ra: Keep cool my baby, it's all groovy. We're about to see the first blow against Void, thanks to our monster from Edo. But by the end of the night, we're going to make you a promise. That promise is simple. The dark anointing of a new King. 

The Auditor: The project to create a Mad King from the righteous side of Tack Angel was a humorous and entertaining jape that allowed us insight into the perfect candidate. You see, you can't just hypnotize someone, and offer them money, power, and all the sinful indulgences that we crave and enjoy so much. You have to find someone, who will willingly take that upon themselves. Someone willing to sell their soul for the crown.

Preacher Ra: And dig this. We know just the guy. Stay tuned.

3. 8-Man Tag: Bashin Dan/Rama Raju/Takumi Inui/Void vs. Troy/Razorblade/Snakebite/Karasu
-The third match of the night was an 8-man tag team bout, a rematch between Bashin Dan and his dream team against SUFFER. On one side stood the eclectic team of Bashin Dan, Rama Raju, Takumi Inui, and Void—a blend of charismatic fan-favorites and enigmatic powerhouses. Opposing them was the fearsome squad of Troy, Razorblade, Snakebite, and Karasu, a group whose unity was only matched by their ferocious, borderline unhinged in-ring style.

The match started with a feeling-out process that quickly descended into chaos. Bashin Dan, known for his natural leadership and underdog energy, opened against Troy, the self-proclaimed “Apex Predator” of the opposing team. Dan’s technical prowess was on full display as he outwrestled Troy in the opening exchanges, but Troy’s sheer size and aggression soon turned the tide. A stiff shoulder block from Troy sent Dan sprawling into his corner, setting the stage for frequent tags from both sides as everyone jockeyed for momentum.

Rama Raju electrified the crowd with his high-flying offense, including a jaw-dropping springboard corkscrew crossbody that took out Razorblade and Snakebite on the outside. However, the momentary triumph was short-lived. Snakebite, a cunning and sadistic competitor, baited Raju into a blind tag from Karasu, who nearly took Raju’s head off with a brutal lariat. From there, the SUFFER team began to dominate, isolating Raju with quick tags and devastating strikes. Razorblade’s vicious kicks and Snakebite’s calculated submission holds kept Raju grounded, while Karasu provided bursts of explosive power to ensure he couldn’t escape.

When Raju finally broke free and tagged in Void, the match erupted into pure bedlam. Void’s eerie, otherworldly presence and unorthodox offense had SUFFER in defense mode, as he unleashed a flurry of spinning backfists and a stunning kick to Razorblade and then Karasu. The crowd roared as Void and Takumi Inui worked in tandem, delivering a spectacular Tower of Doom spot that left the ring littered with bodies. Void was shockingly compos mentis and willing to work with the men you'd normally expect Void to be attacking. 

Despite their impressive rally, the face team’s momentum was derailed by Troy, whose brutal powerbomb to Takumi Inui shifted the match’s balance once again. From there, the SUFFER team methodically dismantled their opposition, picking apart each member with calculated ruthlessness. Karasu’s wild, unrelenting strikes to Takumi Inui saw the Crimson Smasher come back swinging in his own right, throwing his unpolished haymakers after the iconic flick of the wrist, but then Karasu sprayed black mist into Takumi's face, before flooring him with a bone-rattling Yakuza Kick, pinning him for the victory.
Winners: Troy/Razorblade/Snakebite/Karasu[o] via Yakuza Kick on Takumi Inui -> Pin

Larry Grim: SUFFER with the win! Takumi got misted! 

Tali Mach: I really wish he would have "mist" that cheap shot on Takumi? Eh? Eh?

Apple Kid: That's momentum for the Edo monster Karasu, who SUFFER wish to use to take down Void. Looks like that match up is coming to a head, possibly at Last Clash?

Tali Mach: Why aren't we hyping THAT show up?

Apple Kid: We have graphics showing the day it happens. Look. 

Tali Mach: Everyone knows the day it happens! I'm talking about HYPE! I want to know who Bashin Dan is taking on! I want to hear from Makoto and Queen Beryl about their bout! 

Larry Grim: Apparently it's not in the format, we need to move onto the next match! It's a Ladder Match for the CXJ Championshi-

Tali Mach: Why though?! I'm going to openly criticize the company and TK on social media, and with no repercussions! 

Larry Grim: Yeah probably.

4. CXJ Championship Ladder Match: El Hijo Del Kiva(c) vs. Johnny Starbound vs. El Mago vs. Rey Dorado vs. Hooligan vs. Fray Tiburon 
-The CXJ Championship Ladder Match was a chaotic spectacle that delivered everything fans hoped for—and then some. El Hijo Del Kiva entered as the reigning champion, surrounded by a field of challengers hungry to dethrone him: Johnny Starbound, El Mago, Rey Dorado, Hooligan, and Fray Tiburon. Each competitor brought their unique flair to the ring, but together they created an unforgettable symphony of aerial destruction and ladder-based insanity.

From the opening bell, it was clear that this wasn’t going to be a match for the faint of heart. Ladders were introduced almost immediately, with El Mago and Rey Dorado teaming up briefly to toss one at the unsuspecting Hooligan. Johnny Starbound, ever the opportunist, tried to sneak an early climb, but Fray Tiburon yanked him down and delivered a spinning backbreaker that left Starbound writhing in pain.

El Hijo Del Kiva showcased his champion’s instincts by avoiding the initial chaos, strategically picking his moments to strike. He pulled off an impressive double springboard dropkick, sending both Hooligan and Tiburon crashing into a ladder propped in the corner. However, Kiva’s calculated approach was short-lived, as Rey Dorado took him out with a breathtaking moonsault off the top rope, driving him onto another ladder.

The match reached its first crescendo when El Mago, the crowd favorite, set up a ladder in the middle of the ring and performed a death-defying 450 splash onto Hooligan, who was sprawled on the canvas. The crowd erupted in chants of “This is awesome!” as bodies began to pile up in and around the ring.

Johnny Starbound took advantage of the carnage, climbing a ladder while the others were distracted. Just as his fingers grazed the title, Tiburon scaled the opposite side to stop him. The two traded blows high above the ring before Tiburon delivered a jaw-dropping sunset flip powerbomb off the ladder, sending Starbound crashing onto a pile of broken bodies below.

Not to be outdone, Rey Dorado pulled off one of the night’s most awe-inspiring moments—a corkscrew plancha from the top of a ladder to the outside, taking out El Mago and Hooligan in one incredible leap. The arena was in a frenzy, with fans unable to believe what they were witnessing.

As the chaos reached its peak, Kiva made his move. Using a smaller ladder as a battering ram, he cleared the ring and began his ascent. But Starbound, battered and bruised, was not about to let the champion retain. He dragged himself into the ring and tipped the ladder over, sending Kiva tumbling to the outside in a brutal fall that left him clutching his ribs.

With the ring cleared, Starbound seized his moment. The crowd’s roars grew louder as he climbed the ladder, step by agonizing step. El Mago made a desperate attempt to stop him, but Starbound kicked him away and grabbed the title, unhooking it to become the NEW CXJ Champion!
Winner: Johnny Starbound via Title Grab -> NEW CXJ Champion!

Larry Grim: And Johnny Starbound reclaims the CXJ Championship! 

Tali Mach: He seriously just dropped his whole, uncovering the mysteries of El Hijo Del Kiva thing! I knew you said it earlier, but I thought that was just bull*bleep*! Who would just drop something like that? 

Apple Kid: …And now a word from Tack Angel!

Backstage

Mrs. Xtra: Hey everybody! I'm joined by Tack Angel and-

Tack Angel: "Star Prince" Tack Angel if you please. 

Mrs. Xtra: Oh? 

Tack Angel: Yeah, I'm going to own it. I know who I am now. I mean, I don't remember much, but I know who I am. The title of Star Prince is meant to symbolize heroics! I want to be a hero, and give dreams to people. I want to apologize for-

Mrs. Xtra: We don't have time.

Tack Angel: Huh?

Mrs. Xtra: We have to get to the next match. I'm being told to wrap it up. 

Tack Angel: But I need to explain why I'm not a villain-

Mrs. Xtra: No time. You're just not anymore. 

Tack Angel: I'm just not? 

Mrs. Xtra: Yeah, TK said to say you're just a good guy again and move on. We have matches to get to. 

Tack Angel: Then why am I here? To hype up my opponent? I mean no one knows who he i-

Mrs. Xtra: No, we needed you to stand over here. 

Tack Angel: Huh?

Tack turned around to see a giant, empty action figure box that said Tack Angel on the bottom. 

Mrs. Xtra: Stand in there please.
 
Tack Angel: What? Alright, I suppose, but why-

A photographer quickly took a picture. 

Tack Angel: Ah! 

Mrs. Xtra: That's all. Good luck in your Super Dream Match tonight! 

Tack Angel: About that…why is it a Super Dream Match? 

Mrs. Xtra: You didn't watch BBB? 

Tack Angel: I don't know. I don't remember much about the last couple of months. 

Mrs. Xtra: Oh, so you don't know what happened? 

Tack Angel: No. What happened? 

Mrs. Xtra: No time. Back to the ring! 

Tack Angel: What is going on here?  

5. Xcite Championship Dog Collar Match: Colby Roads(c) vs. Magnum PT
-The Xcite Championship Dog Collar Match between Colby Roads and Magnum PT was a grueling, visceral battle that pushed both competitors to their physical and emotional limits. Tethered by a thick steel chain...for some reason, the two men entered the ring not just to wrestle but to fight—a fitting culmination to a heated rivalry that had escalated beyond traditional rules...apparently? 

Colby Roads, the reigning champion, walked into the match with a confidence, flanked by his dog, and his mixed race child that ended racism totes forevers despite the divorce. However, Magnum PT, with his trademark handlebar mustache and indomitable spirit, made it clear from the outset that he was prepared to leave everything in the ring to claim the title. The tension in the air was palpable as the chain was secured around their necks, binding them together for what promised to be a brutal showdown.

The opening moments were a tug-of-war, with both men using the chain as both a weapon and a shield. Magnum took the early advantage, yanking Colby off his feet and driving him into the corner with a flurry of punches. The chain came into play almost immediately, as Magnum wrapped it around his fist for a series of devastating blows that left Colby reeling.

Colby, ever the resourceful champion, turned the tide by pulling Magnum into a short-arm clothesline, using the chain for extra momentum. From there, he began to systematically target Magnum’s arm, wrapping the chain around it and slamming it repeatedly into the mat. The crowd winced with each impact, but Magnum refused to quit, rallying the fans with his defiant shouts of “I’m not done yet!”

The brutality escalated as the match spilled to the outside. Magnum whipped Colby into the steel steps with a sickening thud, then climbed onto the apron for a diving elbow drop that sent both men crashing to the floor. The chain became a weapon of opportunity, with each man using it to choke, whip, and batter the other in a desperate bid for control.

The turning point came when Magnum set up for his signature move, the Mustache Ride, on the outside. Colby countered by pulling the chain, dragging Magnum face-first into the ring post. Seizing the moment, Colby rolled him back into the ring and attempted a pin after a devastating chain-assisted neckbreaker, but Magnum kicked out at the last second.

Colby, visibly exhausted, tried to finish Magnum with a superkick, but Magnum ducked and countered with a brutal chain-assisted blow. The crowd erupted as Magnum stood tall, the chain taut between them, and delivered the Mustache Ride. With the crowd on their feet, Magnum covered Colby for the three-count, becoming Xcite Champion once again. 
Winner: Magnum PT via Mustache Ride -> Pin -> NEW Xcite Champion! 

Larry Grim: Magnum PT with the win! The Xcite Championship is BACK with The Weekend Wrecking Crew! 

Tali Mach: Huh, don't know how I feel about that one. I mean that Colby guy is just SOOO market tested and artificially inflated right now. As opposed to his father, who was super popular and literally inflated. Hahahaha! Laugh Apple! 

Apple Kid: HAHHHHAHA! 

Larry Grim: Welp, now it's time for the main event. I mean, you would figure that would have been the main event, but to the new boss, this is the super serious mega awesome dream bout that wrestling has been needing, and will totally change wrestling forever….or something. 

Tali Mach: Why is this match happening!?
 
6. Super Dream Match: Tack Angel vs. El Capitan[BBB] 
-The Super Dream Match between Tack Angel and El Capitan of BBB was a showcase of technical mastery and fiery intensity, pitting two icons with vastly different styles against each other. Tack Angel, the virtuous technician with a KNACK for CLUTCHING the WRIST, squared off against El Capitan, a hybrid Lucha Libre brawler with a reputation for bending the rules just enough to keep the referee guessing...for some reason.

The Xciters were happy to have their hero back, as Tack and Capitan locked up in the center of the ring, a clash of wills as much as technique. Tack took an early advantage, outmaneuvering Capitan with a series of arm drags and quick roll-ups that kept his opponent guessing. Capitan, however, quickly adjusted, using his speed and unorthodox offense to escape Tack’s grasp.

The pace quickened as Capitan took to the air, dazzling the crowd with a springboard dropkick that sent Tack sprawling into the ropes. Not one to let his momentum falter, Capitan followed up with a corkscrew plancha to the outside, leaving Tack momentarily dazed. The referee began the count, but Tack, ever resilient, slid back into the ring at the last second.

The middle portion of the match became a battle of attrition. Tack methodically targeted Capitan’s arm, softening him up for his devastating WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver. Capitan, in turn, focused on Tack’s midsection, using stiff kicks and a spinebuster into the corner to wear him down.

The turning point came when Capitan resorted to his bag of tricks. Feigning an injury, he baited Tack into lowering his guard, then countered with a vicious low blow behind the referee’s back. The crowd erupted in boos as Capitan capitalized, hitting a high-impact pop-up powerbomb that nearly secured the victory. Tack kicked out at two, his fighting spirit igniting a second wind.

Tack rallied with a flurry of suplexes, punctuated by a perfectly executed Hagen suplex that left Capitan stunned. Sensing his opportunity, Tack set up for the WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver, but Capitan countered with a jaw-dropping poison rana that left both men sprawled on the mat. The crowd was at a fever pitch, chanting for both competitors as they struggled to their feet.

In the end, Tack’s perseverance won the day. Ducking a wild lariat from Capitan, he locked in the WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver, lifting his opponent high before driving him into the mat with pinpoint precision. The referee’s hand hit the mat for the three-count, and the crowd erupted in cheers as Tack Angel stood victorious.
Winner: Tack Angel via WRIST CLUTCH Angel Driver -> Pin 

Larry Grim: Tack Angel with the win! 

Tali Mach: And look, here comes Makoto to celebrate! The #1 Contender, left celebrating with Tack…instead of getting a match…or promo time. 

Larry Grim: I just got a lot of stuff to announce in a few short moments, so here I go. *deep breath* XciteisgoingtohaveasecondshowcalledRavagethatwilldebutontheMegastationEBS
andwillbeonehourlongandthefirstshowwilltakeplaceinWindyCitywherethebrandnew EBSandEBWTriosChampionswillbecrownedalongwithasupersecretsurpriseandwewill
hearfromBashinDanandfindoutwhohisopponentwillbeforeLastClash2024. 

Apple Kid: WHOA! 

Tali Mach: …Why did you need to take a breath? 

Larry Grim: …..

Parking Lot

A mopey Colby Roads marched to the back, pushing away LG Rod and Randy no Kachi. He tossed them his baby and wiped his hands, before trying to unlock his car. That's when a voice startled him. 

?: It's you…it's got to be you. It was always going to be you. 

Colby Roads: Hmmm?

?: After all, wrestling has more than one…

Queen Beryl stepped out of the shadows, The Auditor could also be seen in the dark fixing his tie. 

Queen Beryl: Royal Family. 

Colby Roads: …

Last edited by Machismo (12/01/2024 3:42 am)

Ted Pettentool: The Tedster is here! Hey, how about that draft eh? We saw some major shakeups! The show ended with Picky Minch being split from the Metalbound Brotherhood. His fate has been tied to guys like Subculture, Trevor Mach, Cade Yaggis, and Little Mac for years, and now he's going to be a stranger in a strange land. We also found out Christina and Christy will both be on the same brand together! Firebrand X will be an Xciter when he resurfaces, and Lainey Strong is set to figure out who she is without Wendy Mustang. The show also saw a title change, and a declaration from Boz! He wants Mach in a Last Clash rematch! It looks like he's getting the match, and it will be for the VBW Championship! That's not all we have though. We have a pretty extensive look at the card for Last Clash. Want a sneaky peek?! Here it is!

EBW: Last Clash 2024
Outside of the Saturn Dome, Saturn City
ENN+/ENT+

1. Havok - Lady Renegades Singles: Wendy Mustang vs. Ayla 
2. Xcite - EBW Women's Tag Team Championships: Usagi Tsukino(c)/Minako Aino(c) vs. Erica/Gianna Rambaldi 
3. Havok - Singles: Ness vs. Poo
4. Xcite - No Rules 6-Man Tag: Bashin Dan/Rama Raju/Void vs. Snakebite/Troy/Karasu
5. Havok - VBW Championship Extreme Bushido Rules: Trevor Mach(c) vs. Boz 
6. Havok - Singles: Cade Yaggis vs. Sal Paradise 
7. Xcite - Last Match of 2024 EBW Women's Championship: Queen Beryl(c) vs. Makoto Kino
8. Havok - First Match of 2025 EBW Television Championship: Boomtown(c) vs. Benjamin

Ted Pettentool: You'll notice that Havok has most of the matches, as TK apparently believes that doing a major show every month isn't good, and yet he'll overload his weekly show with premium quality matches with no story or build, and expect that'll be enough to get the job done. Sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be critical of this stuff, but I was around to see certain promotions rise and fall based on this sort of stuff! We also have some news concerning President Orange Man and his plans once he takes office. This concerns us folks, so let's check it out.

-

Orange Man: I had a meeting with the Prime Minister of MAPLEland. Dustin Dublow, he sits when he pees, he doesn't want you to know that, but he does it. Everybody knows it. I said we're going to blast him with tariffs, and he said "Sir, please don't talk dirty to me, I love being blasted", and I said not like that. I said we're gonna hit them so hard with tariffs, they won't know what hit them. I said he has to close his border, because we don't want any of that Mapleland nonsense in Eagleland, where MEGA is on the menu, and the new Heath Director says too much Maple syrup is BAD for you. I would have to agree, but I still love my Diet Cokes. Can't get rid of those. I told him that I demand that Eagleland wrestling promotions get the ability to tour in Mapleland, and make some of that money, that's less valuable than ours, but not by much thanks in part ti Bidet. He said he wouldn't allow it, and then I said we'd cut off Mapleland's supply of soy, and that's when he folded like a dainty little lawn chair. If he's not careful, we'll just add Mapleland to our country, and then he can just work for me. I'll cut him a good deal. A lifetime supply of soy and tickets to musical theater, cause he seems like the type. He's definitely the type you'd find at a gas station glory hole. Don't worry people of Mapleland, I'll make sure you get your supply of Eagleland wrestling, which is definitely the best wrestling in all the world. My VP Mike Thunder, do you have anything you want to add? 

Mike Thunder: Ya know we're pro gun too right? The police won't break into my house to find forty guns, because Mike Thunder has forty two guns! *flexes his arms* Uuuuu!!!

Orange Kid: Outstanding. Absolutely outstanding, isn't he the best?

Saturn Cafe

Jammer sat with Bashin Dan, and stared at his EBW Championship. 

Bashin Dan: You uh….you alright Jam Man?

Jammer: …How did I get here? 

Bashin Dan: We drove?

Jammer: I meant to this place in my life. We were fighting for that belt together, once upon a time. You, me, and Benji were battling it out. I also won Rumble City, and had the chance to win the 5-Crown against Tack. Now…I'm watching as you're EBW Champion, and Benjamin is taking on Boomtown for the Television Championship. How did I get where I am? 

Bashin Dan: You're very popular Jammer. Your merch sells well, and you have great crossover appeal with the basketball fans! 

Jammer: But I'm not in title contention. That needs to change. 

Bashin Dan: Just remember, you're not in this alone. You have the power of friendship.

Jammer: Don't worry…I wouldn't turn my back on you guys…never again. That haunts me. 

Bashin Dan: Well good, cause you still have me, Cade, Benjamin, Jaden, Vape, and-

Jammer: I was never actually friends with Jaden, and Vape is getting on my nerves right now. 

Bashin Dan: How's the job hunt going?

Jammer: ….

Jammer's House

Jammer entered his house to find Vape baked into a giant loaf of bread. 

Jammer: …

Vape: Morning Jammer! It's a great morning, no matter how you "slice" it. 

Jammer: I don't know what this is, but just a reminder that rent is due, and you're already several months behind. 

Vape: It's not like you're short on "dough" ..

Jammer: …What is this Vape?

Vape: Just a little breakfast in "bread".

Jammer: …I'm going to fill a sock with quarters…and then I'm coming back.

Vape: That's the "yeast" of my concerns!

Saturn Cafe

Jammer: Not well Dan….not well. 

Bashin Dan: Don't give up buddy! Don't ever give up! You can do it! 

Jammer: I just need to figure out the secret. I know what works for you. I've seen what works for Benji. I gotta find where my power lies. 

Bashin Dan: And when you do, you'll be World Champion for sure! 

Jammer: Right! 

Bashin Dan: And Vape will get a job! 

Jammer: Let's not push our luck! We uh….we can't have everything….apparently. 

- ←— In this case, that thing means not televised, but it doesn't always mean that. I love confusing you people. :D 

?

Tali found herself back in the shimmering and prismatic space known as the Sanctum. She was standing again, she could feel her legs. The feeling was wonderful, but bittersweet, because she knew it was going to be a fleeting moment. She looked at the shimmering grass and the water that seemed to flow from out of nowhere. This was a paradise. She turned to see a familiar face. 

Tali Mach: When you bring me here, do you insist that I have to be naked? 

Trevor Mach: No actually, but it's a fun bonus for me. 

Tali Mach: Yeah, I bet it is. You don't ever get bored looking at me? 

Trevor Mach: No…not ever. 

Tali Mach: This is teasing me Trevor. You're the author here. You're writing me to walk, and yet you know once I wake up, it's back in the saddle. 

Trevor Mach: I'm not the only author. I was just the first one to realize it. You yourself want this too. 

Tali Mach: I guess so, but- you are REALLY staring at me. 

Trevor Mach: I can't help it! 

Tali Mach: Heh, I should expect this. You ARE my Trevor…just..working subconsciously.

Trevor Mach: I'm not God, and I don't intend to ever try to pretend that I am. Free will is a choice that everyone deserves, and I'm just a man in a unique situation. 

Tali Mach: I like your unique situation. 

Trevor Mach: And I want to PUT YOU in a unique situation. 

Trevor and Tali: HA! 

Tali Mach: So why am I here now? 

Trevor Mach: We're getting closer to the truth. Serge named the problem. Now it needs to be taken care of. 

Tali Mach: How?

Trevor Mach: I'll tell ya in a bit. I just want to enjoy this a bit more. 

Tali Mach: You're obsessed.

Trevor Mach: Damn right. Always have been. You made me fight for you. 

Tali Mach: I enjoyed playing hard to get. 

Trevor Mach: I enjoyed getting thrown through the wall. 

Tali Mach: Really?

Trevor Mach: Well…I enjoyed what it led to. Ya know, that time you threw a TV from Ness's second story hurt more! 

Tali Mach: HA! It did hit you right in the face. Funny that we have those memories we can watch back, cause I brained you on national television. Haha! 

Trevor Mach: You sure did, but the good thing about me is that I have a memory like a steel trap. I remember vividly the things the cameras didn't pick up. 

Tali Mach: Ah yes, before the flying cloud dudes being everywhere. I remember our "lore" quite extensively. 

Trevor Mach: It wasn't just me watching you, was it? You were watching me too. 

Tali Mach: I wanted to be a part of what you were doing, and when you showed interest in me, I liked it. I like it a lot. I still wanted to know how badly though. 

Trevor Mach: You found out. 

Tali Mach: You keep reminding me, to this very day. Even here and now. I can see it in my mind. All those years ago. The day I met you..the day I could remember anyways. When we were kids, those days at Polestar…and the Capcom project…those are blur…always have been. No, I remember most vividly now the day you and Crono were in Onett. As the buildings were coming down, you took the time to notice me. And those eyes...those beautiful eyes...you were an extraordinary being. To meet you, I had to employ extraordinary means. There was no way you weren't going to notice me when I was done. I had already gone too far. I was committed. There was no turning back. In for a penny, in for a pound. Like my daddy used to say, "Anything worth doing, is worth doing right." Then of course I found myself a host for an interdimensional being, BUT before that, it was a pretty interesting day for me. At least that's how you write me to feel right? 

Trevor Mach: No babe, that's all you. I know it. You're guarded, but I've broken down some of your defenses over time. I've played the long game with you.

Tali Mach: You certainly have. 

Trevor Mach: I remember how the television presented our relationship. They followed us around like we were becoming the popular power couple of EBW.

Tali Mach: That's exactly what happened. 

Trevor Mach: Sometimes I miss those days. The raw excitement of getting to know you. The fight to break down those defenses. 

Tali Mach: And I could walk the walk back then. Not so much now. 

Trevor Mach: I said I miss those days SOMETIMES. I live for the days we have together now. That's really worth fighting for.

Tali Mach: Oh you. You're a real smoothie. 

Trevor Mach: Actually, I'm an awkward idiot, but I have my way with words now and then. Remember though, like two weeks into our relationship? We were training together. 

Tali Mach: Yeah we'd do that a lot. That's when it started though. When you wanted to start breaking down my barriers, both in my mind, my heart, and between my legs. 

2007

Viewtiful Trevor was trying to show the young M's Style the ropes, but she was very strong and confident in her own right, giving him a challenge between the ropes. 

Viewtiful Trevor: Now see, THAT is why you won Ultimate EBW. 

M's Style: Oh yeah? You sure I didn't have some help from inside? 

Viewtiful Trevor: No, you got here on your own. Unless of course, you desperately needed to get here to get closer to me. If that's the case, I'm proud to say I encouraged you, and you're welcome! 

M's Style: Haha! Bullshit Mr. Viewtiful. I don't need to get close to anyone. 

Viewtiful Trevor: That'd be real spiffy if you meant that, but I don't buy it. Deep down, you want to be dominated. You do like it rough.

M's Style: Bullshit. Bullshit to your everything. Everything you say. You'll never beat me. I'll never surrender. Keep trying!

Trevor got frustrated in the lock up and was able to force M's into a corner of the ring. 

Viewtiful Trevor: It's been two weeks now! We have to get back to work! 

M's Style: Bullshit! 

Viewtiful Trevor: From now on, we're going to have a normal relationship! 

M's Style: Bullshit! 

Viewtiful Trevor: I'm going to buy you lingerie, a dress, a car! Whatever you want! I'm going to take you to dinner, and I'm going to pay for it! 

M's Style: Hehe! Bullshit! 

Viewtiful Trevor: We're going to sleep in like normal people, and watch the news! I'm going to drive to Summers to meet your Grandmother, and she's going to like me, and I'm going to like her! 

M's Style: You want control? Take it.

M's laughed as she continued to yell out playfully, while Trevor battled her in the ring, and a battle of wills. 

2024

Trevor Mach: We didn't do things gently. 

Tali Mach: Never have. No reason to start now. Just ask our unfortunate Thanksgiving guests. 

Trevor Mach: Wait until they come by for Christmas! Hahaha! 

Tali Mach: Hahaha! Give a new meaning to the term stocking stuffer? 

Trevor Mach: Ha! 

Tali Mach: This is nice Trevor…it's very nice, but I have a feeling I'm here for a reason, just like before. I can remember it more clearly now, then I could when I was away. 

Trevor Mach: Yeah, that's how it happens. You need to remember something for me, Tali. Something very important.

Tali Mach: I'm not very good at that. These dreams are nice, but they unfortunately fade like I said. 

Trevor Mach: This isn't just a dream. It's real. You're here. We're here together. Do you feel me touching you? Does that feel like a dream? It's real. But I won't remember it. Not as well as you can. That's why I need you to remember that you're the key. 

Tali Mach: Oh no. No no no. I don't like being the key to things. I'd really rather not be the key. I'm more like a blunt instrument….on wheels. 

Trevor Mach: It has to be you.

Tali Mach: Why me? 

Trevor Mach: HER. 

Tali Mach: Her who?

Trevor Mach: HER YOU! 

Tali Mach: Oh. Oooooh. Oh no. 

Trevor Mach: Lavos. 

Tali Mach: …You think Lavos cares about this busted up body anymore? 

Trevor Mach: Giygas and Lavos both changed into something far more sinister and more powerful and both found hosts in people I care about the most. Somehow, through his connection to George and Maria, Giygas found the will to change and split off into Yaggis. The part of him that dreamed of being a human like his adopted parents. The other side even tapped into his fatherly instincts to save his son. When time changed, he protected his son the "Trigger" while also being "written out" of the timeline. In a world where he was truly gone, it allowed Lavos to return from the Darkness Beyond Time….the Void of the Sanctum, where it found Schala. 

Tali Mach: …My head hurts. 

Trevor Mach: You are the key. Remember that Tali. It's up to you. You and the Trigger. 

Tali Mach: Me and-

?

A visibly vacant Agent Face sat in the bed of his locked observation room. He slowly scribbled on a sheet of paper as Gordon Cole looked on with another figure. 

Gordon Cole: HE'S SEEMINGLY REGRESSED! HE LOOKS TRAPPED WITHIN HIMSELF! WERE YOU ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING ON YOUR END?

Grimoire: Unfortunately not. I tapped into Justice Mach's story, but all I know is that whatever happens left many dead, and the world scarred forever. He didn't want to think about it…he just missed his Dad. 

Gordon Cole: MY DAD LET ME SAMPLE A PINOT NOIR WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN! IT TASTED LIKE GASOLINE! I DON'T THINK IT WAS FROM A GOOD YEAR! 

Grimoire: …I understand. I tried to dig into Face's story. His book…this Age…it's blank after awhile. I don't know if it's still there. I think it solely existed to keep him trapped.

Face quickly turned, and forced himself to look at Gordon and Grimoire. He spoke through gritted teeth. 

Face: N-N-Not me! NOT ME! THEY WANTED TO TRAP HER! THEY WANTED TO KILL HER! THEY WANTED ME TO DO IT! I WAS THE KILLER! THEY WANTED TO MAKE ME BE THE KILLER! 

Grimoire: …He can hear us? 

Gordon Cole: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOUNDPROOF! WELL THEN AGAIN, I AM SPEAKING AT A VERY HIGH VOLUME! 

Grimoire: … 

Onett

A limping Trevor Mach slowly got out of a car, his black eye starting to clear, while the other occupant Ness, got out of the passenger seat, sporting stitches from a cheap shot by Poo. 

Ness: …Been awhile since this was my actual hometown. Feels like an eternity ago. 

Trevor Mach: Yeah, I figured you could use a change of scenery from the farm. 

Ness: Is that the only reason we're right down the road from my old house? 

Trevor Mach: Not exactly. I wanted to give you a token of my appreciation, for all you've done, and the sacrifice you made for everybody. 

Ness: I'm just trying to do the right thing. It's all I ever wanted to do, ever since I was a kid. 

Trevor Mach: Wasn't lying when you said you were a hero to me. Problem is, I'm a bit of a dick, but God is using me nonetheless, and I'm grateful for that. It gives me a chance to set some things right. I talked it over with Tali, and since she's sick of people staying at the house, she was all for this too. Behold.

Trevor showed Ness his old house, restored to its former glory. 

Ness: Amazing. It looks just like it did in 199X. 

Trevor Mach: Which is crazy cause that was like….how long ago was that really? 

Ness: Even got the old mail box. 

Trevor Mach: Does X come after 9? Is it inbetween 1999 and 2000?

Ness: Hey look, it's the window where Tali threw out a television and brained you. 

Trevor Mach: I recently had a dream about that. Weird. So is 199X just a vague way of not locking down a year or-

Ness: I really appreciate this. When it got turned into a museum, I didn't mind the extra cash flow, but to be honest, I missed the old place. I wanted to raise Will here. 

Trevor Mach: How is he doing? 

Ness: Missing his mother. Paula doesn't even seem to care. Good news is, I can get him away from my Mom now. 

Trevor Mach: Staying with Tess? Hey, isn't it weird that she's married to Tali's Dad now. That sort of, kind of makes us family eh? 

Ness: …I try not to think about it. 

Trevor Mach: How is your Dad?

Ness: Doing well! He's in charge of a telecommunications company actually. 

Trevor Mach: Explains the obscene amount of money he used to give you. 

Ness: And he married Subculture's Mom.

Trevor Mach: WHAT?! 

Ness: …Gotcha.

Trevor Mach: Ness tells a joke?! Hahaha! That's great, man. Come on, let's go check out your house! 

Ness: Thanks again Trev. By the way…did you-

Trevor Mach: Patch up the Trevor shaped hole in the wall? Absolutely not! 

Ness: Hehe….good.



Ted Pettentool: The Toolbox is back, with more EBW World! I was told that I would be having a big name join me, but I'm just being joined by this very obvious fan instead? Hello young man, what is your name? 

TK: I'm Toddy Khant! I'm the owner of EBW! 

Ted Pettentool: Oh yeah! Sorry! Wair…you mean you're the boss of Xcite, right? 

TK: I'm gonna buy ALL of EBW! My Dad says I can buy whatever I want! 

Ted Pettentool: You probably should just focus on Xcite right now and-

TK: I'm gonna debut a third show on youtube, called EBW: Black, and it's gonna be all the dark matches! 

Ted Pettentool: If you show them….are they dark matches? 

TK: …I'm gonna do it! Then, I'm gonna do ANOTHER show called Black Extra, and it's ALSO going to be dark matches, buuuuut I'm going to let a wrestler who is terrible on the mic call the action! 

Ted Pettentool: Why?

TK: Cause Dad says I have to justify buying my toys…I mean my talent. The wrestlers. I own a wrestling brand! 

Ted Pettentool: You're certainly making big changes, with lofty goals. That's something I suppose, but on top of the draft, you're bringing in a lot of new guys all at once. Notice I said guys, because you're not really using your women's rost-

TK: THEY HAVE A MATCH! 

Ted Pettentool: Oh! They do? Let's check out the card!

EBW: 3-Hour Xcite
Twoson Fairgrounds, Twoson
ENN

1. CXJ 4-Way: Rey Dorado vs. Grind vs. El Hijo Del Kiva vs. Phoenix<BBB> 
2. Tag: Tack Angel/Seiya Kou vs. Colby Roads/Mamoru Chiba 
3. CXJ Championship Eliminator: Johnny Starbound vs. El Capitan<BBB>
4. 5-Minute Time Limit Women's Singles: Makoto Kino vs. Lainey Strong
5. Singles: Void vs. Karasu 
6. Super Dream Match: Kenny Alpha/Kota Hayashi vs. Max Superkick/Jeremy Superkick

Ted Pettentool: Huh…well there it is. The #1 Contender, and Queen Beryl's least favorite person right now in Makoto Kino taking on the newest Xciter Lainey Strong, but why only five minutes? 

TK: They gotta hurry, cause I got important matches! 

Ted Pettentool: I mean…you have some good stuff here. We're opening with a CXJ 4-Way. I see no Hexagon. You saving him for a later ma-

TK: HE GOT INJURED…yeah….flipped and broke his ankle. 

Ted Pettentool: Oh. Ouch. Then you have the "All Eagleland Star Prince" Tack Angel teaming with Seiya Kou against Colby Roads and Mamoru Chiba. That actually has story behind it! 

TK: I WANT TACK TO WRESTLE! 

Ted Pettentool: It looks like…you got it…and you booked that match because of the history right?

TK: JOHNNY STARBOUND IS GONNA WRESTLING EL CAPITAN! THAT'S GONNA SO AWESOME! 

Ted Pettentool: I notice it's one of those eliminator matches. What are we eliminating here? The possibility that he could BE #1 Contender? We need to make it clear what-

TK: VOID AND KARASU! 

Ted Pettentool: Oh yeah, that's a match with history and story too, but I'm surprised we're just throwing it out there like-

TK *playing with legos* I want to see 'em fight! *sucks in drool* 

Ted Pettentool: This main event though. Kenny Alpha and Kota Hayashi against the Superkick Rockers?

TK: The Silver Sexmachines REUNITED! 

Ted Pettentool: But…they were never united HERE. This isn't a thing that happened in EBW. The EBW fans don't know what's going on with-

TK: I'm gonna go get juice. 

Ted Pettentool: And there he goes. That one is…is an oddball. Does he know he's booking for a real business and not using a wrestling sim? Let's move to the Havok card and see what's going on in the land of the Renegades.

EBW: Havok
Howler's Gymnasium, South Town
ENT

1. World Team Championship Rings: Ness(c)/Magus(c)/Subculture/? vs. Geoff Garrett<Xcite>/Magnum PT<Xcite>/Point Man<Xcite>/Jaden Yuki<Xcite>
2. Mixed 6-Tag: Dr. Pin A. Colada/Christy Angel/Alison Chains vs. Dick Wagner/Val Dorado/Darkness Aoi 
3. 8-Man Tag: Boomtown/Crono/Hotlanta/Generator vs. Zyro Kurogane/Dragon Shiryu/Jackson Kain/Mav Valentine 
4. Lady Renegades Singles: Hope Mach vs. Ayla 
5. Singles: Cade Yaggis vs. Razorblade 

Ted Pettentool: Wait what? Xcite is challenging for the World Team Rings? The Metalbound Brotherhood is taking on the Weekend Wrecking Crew? But I thought TK made those Trios Championships so he wouldn't NEED the World Team Ri-

TK: I WANT THE RINGS AND THE STORM! 

Ted Pettentool: Oh! Back with the juice I see. Well, with Picky Minch moving to Xcite, he lost his World Team Championship Ring, so who is going to be the fourth for the Metalbound Metal Rush team? Then…we have Dr. Pin A. Colada roping the Gamer Girlz into a match? Apparently, he has an issue with Dick Wagner, Val Dorado, and Darkness Aoi. Why? That's a little bit of Xcite madness running over into Havok I think. The year is almost over, and we're just sort of losing it, aren't we? Oh! This is better! The new force of Zyro-K, Shiryu, Jackson Kain, and Mav Valentine are taking on Double Champion Boomtown, and a Metal Rush force in 8-Man Tag action! Awesome, can't wait to see that one. Hope Mach taking on Ayla? That's going to be one to watch too! The main event will see Cade Yaggis take on Razorblade, and I'm sure he'll have more to say about Boomtown and Sal Paradise. It's going to be a wild ride this week, but then we enter the weekend.

EBW: The Storm
Mad Gear Bar, Southtown
ENT

1. Lady Renegades Singles: Paula vs. Ripper Jane 
2. Lady Renegades Tag: Wendy Mustang/Cherry Akintola vs. Heather Mach/Darkness Aoi
3. Singles: Poo vs. ? 
4. Singles: Boz vs. Benjamin

Ted Pettentool: This show has all the makings of a banger too. Paula wants to put down Ripper Jane like a dog with rabies, while the NEW Sunset Riders take on Women's World Champion Heather Mach and Darkness Aoi. A match more Aoi's speed than the Havok one I'm sure. Poo will be taking on a mystery opponent, and Boz will take on Television #1 Contender Benjamin in the main event. That's gonna-

TK: TELL THEM ABOUT MY SHOW!!!! *autistic groaning* 

Ted Pettentool: AH!

EBW: Ravage "The First Dance aka Episode #2"
Bullet Proof Arena, Windy City
EBS

1. Tag: Shark #1/Shark #2 vs. Rama Raju/?
2. EBS Championship Eliminator: Picky Minch vs. Holographic Man<BBB>
3. Xcite Championship: Magnum PT(c) vs. Snakebite 
4. EBW Championship: Bashin Dan(c) vs. Rains 

Ted Pettentool: You're calling it "The First Dance" even though it's the second episode?

TK: I GOT A BIG SURPRISE….OR DO I? I'M NOT GOING TO ANNOUNCE IT, I'M JUST GONNA LET THE INTERNET SPECULATE! 

Ted Pettentool: Huh…that could work…like one time. Who is Rama Raju teaming with. Is that the surprise?

TK: NO! DIFFERENT THING! 

Ted Pettentool: The surprise that may or may not be occurring? 

TK: YEAH! 

Ted Pettentool: Then an EBS Eliminator match? Why don't you just call it a Non-Title bo-

TK: HOLOGRAPHIC MAN! HE'S SO COOL! 

Ted Pettentool: Another star from BBB. What's the story for this match? Why set it up?

TK: Holographic Man bounces off the ropes and he looks cool! He does flips! 

Ted Pettentool: He sure does…or does he? I really don't know. I don't watch BBB. This is EBW. 

TK: EBS needs a focus on the EBS Championship….super important. 

Ted Pettentool: Then why is the Xcite Championship on the line? That's a title for a show on a different network? 

TK: Task of the Titles! That's a show I could do! It'll be like a second hour of Ravage! 

Ted Pettentool: And Bashin Dan defends the EBW Championship against the leader of The Floodline…with no build…except for this. Hey, don't let me tell you how to do your job. Above my pay grade!